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byondkontrol · Feb 17, 2008, 05:54 PM

My boyfriend is 39, sometimes, well... a lot of times he has problems staying erect. He complains of aching pains in the groin area as well as back and sides. He says he has had this issue since his mid 20's. I try to be very understanding and supportive but it's difficult because now it's to the point that there's been no sex for weeks.

I tried oral and rubbing on him and he doesn't get excited. He says he wants to but he can't and then he becomes frustrated. He tries taking over the counter natural sexual enhancement vitamins but obviously it doesn't work. He has been to the doctor prior to meeting me and they couldn't find anything wrong. He is talking about going to a urologist soon. Has any men encountered this or know what is going on?
If he gets that achy pain I will do a massage around the groin area for a few days and it seems to help some. He says he feels a tightening around that area and it's uncomfortable.

We use to be able to have sex if I was on top he seems to maintain his erection that way. If he gets on top he seems to lose it, not sure why? I thought maybe it's more stress on the muscles if he's on top? Does that make sense?

I was trying to talk to him about it the other day, he became sort of teary eyed. I asked what was wrong and he said it bothers him, not that we talk about it but that he has this problem.

I'm not sure if it is physical or psychological or both. We use to live in different states and had a long distant relationship and we had phone sex every day, sometimes a couple of times a day. Now that we are living together it's all changed, not sure if it's stress of performing or something else.

I love him and I am trying to be patient but it makes me feel like he doesn't desire me and myself esteem plummets.

Please help!! He has a book that he was reading about (headache in the pelvis) about guys that have similar sounding problems. I wanted to add that he is extremely attentive and affectionate. We constantly hold hands whether we are on the couch watching TV, out in public holding hands and kiss there too. He even holds my hand while we fall asleep and looks for it when we wake up and in the middle of the night he kisses me and tells me he loves me. He tells me he loves me several times a day everything is perfect but lacking sex.. ugh..

chelseata · Feb 17, 2008, 06:35 PM

My boyfriend and I have the same lacking sex problem. He had hernia surgery several years ago and sometimes the pain is too much for him to bear and we can't have sex. He needs to see his pysician about a possible problem with his hernia before it gets too serious.

Wondergirl · Feb 17, 2008, 06:52 PM

A friend's husband had groin pain whenever he had an erection. His doctor sent him to a urologist who thought it might be a pulled groin muscle or muscles indicating perhaps MPS (http://hometown.aol.com/fibroworld/mps.htm). Myofascial therapy was recommended. Perhaps ask about this in your situation.

Would he consider acupuncture? (It's totally painless.)

Xrayman · Feb 17, 2008, 07:17 PM

I'd agree with a physical medical condition, but it is turning into a psychological one from what I can tell... he needs to go to a urologist as suggested id suspect that there may be a hernia or muscular strain that needs repair/relaxation/recuperation.

byondkontrol · Feb 17, 2008, 08:02 PM

Originally Posted by Xrayman

i'd agree with a physical medical condition, but it is turning into a psychological one from what I can tell... he needs to go to a urologist as suggested id suspect that there may be a hernia or muscular strain that needs repair/relaxation/recuperation.

Do you think this could be going on for over 10 years? He has an office job so there's no heavy lifting. We've been together for over 2 years and the first year we lived in 2 separate states. I don't see how he was able to obtain an erection over the phone but not in person... He says he wants to have sex but says his penis doesn't work :(

byondkontrol · Feb 17, 2008, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by chelseata

my boyfriend and i have the same lacking sex problem. he had hernia surgery several years ago and sometimes the pain is too much for him to bear and we can't have sex. he needs to see his pysician about a possible problem with his hernia before it gets too serious.

If he is still having pain I would advise him to go back to the doctor. I had a hernia and after my surgery I was fine. I can't even tell I had one, I can do everything I use to do. There may be something wrong, I would suggest him going to get checked again to ensure there wasn't another tear.

Choux · Feb 18, 2008, 01:15 PM

Is your friend obese? Alcoholic? Undiagnosed medical conditions like diabetes or high blood pressure?

On another track, does your friend partake in impersonal sex like porn or phone sex... he may not be able to perform with real females.

I think a urologist is a good place to start.

byondkontrol · Feb 18, 2008, 06:22 PM

No, he is actually very thin. He rarely drinks, perhaps 3x a year, he doesn't do drugs. He is a vitamin junkie if anything, but things that are good for you.

He doesn't watch porn, at least not while I'm around. I know he has in the past but now if anything comes on TV late at night he acts as if he's not interested and turns the channel. He use to have phone sex with me when we lived a part in different states but we haven't done that since I'm here living with him now.
All his blood work so far has come back normal but I don't know how something like this starts in his late 20's. He has went to a couple of different doctors and they can't find anything wrong.