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High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 02:04 PM

After close to three months of NC, I break it on her birthday (October 16th) to call her and say happy birthday. I get her voicemail and leave a message saying that I hope she has a good birthday. I have a friend, and she called her number for me today, and it said that the number is out of service.

Basically, she changed her number after I left that message. I just missed having her in my life, she was like a best friend to me. It wasn't even like I was badgering her or bugging her, I barely spoke with her after our breakup. Just to have her up and change her number like this hit me hard today for some reason, when I had been doing so well.

I want so much for her to know how sorry I am for hurting her and being a bad boyfriend, and that I'd do anything to take back how I treated her when she needed me most. I've been really struggling guys. The anger and pain is more at MYSELF for ruining things, not her. How do I forgive MYSELF for what I've done?

aaj2008 · Oct 28, 2008, 02:08 PM

Oh oops NC means no contact.. didnt see that

h0llister · Oct 28, 2008, 02:09 PM

You didn't do anything wrong!. maybe she's still really hurt because of the breakup or maybe she was changing the number for another reason.. don't worry , move on. Just don't wish her merry christmas or anything. You tried and she ignored it. Now you need to ignore her !

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 02:12 PM

Oh no, you guys may not have read it correctly. We broke up in JULY and have not been in contact much at all since then. On her birthday I called to tell her that I hope she had a good birthday and that I still miss some of the good times we shared.

After I left the message, her number was no longer in service. She changed it. I have no way of contacting her now, it's truly over, there is truly no hope. I will have to concede to my fate now.

lady_rose · Oct 28, 2008, 02:22 PM

I suppose she doesn't want you to contact her since she changed her #. I would say its time to let go and move on.. I know its hard, but time heals all...

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 02:25 PM

Yeah, probably. It just seems brash to change your number for that reason..

JBeaucaire · Oct 28, 2008, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by High Max

Yeah, probably. It just seems brash to change your number for that reason..

Nah, that's as good a reason as any to change it. You know that.

The anger and pain is more at MYSELF for ruining things, not her. How do I forgive MYSELF for what I've done?

You forgive yourself by remembering what you did and making sure you don't repeat it with future girlfriend(s). That's it.

The only way you REALLY can show growth is to do better next time. There is no going back. Backwards is forever tainted with the sins of the past, so keep your eyes ahead.

Next year on her birthday, call your mom instead and tell her what a great mom she is.

TrueFaith · Oct 28, 2008, 04:34 PM

Oh dear

No more fall backs!

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 05:42 PM

Sorry guys. I've always blamed myself for a lot of things and have a really hard time letting go of my sins and mistakes. It's something I really struggle with. I played a pivotal role in ruining her relationship with her dad and step mom and her step sister, and it makes me feel awful.

Kati-Katt · Oct 28, 2008, 06:04 PM

If you want to forgive yourself your going to have to find it within yourself and face that what has happened can't be changed, and to improove on not doing that in the future. It's harsh that she changed her number, but maybe did you think you deserved it? Relationships usually don't end up as friendships after things are said and done unfortunately, but try to show her you can change, and don't promise anything you can't keep.

friend4u178 · Oct 28, 2008, 06:11 PM

Max
Don't beat yourself up about the mistakes you've made , everyone does and no ones perfect.

As JB said you just need to learn from your mistakes for future situations and make sure you don't make the same one's again.

That's an important part of the process , do that and you'll come out a better person in the end.

NItEMArE129 · Oct 28, 2008, 06:32 PM

It's hard to not beat yourself up for things you've done wrong, and I think that we all understand that. But like everybody else has been saying, what good is beating yourself up over them if you don't fix them? And if you fix them, you don't have to beat yourself up again. And for that one time that you did mess up and can't forgive yourself, turn that into motivation that'll keep you from messing up again.

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 06:33 PM

Would a letter of apology to her parents that she doesn't talk to be appropriate? Or should I not do this.

NItEMArE129 · Oct 28, 2008, 06:37 PM

What good would it do? If you actually hurt her parents directly, then you can apologize to them but not if you just want to talk to your ex. If you want to apologize to her parents, it better be because you feel guilty about something you did to her PARENTS and in NO WAY connected to her.

TrueFaith · Oct 28, 2008, 06:40 PM

No no no don't do anaything.

Just go on with your life :)

Your sorry will do nothing for her.
Your looking for something they can't give
You think if they forgive you. You will be able to forgive yourself.

Don't bother. Forgive yourself learn from your mistake and move on

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 06:52 PM

I don't know, I just feel bad that I helped tear them apart. I really don't know, do you think praying to God or going into the church to ask forgiveness may help? I haven't talked to God for a long time because I've been in doubt..

NItEMArE129 · Oct 28, 2008, 06:53 PM

Well whatever makes you feel better, then do it. Just don't let your mind stray or obsess over her.

chuff · Oct 28, 2008, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by High Max

Basically, she changed her number after I left that message.

You are blaming yourself for no reason. You don't know why she changed her number.

Originally Posted by High Max

I want so much for her to know how sorry I am for hurting her and being a bad boyfriend,

No you don't, I'll explain below.

Originally Posted by High Max

I've been really struggling guys. The anger and pain is more at MYSELF for ruining things, not her. How do I forgive MYSELF for what I've done?

Max, After my last breakup I too was not mad at her, but at myself because I allowed things to get out of hand in the sense I became the nice guy and allowed her to run all over me and did not practice the relationship fundamentals. As the emotion has worn off I now realize that while I made mistakes, this was someone who took advantage of those mistakes. Not exactly somebody I should be with.

Now, as I understand it, your issue with the ex was you ignored her to the point that drove her away and once she was gone you realized what you had. Almost the reverse of what I did. But here's the thing. After it was over you offered to make changes and while you were in a highly emotional state she kind of strung you along getting what she could from you as time wore on. This is not someone you should be with. Are you perfect? No. Are you someone that would purposely take advantage of someone in a highly emotional state. While I don't see that from you in any of the posts I've seen over the last few months.

talaniman · Oct 28, 2008, 08:37 PM

I forgive you, now whatever it takes forgive yourself, and get off the darn pity pot, its unattractive, and self serving.

I don't want to beat you up, your doing a good enough job of that, so consider yourself slapped back to reality.

Do something good for yourself and we can let this slide.

You deserve a chance, now take it before we change our minds.

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 08:37 PM

Thank you, guys. I'm sorry to do this, but I genuinely do feel bad and sorry about it all. I don't really know what I'm looking for in posting this. I really have been trying so hard to move on from this, to meet someone new that I can be happy with, but it just isn't working. I guess my conscience isn't letting me get over this. There's just some sort of feeling lingering, something that I should do for her, her family, someone, to show that I'm sorry. Just to hear the words "It's ok, I forgive you.."

Sorry of this sounds like pity begging.