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illBap · Jul 28, 2008, 11:51 PM

Ok first post here we go

I was in a 2 year relationship with my ex girlfriend. We are both 21, we had a little discussions but never a really big fight. Recently she break up with me because I was spying on her myspace, the thing is I was doing it because I found a note on her notebook (which I take a picture of it) that have a list of all the guys she kissed in order, I know this because we were best friends and still are. The list also have a bunch of names that I don't know so when she left her myspace open I began to spy on everything inbox and stuff, she found out that I spy because I tell a friend that I did it (stupid thing ever) and that friend tell her. She doesn't know that I know about the list and have a picture of it. Do you think that I should tell her that I mistrust her because of the list and try to get back with her, move on or what, I love this girl with all my heart and I know that she still love me too because she said it to me when we broke up and that was a couple days ago, she said that she doesn't trust me like before and can't be with me because she is not comfortable with me. We still speak every day on the phone and all, I want her so bad because I know that she is the one for me. Any advice would be appreciated thanks:confused: :(

KissMe10der · Jul 28, 2008, 11:53 PM

On the list were their names after yours?

If not, why are you freaking out.

Another thing, what happened in her past... she can't change. So, why spy on her?

illBap · Jul 29, 2008, 12:03 AM

No I don't care what happened in her past, and after my name it was others because as friends we kiss and after that she had a boyfriend, the thing is on the note it say on another column: I still have to... and a bunch of names that I didn't know and that is what freak me out

KissMe10der · Jul 29, 2008, 12:04 AM

Ok, well you should have talked to her about it.

illBap · Jul 29, 2008, 12:09 AM

That's what pisses me off, that I know the fault was mine, so the question is should bring up the note and try to fix things up or what do you suggest?

KissMe10der · Jul 29, 2008, 12:12 AM

I think honesty is always best, how did you find the note anyway?

illBap · Jul 29, 2008, 12:17 AM

One day she was studying in my house and she left all the notebooks on my bed, she went to the bathroom and there was this notebook with a page fold in very weird and in the last pages of the notebook so when I checked there it was I quickly take my camera and take a picture of it and I have almost 4 months and never say a thing

KissMe10der · Jul 29, 2008, 12:18 AM

Then talk to her about it, tell her you felt threatened.

illBap · Jul 29, 2008, 12:24 AM

That's what I thought, she always fight with me because almost never tell her what I feel at the moment and I do it after I feel better, that's just like a knucklehead mechanism that I have well as most of the guys do I think, how do you thing she will react

KissMe10der · Jul 29, 2008, 12:26 AM

She will be upset, but you have a right to be upset also.. She had prior plans to make out with others..

Be open with her, tell her that you should have said something at first.

But hun, if she made those plans... do you think its worth it to get back with her?

Note that the whole invastion of privacy will come up... think it through before talking to her. Admit that you were wrong for doing so, but you did and you saw that.. and were hurt to think of her with someone else. Or the fact she would even put it in writing. She is 21, writing a list like that that doesn't seem very mature... HONESTLY.
Maybe the list is from awhile ago or something.. I don't know... BUT you need to clear the air, and if its meant to be.. its meant to be.

illBap · Jul 29, 2008, 12:35 AM

That's the thing that on the list it didn't say anything clearly about making out it only say "Falta" which means still to do, we both are puertoricans and my primary language is spanish so sorry for the mistakes. I don't know if the love is blinding me up but honestly I want to be with her, and of courses that depends on the answer I get of the note

JBeaucaire · Jul 29, 2008, 10:56 AM

How about getting over yourself before you say/do anything? This girl doesn't owe you anything except an honest CURRENT relationship. You're definitely not giving HER that, so you got to get some new thought processes.

How about dating a girl and looking for ways to impress her with how great a guy YOU are? That requires some self-confidence, it requires you to not be so needy in regard to a girl's history (except history with YOU.)

How about you delete that picture? How about you work on BEING a good kisser and attentive boyfriend and appreciate her prior experience instead of worrying about it. How about you live this thing face to face with her and stay off the facebooks and myspaces and all that garbage.. How about that?

Romefalls19 · Jul 29, 2008, 11:53 AM

JB, finally a decent post on this discussion. I have read the previous entries and everyone is side stepping 2 things.

1. Her notebook is HER property, you had no business going in it to begin with. Who cares what her past is, you dated her knowing she kissed other guys. You violated her trust first there.

2. Again, over stepped boundries by going on her myspace. My girlfriend gave me her user ID and password for her myspace n Facebook account 2 weeks ago, I threw it away. It's called respect, no wonder she broke up with you. You are an insecure, immature guy. It's a freakin online webpage to meet people, what the hell did you think she was going to do? It's not a dating site

KissMe10der · Jul 29, 2008, 12:11 PM

Rome, if you re-read... You will see that he did indeed say he doesn't care about her past. It's the "To Do" list that had him freaked out.

To be honest they both seem too immature. Why would a 21 year old create a Kiss list? And if he did snoop and find the list... Why not talk about it right then and there... and own up for what he did?

Romefalls19 · Jul 29, 2008, 12:21 PM

So what if it's a to do list? When was the list created? Obviously it was after they kissed as friends. And yes, I agree, both are highly immature with a kiss list. But kissing isn't a big deal, if only people knew how many girls I've kissed. It's not a huge ordeal, I won't cheat on my girlfriend, or wouldn't think of snooping through her things.

He has a huge trust issue with her, what made you snoop in the first place?

illBap · Jul 29, 2008, 04:05 PM

I wasn't snooping on her notebook I just saw a page fold weird I was going to unfold it and to my surprise there it was, the list didn't say guys who I kissed, it didn't have a tittle I know what it is because I was her best friend and the only thing the names had in common is the kissing thing, what freak me out was the to do and like 4 names more. On the myspace she was using my computer and she forgot to log out when she finished so she went to her home and when I was going to log in in my account there it was and I start snooping around and I do not care about her past

Romefalls19 · Jul 30, 2008, 04:56 AM

You were wrong, not other way around it. She has not acted on these names, or given you a reason not to trust her. You were curious and had to fold the page back, then most trusting people would see their S/O's myspace page up and simply log out, you had to go snooping around. You got what you deserved, lesson learned. TRUST

talaniman · Jul 30, 2008, 01:30 PM

When there is no
Honesty
Trust
Communications
Willingness to work together,
You have NO relationship, just two people going through the motions.

Whether you made a mistake, or not, at least be honest, and stand for your own actions, come what may. Its got to be better than the limbo your in now.

Miller11 · Jul 30, 2008, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by illBap

Ok first post here we go

i was in a 2 year relationship with my ex gf. we are both 21, we had a little discussions but never a really big fight. recently she break up with me because i was spying on her myspace, the thing is i was doing it because i found a note on her notebook (which i take a picture of it) that have a list of all the guys she kissed in order, i know this because we were best friends and still are. the list also have a bunch of names that i don't know so when she left her myspace open i began to spy on everything inbox and stuff, she found out that i spy because i tell a friend that i did it (stupid thing ever) and that friend tell her. she doesn't know that i know about the list and have a picture of it. Do you think that i should tell her that i mistrust her because of the list and try to get back with her, move on or what, i love this girl with all my heart and i know that she still love me too because she said it to me when we broke up and that was a couple days ago, she said that she doesnt trust me like before and can't be with me because she is not comfortable with me. We still speak every day on the phone and all, i want her so bad because i know that she is the one for me. Any advice would be appreciated thanks:confused: :(

Most of us can probably relate to you. I know I'd be upset to if I found stuff like that. But it's not right for you to go through her personal possessions just because they were easy to access. I've been in a similar situation and sometimes friendships come to an end if your relationship between you two go farther than just friends. Try giving her some place. Some people don't like to be bugged by their ex right after a break up especailly if they ended the relationship. You're still farely young take it slow and live your life. Good and I hope you get things straightened out soon.

illBap · Jul 30, 2008, 10:31 PM

I think all of you who answer are right, the right thing to do is give her space, all though we are still friends, and talk and do stuff but the right thing to do I think is not to pressure her about our relationship, just give her time and see if she can forgive for what I did, if not then move on with my life thanks to all; is someone come up with a different opinion then please say it, this is was my first relationship and I don't know how to handle this situation