[realman71]

OK here's the deal.. the ex broke it off with me 2 months ago and began talking to someone else no more than a week or two later. I didn't know this at first so I was texting her and contacting her to show her I really cared and wanted to work it out and just got short responses with no feeling. I was confused so I called her and poured out my heart to her and she said we can get together and talk but never did it and blew me of for another week just to tell me it wasn't going to work out. So.. heartbreak all over again you know. So now several weeks later she has found out I am talking to someone else and she has contacted me twice in a week and a half. She sent me a very plain message on Facebook that was forwarded with an old message I sent to her when we broke up that poured out my heart to her. Headgames? I am wondering is she just wanting to be friends because she knows I am moving on or just seeking attention or maybe things aren't working out with this other guy and she just keeping her options open. I haven't responded to the fb message. Should I... so confused but I still think about her all the time but I don't want to be a game and there's really no way to go back to her now since she has given her time to someone else and broke up with me in the way she did.

[BWK10]

She is clearly jealous, and she was trying to keep you as the fall back guy. I know what your going through, my ex and I broke up just over a week ago... and I am talking to another girl as well. She doesn't know. You just honestly have to let it be man, if it was meant to be it would have lasted the first time. That's what I learned, move on.

[realman71]

Thanks for the response but its just hard to kind of just ignore her and not speak because its not like we hate each other but why the fb message and not a call or text. Almost like she wanted to throw the heart felt message back at me. IDK

[redhed35]

Perhaps the thoughts of someone who can't get over her boosted her ego,when she discovered you talking to another girl she may have decided to throw a spanner in the works.

She does not want you,but does not want anyone else to have you either,your supposed to love her forever,never get over her,she's amazing after all yada yada yada!

Go no contact.

Ignore the FC comment.

You are not her exclusive fan club,she does not own you,are you going to let her control your actions?

She ended it,that's what she wanted,now she has to deal with it,do her and yourself a favour and disappear from her life.

[BWK10]

I know man, trust me. It's still hard for me not to text my ex, I had the overwhelming desire to last night. My mother bumped into my ex last night, and told me about how terrible she looked, beat up, etc... like she looked like she's been a disaster since we broke up. Perhaps she's regretting breaking up with me, but there is NOTHING I can do about it. She ended it with me, I didn't do anything wrong she would have to be the one to try and fix it.

You need to just, let it go... trust me. I know it's hard, it really is... but keeping busy is the best method, friends/family/work/etc. Things happen for a reason, keep talking to this new girl... give her a chance first.

[realman71]

Yea you guys are right but when emotions are involved it is even worse. I do just have to forget and moveon. It takes time but she has been married twice and had a live in boyfriend and kicked him out after a yr for some reason right before she met me. She dated him for 4 months and moved him in with her a her 3 teenage daughters. She evidently is needy and insecure which I thought from the beginning. She neglected to tell me that info when we started but I heard from her daughter after the break. Omission of info like that is not a good thing but I'm sure she didn't want to be judged but it's still untrue. So I could never see me and my daughter moving in with her anyway and becoming guy # 3 to live with her in that house so I guess it's better to end it now before it went anymore time


I would appreciate anyone's responses no matter how long or short. Its been a week now and its making me more and more confused because I can't tell if she wants me to respond or if just head games

[trond]

Of course she wants you to respond, as redhead pointed out before. I'm going through a similar situation, she ended out 9 month relationship 3 weeks ago, but still calls and yells methat she might be flying down (long ditance relationship) to try ge back together, but keeps changing he mind. So after 3 weeks I've finally gotten over being in limbo and not being able to move on and told her to not contact me.

So the lesson I've learnt over the last 3 weeks, unless it's something serious, don't respond. Most of the time you will be diasapointed. She has your number, if it's important she can call rather then send you a message on Facebook

My 2c

Goodluck! Hope it works out for you

[realman71]

Threads merged

I would like to know a little about what people think of the omission of information when it comes to dating. I just got out of a relationship and this woman definitely wanted to pursue a future but neglected to tell me information of her past that I think I should have been informed of. It is info of her past relationships she should have been up front about because it would have changed my perception of her history greatly and if you are serious with someone why not be honest about yourself. Am I asking too much or is this something that she shouldn't even have to tell me about? It would have sent out a redflag to me and I'm sure that's why she decided to not speak of it even though I asked her about her dating seen after her recent 2nd divorce. She lived with another man but only dated him 4 months before... but then kicked him out after 1 yr. for some reason. If you like someone that much after 4 months to move him in (with 3 teenage girls) then why kick him out so fast. She obviously jumped in too quick and didn't even know the guy. This could have been my future as well had I succomb to her quick advances and very rapid relationship tendencies. I guess I didn't say or do what she wanted to hear fast enough and she told me that she didn't see a future. Am I lucky here and could I have been the next one to get booted after she found out more of me than 6 months of knowledge? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

[CarrotTalker]

I do find it a bit odd that she ended her last relationship without much rhyme or reason.

Sounds like the type to get involved quickly, or as you said "rapid relationship tendencies", gets bored or doesn't put in the effort for a long-term relationship, and finds someone new and exciting.

Sounds like she doesn't see a future with you now, must have gotten bored with herself.

I could be completely wrong though.

Did she give you any type of reason for not seeing a future with you?

[positiveparent]

A persons past is just that their past, and no one has the right to expect to be told all about it, it happened you cannot change it.

If you like a person then what does it matter what has happened in their past, I would say that all you needed to know is, Has she had any sexually transmitted infections from her past sexual encounters, no more than this, because its her past and in real terms its none of your business, You don't have a right to be told.

Why would you want to know all about her past anyway, it's the future that matters, are you snow white, don't you too have a past?

I would say from your post you've already judged this woman /girl as being no good so what do you want to know about her past for, so you could have a stick to beat her with to throw it up each time you felt like it. ( hypothetically I mean)

With regards the person she threw out after 1yr, you know he might just have done something to harm her, or her children.

Also she may be feeling too hurt to want to go into the whys and wherefores of her failed relationships, so wouldn't want to discuss them they're personal and private to her and none of your business. Plus there may be painful memories.

I think she's maybe had a lucky escape because it sounds to me that you've got all the understanding and compassion of a house brick, and you also invade peoples privacy.

Its not the past that matters it is the future, or rather the here and now.

[realman71]

Thanks carrot.. yes I am the single father of a 16 yr old daughter and we both had separate houses and it was just a matter of the transitional plans and a proper time for dating each other. We only dated 6 months and she wanted and hinted to me moving in with her in her house very quickly. I had no desire to do that in my situation with my child and just wanted to take it slow and I don't think that is her style. Yea in the beginning she was very needy and clingy and I saw this immediately.. showing up to the house without calling several times and getting emotional if I didn't text her back right away or call all the time. Just redflags to look for. I found out the info of her past after the breakup from one of her daughters who said herself she moves from guy to guy and she is fake. This is from her own daughter people! Ms positiveparent... yes I do have a past but it is not 2 divorces and a live in that didn't work out either. I guess you don't take relationship advice from the experts when they say you should ask people of their past relationships to see if it is something to be said for it. It was only a question and you seem quite harsh to be honest. The guy she threw was being controlling supposedly but there's two sides to every story right. Well maybe not for you on the other hand... but seems to me you should take more time to get to know someone and their personality characteristics before you move them in with you.. right or wrong? Apparently she hooked up with me shortly after him and was going to do the same thing so before you criticize a mans integrity anymore (whom you don't know) and lash out at people for asking a question for advice think before hand and just don't respond!

[positiveparent]

I believe that a persons past relationships are their personal business, and that any information they deem to share with a new relationship partner or potential partner will be told if and when that person feels comfortable in disclosing that information.

It isn't an automatic right to a new person to be told every little detail of a persons past and its entirely up to that person if they feel they want to dislcose it.

Maybe she's the way she is because she hasn't met the right man for her yet, there could be several reasons for her being how she is.

Maybe you didn't appreciate what I said in my reply, but its true that no one has the right to expect another to disclose every little detail of who and when they had a relationship with.

You sounded judgemental in your remarks about this woman, I merely put it to you that she may not want to talk about her past relationships and some possible reasons. I.E. that they hold painful memories for her.

[realman71]

I understand.. well lets say that you met a man who had previous relationships.. This is extreme case scenario but you should get the point... lets say 4 relationships and he decided to only tell you of 2 of them that he explained away quite easily. And then lets consider that maybe he didn't tell you of the others because maybe he had hit them or cheated on them or some other reason that would make you feel as if he had redflags. You then would not like him and not want to consider a longterm relationship. True?During your relationship he was quite nice to you for several months maybe even a yr or so. Remember you have no idea of the circumstances of his past because he hadn't told you. You like him because he has been dishonest and manipulated your feelings because of this. How would you feel about ommission then? Would you still feel the same and think that people don't have to tell anyone anything except what they want? I don't think so. This woman goes from guy to guy and didn't want me to know this so she omitted it from the person she LOVED? If you truly like someone it is out of honesty and not out of manipulation. If someone loves you then there is nothing to hide even if they don't ask you. Why wouldn't she just say that after her 2 divorces which she told me of.. would she not tell me of a live in boyfrien of a yr? Seems odd. That's my point here. I have viewed your profile and respect your credentials but you have to have a little compassion yourself for people who aren't told the truth by other people who supposedly want to spend the rest of their lives with you.

[positiveparent]

I do see where you are coming from, and in reply to your questions or scenarios, I can honestly say I have no idea who my husband has had relationships with in the past, it has never ever bothered me, and like wise he has never asked me about my past relationships.

We love each other unconditionally, which means we accepted one another as we are warts and everything, faults and flaws, we accepted each other as we are as we were and as we will be.

We also believe that unconditional Love is the only true and real Love, all other love has conditions and therefore isn't real or that's how we view things.

Really if a person doesn't tell you everything about their past it doesn't automatically mean they're untrustworthy, sometimes talking about past relationships is very painful, so therefore why would a person want to keep those feelings alive or take that into a new relationship.

Plus any relationship prior to the one with you, would no longer be of any significance to the female in question.

As stated it takes time to feel comfortable enough with a new person to talk about any past relationships, they're history gone over and done with, they have no bearing on the present.

You said you were with this person for 6 months which isn't long, and its not really long enough for any or some people to feel comfortable with revealing all about their past. I would think that only once a person has been in a relationship that is headed for a commitment would they feel safe enough to disclose their past relationships if then.

If a person hasn't told you the ins and outs of their past that's not being dishonest, everyone has a right to keep their pasts to themselves, if you want a person and care about them then their past is not of any interest to you, as stated it's the present the now that matters what's gone is gone, leave it where it belongs In the Past, it is possibly only in your mind that this girl is being so say dishonest with you, but in truth she's not she's merely exercising her right to privacy.

I hope you will see this from another perspective. Exercising ones right to privacy is perfectly normal and acceptable.

[realman71]

Well I do agree with your point of view. I guess it's just the fact that she moved him in after 4months. That to me is quite unacceptable for a woman with 3 girls. Maybe I'm being judgemental on her but I have spoken to other mothers who are friends of mine and they would never ever do that in a 4 month period. She would have essentially followed the same routine with me if I hadn't had a problem but I did in fact. It is not the time frame I would even consider that. You don't know someone in that amount of time and shouldn't be shocked when you find out they are not the one for you in a yr and boot them out. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that she knew it was a bad decision on her part and just didn't want me to hear about it. Problem is she would have repeated the same mistake. I guess she was not the one for me based on that and hopefully we all learn from it. Thanks for the input though and no hard feelings!

[positiveparent]

Thank You and likewise no hard feelings. I would also assume she wasn't the girl for you. You'll know when you meet the special one, Im sure of that.

Good Luck and anytime you have any questions, Im here and will help if and when possible.

[talaniman]

After only 6 months, no you have nothing to do with her past and have nothing coming. Its not your business. While I can appreciate the curiosity, more facts make for better decisions, I personally would never jump in so fast and be that attached after only 6 months, plus you have had enough red flags without any information of her past to make a decision.

You are lucky, you have dodged a bullet with a very flaky female who rushes into relationships, and rushes out as quickly at the first sign of difficulty, or boredom, and will do the same thing again after you.

I have always run from the needy, clingy, insecure, quick tempered types, so should you.

[redhed35]

Taking your time getting to know someone before you commit to a serious relationship will help you make a more informed decision.

My own past is a little checkered,on paper it looks downright scandlous,however I can explain it all,mostly I was just too young too stupid and too fertile,I made some bad choices,but I learnt,and I matured and somewhere around 25 I grew up.

People do make mistakes,and for some of us we make the same mistakes a few times before we learn, (my hand is up!).

I knew my partner a year before we got together,and slowly as the relationship developed we got to know more about each other and to trust each other with delicate personal information.

The lady in question probably had her own reasons for not telling you,my advice,take your time the next time!

[realman71]

Thank you so much for your response tal and redhead. It's so ironic we have been apart for 2 months and she is already knee deep in with someone else. I see it all on Facebook. I have to say it hurts abit because she is so involved and I haven't even gone out with anyone yet... let alone where they are now. But that is what she did to me. Very rushed and I wasn't comfortable moving that fast but I was caught up with it somehow because it just happened. Now its gone and everything she wanted from me and expressed to me was like nothing and I feel bad because I couldn't meet her on her page and she blames it on me for taking her for granted. She didn't change for me though and it seemed a selfish and needy love. Them together makes me cringe with heartache but what can I do. It's out of my control and she is on to the next. It would be nice to know for sure if I am better off from her being gone or did I mess up with someone who seemed to care so much and give me lots of attention and "made me a priority in her life". I didn't expect to be a priority to her. Don't know if her feelings were true but I do know that when she broke it off she had this other guy in the wings already. Told me it wasn't a good time to be together but I guess it was for him. I'm sure this guy has no idea of me or anything of her past but I guess he shouldn't have to. If only he knew but all he sees is what I saw in the start which was a woman who just bent over backwards for a relationship and to make me happy. What will happen? IDK and may never know but I wonder if it could be Karma. I can't say I wish that on her because she is a good person inside with some issues and special in my heart but I just Can't believe how all this went down with us and I have to deal with all these emotions and can't even tell her because I may never speak to her again anddont know if I want to after everything I found out and the way she just rebounded to another. SO disrespectful and didn't even tell me that either just kept stringing it out until I had to practically beg her to call and tell me it's done. If I didn't she would have kept me on a line like she is doing by contacting me. I didn't respond and won't. But thanks guys... I guess Ive vented enough!