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Romefalls19 · Jul 30, 2008, 08:15 AM

That's not the purpose of NC, NC is for YOU to heal

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 08:30 AM

Its hard not to contact her but its better for you. She will find out what she wants and if its you then she will come back. She does need to realize too that you can't wait forever and at some time and point if she doesn't make up her mind you may move on and then it will be to late for her.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2008, 10:01 AM

After 3 years you should be much further along in the communication department than you are, and should be working together to solve your issues. This sounds to one sided as to this break, and space thing, and has you on the defensive wondering what she will do next, and that's not healthy.

She wants to hang out, okay fine have a great time, but make sure you come away with some sort of agreement as to were this is headed, and define some boundaries, so you don't just sit and wait for her to communicate where her head is at.

As it stands you are doing all the worrying, and changing, and she is not committed to this one way or another. This makes for a one sided unequal relationship, with you being kicked to the curb at any time. NOT GOOD!

Invest more time into you, and what makes you happy, and less into her, and her next action. I don't think you would be in this situation, had you both been honestly expressing yourselves in a caring way, to work together.

3 years is a long time to date someone, and not have some type of future plan in the works. You may have gotten used to each other, but have you bonded? Doesn't seem like it from here.

I think your hesitation to show your willingness to move to the next level, has her doubting you, and this relationship. That has to change, or she is out of here any way.

The question you must answer is how far your willing to take this thing, and be in limbo, or maybe giving her all the space she needs is what you should do, in which case you wait until she has time for you. Personally, waiting for someone to throw you a bone, and talk to you is unnacceptable. Just my opinion.

Is this you, Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.

EasyDoesIt · Jul 30, 2008, 10:36 AM

Yeah, when we talked I told her I would and wanted to change and show her more affection and I apologized for it and took blame. I told her I just got use to her and took things for granted. There are things and stuff she did that hurt me, but she didn't bring that up or apologize for them. She said she wants to see me soon when she's ready, but I haven't heard anything from her. I saw her last week and we both gave each other a kiss. Again, I told her how I feel and how I was going to show her more affection. I am doing NC since then, its been 4 days. I am taking everyone's advice and waiting for her to contact me since she's the one that needs the space. I made my points and feelings clear to her. I am starting to feel better day by day. I have a date next week. No point of waiting around for her to make up her mind right? Any other advice?
Im still confused on what to do if she calls me and wants to get back together? Part of me loves her and part of me gets pissed cause after 3 years like you said... We have no future plans. I mean we talked about a lot... She would ALWAYS pressure me about marriage. She said things like "Well I wanna get married by the time im 27" " I wanna have kids by the time im 30". Anyway, This site is great! I have been feeling better everyday... Anymore advice would be great!
Thanks

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 11:17 AM

Wow by the looks of it you have already kind of moved on. Are you really even serious about her? I mean you were with her for 3 years and for you to already be dating someone else seems soon. I don't mean to pry into your relationship but that seems like what you want us to do so that's what I'm going to do. You need to evaluate yourself and make sure you want her back. As the look of it, it seems like someone is going to get hurt and to be honest I don't think its you.

EasyDoesIt · Jul 30, 2008, 11:32 AM

Yeah I'm serious about her. I love her. But what else can I do? I told her how I feel. I admitted my wrongs and told her I would change them. I haven't contacted her in 4 days.
She hasn't contacted me. Every time I think about her I get upset. Everyone on here told me to keep busy and move on while she figures things out. Me and this girl are just going for lunch... I don't know if you consider it a date or what. Nothing serious... Just talking and eating. I love her A lot, but its been 3 weeks on a break and no real contact or improvement on our relationship. I told her I want to work things out and use to text her saying I miss her, but I never got any response.
Do you think I shouldn't go out to lunch with this girl?

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 11:38 AM

It seems like you consider it a date which means that you are already ready to move on. That is a decision that you will have to make on your own, but if it gets back to your girlfriend it could possibly cost your relationship or what you may have had. You need to tell her what you are thinking so she knows. Not just that you love her and miss her but that you can't wait around forever and that if she is serious about you two then she needs to make an effort as well to try and work things out with you.

EasyDoesIt · Jul 30, 2008, 11:45 AM

Ok, Well I have had NC with her for 4 days now. How long should I wait to contact her if she doesn't contact me to tell her that if she is serious about us two then she needs to make some sort of an effort?
Cause right now she isn't making any effort whatsoever.

Romefalls19 · Jul 30, 2008, 11:49 AM

I won't give you a reddie Angel, but I whole heartedly disagree, to imply he should put his recovery on hold and not meet new people is wrong. She can't have her cake and eat it too

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 01:43 PM

That's why I said that he needs to talk to her and put it on the table and if she doesn't want it then she just needs to leave him alone. It seems like he is just ready to completely move on. Look at it from a girls point of view. I know what I'm talking about. All he needs to do is tell her and if she isn't willing to work on things now then he should move on because all she is doing is playing games.

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 01:44 PM

You should tell her that you two need to talk and set things straight. Do it as soon as you want.

EasyDoesIt · Jul 30, 2008, 02:32 PM

Well we did talk on Sunday when she came over.
I told her how I felt and asked for her to give me a chance and she said she would. She said she wanted to get together this week but I haven't heard from her.
So basically I told her I'll wait for her to call. NC from me. Like I said, I'm going to take the advice of you and everyone else and let her contact me. If she misses me or does really want me back I think she'll let me know.
Do you think that's the right thing to do?

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 02:43 PM

Yeah but you do need to let her know that she does need to put some effort in or it will never work out for you. I don't know. Where I'm from the men are very dedicated to their women. Maybe its because we are in a small town but most everyone is married by the time they are 22 or 23. My husband when we were having problems he didn't give up on me. I completely cut him off and on top of it started dating someone else. I didn't know what I wanted so there wasn't any sexual relationships with anyone but still. He didn't give up and about after a month or so I took him back and we worked things out and are trying for a baby now. Well things are still being worked out but that will take years.

Ash123 · Jul 30, 2008, 02:58 PM

Read my guide below ASAP.

EasyDoesIt · Jul 30, 2008, 03:57 PM

Well I did it... It's my brother's birthday this Friday... So I txt'd her and said exactly this "Hey, It's my bro's birthday this friday, maybe we can get together then. If you want we can talk about everything and make everything clear. I've been trying hard here and if your serious about us, you'll put in a little effort. Just let me know"
That's what I txt'd her. I will have NC with her until she contacts me.
Her and my brother were really close and they got along great. She never missed his birthday and always got him something. So we'll see what happens.

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 04:06 PM

That was a very good way to put it. Yeah I wouldn't contact her from now on. Let her contact you. BTW I'm not saying you can't hang out with friends or anything I would just keep your distance with girls if you want your girlfriend back. Do you know what I mean?

EasyDoesIt · Jul 30, 2008, 04:13 PM

Yeah, I totally understand what you mean... I mean I'm just going to meet this girl for lunch... nothing more... I will keep everybody updated on what's going on.
Thanks for help. I really appreciate it!

Ash123 · Jul 30, 2008, 04:36 PM

Well, not exactly what it says in my survival guide (read it? :-) - but hey -

Fact is that any following is not going to help right now...

IF she simply wants more attention, then I think texting was OK. But that is rarely that simple a case. Good luck though!

EasyDoesIt · Jul 30, 2008, 08:40 PM

I have an update... Just now she txt me after I wrote her that txt earlier today.
She said "I'll probablly see you Sunday if nothing comes up"
It sounds like she's playing it cool? Would I assume correct?
I didn't reply. I just want everyone's opinion on it.
Thanks again

angel0772001 · Jul 30, 2008, 08:42 PM

Yeah I think so, or she could be leading you on. Just let it go and see what she does. Remember if she doesn't hold up her end then you have to let her go. BUT just by getting that text it means that she does want you to hold on.