[nikki89]

Recently my partner has started college and before he started he was constantly txtn and calln me and never wanting me to leave and saying all these nice things to me and now he is at college I hardly hear from him and I feel totally left out and insecure because his friends are all girls and I keep getting this feeling that is sometimes making me physically sick, that he will leave me for them because there better company so he will have fun with them and get bored of me, and how am I meant to compare to that? I don't have a job don't have much friends so am always alone and thinking of how much fun he has with these girls worries me so much, I am completely mad about him and I told him this and his reply was like am sorry about all this but I do want you, but I undertsand if you don't want to continue anymore. This made me feel worst because he isn't even willing to fight ! I really need help before I loose him or end up ill please help someone:(

[Wondergirl]

Your partner? What does that mean?

The needier and more controlling you are, the quicker he will fade into the sunset and not want to have anything to do with you.

Are you still in school? Why don't you have any friends?

[nikki89]

My boyfriend no I finished college and am looking for a job so as I haven't got money at the moment its harder because my friends live a distance away and want to go out but I cant.
But do I sound needier or controlling? How am I meant to not be worried or feeling insecure if he has all these girl friends and one guy friend and is having such a good time with them?

[Wondergirl]

If you went to college, you know what the atmosphere is there.

Get yourself into a volunteer situation -- at a hospital, a nursing home, an animal shelter, at a public library -- THIS WEEK.

Report back to us. I'll be checking here several times a day.

[nikki89]

Yeah I know what its like but he's extremely good looking to me and that makes things worst for me to handle. How am I meant to be at ease

[Wondergirl]

how am i meant to be at ease

By getting your own life together -- that's how you will be at ease.

[Homegirl 50]

Get a life apart from him.
You either have this guy or you don't but if you keep up this needy jealous stuff you won't.
Get a part time job, or do some volunteer work or something. You have too much tome on your hands.

[nikki89]

Yeah your right its just hard to accept how much fun he is having and am not there but I have to get over this , when he speaks about how much fun he has I get this sick feeling and my stomach turns badly

[Wondergirl]

yeh ur right its just hard to accept how much fun he is having and am not there but i have to get over this , when he speaks about how much fun he has i get this sick feeling and my stomach turns badly

Instead of getting a sick feeling and making this a problem, why not ask him questions about his classes and professors and the food in the cafeteria and also visit his college's web site so you can ask even more questions and know what he's talking about.

Did you have fun in college?

[nikki89]

Yeah I had fun in college but clearly not as much as he's having am just worried that the amount of time and laughs he shares with these girls that he might become very fond of them and have feelings for one

[Wondergirl]

he might become very fond of them n have feelings for one

And if he does, then what? Are you going to kick and scream, cry your eyes out, or realize what the two of you had wasn't forever after all? The guy I dated for six years went off to college first and had a wonderful time, and then it was my turn. We had agreed from the get-go, if either of us found someone else, that was okay and even to be expected.

Meanwhile, find ways to have fun and be busy and involved in the world around you.

[nikki89]

True ! Very true ! I wish this would all stop its pathetic I do trust him just wish there was less time in college lol

[Wondergirl]

True ! very true ! i wish this would all stop its pathetic i do trust him just wish there was less time in college lol

I can tell you are a vivacious bundle of joy! If he doesn't realize what he has, it's his loss. Why are you away from friends? Are you back home? Do you need a boost in job hunting?

[nikki89]

Thanks haha
Because there always out and I don't have money to do all that I see them like 3times a month but a really need a job av tried since June and I have good experience in social care but a have applied to everything and more knock backs I am getting the more I feel like giving up and times like these I really wish I had a job so it can take my mind off things

[Wondergirl]

really need a job

You're in Europe? How can I help?

[YeloDasy]

You have a few choices. How long have you been together?

You need to decide to trust him or not. If you do, and you have a good relationship, then tell him what you need to feel more secure while he is away. Long distance is hard. Don't tell him all your irrational thoughts, but tell him what you need.

If you can not trust him, then I would break until he comes home,

[YeloDasy]

You can also do things like sending him things, or silly games or journals to swap. Silly and fun things. Look up on the internet ways couples stay close across miles. :)

[nikki89]

Thank you lol a spoke to him about it and now his 'friends' know about me which makes me feel more secure then he told me he's going to the pics with them then other activities the week later how do I get him to realise I feel left out and that I would like to join them but without asking because I don't want to seem needy