[MAHARANI]

BrownDeceit,

They say that there's a lot of things that we will overlook when we first meet someone, who we are attracted to. I say thank God that this guy was honest and open enough to show the "real" person he is. You may well be able to open his mind a little to his "ignorant" opinions but I doubt you will fully change his outlook on what he considers to be attractive. He is the "darkest" in his family and yet he seems to hold lightness in high esteem.

There will always be that protectiveness you will feel when you introduce your "darker" family members to him. Always that niggling thought in the back of your mind about what he is really thinking. Yeah it may well be a good thing for you and him to hang out together and hopefully open his mind more, but the fact that he felt he had to express his opinions on skin colour and hair texture so soon, shows how deep rooted it is for him. And who knows how it is for the rest of his family.

I would be very interested to know how this pans out for you. Hope it goes well!!

[BrownDeceit]

Yeah... I do worry about this. Even though he is a new guy I'm talking to... We've known each other for some time, we've just never really talked like that. And well, he didn't find me attractive the past two years. But I finally found something that helps to really lighten my skin. And all of a sudden he just thinks I'm gorgeous... I doubt he even knows why. His brain is probably just wired that way. Sad. And yeah... It is sad that I see the ugly side of him so ugly and that only proves that it really is deep rooted. Especially since he doesn't even realize what he's doing when he's doing it. And I cringe at the thought of imagining what's in his head when he meets my family members that are dark. :( And I am even lightening a shade or two more because I feel so pressured to be light! I honestly think my hair and my nose are what's holding his attention, because his ex girlfriend is light skinned. I'll keep you all updated if he says anymore racial comments!

[EggoMini]

I couldn't deal with it. I don't have that sort of patience & tolerance.:o

[BrownDeceit]

He's so cute though!

[EggoMini]

Gurllll...

The next time he visited I would layer myself in MAC NC155 just for spite and slap him with a rubber glove... followed by a nice swift kick with my Doc Martens.

There are lots of attractive men who don't feel the need to down certain colors or people. I'd explode eventually.

[Itss A New Day]

gurllll...

the next time he visited I would layer myself in MAC NC155 just for spite and slap him with a rubber glove...followed by a nice swift kick with my Doc Martens.

There are lots of attractive men who don't feel the need to down certain colors or people. I'd explode eventually.

TOOOOOO FUNNY!! NC155 OMG and I know BrownDeceit is probably like an NC43/44 what an extreme lol Eggo you know the remedy to this madness for sure lol

[Itss A New Day]

He's so cute though!

An attractive man needs to have some substance too, but seriously I would have called him out on it on his 1st mention of "but she dark though." I mean its one thing to be apprehensive about introducing someone new to your family in fear that they will not like him, but it's another to be nervous about introducing a new boy to your family FOR FEAR THAT THEY ARE NOT LIGHT ENOUGH FOR HIS LIKING. Come on Brown please don't keep quiet because you may seem "too uptight." You are a smart college girl. Hopefully he proves us wrong.

[Pure Suga]

Not to offend anyone but i hear America is really racist, i live in Canada there isnt that much racism like out in the open between other races sometimes its "coded" were definitely cool with gays etc im bi racial (Black & Oriental) ive realized within the black community here the men have a self hating thing going on, all they talk about is light skin this light skin that and a LOT only want to date girls that are of other races if black she has to be "light skin" the funny thing is they arent even light skin themselves, anyway i started to lighten my skin honestly because of how black men treated me.

One time me and 2 friends were out 1 was about a shade lighter then alicia keys and not good looking rotten attitude pimples, stomach bigger then her boobs etc. the other was about nicole scherzingers color very snobby flat everywhere and some guy came over and said "hey my friends over there want to holler at you" pointed at my two friends right in front of me and said "Just you and you" he was about kelly rowlands color as well, I remember sitting in the lunch room and i heard two black guys talking in front of me one said about a girl across the room "dark skin girls shouldnt wear fish nets you can't see anything thats only for light skin girls" As soon as i would walk into a store they would follow me like they are my shadow while my lighter friend nothing, both a friend and i applied for a job at a clothes store that just opened that was "hiring" she had NO experience on her resume and i had 2 years experience she gets the job i go to visit her and ask them if they are still hiring she says yes and yells out and asks the manager "are we still hiring?" the manager at first said yes then said "hold on" then came all the way to the back where we were looked at me and said "No".

Im tired of Canada acting like there is no racism going on in this country almost every store only hires there own race,even if i have experience i can't get a job because im not the same race as the workers.Not even any point in trying.

High school was the absolute worst experience in LIFE so bad my mom took me out and made me do home schooling.The teachers were racist, one teacher i remember her putting all hispanics, blacks(if you were dark) straight to the back she even said to one student "i would love to hang you with a noose" of course she kept her job even after complaining , I once knocked on a door(@ school) with a dark friend to get something from a friend who is black but very light & looks another race the teacher out of nowhere angrily comes and slams the door right in my face along with my friend then the teacher yells out loud "be careful of the kind of friends you make".

Another time when i was about 10 at a friends birthday party one of my friends mother was there to pick her up since it was dark outside they asked her to give me a ride home since she lives 5 mins away from me her mom said "No its dark outside nobody is going to see her", Another friend invited me to her birthday party along with other friends her aunt looked at me and said to her "Next time make sure you tell me what kind of people you invite",

hmmm the list goes on what story should i tell next,

When i was about 11 i think i was at a friends house who was Oriental along with my friend who is bi racial(black and white) but was VERY light we were all having fun as soon as her father came home no hi nothing he calls her in the bedroom she comes out and tells me "Sorry you have to go because my dad doesnt like you kind of people __ can stay tho",

One time me & my mother were in our car a old white man parked up beside us and just kept waiting in his car he unlocked his door to come out and we unlocked our as well as soon as he saw us coming out he locked his door so fast and waiting until we were all the way in the store before he came out,

My lighter cousins were treated like royalty and called beautiful while i was always made fun of by my aunts & cousins they were treated like what they were kids and i was treated and spoken to like a adult or further more a stray dog. I guess a lot comes from my "child hood":/ also in music videos everyone is light all of the black singers that make it in the music industry are always light the dark ones never have a big career being darker skinned is always looked at as not attractive.

Since i have lightened my skin with HQ from Gabriel Unions color to literally Nicole scherzinger's or Tyra Banks a lot of men usually Hispanic,white, or Filipino men approach me a lot now, even black men try to talk to me and i wont give them the light of day. I really try not to judge all black men because i know all aren't like that but honestly its really hard because of the past.All the black men in my neighborhood have 200lbs+ white girlfriends walking around with bi racial babies yup i said it im sorry if i offend anyone. Ive also noticed i get treated a lot differently people walk pass and say your so beautiful they always smile i have no problem inside stores now my aunts & cousins try to be all nice to me saying your hair is so nice and long you have a nice nose and nice eyes (um? last time i checked i had all these things while i was darker) i cut them out of my life because of how mean they were to me i dont even go to any family dinners or anything. I guess in the end im happy but just need to get over the past.

sorry for such long and boring stories:)

Wow, very emotional post. You know it's a damn shame how cruel people can be, and I can't beleiuve your own family at that, what a shame. It's so funny that now that you are light, people treat you better, people are so low.

[BrownDeceit]

TOOOOOO FUNNY!!! NC155 OMG and I know BrownDeceit is probably like an NC43/44 what an extreme lol Eggo you know the remedy to this madness for sure lol

HaHa. Eggo you're toooo funny! And that would be a dramatic difference, I'm an NW40, so new day you were close! And I don't know why I'm so shocked. A while back before we were talking seriously, I told him a friend of mine was interested in him. The first thing he asked was, "Is she dark?" At the time I thought it was kind of weird, but I didn't really think much of it. But now I see it all makes sense. He must have a serious issue!

[Itss A New Day]

HaHa. Eggo you're toooo funny! And that would be a dramatic difference, I'm an NW40, so new day you were close! And I dunno why I'm so shocked. A while back before we were talking seriously, I told him a friend of mine was interested in him. The first thing he asked was, "Is she dark?" At the time I thought it was kind of weird, but I didn't really think much of it. But now I see it all makes sense. He must have a serious issue!

Oprah once said that people always give us indications of who they truly are, but we just choose not to see it because we don't want to see it. The indications are always there, whether they be subtle or overt.

[BrownDeceit]

Oprah once said that people always give us indications of who they truly are, but we just choose not to see it because we don't want to see it. The indications are always there, whether they be subtle or overt.

I mean yes. He did say some comments that really put me on edge. BUT he is a really good person otherwise. He's very kind, nice, generous, and giving. He's just not attracted to dark skinned girls. Apparently. And he doesn't find dark skin to be flattering either... Because he made that comment about his friend. Which is ironic because dark skinned men are put on a pedestal when it comes to attractiveness in this country.

[MAHARANI]

You know we may all have a type that we are not attracted to, but I am sure that holding a conversation where our sole aim is to put them down would not be the first topic we choose to discuss when we first get chatting to someone we might like. Surely it should be a more positive conversation. As I said before, I think it is good that you are seeing the real person and can now decide if you really want that sort of man in your life, no matter how D*m Attractive he is!! LOL

[Boricua1]

I guess the race issue, skin color, hair texture etc issue is just complicated for everyone so it seemsexcept for the people who inflict ignorance.. lol... after reading some of your posts I see that not only am I not alone... but it seems a wroldwide wierdness people have especially regarding women with dark complexions... or more specifically Black women... because I've had girlfirends of different races who may have even been darker than I but were regarded as beautiful and exotic, (maybe because they had straight or wavy hair) and I was regarded as the ugly dark one or plain because I looked like a "regular Black girl" which I never quite understood as a comment... but I often hear as if I were somehow removed out of some spectrum of beauty and intrigue...

I guess in a way I am... I'm not the Black girl who looks like something "Else" like the famous girls.. "Kimora" or the light skinned "Tyra" or Beyonce types... and then I'm not the tall dark African beauty types that are deemed as super models the Naomi or the S. African girl "Wek" or whatever her name is...

I just don't get how every other race girl is not compared standing alongside super models... regular old white girls, asians, hispanics and others are accepted as just such and then measured alongside their regular old white girl counterparts... but for us to even be considered "attractive" it's like you got to be beyond beauty itslef or the guy just has a "thing for you"... lol...

It's like we have to be that person's preference in order to be even seen unless we are the famous super beauties... whilst other women can be pretty but just not that man's "type"... I don't know.. I think I kind of mentioned this earlier in my previous posts but I'm just venting again as I faced another marriage rejection from another jerk who wasn't into Black girls.. lol...

And just had another person (a close friend in fact, so I thought,) question with suspicion my ethnicity again. Because in her mind,. I "can't be Puerto Rican" cause I'm "too black"...

Oh the ignorance

[EggoMini]

I guess the race issue, skin color, hair texture etc issue is just complicated for everyone so it seemsexcept for the people who inflict ignorance.. lol... after reading some of your posts I see that not only am I not alone... but it seems a wroldwide wierdness people have especially regarding women with dark complexions... or more specifically Black women... because I've had girlfirends of different races who may have even been darker than I but were regarded as beautiful and exotic, (maybe because they had straight or wavy hair) and I was regarded as the ugly dark one or plain because I looked like a "regular Black girl" which I never quite understood as a comment... but I often hear as if I were somehow removed out of some spectrum of beauty and intrigue...

I guess in a way I am... I'm not the Black girl who looks like something "Else" like the famous girls.. "Kimora" or the light skinned "Tyra" or Beyonce types.... and then I'm not the tall dark African beauty types that are deemed as super models the Naomi or the S. African girl "Wek" or whatever her name is....

I just don't get how every other race girl is not compared standing alongside super models... regular old white girls, asians, hispanics and others are accepted as just such and then measured alongside their regular old white girl counterparts... but for us to even be considered "attractive" it's like you gotta be beyond beauty itslef or the guy just has a "thing for you" ... lol...

It's like we have to be that person's preference in order to be even seen unless we are the famous super beauties.... whilst other women can be pretty but just not that man's "type".... I don't know.. I think I kind of mentioned this earlier in my previous posts but I'm just venting again as I faced another marriage rejection from another jerk who wasn't into Black girls.. lol...

and just had another person (a close friend in fact, so I thought,) question with suspicion my ethnicity again. because in her mind,.. i "can't be Puerto Rican" cause I'm "too black"....

oh the ignorance

I feel you. I've had people (only online for some reason) say I'm not from my family because of my hair texture and coloring. Also I've gotten 'too black', 'too dark' to be what I am... as if their hair-typing wizardry explains my entire family tree.

You must simply filter out the moronic.

[DarkSkinGirl]

Okay so I've been talking to this new guy. And he is very attractive. Probably one of the most attractive guys I've ever spoken to. I've been trying to tell myself that he likes me for me, and it's beyond how I look and my skin complexion. But... Anyway. So everything is going fine. He's in my dorm room hanging out. Then he says something crazy. He was like "Yeah people with better hair are on a different level than people with nappy hair" .....I was like.... "? You're so ignorant. Get out of my room." And I kicked him out of my room. I think he thinks my hair is naturally curly and long, but it's a weave. Then he came back like an hour and a half later and apologized and everything was fine. We hung out and just talked for like another 4 hours. And he was so sweet. And he was talking about how he told his friends that I was a 9/10 and that I was gorgeous. And we were just talking about all types of things. And for the most part it was good. BUT like two or three times he said some stuff to put dark skinned people down. He was like "Oh yeah I was worried about you having a crush on my friend, but he's dark. So I ain't worried." I was thinking "Are you serious?" but I didn't say anything because I'm so paranoid about that topic you know? And I didn't want to seem so uptight! and then we were looking at a picture of this dark skinned video girl and I was like "Oh my God she is GORGEOUS!" (she was really gorgeous!), and he goes "Oh but she dark though" ........Again I was thinking , "Are you serious?" but I didn't say anything. Then he said something AGAIN, for some reason we were talking about whoopi goldberg and he was like "she dark anyway" ....WHAT-THE-HELL. Oh my God. He's like bow wows complexion and I'm like only one or two shades lighter than him. And his WHOLE family is all light skinned, he's the darkest one in his family and he's not even that dark. What is his family going to say when they meet me? I'm scared I'm not light enough. I'm caramel complected right now. Not like Alicia Keys light skinned. And I honestly don't want to be. I'm so stressed! And I'm still offended by what he said. I'm not dark skinned anymore, but I'm from Sierra Leone, and a lot of my family is dark skinned. And I don't appreciate him talking about them like that. It didn't make me feel good. And I know for a fact if I was darker he wouldn't like me. :( I still like him, but it's just a weird situation. You know?

Brown deceit,

I think you need to leave this dude alone because if you are looking for a real relationship that involves intimacy than that means honesty. Some day he is going to want to touch your hair, feel it and see if its really yours. That's how guys are when they get to know you. Trust me I am a weave wearer and wear loong weaves that look real natural to. (my real hair is long but not as long as the weave) anyway, what is he going to think when he finds out that your hair is not real?

Or what happens if your skin starts to darken? It CAN happen and has happened to me. Especially during the summer, he might want to take you out during the day, and you may tan a few shades is he still going to find you attractive? Is he going to dump you for a girl that still is light after a tan?

[DarkSkinGirl]

I guess the race issue, skin color, hair texture etc issue is just complicated for everyone so it seemsexcept for the people who inflict ignorance.. lol... after reading some of your posts I see that not only am I not alone... but it seems a wroldwide wierdness people have especially regarding women with dark complexions... or more specifically Black women... because I've had girlfirends of different races who may have even been darker than I but were regarded as beautiful and exotic, (maybe because they had straight or wavy hair) and I was regarded as the ugly dark one or plain because I looked like a "regular Black girl" which I never quite understood as a comment... but I often hear as if I were somehow removed out of some spectrum of beauty and intrigue...

I guess in a way I am... I'm not the Black girl who looks like something "Else" like the famous girls.. "Kimora" or the light skinned "Tyra" or Beyonce types.... and then I'm not the tall dark African beauty types that are deemed as super models the Naomi or the S. African girl "Wek" or whatever her name is....

I just don't get how every other race girl is not compared standing alongside super models... regular old white girls, asians, hispanics and others are accepted as just such and then measured alongside their regular old white girl counterparts... but for us to even be considered "attractive" it's like you gotta be beyond beauty itslef or the guy just has a "thing for you" ... lol...

It's like we have to be that person's preference in order to be even seen unless we are the famous super beauties.... whilst other women can be pretty but just not that man's "type".... I don't know.. I think I kind of mentioned this earlier in my previous posts but I'm just venting again as I faced another marriage rejection from another jerk who wasn't into Black girls.. lol...

and just had another person (a close friend in fact, so I thought,) question with suspicion my ethnicity again. because in her mind,.. i "can't be Puerto Rican" cause I'm "too black"....

oh the ignorance

It's the self hate that is in the black community.

I notice that when a black guy is judging a girl that most common thing you hear is "she aint no beyonce" or "she aint no halle berry"

Just why are we always being judged by these celebrity women with a particular phenotype.

Why can't we just be pretty and leave it at that.

[EggoMini]

It's the self hate that is in the black community.

I notice that when a black guy is judging a girl that most common thing you hear is "she aint no beyonce" or "she aint no halle berry"

Just why are we always being judged by these celebrity women with a particular phenotype.

Why can't we just be pretty and leave it at that.

My theory is that the One Drop Rule(In the US, everyone with any known African ancestry was put into the Black group, AFAIU.) is partly to blame.

If you're throwing in everyone with any degree of African ancestry into one pool, then in a racist & colorstruck society, the so-called "prettiest black women" will almost always be the ones with the more European(or Asian, Native, Arab, etc) physical traits. It's a total scam!

If people were honest and specific (when possible) about their background I think it would help. In this warped system, there's no reason for someone like me (mostly African) to compare myself to another 'black' woman who's European-heavy in her ancestry. I also don't see a reason for a woman with more African ancestry than I have (or with a more stereotypically W. African phenotype) to compare herself to me.

IMO, beauty goes beyond race and coloring. Beyonce is a cute girl but not the world-class beauty that she's hyped to be. She obviously requires a lot of work(and that's fine too).

Halle is naturally gorgeous as is Kenya Moore, IMO.

It's crazy that the whiter black women often receive a free beauty credit whether they are actually extra-attractive or not. I'd feel weird knowing that people were 'feeling me' just because how much more European or Native American I looked than whoever I'm standing next to..
Madness!

It boggles my brain that someone could think Bey was automatically prettier than Kenya simply because of coloring but I'm sure that, for many, it's true.

[Boricua1]

You all are doing some preachin' up in here... can I get a hallelujah! LOL... feels good to hear some sane people talking finally!!

[Itss A New Day]

You all are doing some preachin' up in here... can I get a hallelujah!! LOL... feels good to hear some sane people talking finally!!!

Eggo you real hit the nail on the proverbial coffin lol because what you said is exactly how I feel, I mean I could never compare myself to Lauren London because as beautiful as she is, she is half white, and we both share totally different DNA's so some of her features will probably never appear in my bloodline unless I marry out of my race or one of the caucasian traits of a great great great grandparent (to the umpth degree) pops up in one of my offspring. Black women, especially darker skinned women, are really pressured as far as beauty goes, I mean as far as Hollywood goes you have to be an exceptionally beautiful dark skinned woman to make it (like Jill Marie Jones from Girlfriends). It is just an extreme to try to put myself on the same spectrum as other people in different races because each race has attributes that make them distinct from other races, and if you are an Asian girl trying to compare yourself to a black girl, I just don't think that will fly, besides the disparity in skin color. I hope this makes sense to you guys.

[Golden_Girl]

Eggo that would give a guy a shock and see his true colors.. lol

All so true. I think society is still greatly unaware of how these things can effect women of color, but as soon as she begin's to lighten so many people are ready to jump down her throat and make it seem as though the female is so sinister. It's sad how so many men of color are extreme intraracists and colorists to their own. To me I just think women need to broaden their options, and if a man of a different race likes them for who they are and see their beauty... I rather have that any day than dealing with men who may look like me but think they are God's gift to all women and have the rights to down-cast me. Many rapper's lyrics enjoys reminding such ignorance.