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JustBreath919 · Oct 28, 2008, 06:02 PM

We just got married in September. We moved in together in Jan. The sex has been great since the day we started he couldn't keep his hands off me it was amazing I just loved being his. He was my 1st and I was his... In about march sex started happening less, and less... And now its happening once a week. I loving having sex it's a cure for everything for me, but I have to respect that its not the same for him. So when it started to die we tried new things, new positions he loved (which hurt my body) I dressed up for him in outfits he fantasied about, I even did things that he really wanted to try... But every time I want to have sex with him he gives me an excuse... I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm hungry, Not in the mood... And I'm thinking maybe he just isint as horney, OK so on the computer today I find TONS of porn... He told me he doesn't get off to porn, I don't understand but he says it doesn't get him there... I don't know how that's possible after finding over 50 pages/movies of porn. And the worst part is all the girls he keeps looking into are nothing like me... Covered in tattoos, Unrealistic boob sizes, Way Way WAY skinner then I am... I love him with all my heart, but I'm starting to think that's he's not sexually attracted to me, he doesn't touch or play with me like he used to and its only been 2 months since we were married I have told him a few times that I don't feel like he finds me sexy and he's like I do, don't think that... Is this bad? What can we do?

Kati-Katt · Oct 28, 2008, 06:15 PM

Okay, people have got to face it, a lot of men out there are complete s. You might feel like what you have is pure love for him but he seems to only be sexually attracted. If I were you I'd give him one more chance to prove that he loves you and to actually try letting him want it for a change. In the relationship men are usually the ones getting pushed off and said no "I don't want to" or "I'm not in the mood" but because you are doing that maybe he's being the resistant one. Try giving him a night where he just has to sit back and relax and enjoy it for himself. If he feels generous he might give you back a little something special in return.

talaniman · Oct 28, 2008, 09:11 PM

What about the rest of the relationship??

asking · Oct 28, 2008, 09:46 PM

I know a lot of people on this forum think porn is just dandy, and I guess for some people it is, but I am convinced that porn makes many men unable to enjoy real sex with real women.

So many women complain that men are not interested in sex any more. It's practically an epidemic.

JustBreath919 · Oct 29, 2008, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

What about the rest of the relationship???

Everything else is really good! Were young we both work really hard. We just bought our 1st car together ( He picked it out and loves it!) we eat dinner together every night, we are very close and love spending time together.

450donn · Oct 29, 2008, 03:22 PM

Porn is addictive. You have a problem there, He is addicted to porn. If you don't believe me look up the statistics on pron addiction. It is one of the fastest growing addictions today. I guess you need to discuss this with him and try and get him to understand that just like any addiction he needs to confront it, get some professional help and try to build relationship's with real people, like YOU. IF he is unwilling or unable to deal with this problem then you don't have a lot of choices left to you. Good luck and please let us know what happens.

talaniman · Oct 29, 2008, 04:01 PM

Not unusual for the level of sex to fall off some what, but at this point, back off, and pay attention to your partner, and other things he does. He may just be as he says, tired,stressed, so by not pressing it, and just observing you may get some insights as to his changing sex habits, or at least be comforted by his feelings for you.

I can't say whether he is addicted to porn, or too much self love, but see what you observe and talk about it in a loving caring way, especially if other areas of this relationship are good.

asking · Oct 29, 2008, 04:56 PM

I agree with Talaniman about observing your husband. Get some distance.

Mr_NO_BS · Nov 1, 2008, 07:46 AM

I disagree that this is a porn problem. No one has mentioned that you were his first and vice versa. He is looking at porn and getting lost in a fantasy world. Right or wrong, both of you have not had different sexual experiences and while you are completely satisfied he may have fantasies that he does not feel comfortable asking "his first" to fulfill. Have you talked about what he likes and what you like in the bedroom?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 1, 2008, 07:53 AM

Sorry but porn addition can and does cause all sorts of problems, one if he is masterbating to it then it will even become harder for him to have the same feel when he has sex.

But on the other hand many men can just look "some" without any effect.

Also if you are using SEX to make everything better you are going to have issues very fast, since you make things better by talking, but sharing and by communication.

Also as LIFE happens you both work, have issues have stress, sex often gets less.

JustBreath919 · Nov 1, 2008, 10:33 AM

My biggest fear is that because we were each others 1st that maybe he wants more or different, My beliefs told me to wait until marriage, but now a days that may not be a good idea?

talaniman · Nov 1, 2008, 10:48 AM

Talk about it with him, in a calm casual way, and be patient. Problem solving can be a time consuming process that requires... time. Just as understanding the feelings of others can be.

That's why paying attention is so crucial to a relationship.

Mr_NO_BS · Nov 2, 2008, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by JustBreath919

my biggest fear is that because we were each others 1st that maybe he wants more or diffrent, My beliefs told me to wait until marriage, but now a days that may not be a good idea?

I have a lot of respect for people that can hold true to their beliefs! There is truth in the saying "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything"

I think that your fear about him wanting more or different could be true but lets hope not. Again, It is not porn that is causing him to want more or different, it is the fact that you were his first and now he is fantasizing about what sex might be like with other women.

Talk to him. Be patient. Marriage is a journey and is not always perfect.

asking · Nov 2, 2008, 07:28 AM

Mr. No, It's unclear why you are emphasizing that several years of porn-masturbation are not a contributor in establishing unrealistic expectations and patterns. It's a reasonable hypothesis and for now we don't have definite evidence either way. It would be difficult to do a controlled study!

Mr_NO_BS · Nov 2, 2008, 07:44 AM

Originally Posted by asking

Mr. No, It's unclear why you are emphasizing that several years of porn-masturbation are not a contributor in establishing unrealistic expectations and patterns. It's a reasonable hypothesis and for now we don't have definite evidence either way. It would be difficult to do a controlled study!

Did I miss something? Who said anything about "several years of porn-masturbation" I am simply saying that porn may be the effect and not the cause. I feel that more emphasis should be placed on the fact that she was his first and he is using porn as a fatansy escape.

asking · Nov 2, 2008, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by Mr_NO_BS

Did I miss something? Who said anything about "several years of porn-masturbation" I am simply saying that porn may be the effect and not the cause. I feel that more emphasis should be placed on the fact that she was his first and he is using porn as a fatansy escape.

That's reasonable. It appeared you were saying that porn could never cause any problems, a controversial position on this forum. :)

Anyway, whether it's cause or effect or both, it's water under the bridge at this point.

Mr_NO_BS · Nov 2, 2008, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by asking

That's reasonable. It appeared you were saying that porn could never cause any problems, a controversial position on this forum. :)

Anyway, whether it's cause or effect or both, it's water under the bridge at this point.

I did not say that porn could never cause any problems, I just stated that in this case I think there is a bigger issue. But I do agree with you, it is water under the bridge.:)

wannatruth · Nov 4, 2008, 07:32 AM

Don't worry much about it... it is not something very unusual... just try a lot of communicating and sharing...
Often what we think and feel about getting married... the real world comes out to be different and we have loads of things going on in our mind specially in the early years of marriage(apart from sex as well)... and many times males are not very expressive and keeping things in mind may cause disinterest in sex...
Try to understand him... talk to him... and even try to know his reasons for involving in porn by not discouraging it.. rather talking about it in lighter, humourous and leg-pulling way... and you may find out what is there in his mind... and you may then work on it!.
And yess... you are lucky that you both are different in sex interests... as often couples both having a lot of interest in sex or both having less interest face even more problems(this is my personal observation which some may not agree)... yours will resolve soon.. just give some time to marriage and I am sure all will be well!.

JustBreath919 · Dec 20, 2008, 07:28 AM

My husband and I got married in September. We have barley been married 3 months and already I'm thinking I made a mistake. We knew each other 2 years before we got married. Things have always been great up until the wedding. Its as if since I married him he no longer cares. We hardly have sex, maybe once a week if even that. Time together is spent on the couch, I have tried to go out, dinners, holiday festivity's, He sulks the hole time. We fight a lot more now, He plays online games, which he spends most of his time playing. His money is "his money" , the money I make is "Our money" Its as if he's only looking out for himself and not us as a whole. Ive had talk after talk about how I feel, telling him how upset I am and how I've been second guessing our marriage, I get the same response "I'm sorry, i didn't know, ill change" it last 2 days tops and then were back to the same ol same ol. When we both get home from work He jumps for the computer and I spend most of my time in a different room reading. I can't believe that in 3 months, it feels like the love has died. I keep trying to think of what to do, but more and more I just keep thinking that maybe I can't fix this. We both had goals and things we wanted to achieve and now he's perfectly content on working a min wage job and coming home to our small apartment and playing games. I have thrown the idea of marriage counseling around and he laughs, and pretty much tells me hell no. And the 1 things that drive me crazy the most, is if I do anything wrong, the name calling starts. I am an extremely strong minded person and I don't know how much more of being called "stupid" and being told to " Off" I can take... Please help.

JudyKayTee · Dec 20, 2008, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by JustBreath919

My husband and I got married in September. We have barley been married 3 months and already I'm thinking i made a mistake. We knew each other 2 years before we got married. Things have always been great up until the wedding. Its as if since i married him he no longer cares. We hardly have sex, maybe once a week if even that. Time together is spent on the couch, I have tried to go out, dinners, holiday festivity's, He sulks the hole time. We fight a lot more now, He plays online games, which he spends most of his time playing. His money is "his money" , the money i make is "Our money" Its as if hes only looking out for himself and not us as a whole. Ive had talk after talk about how i feel, telling him how upset i am and how i've been second guessing our marriage, I get the same response "I'm sorry, i didn't know, ill change" it last 2 days tops and then were back to the same ol same ol. When we both get home from work He jumps for the computer and i spend most of my time in a different room reading. I can't believe that in 3 months, it feels like the love has died. I keep trying to think of what to do, but more and more i just keep thinking that maybe i can't fix this. We both had goals and things we wanted to achieve and now hes perfectly content on working a min wage job and coming home to our small apartment and playing games. I have thrown the idea of marriage counseling around and he laughs, and pretty much tells me hell no. And the 1 things that drive me crazy the most, is if i do anything wrong, the name calling starts. I am an extremely strong minded person and I don't know how much more of being called "stupid" and being told to " Off" I can take.... Please help.

This should be combined with your other posts - it's part of the same thread.

If you are this unhappy and it's been going on for months, he won't work on the marriage, you can't "fix" it by yourself, I say to get out.