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tornupingso · Jan 18, 2008, 05:14 AM

I am 46 and have been divorced for 4 1/2 years, yet I miss my ex-wife terribly. She was and is a great lady. I treated her emotionally bad at times. We often fought over everything and anything. She became pregnant with another mans' baby 4 1/2 years ago, and is madly in love with this man today. I have always held out hope that she would come back. How do I move on? I have had other relationships but I end them about as quickly as they started thinking I was stopping any chance of us getting back together. Am I crazy? :(

life1973happened · Jan 18, 2008, 05:54 AM

Originally Posted by tornupingso

I am 46 and have been divorced for 4 1/2 years, yet I miss my ex-wife terribly. She was and is a great lady. I treated her emotionally bad at times. We often fought over everything and anything. She became pregnant with another mans' baby 4 1/2 years ago, and is madly in love with this man today. I have always held out hope that she would come back. How do I move on? I have had other relationships but I end them about as quickly as they started thinking I was stopping any chance of us getting back together. Am I crazy??:(

One day at a time. I think in a situation like this only time can help to heal the loss of love. Unfortunately, we all want instant relief but none of us have that capability. Taking it one day at a time and focusing on what is positive in your life will help to heal your wound.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 18, 2008, 07:12 AM

There is a difference in knowing when it is time to move on and stopping to care for someone, You may have a fond memory, a level of love for her for the rest of your life. But unrealistic goals of getting back together often do no one any good. It is a balance first of actually moving on with your life, of stopping contract if all possible and doing things to move on,

450donn · Jan 18, 2008, 08:34 AM

You did not mention how many years you were married? But once you have loved a person, I don't think you can ever forget them. It is part of who you are. Maybe it is time for some professional help to get over the relationship and move on. I once heard that there are 4 steps to grieving. Many people it seems get stuck in step 2. If you continue to be stuck here it can kill you. Sounds like that is what has happened to you.

George_1950 · Jan 28, 2008, 10:02 AM

Tornup writes: "How do I move on?" My guess is you are taking all the responsibility for the breakup and forgetting that it takes two to tango. I have attached an article that is long, but it is loaded: How to Get Over Your First Love

talaniman · Jan 28, 2008, 12:30 PM

You must accept she will never be back and start to build your own life, without her in it. Click on the links in my signature and see if they fit your situation. Let me know if you have any questions.

lacuran8626 · Jan 29, 2008, 03:18 PM

You need to physically move on even if you are not emotionally done with her. What I mean is that you need to start a new life for yourself without her. Plan vacations, have people over, buy season tickets for your favorite team - whatever. Take some college classes or join a bowling league, or just call your friends.

If you focus on what you know you do want to do, like making a step up in your career, or planning a trip to Italy or whatever, you will eventually learn that you have a life on your own.

Another woman won't get you over her - you will have to do that one on your own. Don't make some poor woman compete with your idealized version of what you used to have.

Another sure cure is to remember why you got divorced. Another man's baby? I mean, I think you were in love with an idea of who she could be instead of who she really was. Know that the person you wanted her to be (and which she was not) may still be out there but you can't be looking for someone to fill a hole in your life. Focus on having something to offer more than getting what you want and need and you'll find things will turn around.