[johnwat]

I've been going with my current Girlfriend a year now and up until the new year we had some serious arguments.

Quick history of why I asked this question is:
We had a great sex life up until July 2014, I asked her why she had a lower sex drive and was told various reasons..
Not happy with my body/weight first reason, the second reason a couple of months later was the contraceptive injection has lowered her sex drive.
Third reason a month later was life has become really stressful and has lowered my sex drive.
Fourth reason was if you keep asking for it more, I'm stubborn and will do the opposite of what you want.
This went on for almost 5 months the lower sex drive, on average we used to do it at least 9+ times a week sometimes more.Now its more like 4 times a week.
Add to this she doesn't really like giving oral anymore which she used to do every few days.
She even changed her approach to sex too, kisses differently and she's become much more cuddly showing way more affection in the bed room than she used to.

I assumed she must've been seeing someone else, I asked her outright if she had ever cheated on me.
Her micro expression was happy, as she was smiling after i asked her.
She kept her eyes fixed on me and said I've never cheated on you.Even stuck to her story of she hadn't had sex with anyone before me for a number of months.

The arguments have stopped for a week now, and I'm just wondering what anybody thinks of this...

[tickle]

I think you are nitpicking REALLY. 'Micro expressions', what the heck does that mean ? Yes basically I know what that means, but why bring that into over thinking an expression. Its too bad you cant open up her head and take a look inside.

Sex nine times a week is, I think, too much to expect; four times a week is normal after a couple lose the first flush wanting hands, and tongues all over and inside. After a year things quiet down to a normal more sedate romance, still enjoyable, but by then you both know what to epect of each other in bed. As for oral, I can do without doing that and only to please my partner once in a while and if I feel like it. Everything is reciprocal by the way.

What I think. Leave it alone, just enjoy her cuddling which I think is a plus. Sex isn't everything, but cuddling and snuggling means everything in the long run.

Stop arguing with her, stop questioning her, let her be before you lose her.

[odinn7]

I think that you are looking too deep into this and going to drive her away.

Did she cheat? Maybe. Maybe not. We can't know the answer.

What I can tell you is that what you have described here isn't proof of cheating, not even close, and I think you are a little too quick to judge based on only this. ONLY 4 times a week? LOL....come on now.

[J_9]

Micro expressions? What exactly is that?

Your girlfriend's reasons are accurate. When a woman feels unattractive (weight), her sex drive tumbles. Many birth control methods decrease sex drive. Stress decreases sex drive. A man expecting sex and demanding it lowers sex drive. Do I need to go on or you you get the point?

Back off bubba. I was planning on some morning sex but I'm turned off now b

For a woman sex is in her brain. For a man sex is in his pants. Stop thinking with your pants and start thinking with your brain.

[joypulv]

Ditto, ditto!

Sex life changing as you are together longer is EXPECTED, and leaping from that to 'you must be cheating' is the worst kind of mistrust.
Throw in the bit about micro expressions, and I'd be out the door without waiting to open it.

You lack sense of self, of self esteem, of security. Therefore you are suspicious, mistrusting, and jealous. Get some help if you can't force yourself to curb your petty paranoia. And learn how to communicate. 'Are you cheating' is not how you have a talk with someone. You sit down, talk for a while, hold her hand, and say 'Deep down I worry about what has happened to us, what has changed, how you feel about us, about me, about sex, about life, about our future.' You see what she says, you think, you reciprocate, not putting the burden on her - it takes two to tango. This should go on for an hour or so. That's TALKING, understanding each other.

[talaniman]

How old are you both, and how long have you been together? Do you live together?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...an-801089.html

Same girl?

[johnwat]

We're both 35 and been together over a year and no we don't live together although she's pretty clear that she wants that. It's the same girl. I should've linked to the other post to fill in more background for people...

[joypulv]

Oh my, you are quite a catch! 35 and stringing her along for a year, unmarried, no hope of children, not even living together, Mr. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? And on top of that, being pathetically JEALOUS and suspicious??!?!?!?!

She's a fool for you. Wish she were here so I could help her dump you.

[talaniman]

Looks like more of the same from your last post. Not having her side though, it appears your whole argument against her now is based on the changing of your sex frequency. I mean darn guy, you get serviced more than most married guys, and you don't even live together! And that's what you base the idea of her cheating on you?

Guy you have issues, deep ones, the biggest one is you have a lack of commitment after a year. Why buy the cow when the milk is free huh? You are one insecure control freak who is looking for a way to have it all without giving anything.

I am shocked she puts up with this so my only conclusion is we have two people with deep issues in a very unhealthy relationship, unable to resolve their issues with honest communications. Yet you paint her as a lying, cheating, drama queen, you keep going back to. Maybe she is, but why are YOU still there, and where do you think this is going?

All I can see from what you have written is you using her for sex, and nothing else. I mean without sex, you got NOTHING.

[Triysle]

You mentioned she wasn't happy with your body/weight. Have you worked on that at all, or at least talked to her about that? For some people it's not just the outward appearance as much as it is the implied lifestyle and habits that are unattractive.

As for the other reasons you listed, she may be trying to compensate for her lack of attraction in such a way that it hurts your feelings less. By putting the blame on herself it makes you less accountable... but, that won't last for long. She can easily end up feeling resentment and bitterness if you don't openly and honestly discuss the issue.

Last point - it's a common reaction to try and over-compensate sexually if you feel inadequate or unattractive. Try to temper that impulse and focus more on each other's emotional needs for a while. It's not easy, but if you can remove the physical elements long enough to take a closer look at your emotional compatibility, it can really help you both in the long run (even if you decide not to continue a romantic relationship with each other).