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wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 06:54 AM

I really like this guy we're such good friends and there is always like that childish flirting and teasing. But the problem is that he is 5 years older then me but that's not the problem . The problem is that he has a girlfriend. And yesterday we went out like as friends( with the group and stuff not on a date or anything) and we were like actually going to kiss but I just felt so guilty that we didn't and I don't know what to do uhh its so frustrating. But I really do like him cause we like fit perfectly together :/ what should I do?

Squishbear7 · Sep 23, 2009, 07:17 AM

I think this guy should really watch what he is doing. He has a girlfriend and a really close friend on the other. If he has feelings for you then he should probably talk to his girlfriend first and she what she has to say then tell you the result. Don't try to do anything that would cause them to break up because that wouldn't be smart and then later on the girl would come back and try to start something about you and ruin your life. So becareful in your actions OK.

wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by Squishbear7

I think this guy should really watch what he is doing. He has a girlfriend and a really close friend on the other. If he has feelings for you then he should probably talk to his girlfriend first and she what she has to say then tell you the result. Dont try to do anything that would cause them to break up because that wouldnt be smart and then later on the girl would come back and try to start something about you and ruin your life. So becareful in your actions ok.

I know cause I know that he has some feelings for me but I don't want him to break up with his girlfriend because of me. It just doesn't sound right :/

redhed35 · Sep 23, 2009, 10:49 AM

Nothing.

He has a girlfriend he is off limits!

Could I ask what age you are?

Justwantfair · Sep 23, 2009, 10:51 AM

Leave him alone.

What if you were his girlfriend and he was out kissing other girls? He doesn't care about his girlfriend's feelings, why would he care about yours?

Girlfriend = Off limits.

wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

nothing.

he has a girlfriend he is off limits!

could i ask what age you are?

I'm 16. I know I know your going to jump all over me saying your way to young and a lot of stuff but I know that I'm sort of young to be with him but that isn't the issue it's that I really like him cause he's such a great friend and we do have chemistry :/ and I'm always thinking about him and I need to forget him because I know that he is offlimits that's why I didn't kiss him.

justcurious55 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:03 AM

I don't even care about the age gap in this case because him having a girlfriend makes him completely off limits already.

redhed35 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:04 AM

OK, but he does have a girlfriend,however well you both get on.

I understand you like him,but he's 21,and attached.

How about guys closer to your own age?
Do you like any of them.

And just as an aside,you may see him as a nice guy,but he has no business flirting or leaning in for a kiss with you,he could get into a lot of trouble if it developed,not just with his current girlfriend,with the law too.

Stay away from him.

wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

ok, but he does have a girlfriend,however well you both get on.

i understand you like him,but he's 21,and attached.

how about guys closer to your own age?
do you like any of them.

and just as an aside,you may see him as a nice guy,but he has no business flirting or leaning in for a kiss with you,he could get into a lot of trouble if it developed,not just with his current girlfriend,with with the law too.

stay away from him.

I know I know. I don't want to be judged cause most of u are judging me :/ and I know that its wrong like I said before about his girlfriend. Yea there are other guys that like me and are cute but uhh I want him :/ I think its because I know I can't have him for so many reasons but I still want him its just the way I am =/

justcurious55 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:31 AM

Who has judged you? Every post that I have seen like yours, someone who likes or loves someone who is taken gets the same response. If the person you want to be with is taken, they are off limits. I don't care if you are 16 or 89. It's good in this situation that he is taken because as red has already pointed out, he should not be flirting or leaning in for kisses because there is too much of an age gap and if it goes beyond flirting he could find himself in some serious legal trouble.

Maybe you are feeling judged because you're not getting an answer that you like. But that's nothing personal. That's just the way things go. It's not right for you, or anyone else, to pursue a relationship with someone who already has a significant other.

wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

who has judged you? every post that i have seen like yours, someone who likes or loves someone who is taken gets the same response. if the person you want to be with is taken, they are off limits. i don't care if you are 16 or 89. it's good in this situation that he is taken because as red has already pointed out, he should not be flirting or leaning in for kisses because their is too much of an age gap and if it goes beyond flirting he could find himself in some serious legal trouble.

maybe you are feeling judged because you're not getting an answer that you like. but that's nothing personal. that's just the way things go. it's not right for you, or anyone else, to pursue a relationship with someone who already has a significant other.

I know! I know what I'm doing wrong and I know tis ilegal and all that stuff and I even know that he is taken and if I didn't care about his girlfriend I would have kissed him but I didn't and yes you are judging me and yes I don't like the answers but I'm accepting them but you shouldn't be so sort of mean but like your mad with me cause I'm really not doing anything wrong.

jaime90 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:42 AM

You're a minor, he's not. I'm only 3 years older than you, and I'm telling you- there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Everything everyone has said is correct- you need to stay away from him- because he's an adult and you're a teenager- and because he already has a woman in his life. The best thing you can do from him is to RESPECT him AND his girlfriend. Leave them alone.

justcurious55 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:44 AM

Wow. You are turning this into something way more than it is. I'm not mad at you. And I haven't sensed that anyone else was either. And I'm not judging you. I've had crushes on guys with girlfriends before. I've done much more than just have a crush, and what I've learned is that it's wrong. Plain and simple.
But you asked what you should do. And the advice is that you should do nothing. That's good that you didn't kiss him.
What are you reading that you believe is mean?
You're going from saying that what you're doing is wrong and illegal (as long as no one is acting on these thoughts and desires I don't really see them as wrong), and then defending yourself (from your own accusations) saying that you're not really doing anything wrong. You're starting to confuse me.

wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by jaime90

You're a minor, he's not. I'm only 3 years older than you, and I'm telling you- there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Everything everyone has said is correct- you need to stay away from him- because he's an adult and you're a teenager- and because he already has a woman in his life. The best thing you can do from him is to RESPECT him AND his girlfriend. Leave them alone.

Yea I know :/ I'm trying too.

wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

wow. you are turning this into something way more than it is. i'm not mad at you. and i haven't sensed that anyone else was either. and i'm not judging you. i've had crushes on guys with girlfriends before. i've done much more than just have a crush, and what i've learned is that it's wrong. plain and simple.
but you asked what you should do. and the advice is that you should do nothing. that's good that you didn't kiss him.
what are you reading that you believe is mean?
you're going from saying that what you're doing is wrong and illegal (as long as no one is acting on these thoughts and desires i don't really see them as wrong), and then defending yourself (from your own accusations) saying that you're not really doing anything wrong. you're starting to confuse me.

I know. I'm sorry. I'm quite confusing and confused. I know its stupid and its useless and uhh I don't know its frustrating. I'm sorry.

justcurious55 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:51 AM

I understand it's frustrating. And you can vent here all you need to. Just as long as it's venting and not taking your frustration out on us. :)

wishes · Sep 23, 2009, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

i understand it's frustrating. and you can vent here all you need to. just as long as it's venting and not taking your frustration out on us. :)

Thanks :)

ohsohappy · Sep 23, 2009, 12:01 PM

I think you know what the answer is to this question is.
By not kissing him, you made the right choice because you knew it was wrong. Kudos, not a lot of young girls your age can say that they have had that sort of will power.

That being said, HE is in the wrong, for reasons that have already been mentioned.
If this guy really likes you, then he will wait until you are of legal age, and neither one of you are dating someone. If he can't wait, I have a strong feeling that he will take advantage of you. I'm only saying this because I don't want to hear that you've gotten hurt because he's tricked oyu in some way.
Be smarter than this guy, most will say anything if they feel like they have something to gain from it. Some just lie because they know they can get away with it. We don't want him to hurt you.

Be careful.
I'd stop hanging out with him, and start spending time with people my own age. It's safer and you can relate better.

I have younger guy friends that I talk to on occasion, but I would NEVER ever try to date them. Not only because they are younger than me, I have a boyfriend. I think of them all like little brothers or cousins.

jaime90 · Sep 23, 2009, 12:04 PM

Wishes- you're only 16, you have PLENTY of time, there's no need to rush. I had my first kiss last August when I was 18, I was over a year into a relationship, and 4 years into a friendship and guess what... he's my one and only and now we're engaged. I waited and ended up with an awesome man. And I'm not an old lady, I'm only 19- but we both know where we're going in life. Who knew?

ohsohappy · Sep 23, 2009, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by jaime90

Wishes- you're only 16, you have PLENTY of time, there's no need to rush. I had my first kiss last August when I was 18, I was over a year into a relationship, and 4 years into a friendship and guess what.....he's my one and only and now we're engaged. I waited and ended up with an awesome man. And I'm not an old lady, i'm only 19- but we both know where we're going in life. Who knew?!

That's awesome! :) Great for you! Best of luck!