[Homegirl 50]

Personally I think GF does not want the same kind of relationship you want.
Talk to her when there is no argument. Sit her down and tell her not to interrupt, and I think you two should take a break from each other. You initiate the break

[nicespringgirl]

I think you should communicate with her!
Be honest. The more you are honest about your feelings with your partner, the more you will get out of your relationship.

[missbeach123]

I'm sorry but it doesn't sound good. When I care about a guy a lot, I want him to meet all of my friends and be at a majority of my events. I care about him, and want to share him with the other people I care about, so they will care about him too. The only time I wanted my ex boyfriend not to come to my events was when I wanted some sort of break or space. Also, no sex is no good, and it is a sign of problems in a relationship. I might initiate a break, and consequently, this may force her into dealing with the real issues when she realizes she might be losing you. Proceed with caution.

[confused-a-lot]

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me yesterday.
We've had our troubles and quite a lot of arguments. There is a lot to the story, but I'll give you what happened yesterday.

The day started fine with no problems.
By the end of the day (while I was at work) we had a large argument that started about nothing worth arguing about, which after things getting very heated, moved to her breaking things off. This was all over the phone.

I felt I needed and deserved to be told in person after 3 years, so when I finished work a couple of hours later I visited her place. She was crying a lot, and wasn't saying much so I appologised for the argument as it takes 2 and asked her if she stood by what she said about breaking up, or was she saying it out of anger. It took her a while to talk but then she explained she is not happy with how the relationship is, that things are too hard. So I asked her if she wanted this relationship, if she wanted to be with me. She said NO. I asked if she loved me, she said YES. I asked if she was sure that this is what she want's, she said I DON'T KNOW. I said I'm confused, and asked again, are you sure this break up is what you want. She took a couple of minutes, I could see her thinking it over. She said YES. After that I said bye and headed for the door as she started crying her eyes out again.

And that was it.

Contact or No contact?
Do I fight for this relationship? Do I let it go?
If she comes to me, do I take her back or tell her no?
Friends or not?

[Hitch21]

My gf of 3 years broke up with me yesterday.
We've had our troubles and quite a lot of arguments. There is a lot to the story, but i'll give you what happened yesterday.

The day started fine with no problems.
By the end of the day (while i was at work) we had a large argument that started about nothing worth arguing about, which after things getting very heated, moved to her breaking things off. This was all over the phone.

I felt I needed and deserved to be told in person after 3 years, so when i finished work a couple of hours later I visited her place. She was crying a lot, and wasn't saying much so I appologised for the argument as it takes 2 and asked her if she stood by what she said about breaking up, or was she saying it out of anger. It took her a while to talk but then she explained she is not happy with how the relationship is, that things are too hard. So I asked her if she wanted this relationship, if she wanted to be with me. She said NO. I asked if she loved me, she said YES. I asked if she was sure that this is what she want's, she said I DON'T KNOW. I said I'm confused, and asked again, are you sure this break up is what you want. She took a couple of minutes, I could see her thinking it over. She said YES. After that I said bye and headed for the door as she started crying her eyes out again.

And that was it.

Contact or No contact?
Do I fight for this relationship? Do I let it go?
If she comes to me, do I take her back or tell her no?
Friends or not?

There's obviously a lot going on with her, a lot on her mind, and a lot of things that need to be discussed thoroughly... I think you should go after her if you love her, you know she loves u.. everyone fights.. that makes it better.. brings people closer together depending on how you handle it but... 3 yrs is a lot and even though people break up after 10-20 years , I think its not going to hurt if you give it a shot.. at least get some closure know wats going on, so you know what you either did wrong, or what went wrong for future relationships.

[Stringer]

I hope I'm wrong... however I feel something else is going on here. I see from your post and agree that she is confused however possibly someone else figures into this situation, again I hope I'm wrong?

[confused-a-lot]

(I need to vent, and would love some input)
I have recently been dumped by my girlfriend of 3 years. It's been about a week now, and although I'm accepting it, doing nc and keeping busy, I still can't help but wonder why it ended.

We were arguing a lot, for a long time, about the same things. I see the problem as, we never found a resolution or end to the arguments and therefore they'd resurface a week later.

The final straw for her was a very heated and intense argument where at the end she dumped me because she couldn't handle it anymore.

She came to me the next day and spoke with me, where for once we talked about the problems in a civil matter. She said that she "loves me and cares for me" and "didn't want to break up, but she couldn't handle the relationship the way it was". I accepted what she said, and told her that I love her and appologised for the way things have been as it takes 2 to argue. Once we aired our thoughts, we got a long well and had some laughs about the times we've had together, where she then said "thats what i want". She then asked for me to give her time. I reminded her that she can do what she wants, she's single. And as for me, I'll be getting on with life as hard as that might be right now.

It seems to me that she is maybe thinking twice about the break up.
Does she love me? If she cared she wouldn't have broken up right? If she couldn't handle it anymore, she could have talked to me instead of breaking up right? Why is she asking me for time?

I'm moving on and doing nc. BUT if SHE wants to get back together, and wants to try again, can I? I love her, miss her and didn't want the break up, therefore still want to be with her. But she left me when it got hard. I'm in 2 minds.

[confused-a-lot]

?

[talaniman]

If their wasn't enough communications going on to solve your problems then, what makes you think that the same old tired arguments won't frustrate you both, and break you up again? No communication, no relationship.

[confused-a-lot]

It took the break up for us to finally have a civil conversation and figure out a solution to the problem. We are both agree on the problem and see where we have gone wrong.

I know what your saying. We might end up in the same position again, neither of us want that and are hesitant to go back there.

I feel that ending a serious relationship should be over something irreparable, rather than something a heart felt conversation and good communication can't fix.

Anyway, it's over now. We need time away from each other. If it's meant to be, it will.

[confused-a-lot]

So I just got off the phone with my ex (I know, NC, I didn't know it was going to be her). We broke up about 2 weeks ago.

We had plans to see a concert tomorrow night (I'm going with a friend now), and she wanted to see if she could still go. Anyway, she turned the conversation to relationship talk fairly quickly and I tried to avoid as much as possible and keep it brief. She was talking like "i hope you know i still love you"... "i care about you and want to know how your going, what your doing"... "at this point i couldn't handle being together, but want to be friends" etc

So to my point, I asked her something that I had been thinking about.
I have asked her a couple of times since breaking up, "do you want to be with me?" and every time I have asked she has dodged the question and explained she couldn't handle the arguments and the way the relationship had been.

So while she brought up reationship stuff, I asked her why she dodges the question, only to hear the same thing about not wanting to be in the relationship again. So I pulled her up on it, the fact that she is still dodging it, and she replied with "Haven't you been listening, I still love you, you idiot"...

Opinions please? What does that mean?
Is she putting me in the friends zone with false hope? Because it sure feels like it.
What do I do with that?

[GlindaofOz]

That's why you don't answer the phone when you don't recognize the number.

Here is my take. She still loves you but like how your best friend loves you. I'm guess your best friend doesn't want to have sex with you or be your girlfriend (maybe he does - that's cool however I don't think so).

Again no contact is about you getting your stuff together. If you don't want to be in the friend zone then bounce out of this completely. Why would you do something to make her happy yet would make you miserable? Is that not the dumbest thing ever? Her happiness is not your responsibility. So what if she gets mad if you aren't friend too damn bad. The relationship ended it says no where that you have to stay friends or that you should even stay friends. The person who dumps ALWAYS wants to stay friends. Well guess what you can't have your cake and eat it too. Either she takes it all or gets none. Remember that.

(btw is this sounds rough its not to you its just how to people expect anyone to get better when they are constantly jumping in front of them saying junk like this? It steams me)

[jeffatl]

"I still love you, you idiot" hahahaha, yea this sounds like someone that cares about you. Honestly, when thing slike this pop up it makes me think that there is someone else in the picture that you don't know about. It sounds to me that she is trying to play with you, I would just let it go and save you sanity. I agree with Glinda, it sounds like she doesn't have those kind of feeling sfor you, but is just too afraid to tell you.

[confused-a-lot]

I have to answer the phone, I'm running a small business and it could mean work.

I'm not sure whether it was a love you as a friend thing or not, it sounded genuine though. It sounded as thought she wants us but isn't ready for it now, that was my take, or maybe that's how I wanted to hear it. But then that's why I'm asking, I'm unsure.

PS. I agree, how can I get better when I hear this? I was doing good at NC too.

[GlindaofOz]

If anything I think it was a ploy to pull you back into her world. Since that is so common with dumpers. They want to know they can still have you in their world and will do or say whatever it takes sometimes.

This isn't your problem. If she calls again simply say I'm sorry I'm too busy right now to speak to you. We will talk later. Then hang up. That's it end of story. She doesn't dictate your life and you don't dictate hers. That's how breaking up works.

[Tuscany]

Sounds to me like she does not want you right now, and she does not want you to move on. Unfortunately she can't have her cake and eat it too. If you have to answer the phone and it is her, tell her you can't talk and then hang up. No contact is the best way to figure out who you are and what you need in a relationship.

[confused-a-lot]

As the saying goes:

"If you love someone, let them go.
If they come back, they're yours.
If they don't, they never were."

On the verge of break up:

1. If they go, do they love you?

2. If they go, why have them back?

3. If they don't go, will things repeat themselves until they do go?

[ConfusedandLost]

Here is what I have learned based my past situations:
On the verge of break up:

1. If they go, do they love you?
Yes, in fact they in almost every case still do but are not "in love" with you. The two are so very different emotions.

2. If they go, why have them back?
Sometimes all it takes is a simple action, something that you tucked away forever that you thought you would never see again, a subtle reminder of them in some way to suddenly spark all of those suppressed feelings to come back. It's like a huge rush that hits you... and you don't know what to do. Then you will see the pain you went through and see why you don't want them back...

3. If they don't go, will things repeat themselves until they do go?
Only if YOU let it to... you control YOUR life...

[QuikFeedmeplz]

I agree with what your saying.. I'm dong that at the moment with my ex girlfriend. Its very hard.. but if you love the person.. you have too. I mean.. I've been there for my girlfriend in everyway I can think of.. her birthday, I was only person there with her family.. I've been NOTHING but nice to her, going ot her job with flowers and I even wrote her a poem with her favorite rose with it. I mean we just broke up yesterday, about this time.. 9 am.. but I let her go. Sooner or later she will realise how good of a boyfriend I was and she will miss me more if I leave her be. AT the same time.. I'm just scared that ill stop loving her.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lf-134346.html
--- if anyone has any feedback on my story share it.

[mckenzie134]

You won't stop loving her you are just saying that give her te space she needs and let her unconfuse herself