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smoothy · Mar 25, 2009, 08:38 AM

And has been said by others in other threads...

If you can't talk to him about this, then why are you having sex with him?

krzekali89 · Apr 1, 2009, 01:28 PM

Thank you all for all your help!

I'am going to talk to him again, then if he still doesn't listen I will do things my way for a while until he gets sick of it.

And just to clear things up... when I do talk to him he'll do what I ask like once or twice, but then its like his memory just disapears and he forgot what I asked him to do.

Now he's startng to make comment like, 'why don't you ever get sexy for me' and I always respond, "why sould i when you dont even please me the way i want in bed?" and he just won't answer.

Ive tried the lingere and different positions, I've gotten sex books and toys (handcuffs, different lubes, etc) and he still doesn't do what I ask. So last night we were watching The Perfect Stanger with Halle berry and Bruce Willis.. for those of you that have seen it, do you remember the 'sex' scene w/ Halle Berry and that CSI guy? Well he says... 'why don't you ever f*!k me like that?' and I just didn't know what to say, because I feel like Ive done things in this relationship to try and make it work and now I've just given up and he doesn't like that.

I don't know, I'm just trying to keep you all posted on what's been going on, but I'm going to talk to him a final time and try to fix this, because every other part of our relatioship is amazing, except for the sex.

metallicaxox · Jun 10, 2009, 10:52 AM

I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through pretty much the same thing. My boyfriend would just be in it for himself and the countless times that we have had sex, I have never orgasmed from it, ever. I always have to either not be satisfyed or do it myself, which is why I do have a vibrator. They do come in handy in those situations, so I say get one. As for him, he really does need to understand what you going through and you need to talk to him. Talk to him more and more until he gets it right. Don't let him have sex with you until him knows how to please you first. Hopefully all the info you have will help, good luck!

MoodsterMan · Jun 14, 2009, 09:55 AM

Okay, first off.. like everyone is saying.. don't be afraid to introduce a sexual toy into your and his sex life. It increases endorphin's in the brain when he sees you getting satisfied. However, the next time you guys get intimate make sure YOU are on top and guide yourself how you like it. Show him the way that you want it cause either way he is getting what he wants.

Guys are a lot easier to orgasm then Girls are.. you need to press buttons in order to stimulate this and that to achieve a successful orgasm. You should try playing with yourself and find what turns you on and how to get yourself to orgasm if you don't know already.

All in all, make sure that HE understands that having sex requires two people. You are not a stripper, you are not just in it to get him satisfied.

Good luck. :p

Homegirl 50 · Jun 14, 2009, 10:07 AM

I think too many young girls are having sex to get a guy and keep him, Their enjoyment of it becomes secondary.
Sex toys are fine if they are used so that both of your sex lives will be enhanced. In other words it's for both your enjoyment not so you can get off because he is lazy.
If he does not know how, that's one thing, you two can work on that, but if he is just selfish, loose him. A man who is selfish in bed is selfish Period. No point in your getting sweaty and funky just for him and then you can't even talk to him about it for fear of embarrassing him. If he is selfish, he needs to be embarrassed.
Women need to wise up, as MoodsterMan said, "having sex requires two people. You are not a stripper, you are not just in it to get him satisfied"

Hey if you can't talk about it to him, you should not be doing it with him.

jalene11 · Jun 14, 2009, 10:21 AM

Listen I understand how you feel. My children's father was the same way. He only satisfied himself and never seemed to care that I was still HORNY and wanted a lot more than he obviously could either want or could handle. I did the best thing ever, I got myself a vibrator!! I started with a small BUNNY and worked my way up. I understand how this might be affecting your relationship cause it did mine. The vibrator was amazing, but I still felt that plastic was not enough so I left him and got with this great guy who truly has me begging for him to jump me every night and satisfies me tremendously!

So do you girl and get that vibrator. Try to discuss the situation with him and see if it works out. He might get BETTER if you just talk about it!!

Gemini54 · Jun 14, 2009, 10:08 PM

A vibrator might help you - but it's not going to help him.

He sounds like an absolute 'dud root', and what's more he can't even listen to what you need and ask for. This is the big red flag for me - in good relationships people listen to each other.

My question is - what else will he avoid hearing? What else will he ignore?

All the sex toys in the world ain't going to help if he's deaf to your needs.

503person · Jun 15, 2009, 08:45 PM

I had the same problem with my boyfriend. It was like he just didn't get it that I had the same needs as him. So, I would make him do the foreplay thing. When he'd be getting into position to actually penetrate, I'd say "not yet baby, i'm not ready, lets play a little more so I get wetter first" or something to that extent. I masturbated in front of him so he could SEE what I liked and how to do it. Yes, it was a bit embarrassing at first. Just do it to cendlelight, it's a lot more comforting that bright light bulbs. He's got to take your needs into consideration. And if he gets mad at you for getting a vibrator, then politely ask him if he'd like to... ah... fill that position.

ryans2fast4u · Jun 15, 2009, 11:45 PM

Does he not know or not care?

My first GF never once had an orgasm. She asked for it and I just didn't know what to do. She was too shy to give me details. I was probably as frusterated as she was. I stopped trying it because she never gave me positive reinforcement and never steered me in the right direction.

It got so bad I didn't want to sleep with her because I knew how frusterated it would just make her!

I bring this up because if you're his first as well, he may actually really be that clueless...

MoodsterMan · Jun 16, 2009, 06:10 AM

Originally Posted by ryans2fast4u

Does he not know or not care?

My first GF never once had an orgasm. She asked for it and I just didn't know what to do. she was too shy to give me details. I was probably as frusterated as she was. I stopped trying it because she never gave me positive reinforcement and never steered me in the right direction.

It got so bad I didn't want to sleep with her because I knew how frusterated it would just make her!

I bring this up because if your his first as well, he may actually really be that clueless...

This can be true;

I know when I first had sex I had no idea what I was doing but the chick seemed to know and got off by herself with me only supplying the inches.

If you don't know how to achieve an orgasm yourself, I don't understand how your partner would know?

Catsmine · Jun 16, 2009, 06:47 AM

Krzekali,

If he wants to continue to try to be with you, make a bedroom rule: You get off First, then he can get started.

If he can get you going, you may find that you can go again and again to his once. But you have to get going before he does.

If he can't, you should try the friends/roommates route.

MoodsterMan · Jun 16, 2009, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by Catsmine

Krzekali,

If he wants to continue to try to be with you, make a bedroom rule: You get off First, then he can get started.

If he can get you going, you may find that you can go again and again to his once. But you have to get going before he does.

If he can't, you should try the friends/roommates route.

And what would the "friends/roommates" route be?

talaniman · Jun 16, 2009, 01:18 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ad-365265.html

The rest of the story. Sex isn't the only problem here.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 16, 2009, 01:25 PM

Girl you have a man who treats you like crap and does the "wham-bam-thank you ma'am on the regular"
He sounds like an A1 jerk, but you are there taking it.
Pee or get off the pot! In other words, get a clue and a spine and leave him, or shut up!

BMI · Jun 16, 2009, 01:29 PM

I love him to death!

Y'see T-man, they fixed all their problems (eye roll)

Catsmine · Jun 16, 2009, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ad-365265.html

The rest of the story. Sex isn't the only problem here.

I take my advice back. Call Family and Children's Services, they can get you into an abuse shelter until you can make up with your family. He is abusing you, get out before it gets physical.

Thanks, Tal. I missed that.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 16, 2009, 04:26 PM

You are being abused. Don't volunteer to continue to be a victim. Leave. You say you love him, love yourself more.

Gemini54 · Jun 16, 2009, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ad-365265.html

The rest of the story. Sex isn't the only problem here.

I knew it! Dud root in the bedroom, abusive and boorish behaviour in the relationship.

This is a no-win situation.

Don't worry about the transmission - get a bus or train and get out of there.

503person · Jun 16, 2009, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are being abused. Don't volunteer to continue to be a victim. Leave. You say you love him, love yourself more.

She's right... you have to love yourself enough to venture out and get out of a bad situation!

smoothy · Jun 22, 2009, 08:18 AM

This isn't love... its clinging onto something you know.

I see no signs that this is a good or healthy relationship based on the posts of this thread.

You deserve someone better, and can most certainly find someone that fits that bill.