[Miss lovley]

THANK YOU ALL
I am seriously done with the 28 yr old
I found someone younger much youngsg 20
Is that better

[Stringer]

I don't know.. do you think we were all just "played?"

[GlindaofOz]

THANK YOU ALL
i am seriously done with the 28 yr old
i found someone younger much youngsg 20
is that better

Why the change of heart?

Did you meet the 20 year old on the same website?

[Miss lovley]

Atcually he is 24 I made a typo and couldn't fix it last night. But I put thought into what you all said he could be a dangerous man and that is not a risk I want to make. And this guy I know it is him I viewed his web cam and he only lives 8 hours away... It is still a seven year difference but not as bad as eleven

[snuffy]

yeah i agree, u shuld only date men that are 3 years within ur age limit. But once u are 18 u can date whoever u want

If that is the law in that territory then I would agree. On the grounds that to be morally correct it should be legally correct.

So, for example, for this girl, miss lovely, you are saying that any age gap once she is 18 is acceptable, whereas any man more than the age of 18 while the female is below the age of 18, is too old and unacceptable legally and morally?

This is an interesting area, as in the UK the law is 16 for consent. So a 16 year old is free to date a person of any age.

This can create the different views on the situation, for example, of a 23 year old man being able to sleep with a 16 year old quite legally (and if it is legal we must assume that it is right and justifiable). Whereas for the same age difference in America it would be unjustifiable and wrong BECAUSE the law says so.


Is the UK law more justifiable or is the US law more justifiable?

After all a 16 year old American girl is as mature as a 16 year old girl in the UK but the respective legalities of the situation are totally different.

Discuss..

[GlindaofOz]

So, for example, for this girl, miss lovely, you are saying that any age gap once she is 18 is acceptable, whereas any man more than the age of 18 while the female is below the age of 18, is too old and unacceptable legally and morally?

In the US this is pretty standard LAW (not morality LAW) that once a minor reaches the age of consent they may not engage in illicit activities with someone more then 3 to 4 years older (depends upon the state). However once the child reaches 18 they are free to date whomever.

So Miss Lovely this is still dangerous waters.

Why do you want to be with someone so much older? I get that 17 year old boys are immature. I got that. But there are no 19 year old guys or 20 year old guys you could date? I just can't imagine a 24 year old out living his life would want to be with a high school student for anything other then sex. I just can't see it happening.

You are still in the same situation as before since you are dating some one so much older. While to you it doesn't seem that big of a deal it is. The mental and emotional difference between a 24 year old and a 17 year old is immense. Again you don't have the life experience to bring to the table of an adult relationship that is going to be built upon something real other then just sex.

[Homegirl 50]

atcually he is 24 i made a typo and couldn't fix it last night. but i put thought into what you all said he could be a dangerous man and that is not a risk i want to make. And this guy i know it is him i viewed his web cam and he only lives 8 hours away... It is still a seven year differance but not as bad as eleven

Doesn't matter. What we many of us have been trying to tell you is as long as you are a minor, you don't need to be dating adults.
If this 24 year old adult male knows you are a teen and doesn't care, he's a creep as well.

[snuffy]

atcually he is 24 i made a typo and couldn't fix it last night. but i put thought into what you all said he could be a dangerous man and that is not a risk i want to make. And this guy i know it is him i viewed his web cam and he only lives 8 hours away... It is still a seven year differance but not as bad as eleven

I am 24 and date a 17 year old.

It is not illegal at all here, as it apparently may be in the USA.
The gap has not caused a single problem. I have no problem datign girls my own age, I dated a 22 year old last year for 7 months.
I am not just after sex. I rarely initiate it and I deeply care for my g/f.

So in my view if he is a good guy, as I am, then it is fine. I suspect I am not the run-of-the-mill older guy with a 17 year old g/f though.

That sounds big headed; I realise! ;)

[Homegirl 50]

If that is the law in that territory then I would agree. On the grounds that to be morally correct it should be legally correct.

So, for example, for this girl, miss lovely, you are saying that any age gap once she is 18 is acceptable, whereas any man more than the age of 18 while the female is below the age of 18, is too old and unacceptable legally and morally?

This is an interesting area, as in the UK the law is 16 for consent. So a 16 year old is free to date a person of any age.

This can create the different views on the situation, for example, of a 23 year old man being able to sleep with a 16 year old quite legally (and if it is legal we must assume that it is right and justifiable). Whereas for the exact same age difference in America it would be unjustifiable and wrong BECAUSE the law says so.


Is the UK law more justifiable or is the US law more justifiable?

After all a 16 year old American girl is as mature as a 16 year old girl in the UK but the respective legalities of the situation are totally different.

Discuss..

I don't think any adult in his right mind ought to be dating teenagers.
Now before you get your undies in a bunch, I can see an 18/19 year old with a 21/22 year old, but 16 year olds with men over 20 is just wong IMO.

[ScottGem]

I am 24 and date a 17 year old.

It is not illegal at all here, as it apparently may be in the USA.
The gap has not caused a single problem. I have no problem datign girls my own age, I dated a 22 year old last year for 7 months.
I am not just after sex. I rarely initiate it and I deeply care for my g/f.

So in my view if he is a good guy, as I am, then it is fine. I suspect I am not the run-of-the-mill older guy with a 17 year old g/f though.

That sounds big headed; I realise! ;)

First its not illegal to DATE, its only illegal to have sex if one is under the age of consent or one is still a minor with a large age difference. In your situation, it would be illegal to have sex with her even if she was over the age of consent because of the 5 year age difference, in many areas.

Second, You may be the exception, but frankly I have to wonder what a 24 yr old sees in a 17 yr old. The two ages are very different developmentally, emotionally and interestwise. You should be starting your career, looking at your life and figuring out how its going to play out. A 17 yr old is mostly interested in the moment, not the long term.

And this is why most of us have a problem with an age difference like this. Because an older male and a minor female (or the reverse) are at very different phases, its rare that such a relationship holds any attraction much more than physical. And that makes it exploitation.

Again, you may be the exception and if you are I wish you luck. In 3 or 4 years a 5 year difference won't matter. But at this point it does.

[ScottGem]

I am 24 and date a 17 year old.

It is not illegal at all here, as it apparently may be in the USA.
The gap has not caused a single problem. I have no problem datign girls my own age, I dated a 22 year old last year for 7 months.
I am not just after sex. I rarely initiate it and I deeply care for my g/f.

So in my view if he is a good guy, as I am, then it is fine. I suspect I am not the run-of-the-mill older guy with a 17 year old g/f though.

That sounds big headed; I realise! ;)

First its not illegal to DATE, its only illegal to have sex if one is under the age of consent or one is still a minor with a large age difference. In your situation, it would be illegal to have sex with her even if she was over the age of consent because of the 5 year age difference, in many areas.

Second, You may be the exception, but frankly I have to wonder what a 24 yr old sees in a 17 yr old. The two ages are very different developmentally, emotionally and interestwise. You should be starting your career, looking at your life and figuring out how its going to play out. A 17 yr old is mostly interested in the moment, not the long term.

And this is why most of us have a problem with an age difference like this. Because an older male and a minor female (or the reverse) are at very different phases, its rare that such a relationship holds any attraction much more than physical. And that makes it exploitation.

Again, you may be the exception and if you are I wish you luck. In 3 or 4 years a 7 year difference won't matter. But at this point it does.

[snuffy]

I don't think any adult in his right mind ought to be dating teenagers.
Now before you get your undies in a bunch, I can see an 18/19 year old with a 21/22 year old, but 16 year olds with men over 20 is just wong IMO.

That is your opinion and would most likely be right in 99.99% of cases. However it may also be seen as tarring all men who date 17 year olds with the same brush. It doesn't necessarily suggest any failing in that man's personality or make him a creep.

It can genuinely be a solid, happy and caring, not to mention EQUAL relationship.


Lastly, and this is just to play 'devil's advocate,' the law says 16 here. Therefore it is justifiable, right and fair.

Some people may hold the view that even 18 is too young for a 23 year old. Whatever one's view; treat and judge each relationship on its own merits, not a sweeping generalisation.

Not all 16 year old boy sor girls are immature/too immature for a 23 year old.
Not all 23 year old men who that eyounger women are 'creeps.'

Lastly, it is not automatically wrong. It is a matter of opinion.

Incidentally, I think that the age of consent in South Carolina of 14 is ridiculously young and perhaps that state's laws need evaluating!


Thanks for your opinions.:)

[snuffy]

First its not illegal to DATE, its only illegal to have sex if one is under the age of consent or one is still a minor with a large age difference. In your situation, it would be illegal to have sex with her even if she was over the age of consent because of the 5 year age difference, in many areas.

Second, You may be the exception, but frankly I have to wonder what a 24 yr old sees in a 17 yr old. The two ages are very different developmentally, emotionally and interestwise. You should be starting your career, looking at your life and figuring out how its going to play out. A 17 yr old is mostly interested in the moment, not the long term.

And this is why most of us have a problem with an age difference like this. Because an older male and a minor female (or the reverse) are at very different phases, its rare that such a relationship holds any attraction much more than physical. And that makes it exploitation.

Again, you may be the exception and if you are I wish you luck. In 3 or 4 years a 7 year difference won't matter. But at this point it does.

Of course what you say is highly subjective.

Please, bear in mind that the law here is 16 for a female, and there are no qualifications to that law.

It is justifiable. Indeed, the differences in the outlook of life may well be different but it does not always make it prohibitive.

In my view, you do whatever makes you happy provided it is lawful and non exploitative. I personally fit both categories.

I think sometimes people put far too much of an emphasis on women being 'exploited' and 'vulnerable.' This is not always the case.

It would be the case if we were talking about a child, but we are not.

[Homegirl 50]

I stand by my thought. I wonder what a 24 year old man has in common with a 17 year old girl and what the atrraction is. There are so many differences in development there. The guy may not be a creep but he's gots some problems. Maybe some self esteem issues, issues with grwoing up, I don't know. But I do know if you were messing with my 17 year old daughter, there would be some problems.

[snuffy]

I stand by my thought. I wonder what a 24 year old man has in common with a 17 year old girl and what the atrraction is. There are so many differences in developement there. The guy may not be a creep but he's gots some problems. Maybe some self esteem issues, issues with grwoing up, I don't know. But I do know if you were messing with my 17 year old daughter, there would be some problems.

There would be nothing you could do about it over here in the UK however as much as you disagree with it.

Though I accept that it is a different matter in your country and I have to respect the prevailing current of opinion and the law in America.

I think your attitude is borne out of a sense of protection and I applaud that as it is a noble and respect worthy value.

Doesn't make you right though. Just cautious.

[ScottGem]

I think sometimes people put far too much of an emphasis on women being 'exploited' and 'vulnerable.' This is not always the case.

You're right its not always the case. The problem is that it is way too often the case to risk it. When it comes to protecting young people, I don't think we can over emphasize safety. Its not just women its all young people. I grant that kids grow up faster then they used to (though that's not necessarily a good thing). But I would still want to err on the side of caution then to let someone get hurt.

[Homegirl 50]

I think sometimes people put far too much of an emphasis on women being 'exploited' and 'vulnerable.' This is not always the case.

I don't think you can put too much emphasis on it especially when you are dealing with non adult women. Teenagers are non adult women regardless of the law. Heck that law exploits young women. It does not take an intellectual giant to know that teenagers are not grown women and adult men have no business messing with them. This law just enables men to do it.
It may be legal, but it is morally wrong IMO

[snuffy]

You're right its not always the case. The problem is that it is way too often the case to risk it. When it comes to protecting young people, I don't think we can over emphasize safety. Its not just women its all young people. I grant that kids grow up faster then they used to (though that's not necessarily a good thing). But I would still want to err on the side of caution then to let someone get hurt.

Fair enough fella. Do appreciate thought that 17, or indeed 16 is not a minor or a child in the United Kingdom.

It is right to be cautious, even over here, but it is never right to be over-zealous, especially when the conduct is lawful and the relationship is healthy.

A parent will always look out for their daughter; I would be the same. I would not totally judge a man though for seeing my 17 year old daughter if I were satisfied he was respectful.

[GlindaofOz]

Regardless the OP is not about the morality its about the legality of the situation and it stands that in the US in most places she is still a minor and has no business messing with someone that much older.

While your experience may be different Snuffy I would imagine that you are intelligent enough to recognize that you are the exception and not the rule. More often then that what we see here in the states IS older men and women exploiting children (which is what this young lady is).

[snuffy]

I don't think you can put too much emphasis on it especially when you are dealing with non adult women. Teenagers are non adult women regardless of the law. Heck that law exploits young women. It does not take an intellectual giant to know that teenagers are not grown women and adult men have no business messing with them. This law just enables men to do it.
It may be legal, but it is morally wrong IMO

Thank you for qualifying with 'in my opinion.'

One which you are entitled to.

(An adult is 18 in America, 16 in the UK). 18 is a teen, as is 19, as is 19 and 364 days, to be pedantic.

It is patronising to assume they are not adults yet. Some may be immature, some may be mature too though. And frankly there are people in their 20's who are not very adult in their view on life; and conversely 17 year olds who are very mature.

The law is not necessarily wrong and it is not immoral, in my opinion.