[Melissa6-11-76]

Bare with me I am new to this. I am pretty open minded, and can see both sides of a situation. I am having a hard time with this one, so here goes... I will try to keep this short and sweet. Me and my friend have a wonderful friendship, nothing to complain about. However, a few months ago she mentioned something to me that was disturbing. She dated a friend of hers husband... while they were filing for Divorce. It made me judge her and think who would do such a thing?. We like to go out dancing n such on the weekends. At the time she had a b/f. Every guy that she and I both found attractive, she would flirt with. Shortly after that, there were two different men I had brief encounters with. She was lovey dovey on them too! Most recently, she did ask if I would mind if she dated a guy that I went on a couple of dates with. I said no problem, even though I knew s/thing was going on already. Frankly, he is a piece of crap and I had no feelings for him left. Now, there is a guy I have been chatting with on myspace (suprise). Come to find out, they went to school together. Now, she has blasted up his page. He is coming out with us for her B-day. Help me here!! What is going on! Why does she feel the need to flirt/date/kiss all of the people her friends are involved with!? I really don't understand psychologically why she does this! Like I said I do see both sides of the situation most of the time. But when it comes to friendship and matters of the heart, leave well enough alone. What are you thoughts? :confused:

[Melissa6-11-76]

Bare with me I am new to this. I am pretty open minded, and can see both sides of a situation. I am having a hard time with this one, so here goes... I will try to keep this short and sweet. Me and my friend have a wonderful friendship, nothing to complain about. However, a few months ago she mentioned something to me that was disturbing. She dated a friend of hers husband...while they were filing for Divorce. It made me judge her and think who would do such a thing?... We like to go out dancing n such on the weekends. At the time she had a b/f. Every guy that she and I both found attractive, she would flirt with. Shortly after that, there were two different men I had brief encounters with. She was lovey dovey on them too!! Most recently, she did ask if I would mind if she dated a guy that I went on a couple of dates with. I said no problem, even though I knew s/thing was going on already. Frankly, he is a piece of crap and I had no feelings for him left. Now, there is a guy I have been chatting with on myspace (suprise). Come to find out, they went to school together. Now, she has blasted up his page. He is coming out with us for her B-day. Help me here!!! What is going on! Why does she feel the need to flirt/date/kiss all of the people her friends are involved with!!!?? I really don't understand psychologically why she does this! Like I said I do see both sides of the situation most of the time. But when it comes to friendship and matters of the heart, leave well enough alone. What are you thoughts??:confused:

No one has any thoughs on this? Or did I post this incorrectly?

[J_9]

You did fine hun, just understand that whoever may have the advice you seek may not be online right now.

[Fr_Chuck]

I am not sure I have any advice, you have a friend who will merely date anything that wears pants, I know many men about the same way.
She is that way, most likely won't change anytime soon, so accept her as she is, or find another friend

[talaniman]

Obviuosly her boundaries are not yours, so unless you have papers on some one, then anyone is fair game.

[chuff]

Well I'll share a few thoughts.

Me and my friend have a wonderful friendship, nothing to complain about. However, a few months ago she mentioned something to me that was disturbing. She dated a friend of hers husband...while they were filing for Divorce.

Well call me old fashioned but I see two things wrong with this. Let me first I've never been married and obviously I've never been divorced so I'm only speaking from a true outsider point of view. I know the marriage is ending, and I'm not against divorce but I believe if your married and even in the process of divorce you should not be dating anyone. I guess it just devalues marriage in my eyes. I don't know that's just me.

Second, who is this guy? He's not really friends with the ex-husband if he's dating the wife. To be honest she's not much better for presueing the thing. And I know where all adults here but I'm sorry I still believe in a thing called guy code. You don't date a friends ex. You just don't or you don't really think of them as your friends.

It made me judge her and think who would do such a thing?...

Exactly my thoughts.

Most recently, she did ask if I would mind if she dated a guy that I went on a couple of dates with. I said no problem, even though I knew s/thing was going on already.

So there you have it. She was already involved and she lied by omission.

What are you thoughts??:confused:

Truthfully, I wouldn't trust her and I wouldn't be her friend. I'm not telling you what to do but that's just my opinion.

[momincali]

Your "friend's" behavior is pretty darn annoying. She seem's to have to consideration for your thoughts or feelings and definitely doesn't have much in the way of morals, so she's your friend because??

If it's too disturbing, cut her loose. If want to try and ignore her behavior, have at it, but my time is too precious to waste on someone this loopy.

[Melissa6-11-76]

THanks for all the feedback. THis is the conformation I have needed. It is a shame, she has been a wonderful, supportive friend. During tough times, she has ALWAYs been there. It's very bizarre to me that she feels the need to behave this way. Thanks for all the feedback.

[Skell]

Have you spoken to her about this?
Perhaps that may help before you go ending the friendship. And I only say that because you have stressed what a good friend she has been despite your issues with this!

Her behavior is certainly out of line in my opinion and I think she needs to be told so! So have a frank and honest discussion about it and tell her your worries!

[chuff]

THanks for all the feedback. THis is the conformation I have needed. It is a shame, she has been a wonderful, supportive friend. During tough times, she has ALWAYs been there. It's very bizarre to me that she feels the need to behave this way. Thanks for all the feedback.

She may have been there when you needed her but she also lied to you about dating a guy that you had dated. That combined with her other behavior makes her come off as untrustworthy to me.

[Skell]

Good point Chuff!

[Melissa6-11-76]

Does anyone have a website address that will help with dicephering behaviors? THere is an underlying issue here, and I really would like to get to the bottom of it.

[s_cianci]

I can't say why she would have such a strong need to flirt/date/kiss all of the people her friends are involved with. On your end of it, it might be a good idea to keep your dates away from her given the situation.

[chuff]

Does anyone have a website address that will help with dicephering behaviors? THere is an underlying issue here, and I really would like to get to the bottom of it.

I don't have a website but I would recommend the book "Beliefs" by Robert Dilts.

[drop]

Maybe she's competitive and/or wants to get the (sexual) attention you're getting. Sounds possibly like someone who may want to keep you down, as well, so she can pick you up when you're feeling low. Maybe she's someone who needs to know they're better than at least one of her friends and/or can get any guy her friend can get.

If that rings true to you, she's probably not worth trusting. Good luck.