[ayden_nyte]

Well, I'm 18... I'm thinking about having my own child in a few years, having been convinced to do so by my fiancé. I'm 5'1.75" and my fiance is 6'2"... dear god I hope my kid won't be huge.

As a side note to help you understand my fear: I'm a very weak girl, not weak as in I can't lift more than 25 lbs, or weak as in fragile, I have a very, VERY low pain tolerance. VERY low pain tolerance. I don't really know how to explain my low tolerance for pain... I just know I have a very, very low tolerance.

Back to what I wanted to ask.

I know that I will ultimately go through some amount of pain. I'm thinking to save myself a bit of it, I should get a C-section when the time comes. But my fiancé doesn't want me to get a C-section. He is bent on me having my child naturally.

What I don't think he gets is that the prospect of having the child, and knowing how much pain it puts the mothers through, it literally scares the living hell out of me. I want to have my own child. That I know. But I'm deathly afraid of going through the pain of birth.

When I start thinking about the birthing process, and thinking of the pain, I begin to cry, and not want to have my own child. Originally, all I wanted to do was adopt. But now that I'm older, I honestly want my own, flesh-and-blood child.

Now for my question, though spare me, I'm unsure as of how to word it exactly:

Are there ways to either:
(a) Help me with my fear of the pain
(b) How I could possibly get my fiancé to agree to a C-section
(c) Dull the pain without hindering my ability to birth the child

Or should I just go to counseling? (ha)

[jambourrie]

In my opinion, I think counselling would be helpful to discuss the fear. Saying that, fear of childbirth is quite normal, and you might start feeling differently in the future. Who knows, right?

I had a great birth... my second child (I really REALLY did not want to have to go through pain) didn't give me trouble or pain at all!!

I had an epidural as soon as I found out I was in 2nd stage labour. I made this request specifically when I found out I was pregnant. (I went through HELL in my first labour, with all sorts of complications). Anyway... I got the epidural and was pain free until the birth of my child. I thought it was great. I was relaxed, I was in a hospital and felt safe.

The first stage of my labours weren't bad. Just felt like bad period cramps... the epidural isn't really all that painful, just uncomfortable, and lasts a minute or two. Then pain free after that. (I realise it is different for everyone).

I would not suggest a c-section if you have a low pain threshold, because you will be in pain for a few days after the major, abdominal surgery. Read about the surgery, and read about the recovery, and keep in mind it is invasive, and comes with lots of risks.

I guess it depends on the type of pain you have no tolerance to... but going through the recovery or surgery in my experience is not easy. I hate aching, I hate losing mobility, and I hate having stitches and stuff.

The pain after birth for me, even with some complications the first time were minimal. That was my experience.

Im not trying to be scary.. just sharing what I went through, and what I would do again in a heartbeat.

[ISneezeFunny]

I got to ask, do YOU want this child yourself? From your post, it really seems like your fiance's pushing you for this kid... and you're not too sure of it. You were "convinced" to have a kid, and no offense, as I understand the relationship belongs to you two, but it's YOUR body that'll bear most of the pregnancy.

To have a kid, I feel that both partners need to be wanting this child, and feeling up to the challenge of going through the pregnancy, birth, and childcare together. If one party doesn't feel too "great" about it... I just feel that it won't work as well.

Also, you said you were 18... I wonder if you're financially ready for this kid? You said you're afraid of the pain, but from what I hear from mothers, it's not the pain of childbirth that's the hardest... it's actually the childcare. Staying awake for days on end, working with a tight budget, taking care of the house, etc. etc. etc.

[hollylovesbrandon]

ISneeze she did say she wanted to have a kid "in a couple of years" so that has some bearing I guess. Like you Ayden, I have a very low pain tolerance. I bruise easily and my husband can even goof off with me without hurting me sometimes. I'm 5'2 and he's 6'4. So it's kind of the same deal... only I hope my children are a lot taller than me. I hate being short. Anyway, I have never once been afraid of the pain of childbirth. I mean, there are something's that you sacrifice yourself for. And when the time comes for to be ready to have a baby, you won't even be thinking about that. And tell your boyfriend that it's your body, and unless he wants to squeeze a watermelon out of his penis hole then he can shut-up.

[danielnoahsmommy]

Recovery from a c-section is major abdominal surgery and more painful than a vaginal birth. I would not wish it on anybody. Pain management is pretty good nowadays and would recommend an eppidural when the time comes

[liz28]

Having a c-section is suppose be used in case of an emergency and not a birth plan. When I had my child I was scared but it wasn't at bad as I thought. I didn't even have an eppidural, that something you should educated yourself on, but I was going something else for the pain and it worked well.

Now I am pregnant again and even though I went through it before I am still a little scare. Too me the only thing that hurt was the contractions but the actually birth didn't. You can educated yourself more on childbirth because there are so many books and videos out there.

[DoulaLC]

>>>>Are there ways to either:
(a) Help me with my fear of the pain
(b) How I could possibly get my fiance to agree to a C-section
(c) Dull the pain without hindering my ability to birth the child

a) your body was designed to give birth... being afraid of the unknown is perfectly natural, but if you become educated in all that it entails you will have a better understanding of the process and how your body works through each stage. There is often some element of fear, or at least concern, no matter how many children someone has, as each birth can be different from the last. Being prepared can help with that fear a great deal however. When you become pregnant, look into classes and ask friends for references of books they found helpful.

b) as was said, a c-section really should be used only when medically necessary. You will have more potential risks simply with it being major surgery, and you will be dealing with pain while trying to take care of a newborn afterwards. Yes, some women are uncomfortable after a vaginal birth, but in most cases not as much or for as long as after a c-section. A c-section also increases risks for future pregnancies.

c) there are numerous options for comfort and pain management during labor... many you and your partner can provide yourselves, and there are some medical options as well if they should be desired. When used appropriately, you can lessen the possible effects to baby and causing any concerns with your ability to give birth.