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hardheaded · Sep 19, 2008, 01:11 PM

She wants to leave but she tells me she does not know if that is what she wants. I was a jealous person and I have had 2 months to relect on how I was acting. I want to change for her and myself. But I don't know how to convince her that I can change my ways. I would get upset and yell and I know it was wrong of me and I realize this now. She still loves me and we talk a lot still. She has gotten jealous that I have been talking to one of our female friends about our situation (sounds like I was). Question is I want to change for her how do I show her I can? I was hurt badly in the past and I am getting over it can people change for the beter?

Romefalls19 · Sep 19, 2008, 01:20 PM

Actions speak louder than words. Start going to therapy to find out the reasons behind your jealousy and also read some books on the topic. You can't tell someone that you can change, you have to show them you can

hardheaded · Sep 19, 2008, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Actions speak louder than words. Start going to therapy to find out the reasons behind your jealousy and also read some books on the topic. You can't tell someone that you can change, you have to show them you can

I agree 100% I have been doing a lot of reading and talking to a therapist and I realize that it was my past that was causing it. I am letting go of that thanks to myself help and help from my therapist. I want and know I can do it I just don't know how I can show her if she does not come back for me to prove it. I understand her confusion and feel for her situation. She is the best women I have ever met and I want to treat her like that she deserves it.

hardheaded · Sep 20, 2008, 12:18 PM

Ok so I wrote her a letter and left it in her car while she was at work. She told me she got it and helped a little (Idon't get a little). Anyway I bought her a really nice promise ring and I am hoping that it will do something. If not then I will just let her be and see what happens.

spyderglass · Sep 20, 2008, 04:27 PM

Actions-
As in treat her better
Gifts and overtures of love don't fix things
What I'm trying to say- is watch how you handle the little things
It's the simple things that matter
When it is her turn to do the dishes
Say 'hey! Don't worry about it, I'll do them tonight for you!'
Stuff like that every once in awhile

jjwoodhull · Sep 20, 2008, 05:37 PM

Don't change for her. Change for yourself. Telling her you can change will do nothing. She needs to see it. Also, don't come on too strong with gifts and things - this could look insincere. Just concentrate on the issue at hand. Good luck:)

talaniman · Sep 20, 2008, 07:38 PM

Those gifts and promises will mean nothing, once that old behavior comes back to the surface. Make sure you do the work thats required to change, and do it for you. That's all the convincing you will need.

hardheaded · Sep 21, 2008, 12:04 PM

Well she came over again last night and decided to give me a chance to prove it to her. So we are taking things slowly before she moves back in. So I will keep you guys posted on how I am doing and if this all works out. It is sad to see all these people on here and I have not read a good outcome yet. I hope this will help someone in the future with the same problem I was having.

talaniman · Sep 21, 2008, 12:39 PM

Healing, and living your happy life IS a good outcome, whether the partner comes back, or not. Depends on how clear your perspective on life is.

Kati-Katt · Sep 21, 2008, 01:04 PM

It is her choice to believe what she does, all that you can help is you make the promise, you have to improove to get anywhere... AND MEAN IT. A very important piece and prettymuch the point of making a promise to someone is to keep it.Unfortunately it doesen't always work with relationships that once having past relationships together with disturbance that it ever gets back, and it's rare that it ever goes back to the way that it was if it does. Try to show her you can change. And if she is feeling that you around her friend is bothering her she possibly feels threatened by her friend being there and around you when you make a promise because that just kind of makes the lighting of the situation very dimmed... the doubts are she might think you have a thing for this friend.If it still bothers her that your with another girl then there probably is having some feeling towards yo so don't give up unless it's really clear she doesen't want you back. Careful of how you act, when girls see you act around other people they tend to assume a lot of things and get caught up in a story that wasn't even happening. Knowing someone personally can usually give away what type of relationship she wants. She could want to be with you like you do to her, or maybe she just wants friendship, or possibly just friends with privilages. Talk to her about it. Your not going to win the olympics if you don't run.