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Lucky1911 · Jun 23, 2009, 02:47 AM

My Mother is 57 years old. She has been suffering from cronic illness all her life. The last 5 years I have seen a major change in her behavior and demeanor. She has been on extremely heavy doses if narcotic percription drugs for all of that time. When a doctor suggests that she gets off the medications she refuses to go back to that doctor. She is extremely protectie of her medications. She spends most of her time in bed doing nothing but watch TV. I do not know what to believe about her "illness" I think some of it is true but the majority of it I think is in her head.

Well today she got arrested for felony grand theft and commercial burglury. My sister and I had to go and bail her out of jail! JAIL! I just am beside myself! This is not my Mother. She would kill me if I stole something. I just do not know what to do. I am so upset with her and the fact that she would do something so stupied and then continue to lie about the situation. It's just sick!

I am currently 6 months pregnant and moving across the country in a month. I have a lot going on in my life and this is not something I needed right now.

I just do not know what to do?

I think she needs to go to a rehab program and get proffesoinal help.

Any advise?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 23, 2009, 04:08 AM

So what type of help does your mom think she needs? That is the issue since she has to want help, there is nothing you can do, if she will not work with you.

If she goes right back to using drugs when out, sometimes bailing them out is the worst thing, at least in lock up they get off the drugs and will clean up..

talal-crackdown · Jun 23, 2009, 04:22 AM

Hello
As you told that your mother is highly addictid to drugs... it is abvious to get in a dilemma about this situaton... but first of all remember one thing... just stay calm and cool because by taking tension you will get nothing... so just realx and just a deep breath...
2nd thing... she is your mother after all.. whatever she is doing you have to remember those days when she took care of yourself when you were not able to take care of yourself.. there is a lot which a mother does for her child... you are going to be a mother so you will come to know this soon.. clear your mind and say to yourself that she is my mother and I have to help her out at any cost..
3rd thing... she is addictid to drugs... there must be a reason behind that.. possibly some household problems,some relationship problems... I don't know exaclty why she is addicted but I advise you to sort out what has happened bad through which she turned to drugs..
About her behavior... you should give some of your time to her.. she needs your attention.. your affection... forget about what she is doing or saying.. just remember one thing.. she is your mother.. and she has done a lot for you without realizing you... now its your turn.. be positive and do positve... May you and your mother always be sound and safe...

N0help4u · Jun 27, 2009, 09:38 PM

Depending on what she got arrested for the Judge may order her to rehab. It may help some if she goes, but most often when they do not want help they get out and go right back to it.

MeghanM · Jun 29, 2009, 10:59 PM

The number one thing that you need to do for you and your mom is go to an alanon meeting. I have been in recovery for 5 years and I don't think that My mom or I would have made it through without alanon. You can look up local meetings by Google searching alanon meetings (your city and state). I know that this is a hard thing to go through and you and your mom will be in my prayers.

JimGunther · Jun 30, 2009, 12:28 AM

I was a probation officer for 7 years in Maryland and can guarantee you that there will be some sort of drug assessment/evaluation and or treatment ordered by the judge in a case like this one. I gather from what you say that this is her first offense. I have seen judges order treatment/evaluation as a condition of pre-trial release or as a condition of probation if the person pleads guilty or is convicted.

In my state the standard procedure would be to try to get the person to plead to a misdemeanor, and get them evaluated for drug treatment ASAP. If they failed to comply, the judge would likely incarcerate the person in one of the in-patient treatment facilities we have in the state.

Of course all this depends on the fact that the drug issue comes up and is seen by the judge to be an issue in the case. I have seen cases where the defense chose to hide this as an issue.

Gemini54 · Jul 2, 2009, 01:28 AM

Well of course she needs professional help.

I suspect she's depressed as well as addicted to drugs and this will have to be an issue that is dealt with.

Can you speak to the arresting officers about making a recommendation to the judge? Perhaps you and your sister could speak to one of her doctors, or a social worker about rehab programs.

Ultimately you may have to speak with your mother as well, this may be the classic 'cry for help' and you're going to have to very gently tell her to get her act together.

It's a hard position you're in, having to manage your mother's behaviour. I don't envy you.

JimGunther · Jul 2, 2009, 07:00 AM

That's a great idea but in my state the judge will seldom take recommendations from police officers. The state's attorney makes the recommendations in criminal cases.

twinkiedooter · Jul 4, 2009, 01:53 PM

You could write a short and sweet letter to the Judge yourself outlining your mother's problems in hopes that he takes your letter under advisement when sentencing your mother. I have seen judges take into account letters from family members so don't think the judge will be too busy to read it. Most if not all of letters like this are read by his Judicial Assistant and if she/he thinks it's worthy of passing along to the Judge, they do pass these letters along. Just be sure it is typed up and not too long. Double space it also. Makes it easier to read for a busy Judge.

Mom is out of control and definitely needs help.