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Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 09:12 AM

Well it is a rocky road and I know I can't just rid myself of thoughts about a girl that was my best friend, my world even for six years after just three months... it will take time but I know me thinking about it and hoping isn't going to make her come back si its time to stop doing it and start rebuilding. I am finding it hard because she seems to come and go out of my life.. if it happens again I'm going to aske her to cut me off and leave me be which I already have but didn't seem to work last time.

Im really serious with N/C now I realises its not about her but about me... its all about me and part of that is thinking where I went wrong in the relationship and when I am ready for a new one I'll be much the better for it.. I believe that now

ISneezeFunny · Jan 11, 2008, 09:17 AM

BMI. How long did you guys date? And... what's she doing now? Has she tried contacting you ever since you went N/C after the whole 3 month thing?

I'm currently on week 4... 5? Don't really remember... hard to keep track huh? I originally thought week 5. but I just looked on the calendar and it's only been 3 full weeks. Weird...

Anyway, complete n/c. my ex hasn't tried to contact me except for one e-mail last week explaining why we broke up. She wanted more freedom to hang out with her friends... needed space... time... wanted to think... yadda... yadda.

Anyway, the first 2 weeks of NC was a joke. It was so easy. For some reason, this week's a little rough. Not to contact her, but I feel a bit anxious (school's restarting... so I'll probably run into her).

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 09:21 AM

Yea, my friend challenged me for the whole myspace thing for my New Years Resolution and I can honestly say ignorance is bliss... My ex is a true sweetheart and has never had a boyfriend before me, so head games is not my biggest dilema if she does in fact decide to contact me. I have my good and bad days with the whole calling her and texting her. I mean some hope was given when her friend told me that, and then when my ex was driving past my house. I'm not all like "we're getting back together" hope, but I'm like OK, she obviously still thinks of me. Which is actually helping the whole N/C state I'm in because its hard to miss someone, but easier when you know they miss you too. It's a weird thing but it has helped me. Everyday is a struggle, and I do still hope she calls. But will in fact make it so I don't pick up the first time, and call her back later so I can think about what to say instead of acting on impulse and emotion. Us guys know... That only gets us in trouble

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 09:23 AM

ISneeze funny, any details you share to shed on your relationship? I'm sorry if I'm prying into your guys relationship but hearing about how/why things happened in their relationship helps me along.. And the fact that people can actually do this NC thing is like wow.. Ok I can do this

Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 09:35 AM

This is the worst time for me the weekend, its when I feel at my lonliest for some reason... during the week I'm at work then I'm tired on the nights so I just laze around but at the weekend when I have more time I really feel it I mean I go out with friends and have a good time, but it might be the fact that's when we spent the majority of our quality time together. It may be the fact that I know she'll be out with her friends and may meet someone but I'm ignorant to the facts which helps me somewhat!

That's the biggest thing for me to shake the weekend blues but I'm trying... positive thinking and N/C!

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 09:40 AM

I know how you feel, me and my ex would spend Friday and Saturday nights together.. I would cherish that time too. This will be the first weekend of NC.. Wish me luck with it... But I have my Garth Brooks song "More than a memory" on repeat and ready lol... I go out with friends just like you maggie, but then when I come home, the loniliness hits me, hard.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 11, 2008, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

ISneeze funny, any details you share to shed on your relationship? i'm sorry if I'm prying into your guys relationship but hearing about how/why things happened in their relationship helps me along..And the fact that people can actually do this NC thing is like wow..Ok I can do this

If you want detailed info, check my post "i'm doing nc, what about her"

Cliffnotes version:

We dated for 3 years. I was her first everything. She wasn't my first anything, but nevertheless, I cared for her like she was. Everything was excellent. Better than good. It felt like it could have gone the distance... but then she had a busy semester, but we still tried to hang out a lot. Regardless, one week, she just seemed distant. So I asked her what was going on, and she said she needed space. She felt that my emotions were growing and hers was standing still.

3 days later, I see her hanging out with this one kid I was suspicious of pre-breakup (btw, I'm a relatively jealous guy... not crazy jealous, but if a guy hits on her, and she doesn't reject him but is "nice" to him, I'll get a little jealous and ask her what's going on). Anyway, a week later, I find out from her friends (my friends as well) that he's been spending the night, taking her out to eat, etc. nevertheless, I was a little angry.

I went NC that week. I haven't heard from her since. I have no idea what she's doing... at all. Knowing her for 3 years, my logic tells me THERE'S NO WAY THERE'S A NEW GUY... mainly because she's not the type to find another guy. She really isn't. I was her first everything. But the signs are all there. Her friends don't know what's going on... my friends don't know what's going on... really, no one knows what's going on.

So far, I've been going to the gym, running regularly, reading a book, focusing at work, and just chugging along. We'll see what happens when school starts next week.

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 10:17 AM

Yea lately I have seen my ex becoming friends with this guy. I'm not threatened by him at all, and her friend told me they are just friends. But dude is a little shady. Lately I have been working out harder than I ever have and writing new songs and playing them with the help of my friend and they aren't the nicest songs in the world but it's how heartache feels. I'm supposed to sing in my friends band this upcoming weekend with a few of my songs being used and I think my ex got wind of this

BMI · Jan 11, 2008, 10:39 AM

It seems tome you guys are all at the same point in the N/C. What is interesting to me is that most of you still have all nice things to say about the girls, and a lot of wondering what they are doing is going around here to.

I can see it because I just went through it, I'm not 100% cured of this but like I mentioned before, I'm about 50 steps ahead of where I was all because I used N/C. OUT OF SIGH OUT OF MIND!! I can't stress that enough.

Its normal to put them on a pedestal and blame the break-up on what you did. I think a lot of people point out what they did wrong in the relationship to convince themselves that this is why she is not coming back just yet. You have to see the girl in reality, your head is not grounded just yet and so they seem so great. After awhile you start seeing them in their true form, a girl like most others, not some saviour sent down from on high. ONCE you reach that stage, allthe effort of not calling and messaging will be well worth it.

Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 10:39 AM

You'll be all right Romefalls... if you get lonely come on here and spill your guts that's what I do! Look I won't lie to you your in for a tough and confusing time but stick at it.

As for me I'm trying not to think about her too much I just want to enjoy my weekend with my friends its tough and I know at some point I will get caught out by it but it doesn't rule me anymore!

BMI I think your right, we all think its our fault... now I think she's just taken me for granted and thinks she'll get the same consideration elsewhere that's how I feel now and that us splitting up is nothing to do with me personally or about me as a boyfriend

ISneezeFunny · Jan 11, 2008, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by BMI

Its normal to put them on a pedestal and blame the break-up on what you did.

It's weird because I'm not doing that at all. I think I did a pretty good job, actually. In fact, I know many of her friends that are always yelling at their own boyfriends to be more like me. I don't blame myself for what happened. Could I have done some things differently? Of course. Everyone can. Did I make a HUGE mistake? No, not that I can think of.

For me, it's more like... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED. I guess she just needed more freedom. I can deal with that. It sucks, but I can deal with it. I'm just angry about the new kid. That's all. It's OK boys and girls.

Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 11:12 AM

I'm similar to that... my ex's friends all have boyfriends that cheat on them or treat them bad... on of her friends boyfriend was texting another of her friends asking for sex and she still forgave him! Me I did nothing of the sort, but you see that gets taken for granted after a while and they get restless because we don't have edge and were not bad to them!

F@ck it, it's their loss

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 11:19 AM

Some of her friends are on my side saying that oh if he changes and makes all the attempts to fix his jealousy you should at least hear him out and all this stuff. But the fact remains, at the end of the day, I'll be the one standing tall without jealousy and a great girl on my arm.. If it's her so be it, if not then someone else will come along. Will she always have a place in my heart? Of course, but I can't wait forever for her. My heart isn't a revolving door and I'm on my own now. I'm going to do what I need to do to better MYSELF... I know this break up was my fault, I can't deny that. Having her text me almost every hour, getting mad if she went out with certain friends. No guys could request or add on myspace.. Trust me I was pretty bad. But I'm getting past a lot of my problems with the help I need and support of friends so I will beat this.

kuulski · Jan 11, 2008, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Some of her friends are on my side saying that oh if he changes and makes all the attempts to fix his jealousy you should at least hear him out and all this stuff. But the fact remains, at the end of the day, I'll be the one standing tall without jealousy and a great girl on my arm.. If it's her so be it, if not then someone else will come along. Will she always have a place in my heart? Of course, but I can't wait forever for her. My heart isn't a revolving door and I'm on my own now. I'm going to do what I need to do to better MYSELF...I know this break up was my fault, I can't deny that. Having her text me almost every hour, getting mad if she went out with certain friends. No guys could request or add on myspace..Trust me I was pretty bad. But I'm getting past a lot of my problems with the help I need and support of friends so I will beat this.

Sounds like you are a little insecure but what I found is I also can be insecure and lack confidence but if they are doing things that make u unconfortable beyond that it just feeds the flames. It is her loss though in the long run since you are working on correcting the issue though it could wear on the other person to a point that they let go.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 11, 2008, 11:32 AM

I wasn't nearly as bad. She went out but I did ask for her to call me when she got back... however, I did get mad when she went out with certain people (2 guys, really).

My ex's friends are all confused as to what's going on. 3 of her friends found the new guy thing REALLY weird so they stopped talking to her. Her other friends still call me to hang out with me because she's always with the new guy and his friends.

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 11:38 AM

Nah, it wasn't her that made me insecure and lack the confidence, it was my ex before my last relationship. I was cheated on pretty badly and kept going back until it finally kicked in. So I figured if I had any hope of this one not cheating(which she never would have and deep down I knew she wouldnt) I needed to make a bunch of rules of no talking to guys. It was stupid but I can't change the past and can only better myself in the long run. This site has been the biggest help of not contacting her

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 11:41 AM

Yeah, her best friend still wants to talk to be and was really hurt when I deleted her from my myspace account so we talked last night and she says she still wants to be friends with both of us but won't give any information about what each other are doing.. Even though she said "You never know" when I said I'm giving up, there isn't really a shot... Which kind of caught me off guard.. But one day at a time

Maggie83 · Jan 14, 2008, 07:22 AM

I must admit that I have found today a real struggle! Mondays are the worst... I think it may be because the weekend has been and that's when I'm most interested about what she may be doing. Ive been checking my phone every half an hour in hope.. nothing and I know that's what I'm most likely to get but I just can't stop wondering about her today!

Romefalls19 · Jan 14, 2008, 07:25 AM

I know how you feel maggie... Everyday is going to be a struggle, but keep your head up and thinking "This is going to help me in the long run" Whether it creates an opportunity of a reconilation or you moving on and becoming a better person. It will all pan out and work for both of us better than ever. And as far as checking your phone, that's fine, just don't pick it up and make that call

Maggie83 · Jan 14, 2008, 07:33 AM

nah I don't think I will, I keep thinking about the threads I've read about n/c saying like ''every time you break n/c it lowers you in value'' stuff like that is stopping me from doing anything right now.

I very much doubt a reconciliation will happen, its been three months and that's a long time to be split.. I thought after a few weeks maybe a month yeah but it seems unlikely now. I just wished I could let my feelings go but right now I cant!