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maryjane0416 · May 13, 2015, 10:50 AM

Why would my grown daughter write a post on Facebook about me that is nothing but lies. She wrote all kinds of things about how she grew up in our household that are absolutely not true. She is always mad at someone in our family. Could she need help from a doctor?

joypulv · May 13, 2015, 10:59 AM

I don't know how we could determine her need for a doctor... it's very common for young adults to be angry at their parents.
If you want to tell us more, we might have an insight or two.

I was always very angry at my mother (long before social media), and although I have mellowed considerably, and even took care of her before her death 9 years ago, I'm still sort of quietly angry.

J_9 · May 13, 2015, 11:10 AM

How old is your daughter?

maryjane0416 · May 13, 2015, 02:24 PM

She is 46

talaniman · May 13, 2015, 02:45 PM

Have you ever asked her why she lashes out at her own family, and now you? Good luck telling her to get help, as this seems to be a long standing trait of hers.

J_9 · May 13, 2015, 03:24 PM

We don't know her, you, or your family dynamics. Therefore, we would have no idea why she is doing this or if she needs medical attention.

Can you give us more insight into your relationship with her?

DoulaLC · May 13, 2015, 05:45 PM

Is it possible that her recollection and perception of events in the family are simply different from yours, or are the comments very obviously made up... such as she was raised by a single mother when in actuality both parents were in the home and active members?

Are her "stories" ones to impress others or to gain sympathy?

Jake2008 · May 13, 2015, 06:20 PM

I think for some people, FB is a safe place for people to freely post anything and everything. I personally don't know why anybody would post personal information, or information that stabs family members in the back. Knowing how their words would hurt, they post anyway.

There are much more mature, responsible ways to handle rifts with people you love. And is so doing, it is much more respectful- particularly when it is an adult disrespecting a parent. I would cringe if I were a friend of your daughter's, and read how crass and rude she was.

That being said, my advice to you, is to stop using FB. Discontinue your account. By allowing this to continue, and her knowing you are reading what she writes, you are contributing to her terrible behavior. You are doing what she wants you to do- know how angry she is. The reason does not matter, nor does it matter what the issues are- she is being horrible to you, and you, in a way, allow it to continue by reading it.

I would advise you to write her a letter- write- pen and paper, and a stamp letter. Take the high road here, and ask her if she is willing to talk about the problems in your relationship. It is safe to acknowledge that much. Be willing to both listen and talk, but particularly listen, as she has much more to say at the moment, obviously.

Put your defensive mode on the back burner, no matter how wrong you believe her to be- let her talk, and stay calm! Don't engage in an argument or confrontation, and no loud arguing, or slinging words in anger. Let her know that you will consider and talk to her about anything, but, no arguing, confrontations, nasty words, or degrading accusations. If she agrees, but cannot follow simple rules of solving problems without any of those things, but simply through talking, then end the conversation.

Set limits, and boundaries. That's what this is all about. Until you do, nothing will ever be understood, corrected, or solved.

spicywings · May 13, 2015, 06:24 PM

It's somewhat hard to give an opinion when we don't really know more details. What exactly is she stating on Facebook that you disagree with? What has been your relationship with her (as an adult... as of the last 10 years specifically)? Did she only recently resort to these tactics or is this something she is known to do? Is she a compulsive liar or does she have a psychological issue? Did bad blood exist between the two of you for some time and why... were you an involved, close mother with your daughter or was there distance and if yes, why... etc.

Oliver2011 · May 13, 2015, 09:02 PM

There's something going on either medical, family drama, or whatever. It's surprising to me that someone 46 years old would spend time on social media slamming family. That's just sad and a real waste of time. I don't get it.

joypulv · May 14, 2015, 04:56 AM

I'm on Facebook a LOT. Probably because I'm in a tiny town far from many people, a few friends within some miles, but we don't find it easy to get around, especially half the year when the weather is bad. My family is across the country, either half way or all the way. If someone says something I don't like on Facebook, I ignore it. You have to have a thick skin.

A mom with a 46 year old daughter: the first thought that comes to mind is LONELY. Are you? Does that make you reach out to her in ways that she thinks are needy and demanding? Have you ever accused her of being an ungrateful daughter (one of my mother's favorite phrases) and lashed out at her out of hurt?

I'm only saying that because it's so common, not because of anything you said. You haven't said anything! We're all sitting here guessing.

Fr_Chuck · May 14, 2015, 05:15 AM

First after 30 plus years, you would be surprised how two different people, will view the same issue. So she may really believe some of the things she posts, or to her at the time they were true.

Beyond that, even if she "needed" to see a doctor, there is no way you can force her.

LearningAsIGo · May 14, 2015, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

Is it possible that her recollection and perception of events in the family are simply different from yours, or are the comments very obviously made up... such as she was raised by a single mother when in actuality both parents were in the home and active members?

Are her "stories" ones to impress others or to gain sympathy?

I had the same thought path as Doula. Not saying you are in the wrong, but I have issues with my mother and it's amazing to me how differently she views the past from how I do. That said, I'd never post anything on social media.

But my mother does... so I unfriended her.

It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. No need for drama or giving her the attention (my anger) that she was trying to get. Let her "friends" give her attention if that's what she craves. You can't force an adult to get treatment, if in fact that is what she needs. Unfriend her and don't get swept up in it. It's far better to work at having a good personal relationship than get upset with people over their poor Facebook habits.

Oliver2011 · May 14, 2015, 11:23 AM

Wow. That's just sad (generally speaking and not specific to you).. I don't Facebook, Tweet, Instgram, or whatever and it sounds like a good choice. I'd rather spend time making my family better in person or through the phone instead of typing something dirty laundry for the world to see.

Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

I had the same thought path as Doula. Not saying you are in the wrong, but I have issues with my mother and it's amazing to me how differently she views the past from how I do. That said, I'd never post anything on social media.

But my mother does... so I unfriended her.

It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. No need for drama or giving her the attention (my anger) that she was trying to get. Let her "friends" give her attention if that's what she craves. You can't force an adult to get treatment, if in fact that is what she needs. Unfriend her and don't get swept up in it. It's far better to work at having a good personal relationship than get upset with people over their poor Facebook habits.