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LOTUSFLOWER · Dec 18, 2013, 12:45 AM

I am scared. My son is physically and verbally abusive to me. Tonight he came home in a rage and threw the fidge and sofa and me. I am scared please help me. I don't know what to do . The police here don't care and I need someone to talk to. I am alone right now but I can not sleep fearing he will come back. He put a hole in the door. It is not the first time that I will be fixing holes or replacing doors. He is 28 . 29 this Friday. He hates all women and that includes me. I just had back surgery and all I could do was clean up the food and liquid on the floor so ants would not take it. I can not put back anything into place. That is the least. I am so scared. And like I said the police here will not do anything but laugh. They themselves are abusive and liars. It is partially their fault as to what is happening to him now. He has a lot of anger and takes it out on me. Is someone there? I need to talk please.

joypulv · Dec 18, 2013, 02:11 AM

Where do you live?
You can't just keep calling the police each time he does something (which may be behind why the 'police don't care'). You have to get a restraining order! Ask the police station desk how to go about it. That means your son cannot be within a certain distance of you or your home. It means you can't see him for the duration of the RO, usually a year, and then you renew it as needed. It means YOU have to be serious about tough love and protecting yourself. If he lives on the streets or a shelter while he gets his life together, so be it. He probably hates himself anyway for being dependent on you for a place to live. Often a mother alone is an equal partner in that relationship, depending on her grown son in such a way that he finds it hard to get away.

Will you do this - today?

smearcase · Dec 18, 2013, 05:03 AM

Are drugs and/or alcohol playing a part in all this? Or mental incompetence? Regardless, he is not the son you used to know. He is a threat you have to deal with plain and simple.
Obtain a weapon and/or some pepper spray. Continue to call police every time he goes on his rampages so a record will be established. Even if police responded properly (and you indicate they do not), it would not be soon enough to protect your life if the son takes it up a notch. Plan very clearly in your mind, at what point you will take action to protect yourself, and when that point is reached, take action.

0rphan · Dec 26, 2013, 10:32 AM

I have to agree with the previous posts,alternatively can you move yourself to a friends or relative or shelter... infact anywhwere that your son cannot find you ,he must have no clue as to your where abouts .

I know you will say.. " but why should i have to move", clearly for your safety and until your son can be responsible for his own actions.Why should you be his scape goat.Get away as far as possible and leave him to it for your own peace of mind... asap

Jake2008 · Jan 3, 2014, 07:08 AM

If you can afford a lawyer, get one. You sound too abused and emotionally tied to your son, and the situation that seems to have become 'normal' for you.

Get assistance to get a restraining order if you don't feel able to do this on your own, with your lawyer. Change the locks on your doors, and inform the police that you expect charges to be laid, should he attempt to break in.

Then stick to it. Your son is out of control, and so are you.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 3, 2014, 10:09 PM

The police have an obligation to do something, but also expect you to do something also.

If there is a hole in the wall or door, that is evidence and they will be requied to arrest him, but you will have to also testify against him.
Get a protective order and never allow him in the house again.

The police stop caring, normally when the victim, allows the person back into the house each time.

Hire someone to stay with you, who will also be a witness to testify against him. Get a protective order, and evict him from your house.

** or jut move, you move away from him, if you can not do anything else.

gingersjoy · Jan 19, 2014, 11:55 PM

I agree with all the above. I have a suggestion though that you go to a church that has free counseling for you. They also have groups that you can join that help with your codependency. (being a victim and allowing the abuse). They will help you become strong and also give you other sources of help.