[sully123]

Everyone is different! It just happens to bother her... I am sure if you dug deeper into a lot of guys computers they are ADDICTED to it..

[J_9]

Everyone is different!! It just happens to bother her....I am sure if you dug deeper into alot of guys computers they are ADDICTED to it..

This may have been your problem. But by and large, this is not the case.

Oh, BTW... my husband gets very aroused if he walks in the room and sees me watching porn.

[sully123]

This may have been your problem. But by and large, this is not the case.

Oh, BTW....my husband gets very aroused if he walks in the room and sees me watching porn.

Shouldn't he getting aroused by seeing you instead of other girls on the sites?

[J_9]

Shouldn't he getting aroused by seeing you instead of other girls on the sites?

Of course he does! But porn is a way to add excitement to the bedroom. Just as toys are. It's just a video toy.

[mudweiser]

Everyone is different!! It just happens to bother her....I am sure if you dug deeper into alot of guys computers they are ADDICTED to it..

Oh yea. That's like saying women are addicted to MAKEUP. Let's look in your drawers or makeup bag. How many mascaras do you have? Lip loss? Eyeliners? Eye shadow?

Or how about shoes? How many pairs of shoes do you have? How many have you bought in the past year?


Really common' now, that is just plain silly.

It may bother the OP now and guess what she can either learn to deal with it or dump this guy because of it. Then go through it again and again. I don't know too many "good" guys that would give up porn completely for a girl. In fact that would be idiotic. Usually that's when they start sneaking around with the porn and then you truly get hurt because of the decit.

Porn will always be very controversial and I don't expect us to agree with each other, but I don't think it's right to keep feeding her "fear".

...meh that's what I think anyways.

Sarah

[2ndTime]

If you really can't handle it, then find some other guy who's into something else other than porn. Some guys focus more on sports, drinking with guy friends, or golf or something else. However, if you think the problem is with you, then you need to channel you thought to something else. Maybe find a hobby, so you keep yourself away from the laptop. Or get a pet to keep yourself focused on animals, instead.

[jmjoseph]

I wonder how the guys would like it if the roles were reversed and she was looking at naked guys, it wouldn't bother him. I think it would..its a reaction and it bothers some girls...I completely understand how she feels...

This particular guy( ME) is secure enough as to not care one bit.

Everyone is different!! It just happens to bother her....I am sure if you dug deeper into alot of guys computers they are ADDICTED to it..

Labeling someone an addict should take a little more knowledge and understanding.

Shouldn't he getting aroused by seeing you instead of other girls on the sites?

And how do you know that he DOESN'T.

You're trying to fix something that isn't broken now.

[mudweiser]

This particular guy is secure enough as to not care one bit.

Darn I can't greenie you.

[] <-there?

Sarah

[dlowell08]

BS. Yes, guys may watch porn when they are single (not everyone, though you might hear otherwise). However, if you are in a relationship with a guy and you ask him to stop watching/looking at porn, he better do it. Otherwise he is not good enough for you. You want a guy that can respect women as people, and not reduce them to objects. If he cannot respect what is a massive part of your identity then he cannot truly respect you.

I think when they are single, porn is a bit different, because the motivations seem more like loneliness rather than pure lust. I'm not excusing it, but I can't condemn it because I know when my girlfriend dumped me I did things like drink even though I was previously against it.

You should talk to him about it first though. If he likes you enough, he'll stop because he knows it is hurting you. If he doesn't, what is your future with him anyway.

And this is coming from a guy.

[Cat1864]

This goes beyond him looking at porn to your own insecurities. Your previously merged threads:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-412859.html

Have you finally gotten over thinking every beautiful woman in a restaurant wants him when he walks in the door?

Have you been working on your controlling issues?

I look forward to this thread being added to the others and ask that you please follow the advice given multiple times before and keep all of these questions in one thread so that we can keep up with your story.

[jmjoseph]

BS. Yes, guys may watch porn when they are single (not everyone, though you might hear otherwise). However, if you are in a relationship with a guy and you ask him to stop watching/looking at porn, he better do it. Otherwise he is not good enough for you. You want a guy that can respect women as people, and not reduce them to objects. If he cannot respect what is a massive part of your identity then he cannot truly respect you.

I think when they are single, porn is a bit different, because the motivations seem more like loneliness rather than pure lust. I'm not excusing it, but I can't condemn it because I know when my girlfriend dumped me I did things like drink even though I was previously against it.

You should talk to him about it first though. If he likes you enough, he'll stop because he knows it is hurting you. If he doesn't, what is your future with him anyway.

And this is coming from a guy.

And what exactly is "BS"? Something other than YOUR opinion?

And this is coming from a MAN. One who knows how to treat a woman with respect, and also is not "TOLD" he "BETTER" do anything.

[dlowell08]

Umm... okay. First of all, the BS was for the question of the thread, "Every guy watches porn?" I called BS on it because I know it is false. People tend to normalize behavior by saying everyone else is doing it, when that is just not true.

So if your girlfriend tells you that watching porn hurts her, you would continue doing it? What a man you are.

You can treat a woman with respect, and still not respect women. I'm not saying this is you, but think about what porn is (or the porn directed at straight males). You have no contact with the woman you are watching, and have established no kind of relationship with her. You are lusting after her solely for her physical attributes. How is that not objectification? Like I said, I can understand that people act ways they normally wouldn't in moments of weakness, but if you have a girlfriend who is not okay with it, and you continue doing it, you are telling her that you are more satisfied by a Western ideal of feminine beauty than you are by her in real life. And if that caused her to try and achieve that ideal, it is because she feels you would be more attracted to her if she became something she was not. You are telling her that in her current state she is not satisfying to you, basically that she is not good enough for you. Now, some girls might not CARE about that, but that doesn't mean that it isn't the message you send.

[flowerybeauty]

Oh yea. That's like saying women are addicted to MAKEUP. Let's look in your drawers or makeup bag. How many mascaras do you have? Lip loss? Eyeliners? Eye shadow?

Or how about shoes? How many pairs of shoes do you have? How many have you bought in the past year?


Really common' now, that is just plain silly.

It may bother the OP now and guess what she can either learn to deal with it or dump this guy because of it. Then go through it again and again. I don't know too many "good" guys that would give up porn completely for a girl. Infact that would be idiotic. Usually that's when they start sneaking around with the porn and then you truly get hurt because of the decit.

Porn will always be very controversial and I don't expect us to agree with eachother, but I don't think it's right to keep feeding her "fear".

...meh that's what I think anyways.

Sarah

He is a great guys, he doesn't even drink, he never looks women up or down around me, but it bothers me to just even think about him watching porn, because I don't feel comfortable if he is thinking about other women around him, and how to they look naked.

This sounds totally ridiculous, but I don't really want him to stop watching it, and I know a lot of other people that are a lot worse off. Example: my dad and my brother. I went into the history on my dads computer when I lived with them, and it was the most disgusting thing EVER! I just want to be able to think about it like a lot of people on this site. That it doesn't bother them at all. We have an amazing sex life going and it should not bother me.

But the first thought that came into my head is wow... he is going to look at porn when I'm sleeping or not there.

[flowerybeauty]

Umm...okay. First of all, the BS was for the question of the thread, "Every guy watches porn?" I called BS on it because I know it is false. People tend to normalize behavior by saying everyone else is doing it, when that is just not true.

So if your girlfriend tells you that watching porn hurts her, you would continue doing it? What a man you are.

You can treat a woman with respect, and still not respect women. I'm not saying this is you, but think about what porn is (or the porn directed at straight males). You have no contact with the woman you are watching, and have established no kind of relationship with her. You are lusting after her solely for her physical attributes. How is that not objectification? Like I said, I can understand that people act ways they normally wouldn't in moments of weakness, but if you have a girlfriend who is not okay with it, and you continue doing it, you are telling her that you are more satisfied by a Western ideal of feminine beauty than you are by her in real life. And if that caused her to try and achieve that ideal, it is because she feels you would be more attracted to her if she became something she was not. You are telling her that in her current state she is not satisfying to you, basically that she is not good enough for you. Now, some girls might not CARE about that, but that doesn't mean that it isn't the message you send.

I disagree, I don't think that a person should ask another person to stop doing something if it's not affecting you, it's their business and who are you to tell someone to stop doing something they enjoy for a little bit?

The problem for most people, apart from people together with porn addicts, is dealing with it without the other person have to stop and/or hide it from them.

By no means I want him to stop, because its true what other people said about shoes and makeup, if he asked me to stop buying shoes and makeup I wouldn't like it.

Your with somebody because you love and respect them. Your differences have to get worked out somehow, that's the whole problem... I want to work on it... thank you everyone so far for such amazing answers... I will take all the advice I can take and let everyone know how I'm doing with it.

Im trying to keep a journal about the controlling behavior and trying to think things through before acting up.

[jmjoseph]

Umm...okay. First of all, the BS was for the question of the thread, "Every guy watches porn?" I called BS on it because I know it is false. People tend to normalize behavior by saying everyone else is doing it, when that is just not true.

So if your girlfriend tells you that watching porn hurts her, you would continue doing it? What a man you are.

You can treat a woman with respect, and still not respect women. I'm not saying this is you, but think about what porn is (or the porn directed at straight males). You have no contact with the woman you are watching, and have established no kind of relationship with her. You are lusting after her solely for her physical attributes. How is that not objectification? Like I said, I can understand that people act ways they normally wouldn't in moments of weakness, but if you have a girlfriend who is not okay with it, and you continue doing it, you are telling her that you are more satisfied by a Western ideal of feminine beauty than you are by her in real life. And if that caused her to try and achieve that ideal, it is because she feels you would be more attracted to her if she became something she was not. You are telling her that in her current state she is not satisfying to you, basically that she is not good enough for you. Now, some girls might not CARE about that, but that doesn't mean that it isn't the message you send.

dlowell08, If my wife asked me to stop doing something that bothered her , I most certainly would. But I occasionally look at porn, and so does she, so this isn't about me.
I am sensitive to my wife's feelings, and respectful of her concerns. But I am not a child to be "told" to stop doing things. Just like I would not "tell" her to not do something. That is disrespectful in itself, is it not?

Floweringbeauty, these are your words from another post, link provided here by cat1864:

"In relationships i am completley out of my mind jealous and insecure."

I recommend getting counseling. Have you every considered that? You admit to having a problem, and having ruined a prior relationship because of this.

The porn is the least of your worries right now. Has he asked you to stop this behavior?

Does he know that you snooped into his private things?

He obviously loves you enough to put up with this jealous, insecure, attitude.

It's not about the porn. Even if he DOESN'T get that new laptop, you will be jealous of someone else, won't you?

You might want to get to the root of the problem. Before you lose another guy.

Most people do not like this type of attitude. Especially when they have done nothing to deserve it.

Good luck to you.

[flowerybeauty]

That's true, if he doesn't get the laptop there something else that is going to pop up.

Yes he gets very mad and aggravated and we fight if something like that happens... is there anything else I can do besides counselling?

[2ndTime]

See my previous posting on finding a hobby or look online and find a book that specialize in self-help in giving privacy to your other half.

[heartshinegirl]

Not all men look at porn... (FYI)

But, there is nothing wrong with looking at pornographic photographs in order to help peak arousal and climax.

It's just photographs.

It's not a relationship with another person.

I'm sure he's not getting a laptop just to look at porn, I'm sure he's doing other things with the laptop.

The fact that you were checking up on him shows you are suspicious, worried or perhaps a tad bit insecure.

I'm not trying to hurt you, what I'm trying to do is help you realize your fears and face them. Talk to him, tell him how you found the sites, tell him how you almost wanted to cry, and explain to him that you have a very negative perception of what porn is and maybe you two can seek counseling.

Many women look at porn too... looking at porn is not the same as cheating... there is no relationship there except with oneself (while masturbating).

Maybe he has some fantasies.. Maybe your sex life could become even richer if you explored some of these fantasies that he might have.

Talk to him, don't worry about it any longer... he should know you have been tortured over this for a long enough time and he can put your mind at rest... I'm sure he's a wonderful guy.

Good Luck!

[Jake2008]

Hate to be the porn party pooper here, but I would be upset if there was porn on my husband's computer.

Porn presents women as sexual objects, they are objectified to meet a man's 'visual' image of an object for sex. I don't see it as harmless fun, and it personifies, like it or not, the perpetual myth that somehow its okay to watch porn, then go boink your wife or girlfriend after getting hot and bothered by it. Or not. To each his own.

That is only my opinion. I don't think less of a woman who sees anything wrong with it, or a man who needs or wants it.

But, it has never been on my husband's computer, and it never would be.

[flowerybeauty]

Progress Report:


NO PROGRESSS... everytime I think he's by a computer I go sad:(

Like right now, this is the most ridicolous thing ever and I think this officially makes me the worst girlfriend :'(