[HurtingALot]

Hi Everyone... It's been a while. Loooooong story short... I was forced to break up with him on New Year's... (he was just being shady and untruthful... ) The relationship was very one-sided... (I always gave too much... ) and I suffered a lot post break-up. I tried to contact for about 6 weeks to no avail. Last point of contact was a message I left for him telling him that I was done contacting... that I had tried my best... but I have to move forward if it's truly over. This was February 12th.

About two weeks ago... I get a call from his mother. Apparently he was really sick... she was flying down to help him out... Asked me about where he should go for doctor's care other than the ER... etc... etc. From my conversation with her... she mentioned that she was sad about the breakup and that his heart "is still very much with you." After that phone call with his mom, I sent him a brief text telling him that she called me and that I hoped he was OK and where to go to the doctor. (Mind you, he's 32 years old and really should know how to take care of himself, but whatever.)

Fast forward to this past Wednesday... It is not lost on me that it is EXACTLY one month since I left my last message saying I was done contacting him. Nothing else from me other than that text about hoping he was OK after the mom called.

SO... he calls. Twice. My house phone and leaves a message saying he hopes I'm OK... just wants to make sure I'm OK. (Says it about 4 times... ) Really, I'm thinking? It's been WEEKS!! Where were you when I wanted to talk?

Yesterday... he calls my cell phone and leaves a message (about 5 minutes long) saying that if there's anything I wanted to talk about that I should call him. "It must be really hard for you and if there's anything I can do to make you feel better....blah...blah....blah..." He says I can call him back or "if it's easier for me not to talk to him, he understands....whatever is better for me."

Now... this guy is not the type of guy who would call out of the blue to "see if I'm ok." He is also not the type who would want to move things into the friend-zone. WHY IS HE CALLING ME? And will he stop? He's called 3 times with two messages and I haven't responded at all. (Though God knows I have wanted to.)

I feel like I have been waiting for him to contact me for so long... and now that he has, it is making things harder.

I miss him and know that if he were standing in front of me, I would probably take him back, even though it's not a good idea... (Not to mention that 99% of my family and friends would disown me if I did go back to him... )

I need advice as to why a month later, he has decided to contact... I don't think it's really just to check in... but maybe. I know this guy pretty well... but I can't imagine what he really wants. I know through friends that he hasn't dated at all since we broke up... I have tried... but it just isn't the same... Guess I'm just not ready yet. AND NOW THIS...

HELP... am I doing the right thing by ignoring?? H E L P!!

[N0help4u]

He may be wanting you back and feeling the situation out if you would even take him back so he is leaving the little 'excuse to call' messages. You either need to talk to him and tell him you don't want to be hurt again and if he wanted to get back together he would have to have really done some major changes (and mean it) or keep ignoring him maybe leave him one more message that you can't deal with the things he puts you through.
Often guys will swear up and down they have changed and whatever it takes. Then when they figure that you are all hooked back on their bait they start back with the same b.s.

[talaniman]

Let it go, and be unavailable, his feelings are irelevant, but yours are what counts. Having said that, and reading into your post, that you want to call, especially with everyone, including his mom, sort of pushing you back to him, I am just curious how you feel about this turn of events, since its only been a few months, since the break up, and a month of no contact?

[HurtingALot]

How do I feel about this most recent turn of events? I'm not really sure. In some ways it makes me feel better that he contacted me... in others, it makes it harder, I guess.

Bottom line... I miss him, but I know he's not good for me. I am in constant wondering-mode if he gives up here and that's the end of his contact. I want to call him... but won't.

Why after all this time away is it still so hard... and why would he contact NOW?? I don't really get it... testing the waters maybe? Missing me maybe?

I know I deserve better... and I'm afraid that I will cave in... People don't change, right? And he's proving that because he has not left a message saying... "I miss you...and I screwed up...Please call me..." Instead, he's masking it by "making sure I'm ok??" Not taking responsibility, right?

Thoughts?

[N0help4u]

I think your right move on with your life. He does seem like he wants to keep you dangling

[DMBacoustic]

Why after all this time away is it still so hard....and why would he contact NOW??? I don't really get it.....testing the waters maybe? Missing me maybe??

Nothing like this is ever easy. As time goes on it gets easier, and then we all have setbacks like this when an ex tries to make contact, or you just run into them. Sometimes for a moment it can feel like you're back to square one. But whatever you do don't cave. You sound like you've come a long way, and you don't need to set yourself back by allowing him back into your life.

If he wants to see if you're OK, he should have never mistreated you in the first place. Again its not easy to just have someone like that just completely out of your life, but its necessary for you to move on and live a life you deserve.

[HurtingALot]

I understand in my head that this guy is really no good for me... My heart, however... now that's a different story.

Now that he has initiated contact... (by the way, nothing since the second message, which I didn't respond to... ) I am upset again.

I have drafted dozens of text messages to him, but haven't sent them. I keep thinking that if he really wanted me back, he would try harder and say something different, than "I hope you're ok." (Even though I think that was just an excuse to make contact... )

I miss him tons... Know that he doesn't deserve me... but what if it really could be different this time around? I am lost and don't know what to do.

My head says stay away, but my heart is aching again. I want to return the call so badly, but am pretty sure it's not the right thing to do.

Any thoughts on what my next step should be? I wish he would just say what I want him to... "I screwed up and I miss you and I want you back and want to make it up to you....let's try again...." Think this will come if I leave it alone?

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2563782

Given your history, staying on NC, will give you a chance to breathe, and put your heart and mind on the same page. Ask yourself what has changed, and is there proof that he has? Have you? Avoid the insanity a bit longer.