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ejw1403 · Jan 6, 2008, 08:33 PM

I was in a rocky relationship with a lot of maturity issues. My ex broke up with me a little over 3 months ago, and I'm ashamed to say that I'm still having a terrible time accepting reality. Sure, I've been on a few dates, but I'm just not "feeling" any other guys. My ex was my first true love and I was always so comfortable around him.

Now he's in a new relationship with a girl from his high school (I graduated last year, one year ahead of him). It sounds stupid, but once I found out that he was with this new girl, it made things a little easier on me. I felt like I could finally begin to get over him, because obviously he was over me if he was in a new relationship.

So, here's the turning point: a few days ago, I received an instant message from him on AIM. At first he just asked me how I was doing and that typical stuff. Then he began to tell me that he was unhappy in his new relationship because his new girlfriend always text messages other guys and that sort of thing. Then he said to me, "I never had to worry about you, I knew you'd never do that to me." It made me happy to know that he trusted me and it was reassuring to know that he did appreciate my trustworthiness.

I cut our conversation short that day because I didn't want him to have such "easy access" to me because after all, he's the one who ended the relationship.

Later that night he attempted to talk to me again, but I acted like I wasn't at the computer. The next day before he went to school he sent me a message too. I finally responded that day when he got home from school because I didn't want to come off as being too needy or seem like I was sitting at the computer waiting for him.

He continued to talk to me on AIM for the next few days. A few times he told me how happy he was in his new relationship, while a few more times he told me that he was mad at his girlfriend.

After giving the situation much thought, I told him that I didn't think that we should talk anymore because he said that he was happy in his relationship and I told him that I didn't want to hurt his girlfriend or jeopardize his relationship if she found out that he was talking to me about her. So we agreed that it wasn't right to talk anymore. And I thought that was the end of the situation.

Nope! Yesterday he kept sending me messages on AIM saying "Hey, you can text message me if you want." I didn't text him, of course. But last night he sent me a few text messages saying "What's up? I am so mad at my girlfriend." I responded with "Why?" And he still has never answered me.

I am so confused. I'm usually really good at "reading" people, but I just don't know what to make of this. I'm hesitant to talk to him because by talking to him, I'm giving him the best of both worlds: he has a new girlfriend to take out whenever he wants, but he also has me to talk to (I think it's a possibility that he's missing me.) I don't know why he's talking to me all of a sudden, because before this, he wouldn't even talk to me at all. Now all of a sudden he's desperately trying to talk to me.. Hmm. Does he trust me that much that he's just confiding in me about his new relationship? (If so, I would appreciate it if he would just leave me alone!) Or maybe he's trying to see if I'm going to be available to take him back if he breaks up with her? Possibly he misses me, but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, so by talking to me on AIM, he's filling the void? I really don't know what to make of the whole situation, and thinking about it is driving me insane. Please help!

talaniman · Jan 6, 2008, 09:09 PM

He is keeping you close and on good terms, because your friends now, and he will probably like to keep the door open, just in case. Many partners, man or woman, cannot be alone, and will keep exes close, so I advise you to be friends as he wants, or cut contact. Yes he does have the best of both worlds, as long as you let him.

ejw1403 · Jan 7, 2008, 08:47 AM

Here's another question, though, in response to your message, talaniman: If he wants to be friends and keep close contact with me, then why won't he even be decent enough to answer my texts?

ISneezeFunny · Jan 7, 2008, 09:28 AM

That's a bit weird... as most GIRLS do that, not guys.

Typical girl thing to do when she finds a new guy but isn't over you yet.

He could be texting you and not answering simply to bait you to see if you still care... but it could also be that he didn't get the text or just did something else or just went to sleep. Anything could have happened.

talaniman · Jan 7, 2008, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by ejw1403

Here's another question, though, in response to your message, talaniman: If he wants to be friends and keep close contact with me, then why won't he even be decent enough to answer my texts?

These are the games people play. No Contact, keeps you away from these games.

kuulski · Jan 7, 2008, 11:53 AM

If he has a girlfriend and is texting you then he is wasting you time. I can relate to him coming to you for info cause you are his most recent ex however that soon and to go right to you seems like he is confused. But you may be the 1 to get hurt the most from this. Be careful and guard your heart. Good Luck!

friend4u178 · Jan 7, 2008, 03:19 PM

He is playing games all right , you have 2 choices , 1) You can stay in the game and you won't move further in your healing process and he doesn't feel as guilty for dumping you because you now talk to him. Or 2) You can continue your NC and don't get involved with the games.

You have probably already lost a bit of ground you gained in your healing process by breaking NC. If he really wants you back he will dump his current GF and come crawling back , but don't waste your energy worrying about what he does , get back to healing for YOU.

Good luck!

LivingtheLifeinFLA · Jan 7, 2008, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by ejw1403

Here's another question, though, in response to your message, talaniman: If he wants to be friends and keep close contact with me, then why won't he even be decent enough to answer my texts?

Because he doesn't act like a man, he acts like a game playing female, and games are what he is playing.

One of my best friends had excellent success with women. I could never understand it as he seemed to always be playing a game, or so I thought (it was really his passive aggressive personality). Never return girlfriend calls, never tell them "I love you", always late, no gifts and so on. Women would hang on and on even though I really thought who would want to deal with this. Well he's married and I really feel for his spouse, she just ignores him and runs her own life and 2 kids.