Check out some similar questions!

Jiser · Mar 5, 2007, 06:26 AM

Totally agree with rol and talaniman. If you get a true life purpose you can finally find yourself. I was reading in one book how a women who was once so dedicated to her lover that their relationship ended, the whole co-dependency thing.

She found her true passion in mountain climbing, at the top of the mountain she was at total peace with herself. Her new boyfriend in fact got increasingly irritated because she would not sacrifice her passion for him. The point is, find something you truly love and work on it!

origins13 · Mar 9, 2007, 08:07 AM

Despite many times I have told him to stop contacting me, my ex of 5 years continue to call me about every 2 weeks to check on me. Few days ago he called again, asking how I am doing and wonder if I'm seeing anyone. I insisted again that I want to be left alone as I'm still hurt as he's seeing someone now soon after he broke up with me. (It hurt so much that I couldn't bear to stay as friends with me. Reason we broke up was because we're on long distance, thousand of kilometers apart.)

He asked me on the phone when can we be friends again. He said he still has feelings for me. He even said he'll break up with his girlfriend now if that is what it takes for me to talk to him again. At the end, I just politely told him to leave me alone.

Am scared to believe his words. Does he still love me? If so, why is he still with someone else?

So I have finally changed my phone number so that he won't be able to contact me anymore. Am scared that I'm unable to move on. Yet, am scared that once the contact is cut, I may regret later if he really wants to get back together.

Can someone tell me if I made the right move?:confused:

wap · Mar 9, 2007, 08:10 AM

I think you have made a good choice : ) you did ask him to leave you alone but he didn't. It isn't fair of him to leave you hanging on, in case things don't work out with the other person. The other thing you could have done was maybe get his number blocked.

Krs · Mar 9, 2007, 08:12 AM

If you sincerely want to move on, then yes you have absolutley done the right thing :)
Keep strong.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 9, 2007, 08:13 AM

I have done what you've done several times now and have yet to live to regret it. Staying only buys you more of the same. If you want things to be different then you have to take steps to make them different. I say BRAVO to what you did and it may take a while for you to see how brave and worthwhile it was. Look forward to good things coming! Only look back to gauge how far you've come.

origins13 · Mar 9, 2007, 08:18 AM

Thanks. It's very strange that I start to miss him a lot today when I went to change my number. For the past weeks I have been doing quite good, haven't thought of him for a while and generally stayed in a happy mood. But today, I feel I still love him and this feeling scares me. The main reason why I changed the number is because I try to limit any chances of speaking to him. Every time I talk to him on the phone, I still feel that there's a connection and just made me miss him more.

talaniman · Mar 9, 2007, 03:06 PM

Very good! Despite your feelings you had the strength and courage to do what you had to do for YOU. Bravo, Origin, Bravo!!

Wildcat21 · Mar 9, 2007, 03:50 PM

One question WHY on earth did you keep answering? If you let it go to voice mail and then delete before listening.

BUT, you did the right thing.

He's a complete JERK for keeping on calling if he is seeing someone else AND he broke with you.

What an a-hole - keeps pounding home the hurt.

You should never be friends with jerks like this. He broke but keeps calling?? Stringing you along - your plan B - NO ONE should be plan B.

This is partly your fault for answering - so something isn't right there. But changing the number will help emensly.

tinsign · Mar 9, 2007, 03:55 PM

Absoultley did right by changing your number and cutting all contact.. Now you will be able to move on in life.. may take time but yes you will get your life back together now.

Teaching · Mar 9, 2007, 04:31 PM

Remember you are "worth it"!

origins13 · Mar 10, 2007, 07:10 AM

Thanks gals/ guys for your support! Hope this will finally give myself a new start.

Wildcat, just want to let you know that I don't have caller ids on my phone. Yet I admit that a part of me have been waiting for his calls, hoping that one day he'll call and ask to get back together. But after many disappointments which are mostly my own faults, I have already given up hopes on him.

Have just signed up some interest short courses today to keep myself occupied. Hope things will be better tmr! :D

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 10, 2007, 07:20 AM

Well, I did what you did 3 months ago, 3 months after my breakup where my ex of 3 years left me (Gosh, I noticed a lot of 3s there.. LOL). Did it help, well, to be quite honest... YES

It allowed me to make further progress, a further step to moving on. Of course, she still knows where I live and has my e-mail address if she really wanted to contact me but for me it helped, it stopped me wondering if that phone would ring because the number was changed and so that was not possible. It was kind of a positive psychological step forward so to speak. I think you did the right thing, it is not right for him to expect you to be Plan B which is exactly where he wants you. That makes him a bad person in my opinion and I am sure others would agree too.

I particularly agree with Val's response above and believe that you will come to realise the logic to what you have done and are unlikely to regret it.

Maybe this will wake him up to smell the coffee beans.

origins13 · Mar 10, 2007, 07:49 AM

Thanks Geoff! Yes, I felt the change of number was done more for myself than to block him out. I felt weak for the past months, always checking my phone to see if I have any missed calls and yet am feared of getting disappointment. I have drove myself nuts! Again, thanks for the support.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 10, 2007, 07:59 AM

See this is where the wheels have changed direction because now you have control and power whereas before you had less control..

That's a major step forward even if it does not seem so right now.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 10, 2007, 08:26 AM

See, the strangely interesting thing is even though you've been left, you have to leave too! And changing numbers, deleting email addresses, putting away photos, etc. all serve as affirmations that you have also left-- that the rejection is in fact mutual now. Once you leave too some amazing healing begins and you begin to see the madness of continuing to want someone who doesn't want you or who treats you as a second class citizen. You leaving is a very very important step toward recovery.

Jiser · Mar 10, 2007, 11:02 AM

Agree with everything here. I blocked my EX on MSN, deleted her no, stored it on work comp just in case. She can contact me if she needs to and I can for her, but there is no reminders of her anywhere. So much easier :)

kp2171 · Mar 10, 2007, 11:07 AM

Even if you wanted to move on, you really couldn't. He was still there.

Its absolutely better this way. Really, really, really.

You are going to wonder, in a month or two, why you didn't do this much sooner.

He WANTS you to hang on. It's a self-esteem booster to think your ex might be pining for you. Guess whose self-esteem gets booted down in the process?

If he had any noble intentions he would have done something long ago. Don't fall for any sob stories now. Won't be surprised if he tried some way to contact you again. He thought he still had you and it'll be a shock to him. He has been playing games, intentionally or not. Game's up.

Right move for you. Period.

s_cianci · Mar 10, 2007, 01:05 PM

You made the right move. No contact means just that ; absolutely no contact at all. If it took changing your number for him to get the message then so be it.

Wildcat21 · Mar 12, 2007, 09:40 AM

I know oyu want him to call and get back together. But it rarely happoens - why be plan B??

Why would you wANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS?

origins13 · Mar 13, 2007, 07:18 AM

You're very right, Wildcat! A part of me still dreams that he'll call, tells me he still loves me and get back together! Yet, I also know this is only a wishful thinking and very silly of me to even dream of it. I also did ask myself if he does ask me back, what will I do? I know I should say NO as I can't believe his words anymore. Every time he calls, he tells me he still has strong feelings for me and yet he's still seeing someone else. This is why I changed my number because I don't want to let myself to keep checking if I have missed his calls and to give myself false hopes.

Thanks guys for your support and reassurance. I think I did the right thing and hopefully I can move on from this feeling soon. =)