[jolienoire]

Ha, good quote. Is this what I'm doing in this situation

Yes you are you are changing your priorities, and not becoming an option

Also a good quote. Where do you keep coming up with these? I don't think I've been holding on too tightly. I didn't during the relationship for sure. Maybe afterward I did... but as of late I've just tried to let it go, but as soon as I started doing that, she seemed to come around. Hmmmmm... games games games games.

I don't think you are playing a game it's more like trying to make it to the next level.. And guarding your heart from hurt..

[jasondbel]

Id like to know where she comes up with stuff too. Id pay you jolie. Protection from energy preditors and parasites! Great book. She seems very strog minded self sufficiate but growing up with out a father is hard on girls. The girls move towards fathers where as the boys bond with the mothers according to college psych text books. All the girls I've met in my life that had no father figure is constantly sub consciously trying to find it. So she is always craving a males attention. They fall in love easy. This is tough for u man.

[jolienoire]

Id like to know where she comes up with stuff too. Id pay you jolie. Protection from energy preditors and parasites! Great book. She seems very strog minded self sufficiate but growing up with out a father is hard on girls. The girls move towards fathers where as the boys bond with the mothers according to college psych text books. All the girls ive met in my life that had no father figure is constanly sub consciously trying to find it. So she is always craving a males attention. They fall in love easy. This is tough for u man.

Ha ha, you know what I read a lot and when I like something so much I often write down the quote, I usually read articles, motivational books, advice from family.. I am like a sponge.. as I stated I have been there, I cried, I hurt, I fell, But I also laughed, healed and Got back up.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't know what will happen with you two. All I'll say, is whether you get back together or move on, get rid of the old baggage. If you don't think you can start afresh without holding past "stuff" over her head leave her alone now. And if you go on to another relationship, don't assume that every girl is like your last one and treat her like you wish you had treated your last one..
The next time someone tells you they want a break, give it to them. Leave them alone, but don't get mad at them because they have moved on and you didn't.

[mckenzie134]

WOW!!

What a story!!

I just read the whole lot and MAn You're the FREAk!! You let this take you for a ride and let me tell you give this another 6 months and she will kick you to the curb again and the she will have a new guy and same crap again!!

YET there is hop but man what your doing at the moment YOU haven't learnt one thing every time you gain control you fold!! SHe IS NOT that's right Not in love with you at the moment!!

Not to say she will not be in love with you again but what you are doing is STUPID!! And has been for a long time!!

Hell cancel on Sunday You're a BUSY guy you don't need the crap SHE wants you and she wants to feel that inside of her and YOU no why she is feeling it now causeher friends are gone that's all! Tjat will once again change!! You need to get some balls and take control here your lettig this girl run yoiur life! Girls don't want a WIMP like you have become they want a guy who is in control and doesn't take this crap!

GEEZ man the minute she wanted a break you should have packed all your crap up and disapeeared let her wonder what she's lost!!

Hell you are a long way fro having control and DEFIBNAtely CANCE THIS WEEKEND WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE IS GOING TO FORGET YOU!! Who cares SHE DUMPED you after 4 years and you are rewwarding her YOU owe her nothing You have shown her what she gets with you and you are still gooingoutfor dinner there is no NEED for this SHE NEEDS TO FEEL the VOID without you in here LIFE!!
This is why she's asks you are you getting over me hell YOU SHOULD NOT BE TAKLING TO Her

GET A LIFE I know its hard I've been thre twice MATE but talking will get you know where except dragyou into the confusion which she is in!!

I will put it this way which is the simplest response I have given to many who come on here.

You have a girl you are totally in love with Do you dump her?? NO you don't
You have a girl who you are not that sure about DO you DUMP her well maybe you don't feel that much for her!!

SHE did not dump you cauyse she loved you she dumped you cause she didn't love YOU

Itsn the TRUTH! 1 At that time in her life she was not 100% and if that's the case you let her go and NEVER waste your time with a girl who is not 1000 %% Tell her that's fine you wotrk yourself out and confirm the break when she rings


I ralise she asked tyou for a break and you both remsained in contact GO TO THE DICTIONARY and read what BREAK means I have never heard BREAK meaning "STAY IN CONTACT"!!

You need to definitely cancel and tell her you don't think its going to work cause tyur not interested in someone who needs a break anymore!! Gt some balls amnd tell her this its not going to hurt your chance it will only upper her love for you show her yshe can take it or leave it! You know what you want and yopu have thought about it and you want a good relationship and you don't thinkshe is ready so you are best to just forget about it!! DO IT NOW!! For god sake end the confusion and she will want you back!!

Weeks of drama could have been solved long ago if you had taken the chance and put it on the line! Huge problem on this site to many people taking crap not preapared to put their balls on the line!!

[Homegirl 50]

Love or lack of it has nothing to do with dumping a person. There are people madly in love with a person they need to be rid of.
You can love a person who is just not good or you, you can love a person and be unhappy with them, or unhappy with yourself. Sometimes you have to leave a relationship to grow or heal, ans sometimes you need a break to see things more clearly.

[freakinconfused]

You need to get some balls and take control here your lettig this girl run yoiur life!! Girls dont want a WIMP like you have become they want a guy who is in control and doesnt take this crap!!

Isn't that what I've been doing though? I haven't been playing into her bull$#!t as of late. All of her attempts to come crying to me have been completely stonewalled. All of her phone calls and texts - totally ignored unless she called like 3 or 4 times in a row. Then I would pick up, talk to her about about 3 minutes, and then tell her I was busy and had to go. Hell, since she made me dinner the other night she has already texted twice and called twice and I haven't answered anything. Earlier on in the breakup, yes, I'll be the first to admit I was weak. If she had come crying to me then like she has lately I would have probably broken down and felt bad for her, told her it was all right and taken her into my arms - but not now. I know better than that now because I know that's exactly what she wants me to do.

GEEZ man the minute she wanted a break you should have packed all your crap up and disapeeared let her wonder what shes lost!!!!

I'll be the first to agree with you here. I just didn't know any better at the time - first time I've gone through this. Next time it happens, which it inevitably will, I will go right away.

Hell you are a long way fro having control and DEFIBNAtely CANCE THIS WEEKEND WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE IS GOING TO FORGET YOU!!! who cares SHE DUMPED you after 4 years and you are rewwarding her YOU owe her nothing You have shown her what she gets with you and you are still gooingoutfor dinner there is no NEED for this SHE NEEDS TO FEEL the VOID without you in here LIFE!!!

I agree with that to some extent. Actually, my plan was to not talk to her until Sunday, and then when she called up that day I would tell her something came up. Not sure yet though.

You have a girl you are totally in love with Do you dump her ?????? NO you dont
You have a girl who you are not that sure about DO you DUMP her well maybe you dont feel that much for her!!!!

SHE did not dump you cauyse she loved you she dumped you cause she didnt love YOU

This can't possibly be true in every case.

At that time in her life she was not 100% and if thats the case you let her go and NEVER waste your time with a girl who is not 1000 %%

This makes sense - but even when you are in a relationship, are you always 100% all of the time? I mean ALL OF THE TIME? Really? Everyone has ups and downs, everyone has doubts, everyone has mixed emotions and gets confused. I bet you even old married couples in their 80's still have these same problems. But you are right, even if she was having doubts and decided the relationship wasn't working, I should have just been gone immediately. But again, I didn't know any better at the time. I've only come to figure this out just recently - thanks to everyone on here!

I ralise she asked tyou for a break and you both remsained in contact GO TO THE DICTIONARY and read what BREAK means I have never heard BREAK meaning "STAY IN CONTACT"!!!!!

You are right. And it took me a while to get this under control, but please understand that for the past couple of weeks, I haven't tried to contact her AT ALL. Not once. She is the one reaching out for all the contact. I mean, she is showing up at my work! I haven't set foot in the place she works at once since we broke up. I have just been shutting her attempts at communication down. She was even talking about moving back in with her mom in the city I live in, and getting me Christmas presents, and wanting to work it out, etc. etc. But seriously, over the past couple of weeks I haven't given her any sign really that I was even interested in doing that. When she started talking about all that stuff I was like "Yeah...that's cool." True, I let her come make me dinner, but to be honest the free food was good, and we did have a fun time, and I didn't let her control me emotionally or anything at all.

You need to definately cancel and tell her you dont think its going to work cause tyur not interested in someone who needs a break anymore!!! Gt some balls amnd tell her this its not going to hurt your chance it will only upper her love for you show her yshe can take it or leave it!! You know what you want and yopu have thought about it and you want a good relationship and you dont thinkshe is ready so you are best to just forget about it!!! DO IT NOW!!! For god sake end the confusion and she will want you back!!!

Weeks of drama could have been solved long ago if you had taken the chance and put it on the line!!

I have considered doing this very thing. Does anyone else think this is a good idea? Is this what I should be doing?

[madaman]

I guess my question to you is what is your long term goal here. I see you mention 'playing her game' and you say know she is playing games with you. Im just sort of curious what you are trying to get out of this situation? Are you hoping to get back into a relationship? Or is this a revenge thing? How healthy could a relationship be when it was started while both of you were playing games?

If you are saying to yourself that you don't know how the relationship will be strong again, then you really shouldn't be wasting this time now. If you think you two will be able to look back at this situation as a minor bump in your road, then continue on.

[freakinconfused]

Ugh. So I broke down and called her just a little while ago. I don't know why I did it, I just got to thinking that maybe I should because she's been calling and texting a lot lately, and I don't want to ignore everything, you know? I don't want to give the impression that I'm completely uninterested, because I still am, surprisingly. But there I go wondering about what she thinks again and letting her control me through emotions. Haven't done that in a while - funny how the thought just popped into my head. I know, I know, I've said a bunch of times that I'm done with her, but I guess I'm not completely done. Otherwise I wouldn't be on this site blabbing on and on.

I came home from work today, and no one was home so I just sat here for a while and thought about everything. Probably should have gone out and done something to keep busy, but you can't ignore it forever, you know? Got to think about it sometime. I kept thinking that I'd like to have her back, but that's probably a stupid thought. It's what my gut kept telling me, but I know I probably shouldn't listen. Man, this sucks. Last night she called twice and left two voicemails. One was to see how my day was and to say she had fun the other night when we had dinner. Then she left another one saying she was excited about this weekend. Probably just a move to put me back in her pocket. I might have to cancel this weekend.

Of course, she didn't answer when I called her, even though I thought she would. Probably just pulling more crap on me and playing more games because I've been ignoring all of her calls, but who knows, maybe she didn't hear her phone. So I just left a message saying that I'm just calling to say what's up, and that I'm sorry I missed her calls yesterday, and that I had fun at dinner. That was it. Short and sweet. Took about 30 seconds. Still, I feel like a fool or something for calling because I had been doing really well with just letting her contact me. If she calls back, I'll probably just let it ring. I don't know why, but it's like I don't want to just come off as a complete jerk if she is actually starting to come around, but I want to keep the upper hand (that I think I have?) right now, so I'll just not answer and be busy - I'm getting ready to go out with some friends anyway. She probably isn't really coming around though, but it's difficult to tell. It's hard for me to trust her right now.

Funny that I'm worried about acting like a jerk after her dumping me.

Here's a fun little way to make a bet with myself. Next week she doesn't have to work and will be at her mom's, which is about 10 minutes away from where I live now. I betting myself that she won't call back tonight. She's going out with her ex roommate tonight anyway because it's her last night in town before she starts her new job in a city 3 hours away - who knows, she'll probably be "making out" with some other guy tonight. Anyway, the bet is that my ex won't really make much effort to contact me because I F'ed up and just called her - until next week. When she's home, doesn't have to work, and is away from her coworkers and practically all of her friends, she'll call me and want to hang out. Then I'll just know that she is lonely and is calling because she doesn't have anything better to do, and not because she actually excited and wants to talk to me. No, her lonesomeness will compel her to talk to me. Otherwise, she'd answer her phone or call back later tonight.

[T-A-T11]

??

Tell her how much space does she need I mean is she pregnant and not telling you is she with an other man just ask her

[mckenzie134]

Tell her ts over!!

That's what it is.
Tell her you don't tink dinner is a good idesa and if she isn't serious abouit a relationshoip that's fine there are plenty of girls who are.


Stop all the crap an say this it's the truth yoiur just to afrai to say it cause you don't want to hear the ansewr.

Let her know this and when she calls answer and say what do you want I told you what its going to be you can take it or leave it and apart from that I'm moving on!!

Simple but hrd. But will save much more heartache whicgh mate this is not going to end good for you!

She is not coming back! UNLESS you man up and tell her how it is going to be. She will adventually meet someone else and then you will be forgotten. I know this take the chance don't waste time let her kow now what the 2 choices are and stay firm!! FGEEZ do it nowPLASE you canr t see what damage you are doing to this!!

Tell her now she has the choice but you don't care she can either come back orgo but yourve had enough... NO more dinner no more calling no more dates till she wants the relationship back

[freakinconfused]

And I was right. She didn't call.

[Homegirl 50]

You're ignoring her calls, I would not have called either. You are playing a game you think she is playing. Honesty is the key. Stop assuming things with her.
Call her , set up a time to talk and break it off completely or trust her enough to not play "I'm going to ignore you games.

[Matteus]

OK so here's the latest update. Since I spent the night with the ex after having dinner last week (see previous posts), and after finding out that she had "made out" with someone (a week ago today. I put it in quotes because I suspect she's probably done more than just make out), I have pretty much just quit talking to her.
...............................

Too long to read through it, but I can say only this. Forgiveness. Common man, what do you want more? For her to come and kiss your shoes?? I can understand you, but what are you doing is really too much. She is giving you all the signs and everything. She is willing to come back. You can play the game as long as you want, pal, but if you think you aren't playing any game, than stop contacting her or being there for her completely! You say you are not doing games, but dinners, responding to her calls, mails, txt's etc, is nothing more but a game. And that game is childish! She gave you all the signs! Tell her you understood all those signs, but you think to take the things slowly. Remember, we are all different people. And we have different level of pride. Sometimes, we just can't say to the ex, that we miss them, wenn it was us who left them. Let alone the "i love you" thing! But through the signs we let them know. Careness, flirts, being in their life, staying in contact, etc. We don't do it for our ego! At this point, you know your ex and you can say if she has ego problems! Right ? All you need is to talk to her about this, have an open communication with her, and not with us! Only her can give you the right answers! We just give an opinion!

[T-A-T11]

Get her a braclet friends get friends braclets and if u want to be with her get her a nice neckalace

[freakinconfused]

You're ignoring her calls, I would not have called either. You are playing a game you think she is playing. Honesty is the key. Stop assuming things with her.
Call her , set up a time to talk and break it off completely or trust her enough to not play "I'm going to ignore you games.

Are you saying that because I've ignored her calls - that is why she isn't calling me? In a way, I get that. And that's why I called her last night, because I didn't want to push it too far. The reason I've been ignoring her though is because that seemed to be the only way to get her to come around. When I used to respond to her texts/calls all the time, she would just act more distant and uninterested, and I would feel like crap. I really think it's because she felt like she had me in her pocket. But soon as I started pulling away she became more interested, then started showing up at my work, bringing cookies, making dinner, saying she wanted to work on us, making plans to come spend the night, etc. I just don't get it. It's really just Fing stupid. I shouldn't have to ignore her to get her to want to be with me. She should just want to - or not - period. I feel like it's not an easy choice for her - but that's exactly it. If she REALLY wanted to be with me, the choice wouldn't be that difficult. I didn't create this situation, she did. If she really wanted to work on us, wouldn't she be excited that I called and answer because I haven't lately? Wouldn't she answer, or if she didn't see that I was calling, wouldn't she call back when she looked at her phone later, or at least send a text? She didn't do any of that. If she didn't want to play games, why wouldn't she just answer the phone?

I don't want to assume things with her, but it's like I almost don't have a choice. She keeps pulling this move where she says stuff indicating she wants to get back together, and has even started to act on it some, but then will pull crap like last night and just ignore me. I've tried talking to her and I end up right back in the same spot. I've had two or three serious talks with her already. Two weeks ago when I finally stood up for myself I told her that I didn't want to talk to her unless she wanted to work on us. I didn't want to give her an ultimatum then. And she started coming around, and saying she was serious about working on us. And I still don't want to give her an ultimatum, but it's like I've almost got to say "Hey. If you want to be with me and work on our relationship then lets do that right now. Lets be boyfriend and girlfriend again, and take it slow. If you don't, then please just leave me alone completely because I don't want to be with someone who isn't 100% sure she wants to be with me." Otherwise, won't she just keep on doing what she's doing? I think the answer is yes.

[Matteus]

You're ignoring her calls, I would not have called either. You are playing a game you think she is playing. Honesty is the key. Stop assuming things with her.
Call her , set up a time to talk and break it off completely or trust her enough to not play "I'm going to ignore you games.

Great post!

[Homegirl 50]

You don't ignore someone calls an then decide to give them a break and answer them and expect her to be thrilled.
I don't believe in this "act like you're not interested and she'll come running business" She either wants you or she doesn't, and if you act like you're not interested then she will assume you're not. She is now playing your "ignore phone calls" games. That's the problem with game playing, it's hard to stop and to know if both of you are still playing.
If you want her back, tell her. You two start from scratch, but not bf/gf, casually date. Talk to each other on the phone, text each other, see each other on occasion. I think this is what she was trying to do and you started ignoring her.
See if you can repair what was damaged. But be honest and stop playing games. They don't work.

[mckenzie134]

Wht are you doing this crap is going on way too long!!

Now this has nothinng to do with not answering .
What is happening is she lets ypu go and every time you push her away she thinks she is losing you so she comes back and pulls you back in and you get sucked in and then she has control of you.

You eed to stop the crap amd not talk too her she will be back once you aqre totally gone! You can't do his because youu are totally under the cloud at the moment. Look at it clearly please don't do anything there is no need for an ultomatium. TYhis is what you say! I really like you but I can't be bothered wth someone who is so up and down and I want someone who knows how to have a relationship!!

[Matteus]

Are you saying that because I've ignored her calls - that is why she isn't calling me? In a way, I get that. And that's why I called her last night, because I didn't want to push it too far. The reason I've been ignoring her though is because that seemed to be the only way to get her to come around. When I used to respond to her texts/calls all the time, she would just act more distant and uninterested, and I would feel like crap. I really think it's because she felt like she had me in her pocket. But soon as I started pulling away she became more interested, then started showing up at my work, bringing cookies, making dinner, saying she wanted to work on us, making plans to come spend the night, etc. I just don't get it. It's really just Fing stupid. I shouldn't have to ignore her to get her to want to be with me. She should just want to - or not - period. I feel like it's not an easy choice for her - but that's exactly it. If she REALLY wanted to be with me, the choice wouldn't be that difficult. I didn't create this situation, she did. If she really wanted to work on us, wouldn't she be excited that I called and answer because I haven't lately? Wouldn't she answer, or if she didn't see that I was calling, wouldn't she call back when she looked at her phone later, or at least send a text? She didn't do any of that. If she didn't want to play games, why wouldn't she just answer the phone?

I don't want to assume things with her, but it's like I almost don't have a choice. She keeps pulling this move where she says stuff indicating she wants to get back together, and has even started to act on it some, but then will pull crap like last night and just ignore me. I've tried talking to her and I end up right back in the same spot. I've had two or three serious talks with her already. Two weeks ago when I finally stood up for myself I told her that I didn't want to talk to her unless she wanted to work on us. I didn't want to give her an ultimatum then. And she started coming around, and saying she was serious about working on us. And I still don't want to give her an ultimatum, but it's like I've almost got to say "Hey. If you want to be with me and work on our relationship then lets do that right now. Lets be boyfriend and girlfriend again, and take it slow. If you don't, then please just leave me alone completely because I don't want to be with someone who isn't 100% sure she wants to be with me." Otherwise, won't she just keep on doing what she's doing? I think the answer is yes.

Well, I can see why you are ignoring her calls, and as you see, every time you write to her, she will be more distant. But wenn you disappear, she comes back, and says to work things out with you. In this point, this is the time when you show your hard You. But don't act like a victim telling her that "her dissapearing" influences your feelings and makes you feel down. Instead you say her, that you know its not going to work, and that you know what she says they are only words, because you already know her, and that she is going away, as soon as she gets you back, etc. This way, you are giving your opinion, and you say No to her, which means challenge. And you act this time like the dumper who is the "Hard to get". You don't give her ultimatums or such things! You just act like "commanding" her to do the opposite of what you don't want her to do, her to try to get you back. Remember when she said you that she doesn't feel like before anymore, and she feels different? And you did more and more to try to please her? It's the same thing now. She was "dissapointed" from the relation, and you tried hard to make things work, and now You are the one who is dissapointed from the relation, and she will be the one to try to make things work. Its called reversed psychology, and as humans, we want what we can't have. Well, sometimes this is related to Ego Boost, but this is not the case. By disappearing, or ignoring her calls, mostly isn't bringing any good. She must know your opinion about the situation, but not your feelings or emotions.