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Suelle383 · Sep 28, 2007, 04:36 PM

I understand wanting to leave it on a good note. So, next time you talk to her be cool, calm, and collected.. and act happy. Then immediately, go NC. It'll be one of the hardest things you've ever done but you can do it. We've all gone through it. You'll feel like cr*p but it will get better... eventually. It'll be an emotional roller coaster. You'll think about her in the morning as soon as you wake up and probably will think of her every second of every day for a while but it'll get better. You just have to wait it out and keep busy. Do anything to keep yourself from dialing that phone. I often would log onto this site when I was feeling particularly weak. Reading the posts on here really helped to talk me down off the ledge in my darkest moments.

QuikFeedmeplz · Sep 28, 2007, 04:36 PM

Excuse me... but what does NC mean? I see it used a lot.. sorry but I'm new to some computer slang.

Suelle383 · Sep 28, 2007, 04:39 PM

NC means No Contact. It could mean a couple of different things depending on the situation, either NO Contact= you don't initiate contact, but you answer their calls/texts or real No Contact = you don't initiate contact, you don't accept or answer any attempt by then to make contact.

Jornny · Sep 28, 2007, 04:39 PM

NC means No Contact, so I've figured. Tough to bare, but do it to care I guess. If space is what they want, NC is what is needed, and if you DO Contact, she'll eventually lose it with you and want NOTHING to do with you. I had the rand last night personally. OUCH!!

QuikFeedmeplz · Sep 28, 2007, 04:42 PM

Ya NC is what's best.. I even told my EX if she texted or called me if probably not answer just so she knows that I WANT her to have her space.. by you saying this it shows that you can handle WITHOUT talking or being with her.. . then it will make her REALIZE that she cant. Knowning that you can do fine without her hurts her more than knowing you are there. Her sister is on MYSPACE atm.. talking to me, but the way she's talking, I really think its NOT her sister and really Monica, my EX. So I left asap when she starting writing mgs to me.

Jornny · Sep 28, 2007, 04:43 PM

In response to you Su, I'll wait until I hear from her first before I do anything. I don't want to call HER to see if she's feeling good or not. If I do call, she'll probably be angry again for bothering her. But how can she feel like this if she loved me so much. How can she just put her feelings for me aside so easily, when I'm struggling to stop checking my phone for calls/messages? And she lives alone with her dad who's out a lot, how can she not miss me after 3yrs of 'habit' so to speak?

Jornny · Sep 28, 2007, 04:46 PM

Yeah I'm on Bebo, and my ex was My Other Half up until today when I took her off myself, even though during the week I told her I wouldn't. I doubt it makes much difference to the relationship, seeing as it's only a website to meet and see people, but the worst thing is, in weeks to come, I might not be able to help myself in looking at her profile and seeing things I wish I hadn't! I know I could just NOT look, but the temptation will always be there!

Suelle383 · Sep 28, 2007, 04:47 PM

That sounds like an excellent idea. And don't worry, she will miss you. Its all so recent and she still thinks she has u so it hasn't really sunk in with her yet.

Jornny · Sep 28, 2007, 04:50 PM

I hope to God she does. But what if after so long of this split, that she comes back for me again, and we DO get back, would some of the feelings not be lost? Cause I can't see it being the same, or better even. Sure I'm saying now I'll be glad when it does happen, but I don't know HOW I'll feel in months to come. Or how SHE would feel.

Suelle383 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:10 PM

You're going to drive yourself crazy if you think about the "what if's". Concentrate on the now, and what you can control. Concentrate on yourself and making yourself better.

And I think you answered your own question. You don't know how you'll feel. You have to heal and clear your mind in order to see clearly. A month from, 2 months from now, you might realize that breaking up was the right thing.

And if you did get back together? If you did it now, or did it before you're out of this emotional hell, it definitely wouldn't be better. If months from now, you both go back in with a clear mind and a clear slate then it definitely has the possibility of being even better than before. The time apart for me and my ex only served to make our feelings stronger for each other. And it honestly, feels so much better now than it did when we together before. Because now we know we're together because we both want to be together, not just because we were together for so long that it was just easier to stay together than breakup.

Jornny · Sep 28, 2007, 05:17 PM

You're fantastic. Are you on this site a lot? It's my first time, and I think it's great. Like you said yourself, if ever I'm feeling weak or out of options and don't know where to turn, this'll be my place to be. When you broke up, did you or he see anybody else in between, not just relationship wise, but on a night out or similar?

Suelle383 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:27 PM

Yes, we both saw other people. I actually dated more than him... a lot more than him. Neither of us anything that lasted more than 1 or 2 dates.

Suelle383 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:31 PM

If she does see other people, you can't worry about it. She's not going to be able to replace a 3 year relationship in a week or even a month. But you just have to think of this as a breakup and try to move on. If she's going to come back, she'll come back. If not, at least you'll already be on your way to moving on. Set yourself little goals. It really helped keep me sane.

Jornny · Sep 28, 2007, 05:31 PM

Is it necessary for the re-union or did you do it thinking 'moving on'? I don't want to do that, I found who I want, but SHE needs to find if I'M who SHE wants. I'd hate to risk finding someone when I'm perfectly happy with who I still love.

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by Jornny

Is it neccessary for the re-union or did you do it thinking 'moving on'? I don't wanna do that, I found who I want, but SHE needs to find if I'M who SHE wants. I'd hate to risk finding someone when I'm perfectly happy with who I still love.

Yeah I feel your pain, I am happy with her but for some reason right now she is not as sure as I am and you are. So we have to just wait it out, become better people and if they miss out then you know what, it's their loss. I know most guys out there are losers or just looking for one thing. If that's what they want, well although hard, better to know now then after marriage.

Jornny · Sep 28, 2007, 05:39 PM

Exactly. My sister told me she went through the same thing when she was 21. Living with her boyf since being 18. She took time off, but only for a month(lucky guy, poor us!) but she went back. They now are married 9yrs, in their second home with 3 lovely little girls. That was the best support I got 6-7 weeks ago before it all began. But listen to this- this is bril.

-If you love something, let it go. If it loves you, it'll come back-

mckenzie134 · Sep 28, 2007, 06:38 PM

Johnny I wishyou the best of luck, butmate you are blinded by love at the moment and if you honestly think there is nothing between thet guy and your girl hen you are a fool. She has the choice of spending the night with you or him she has spent it with him.

You are in denial and can't see the truth this girl is playing you after 3 years. WHAT A!!

I guarantee you she is on with the guy. Do NOT believe what she is telling you... She asays you have nothing to worry about!

What she is saying is if this guy doesn't ork ill go back to you and treat you like a dog!!

She is Definitely on with the other guy she would NOT be spending the time with him if she wanted you...

You cannot see this but it is true I hope you rrealise what she is doing.. Hold no hope DO not call her...
Why the hell are you still texting calling

DO NOTHING she is using you after all this time...

Don't FOOL YOURSELF ANYMORE.. if you want her back disappear don't let her lean on you she is used to you and well she can't spend as nuch time with the new guy as she could have with you cause she doesn't know him that well so she is using you for the moment

THIS IS THE TRUTH

QuikFeedmeplz · Sep 28, 2007, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Johnny I wishyou the best of luck, butmate youare blinded by love at the moment and if you honestly think there is nothing between thet guy and your girl hen you are a fool. She has the choice of spending the night with you or him she has spent it with him.

You are in denial and can't see the truth this girl is playing you after 3 years. WHAT A !!!!

I guarantee you she is on with the guy. Do NOT believe what she is telling you... She asays you have nothing to worry about!!

What she is saying is if this guy doesnt ork ill go back to you and treat you like a dog!!!!

She is DEFINATELY on with the other guy she would NOT be spending the time with him if she wanted you.....

You cannot see this but it is true i hope you rrealise what she is doing.. Hold no hope DO not call her ...
Why the hell are you still texting calling

DO NOTHING she is using you after all this time .....

DONT FOOL YOURSELF ANYMORE..if you want her back disapear dont let her lean on you she is used to you and well she can't spend as nuch time with the new guy as she could have with you cause she doesnt know him that well so she is using you for the moment

THIS IS THE TRUTH

I kind of agree 100%... even when mckenzie134 gave me advise, I was like... but really... in a way its ALL TRUE. My girlfriend is thinking of her ex of 3 years at the moment.. you think that's cool for me? After she fell in love with me first few weeks? But you, mckenzie134 is right in a way.. if MY GF LOVED ME, why would she want a break because she's thinking of another guy, her ex? ITS HER fault and that she's confused.

Let her remember... I mean really.. give it like WEEKS before you even make connact with her I MEAN WEEKS, mckenzie134 is right, Don't text or CALL her back or answer. THIS IS THE ONLY way she can realize that she really misses and needs you. If not, then it WAS NOT meant to be.. . Let her KNOW that she NEEDS you. If you call her, yes mckenzie134 is 100% right... she will USE you for a back up. Get on with your life. MY advice.. GET A NEW GF before she gets with this GUY. I think that is the only way to deal with this at this time.

star3114 · Sep 29, 2007, 09:11 PM

I agree. Your girl would not be spending so much time with the other guy if there wasn't an interest... at the very least. A girl doesn't just hang out with a guy when she is recently broken up... just because. She is exploring her options and at this time... those options don't seem to involve you. I must say that I am sorry that you are going through this mess. Man, I hear lots of single girls say all the great guys are taken... and then when they get one... that can't see what is in front of their face.
Something I have noticed with some of my husb. And mine couple friends is that they go through a funk. When they have been together at such a young age, or if the girl had a baby before she was ready... it is like the girl goes through a renewed adolescence. Really, they do. A normally responsible and kind person turns and starts partying and whooping it up. I think they are trying to prove to themselves that where they are right now is where they want to be. My sister even went through the same thing... but at a much older age... her and her hub had been together since she was 17.
When you start a serious relationship at such a young age, you really haven't had the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. At some point, that catches up with a person. Then all of the doubts that they had collected over the years seem to come out as if the floodgates had been opened. Although I haven't discovered what triggers this, I have seen it happen first hand numerous times.
I have also seen both results. With my sis and her hub, she made the decision that she wanted to make it work. With one of our friends, she made the decision that who she had was better than anyone else out there. With one of our friends, she couldn't stop the partying and they got divorced. Each case is a little different, but they seem to all have the same beginning... too much, too soon, too fast.
When I was 18, 19 and 20... I thought I knew what I wanted in life. I thought that I was mature to handle a "real" relationship. The older I get, the more I realize that I didn't have a clue. Marriage is a lot of really tough work. It is mentally exausting and some days I feel like I have an extra kid (my hub). The media really glamourizes marriage that it is supposed to be all hunkey dorey... but life is not like that. Someone one told me that marriage is a mission. It is a mission like the people that go to third world countries are on a mission. I think any long term relationship is like that. Quite honestly, if you are the same age as she... don't be so eager to settle down. You will end up being unhappy years down the road. Although it sucks that she is doing this, take it with a grain of salt and move on. If a girl is getting this skittish now, imagine how she will get when the mission of marriage happens. I'm telling you... a flighty girl like that is not one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You don't want to be married to her and then have a castatrophe happen and you need her support... and she flew the coop because it got too tough and she wasn't sure if she wanted to do it anymore. This girl left because she got bored... plain and simple. If she is bored now, wait until you have been together for 10 years. You don't want someone that leaves when they are bored... you want someone that will talk to you about what they are feeling before it comes to this. That is what makes a mature relationship... a mature one... it is all about the communication. I know I was kind of rambling, but I hope you can find some of what I said helpful. Take care.

talaniman · Sep 29, 2007, 09:54 PM

Jornny, Star is so dead on with what she has said. I hope you read her post twice and see what she is saying. You may be so in love that you cannot imagine that she doesn't feel the same as you. What's on her mind is not compatible to what is on your mind and it doesn't work. We all get stuck on stupid when a relationship ends , but we don't have to stay there.