[enaayaahmad]

salam. I'm a muslim girl. A doctor by profession. I have been in a relationship since long time
.I was really true and sincere to my boyfriend. Its been a long time some 10 years back when our relation started.I loved him more than anything.. we got closer and started a physical relationship.
.I was 14 at that time and he was 12 years older than me.. I was so innocent at that time that did not even know that its supposed to take bath after intercource. I did not know anything about it.. I was not happy with this kind of relation but by boyfrined and I dreamed to get married , he said that we'll be husband and wife.. but even then I did not wanted being physicall with him.. but this was what he wanted. In short.. we hadd it a number of times..
when I was in my medical school he sent proposal fr me.. but my parent refused.. I forced mt parents to engage me with him but they scolded me and after alott of tense discussions and fights with my parents I had to throw away the weapons n obeyed the order of my parents...
on the other hand my boyfriend did not wait fr anything and he got married. Everything ended..!
I don't have any contact with him since years.. its been 3 years almost.I don't have any relationship.

Q1.. brothers n sisters.. I have done a SIN since years. I feel so guilty and ashamed of my act... I pray to ALLAH fr forgiveness.. will he forgive me..?

Q2. My parents want me to get married... I don't consider myself woth fr any man.. I am a kind of used!! I feel like cheating when I think of etting married..
ofcource in our society no man can accept a woman who has done this in her past... if I get married it would be a lie ans cheating.. should I get married..? Plzz help me through this..

Q3.. if I get married.. so after being phsical with my husband.. is he going to know that I had this before..? or I'm physically active..? Please explain
as my parents are forcing too much for getting married I can't say a word to them.. and telling the truth to them is impossible.. what shd I do?I have to obey them..
plzz help me through this...
I really need your HONEST ANSWERS.

[smkanand]

No you have not done any sin. When people in love they do things, that's natural. Physical attraction and intimacy is the most natural thing. So stop blaming yourself, it's this guy who got married and left you alone as well as your parents who didn't agreed. And you must have told them reality earlier when proposal came.
Anyway, past is past so first of all stop calling yourself use thing and all that crap , whoever and whatever told you that, causing to complex. So you are a human being, you have emotions, you loved somebody, had relationship, things doesn't work out, next is you have to move on.
And remove all that emotional and religious baggage that you are a sinner etc. tell your parents the truth, they will not kill you, trust me. They will tough on you but eventually they will understand. And yes you have to get married to someone but who ever he will be, you should share your past. No relationship could be build on the basis of false. And it will be great for both of you. I 'm sure he will accept you, such people exits and think about other way. What if the guy your parents will choose had same kind of past like you? You will understand the situation. So I know things are scary for being muslim girl but first of all you are a human, remember that.

[enaayaahmad]

Thank you so much for writing fr me.. I've got a lot of courage after reading your message. I'm feeling better now.
One thing I want to say is that in our society a woman with a peast relationship is unacceptable... this is a fact..! And reality.. im saying this in a very practical way.. you don't have an idea how woman with anykind of past relations are treated here.. you are very right and I really adore your these words.. that such people exist and they think this way.. and I'm a human first.. and being a human I make mistakes..!
BUT.. let me tell you dear.. that in our society its nearly impossoble to find sm1 as a husband to whom I would easily disclose my pastt.. yruely speaking this is the FACT I'm tellig u... its better not to get married than to disclose my reality to my husband to be.. if I did I know the cosequences beforehand.. DIVORCE.! Yes... this is howw it is here..!
In the light of these facts what would you suggesttt..

Thanks alott...
May God bless you always.

[smkanand]

I know your society, its just 3 words talaq, talaq, talaq. Also know that its called zina to have such relations, only solution is to get married with the person but in your case it is impossible. So I would say at least you can tell your parents. Go ahead with your instinct and get married to a nice guy with your parents blessings. And the guy, I hope he will not know about your past unless you told him. But I would suggest to make this new relationship as open as possible, open in the sense of communication, knowing each other, sharing ideas etc. Instinct is very important in such things, it never lies. One more thing whenever you will have children, be friends with your children and don't be like your own parents. Good luck.

[enaayaahmad]

so nice of u.. u wrote again to me.. wel... u r 100% right.and I also believe on this fact that husband and wife should be like friends as well... the relation gets strong with care, love respect and trust..
I'm readyy to give all my love care and respect to my husband to be..
I'm a very loving person myself.. and I value relations alott.. infact they are the most precious thing we have in life... I love babies... they are the biggest deam of my life... my most desirable wish!!
I thank u alott for yourr kindness your words were really supportive for me..
in return I pray for u.. may u get all the happiness of his world.. may your life be beautiful and may all the best things keep coming your way.. GOD bless u in his special ways.
keep in touch...
remember me in prayers.

[smkanand]

Sure, thanks for all kind words. And prayer is the greatest thing one could do for another person. Thanks for all the good wishes and I will pray for you. In fact one of my friend had gone through similar kind of situation and now she is happily married. So I guess you will be settled in near future, don't worry and give 100% to life. I'm overwhelmed, I wish all great things for you in future. Good luck. Khuda hafiz!

[enaayaahmad]

May god shower his blessing on u and your family.. forever.. stay blessed..! U have an angel heart... live long..!

[JudyKayTee]

I am confused about your culture - the sin is not taking a bath after intercourse (".. I was so innocent at that time that did not even know that its supposed to take bath after intercource.), not the intercourse itself?

I thought Muslim females were sheltered. You had the freedom at 14 to have intercourse with someone in his 20's?

[enaayaahmad]

There is nothing to be confused.. I meant to say that I was so young.. in a teen age at the age of 14 I did not have any know how about intercource.. I did not know that one's suppose to take bath after that.. by saying that I mean that I was unaware of such things.did not have any knowledge about what happened to me... >>! That's simple.
And you are absolutely correct.. muslims girls and females are sheltered and protected a lot. As a daughter I'm being protected but all this happened..!
He was our trust worthy relative... I was being pushed to make a relation by him.
I did not wanted it.. he was a kind who did not even wait for getitng married to me. He started everything before...

[JudyKayTee]

I realize you were forced and too young to make a decision about sex. I still don't understand your concern, why you are "supposed" to bathe after intercourse of being concerned about the sex act itself.

Is bathing after intercourse a religious requirement?

[enaayaahmad]

Yesssss... it is a relegious requirementtt.. its essential to take bath after intercource...

[zubaair]

Assalaamalaikum,

Sister I would firstly like to tell you one important thing, It has been advised in Islam not to disclose your sins in front of anyone because doing so will create a witness for your deeds. And this witness will confess your deeds to Allah on the day of judgement.

Now coming back to your situation, I know you are in a very tensed state of mind regarding the consequences. But I would like you to read the Quran's Translation and even Hadith before coming to any conclusions.

Moreover you tell me is it fair to believe on a non-believer ( Kafir ) regarding issues you want to know under Islam?

Contact any Islamic organisations and seek their response with proper Quranic Reference. But do not disclose your deed ever to anyone ( Just mention you sinned ).
More over we all are sinners, we need to ask for forgiveness till we live. Its up to our creator ( Allah ) to forgive us.

Allah Knows Best.