[Topside]

I've been dating my now fiancé for a total of close to three years, over a year and a half "official" bf/gf. She has custody of her 5 year old nephew. When I met her, he was 2 going on 3. He is now 5. We moved in together in July of this year. The relationship has been great, but I'm really not feeling "the kid" now. I find myself having to discipline him most of the time I'm around him. I don't want to sound like a selfish tyrant, but the kid is really starting to get annoying. Niether of us have biological kids, but he is basically hers, and we don't see that changing (both parents in drug rehab). She wants to get married next year, but talks about planning has slowed to a crawl. When we first dated, she had multiple reasources and babysitters, and we had lots of 1 on 1 time. We have little of that now. I'm having lots of doubts, and I'm considering leaving. Any thoughts?

[Fr_Chuck]

Welcome to real life and what married life is like if you have your own kids. She is a package deal and why are you not arranging baby sitters if you want some private time.

But with a 5 year old in the house, yes, it is a lot about "them" and will be that way.

I really feel sorry for the child, since you committed to both of them, when you moved in,

[talaniman]

I have to agree with Fr. Chuck, You want private time, YOU pay for a sitter, why should she when that's what YOU want? Basically if you intend to being a father figure, discipline comes with the territory. So do the difficulties, and uncertainty that any kids, even your own, represents. That's what dads do. I think the problem comes with this NOT being YOUR biological child, and you may not see the value of adoption as your own child, morally, if not legally.

Maybe all you really need is to NOT be discouraged, and maybe need more time to adjust to the situation you have only been in for 5 short months. LOL, none of us is an instant success at parenting, and the stress, and frustration can be overwhelming for the best of us.

They are a package deal, and you don't get to accept one without the other. BUT, at least you recognize you may NOT be ready, or prepared for a life long commitment, so maybe talking to some older guys like (ME&CHUCK), about the many questions you may have is a wise thing.

So besides being jealous of the personal attention you are not getting, what else is on your mind? How old are you both, and do you both work??

[vanheart]

You guys have to communicate about this. Sounds like you haven't much.

You got yourself involved. Baby daddy. You knew the deal. Right?

What is it you want? Exactly. Tell her.

If you aren't into being a dad for her kid, well, maybe this isn't right.

If this relationship is what you really want, then buck up & talk.

That's what comes with it.

Sounds like its more then the kid to me. Its you realizing what you got into.
And why.

Why did you?

Sometimes we have to put stupid stuff aside & take a look what's good.

If this isn't for you, then be honest with her, the kid & yourself.

If it is, then rock it.

You & her first, kid second.