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Nosnosna · Feb 20, 2007, 06:17 AM

You've missed one important part of no contact: when he sends you something, you don't read it.

Every message of his you've read, every card you've opened, every voicemail you've listened to have reset the timer on no contact. No contact means none. One-sided contact is still contact, and is still something that's causing you problems, because that means he's still there in your mind every time.

x-mo-x · Feb 20, 2007, 11:21 AM

if I wer u I would throw it back in his face! He hurt u and left u now he all of a sudden wants u back in his life, which is nice to hear because it makes u feel wanted and that's what u bin waiting 4, but what r the chances of him doing it agen or hurting u agen!! Sod him I say... stay single an have fun for a bit, sum 1 even better will turn up when u least expect it :)
xx

origins13 · Feb 22, 2007, 06:44 PM

Suddenly have the urge to drop a line to say thank you to everyone on this site. For those of you haven't read my previous postings, I'm the girl (maybe like many others) who's in the process of healing from a not-so-nice break up. :o Have been trying hard to stay out of contact with my ex despite his continuous emails and calls. Up to this day, he still keeps telling me that he has feelings for me while he's still with the girl whom he hook up with soon after he broke up with me. Took me a lot of courage to tell him to leave me alone and it's the hardest thing to do because deep down inside I have always been hoping for a reconciliation. I really appreciate all the great advice and support here! ;) Thanks everyone!

Fr_Chuck · Feb 22, 2007, 08:13 PM

I am glad some of the people here were able to help. I hope you enjoy the site and will share your experiences and expertise with others needing help also

origins13 · Feb 25, 2007, 05:41 PM

I feel very stupid and begin to hate myself for being so weak, for failing to keep up to NC. As I have posted previously, my ex sent me a card on valentine's day with a long message saying many sweet things to me. At the time, I deleted right away and didn't reply at all.

But over this weekend, I begin to think about him. So I called. BIG MISTAKE! BIG BIG MISTAKE! I knew in the beginning that I shouldn't call, but deep inside I have a very slim hope that he might still love me and want to get back together. Turned out I was half right (which is worst than completely wrong or completely right).

We started off with a very good chat, felt just like how we used to be. But I managed to cut short the chat and asked him directly why he's still contacting me when I have told him many times not to. (One main reason I wanted to cut him out was because he's started seeing someone soon after he broke up with me).

He told me he still has feelings for me and that he really misses me. I then asked him if he's still seeing someone and his answered was yes. I felt disgusted immediately when I heard it. He even told me that his gf is well aware of his feelings for me and is very upset about it.

I felt more disappointed than upset. Felt disappointed that someone I have known for almost a decade (we've dated for 5 years and were best friends before then) has suddenly become a stranger to me. Perhaps I just never seen this side of him. Or are all guys like that?

Anyhow, am also disappointed myself. I can't stop blaming myself for having false hopes when I intuitively know the whole situation. :(

s_cianci · Feb 25, 2007, 05:47 PM

It sounds like you've answered most of your own questions here. You know what the score is so proceed accordingly.

talaniman · Feb 26, 2007, 11:01 AM

Get back on the path. We all make mistakes, that's human.

origins13 · Feb 27, 2007, 09:07 PM

It's been months after my ex and I separated. I no longer cry myself to sleep every night though at times I still feel upset. Have engaged myself into many different activities these day and try new things, but whenever I'm alone, I still think of my ex. Am now most frustrated that I couldn't stay focus at work. Have been very unproductive these days and I hate myself for being so weak. Any suggestions on how to concentrate at work during the break up / recovering process? :confused:

momincali · Feb 27, 2007, 09:20 PM

You're coping. Sometimes things won't be so easy. Just accept that days will be difficult and others won't. Aim for the less difficult. Try to eliminate stress and empty time lots by working out, reading and writing in a journal. I find helping others with their short comings is especially helpful and very much a blessing. You'll find lots of people that are in much worse shape than you and suddenly, life doesn't seem so bad.

daisydew · Feb 28, 2007, 12:27 AM

Yeah, whenever I have a bad day I think to myself "well, it could be worse.." and then name something that I know someone else is going through! Focus on the positives in your life! I've found that if I'm well rested I generally have a better day, so try to get enough sleep.

origins13 · Feb 28, 2007, 02:45 AM

Yea, perhaps I lack sleep these days. Family and work made me really stressed out. And weirdly, under these circumstances, I couldn't help myself from thinking about my ex. Really miss the good times we have. But also feel very soar remembering how he hurt me and is now with someone else. Really hate to see myself stuck at this stage.

daisydew · Feb 28, 2007, 09:10 PM

You will get through it! I promise things will start to feel better. Try to catch up on your lost sleep. Treat yourself to at least 1 thing each day that makes you feel good. You deserve someone who treats you well and doesn't hurt you! Hang in there!

momincali · Feb 28, 2007, 09:27 PM

Your login name is interesting... Origins. It's the point where something begins.
So, begin again. Chances are, you will have many new beginnings, some better than others. One thing is sure, as long as you keep reminiscing about your past, the good and the bad, you will stay there, in the past. That's no place for a new beginning.

origins13 · Mar 4, 2007, 04:49 PM

Hi guys, as some of you may know, my ex of 5 years broke up with me months ago and managed to stay no contacts for some time now. Though at times I still think about him, I begin to realize maybe I just miss being in a relationship, miss the intimacy, miss having someone there to share my thoughts and feelings with. Perhaps knowing that my ex is already seeing someone makes me feel very soar.

Have tried to hang out with my friends more, but many of them have their other halves, some are even married. I love spending time with them but for some reason I enjoy myself more with friends who are still single, and there aren't too many left. Am now 27 and I start to fear of staying single forever. Is this a normal feeling result after a break up? I actually lost the urget to meet people anymore. Worst is, I couldn't help myself from reminiscing the past with my ex. I don't like these feelings but don't know how to cope with them. Can time really heal? :(

chuff · Mar 5, 2007, 12:35 AM

I don't think your ready yet to start dating. You have to many confusing emotions and it's not fair for someone else if your still thinking about your ex. Your still in the stages of emotional recovery so give yourself some credit and some time to work through it. At the age of 27 you still have another 60 to 75 years of life, if not longer by the way medical technology is going, so don't rush yourself into something that will bring you back or stall your emotional healing progress.

Jiser · Mar 5, 2007, 03:14 AM

Do you have a gym membership? If not get one, loads of single people there and it's a great confidence boost and makes you feel great.

Why not try some new hobbies/sports/classes. Get out there!

Its natural to miss those feelings, but as chuff said,

Originally Posted by chuff

At the age of 27 you still have another 60 to 75 years of life so don't rush yourself into something that will bring you back or stall your emotional healing progress.

rol · Mar 5, 2007, 03:49 AM

<<Have tried to hang out with my friends more, but many of them have their other halves, some are even married. I love spending time with them but for some reason I enjoy myself more with friends who are still single, and there aren't too many left. Am now 27 and I start to fear of staying single forever. Is this a normal feeling result after a break up? I actually lost the urget to meet people anymore.>>

I know this feel very well origins... after the devastating loss of a relationship especially aftEr 5 years , next comes the pain of not having many people left to do things with.

Ive felt the same.. most friends are married or with babies, and it was a shock and wake up call for me.You cannot talk to the mutual friends, you don't have many single friends, all my male friends also became his friends and my single female friends all got married. My friends from youth are in other countries.

I became a hermit for about 4 months after the breakup, its good to be alone and deal with what went wrong.

Recently I've met new people and started to have fun but this took a long time.

Good luck and hang in there, it takes time... but you will feel much stronger eventually... At 27 you are sooooo young! Im only meeting people of 27 or younger these days I fel so old, I don't know where people in the 30s are anymore...

I think everyone needs to go through the devastating loss of a breakup to really wake up and face reality.It reminds you to constantly have a "single" , independent life of your own even while in a relationship.

Time really does heal..

rol · Mar 5, 2007, 05:50 AM

Hi origins.
Yes try and rebuild yourself... do volunteer work, do artistic classes, new stuff...
And remember this lesson for all future relationships... never to lose yourself again.

talaniman · Mar 5, 2007, 06:14 AM

The challenge you have before you is building a life that makes you happy. The key is to learn to make yourself happy, with people that you enjoy. Those nagging memories come and go as do the feelings, that's why its so important to get busy with you and the things you like to do.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 5, 2007, 06:23 AM

Time heals only if you do the healing things in it. Otherwise its just time passing. You have lots of good suggestions here that I would only add this to it. That fear of yours about being single forever for one--- that needs to be dismantled before it grows into something desperate and bad. You need to ask yourself if you spent your entire life single, would it be possible to be happy anyway and able to answer YES! And then begin to do those things that creates that happy life. And the really funny thing here is once you create that happy life, you will attract a different crowd of people. And out of that different crowd of people may come someone interesting. It really does work this way. Besides you (and all of us frankly) don't know what happens tomorrow so its best not to look too far down the road with any certainty.

In order to change your world, you must be willing to change you. Your next partner is not going to be willing to do what your old partner did for you, nor should you ask that of them. That's because you all are growing up and realizing this amazing thing: your life -- its up to you!