[rachelC]

*REALLY LONG! * id apprecaite if you can read all. Thanks.


My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 4 months. I have known him for 7 months. We were a very good couple at first, I cared for him a LOT. However, during the first month of us dating, I cheated on him. I told him, and we broke up. We didn't talk but then we got back together a few days later. We were okay for a couple of weeks then we broke up again. I had sex with another guy during our break up. When we got back together, I told him this. He was really upset with me, and I understand that. We are young and still live with our parents. My father did not approve of me dating him but we would both sneak out and see each other all the time. During the first 2 months of our relationship, we were obsessed with each other. I saw him every single day for many hours. I would either take a cab to his house or he would take a bus and walk to mine. We would sleep over each others house when our parents were asleep and we even ran away and skipped school so we could hang out for whole days at a time. When his parents went away on vacation I spent a few days at his house. He was the one who taught me how to drive and I gave him my virginity. He's my first love and we would write each other letters all the time and made a cute scrapbook of all our letters. However,somewhere down the line our fights started getting a lot worse and we would go days without talking to each other. I could kind of tell he was getting sick of me. The third month, we snuck out again and his mom got really angry. She told him that he could never see me again or he had to leave the house. So he left, and he was very angry. I think he blamed me for it, and I know it was my fault. He told me not to worry though that even though he was moving out he would still see me very often. During this week things really started getting bad. He would only see me like once a week and I missed being with him every day. He told me I was selfish and that I didn't care about him and his situation. However, I was going through a rough patch with my family as well, nothing was perfect for me either. During the week he got kicked out, he stayed at afriends house. He told his friend about how I cheated and all his friends told him to break up with me. He ended things with me and I dedsperately tried to get him back but he said he couldn't trust me anymore. I started crying on the phone and he started yelling at me. He told me there was nothing about me that made him want to stay with me, and that he could get any other girl to give him head and make him food. It was horrible what he said and was very degrading. However, the next day, I took a train to find his friends house, in a town I've never even been in. when I got to the house he said he didn't even want to see me and told me to leave. I did and he came after me and we talked. We got back together and things were okayand I stayed there a few days. The night I was leaving he told me I had to go home but I think it was because he didn't want his friends meeting me. Anyway I argued over this and told him that I wanted to spend more time w. him. He said he needed time to think and gave me money for a cab. I threw the money back at him and told him I was leaving. I was acting really immature. He ran after me but I told him to go away and he did. I expected him to come back to me but he never did. My friends called him and asked him how he could leave me in a town I've never even been in and he yeleld at them telling them he would give me every last penny he had so that I could go home safely. I went home and didn't speak to him. I called him and he didn't answer he told me never to speak to him again and that I was grimy. When I called him, he asked all his friends on the phone if they wanted head from me. He was upset because I had called him to ask about one of his friends. The day after we broke up I hooked up with one of his friends. He was really hurt by this, even though he had dumped me. I walked to his house and I asked him to forgive me, and I started crying he told me to get out of his house. I begged him and he told me to leave now. So I did, but later that night he caleld me and told me he missed me. So I took him backand we went back out for a few days. Those few days made me very happy. I thought we were back for good and would leave those horrible 2 weeks behind us. He wrote me a letter saying that he loved me, he was sorry, and wanted our relationship to progress to marriage. The next day, he dumped me yet again telling me he could not be in a relationship with someone he couldn't trust. I was heartbroken but I stillwanted to see him so we stayed friends. I would go over and he would do things like try and kiss me and hug me. I didn't let him for the first two days but on the third day I gave in and I had sex with him again. I asked him if we would be back together and he kept telling me I don't know. I was really upset and I went home. The next few days he barley talked to me and ignored me. He said that although we can't be together now, we could in the future. Then a minute later he told me to just move on. Now he is very angry with me, and I don't know why. He said that someone told him something and it proved I was a liar, but he won't tell me who or why. I walekd to his house yet agaain in the freezing cold to ask to talk to him because he was ignoring my calls and I was crying and he shut the door in my face and told me to leave. I did just that and I haven't spoken to him since then. Its been a day. And I have a decision to make. My dad wants me to leave to another state to go live with my mom because I am doing miserably here. However, I am in love with my ex boyfriend and I cannot bare to leave him. He is the only reason I am staying here. I remember all the good times we had and those good times were incredible. He was my first love and I feel like I will never get over him. It was all my fault and my bad judgemnt that rruined this relationship but I feel like time can change things and he might miss me. If I move, I will never see him again. What should I do? Does this relationship have any hope?

Thanks for reading

[steviebeezie]

Tell him you're moving and you're sorry. You love him, and he'll always be special to you. I agree with your dad. You need a change of scenery, not to mention some maturity. Cheer up though, learn from your mistakes and let your wounds heal. Don't repeat your mistakes and future relationships will be better.

[missbeach123]

Sounds like you might use hooking up with other guys during your breaks with your boyfriend as a way to get back at him, otherwise why would you do that!! The both of you seem to be like firecrackers together, and as they say there may be too much water under the bridge to make things right again. He says he can't trust you, you should walk away from the situation and learn some major life lessons here.

The feelings involved with a first love never truly goes away. I'm stuck on the same thing right now. But be mature and realize that your not good together and learn from the things that went right and wrong so in your next relationship, things will be better. I know it seems like there isn't a life without him, but there is. Work on your own life and your own person, and soon enough another sweet guy will be walking into it.

Good Luck!

[rachelC]

Thanks you guys, I have been trying to move on but I have been majorly depressed. I now pop 6 sleeping pills a day just to fall asleep for the next day. I feel like dying and I don't understand how it is so easy for him to get over it while he is on my mind all day every day.

[steviebeezie]

Who says he's over it? Trust me, he's not. He's just really really mad right now. He's dealing with this by keeping himself busy and allowing his hurt to manifest as anger. For me, being angry always made things easier than being sad. It's a coping thing. He's doing one thing you're not--he's going to his friends and doing things to keep his mind off his pain. I'd suggest that in the short term you do the same. I know shrinks always love to say how we need to talk through our problems--you've done that. Time to push them aside for a while and try to keep your mind busy on other things.

[talaniman]

You are both s young and though you think you love each other this relationship brings out the worst in you both, at a time you should be having fun. Your behavior is so wild and immature I fear for you. Leave him alone and get your own act together or you will bring both of you nothing but misery and pain as you are doing now. Leave the sleeping pills alone , and anything else you do or are thinking to do and let yourself get normal again. It will get better if you try.