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chris28 · Feb 11, 2008, 06:31 AM

Hi all,

As seen in my previous posts my ex has been needy lately and lonely and we hung out as friends that's all she wanted but I want more. She was telling everyone she had a great time with me but she only wants to be my friend and so on. She also mentioned how much I love her and things along that line. Now that valentines day is coming up I wanted to no if I sent her a card would that look to needy or make me look weak.. She already knows I care a lot about her and I do. So I wanted to send her a card what do use think??

shygrneyzs · Feb 11, 2008, 06:34 AM

No card, Chris. Nothing. I am not surprised that you have not let go of her. But I am saddened by it. It is just no good.

MasuBhat · Feb 11, 2008, 07:16 AM

I don't know about the weak part but needy yes. So just don't do anything..

chris28 · Feb 11, 2008, 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

No card, Chris. Nothing. I am not surprised that you have not let go of her. But I am saddened by it. It is just no good.

Figured that would be the answer just had to ask anyway.

Romefalls19 · Feb 11, 2008, 07:28 AM

Yea, it's always a tough pill to swallow when you get the advice you know you need to hear but don't want to hear. You want to come on, ask the question and them say "oh yea definately, and then she will come back into your life hugging you" or maybe that's just me.

chris28 · Feb 11, 2008, 07:49 AM

Yea good point Rome that is what I wanted to hear some re-assuring words. Truth is when I start to distance myself from her I get pulled back in. And there's been a 2 times we tried the friends thing this is the second time I really don't call her but she's been telling people she happy were friends now and she content with that but I'm really not. So of course my stupid thinking is tell me that since we were friends might as well do something wit her. That's where I am now.

shygrneyzs · Feb 11, 2008, 07:53 AM

If you were my son, Chris, I would say no different to you. As tough as this is for you, to be around her and yet still think something might happen - you do know deep in your heart how absolutely venomous being in a relationship with her is. I think you are just too kind hearted or too blind or maybe a bit of both. She cannot be your friend - her psyche does not work that way. And yours cannot deal with it, at least now. Maybe in a few years. But not now.

Remember all the advice you received about establishing No Contact and then sticking to that. If you refreshing, go back and read.

Romefalls19 · Feb 11, 2008, 08:35 AM

Chris I know how that feels, being drawn back in. My ex will sometimes come in and talk to me, a simple hello or a smile or anything of that nature draws me in and I'm like... Maybe I should text her but I hold back. It's too hard to be friends, best advice is to walk away from it all... Get your head together, tell her a friendship is too hard for you right now... Maybe in time

chris28 · Feb 11, 2008, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

If you were my son, Chris, I would say no different to you. As tough as this is for you, to be around her and yet still think something might happen - you do know deep in your heart how absolutely venomous being in a relationship with her is. I think you are just too kind hearted or too blind or maybe a bit of both. She cannot be your friend - her psyche does not work that way. And yours cannot deal with it, at least now. Maybe in a few years. But not now.

Remember all the advice you received about establishing No Contact and then sticking to that. If you refreshing, go back and read.

I think it is a little of both that I am. Her friends mom called me and told me they had a conversation and she told her "my ex" she hopes I get a g/f or she gets a b/f so it will just be all over any relations that me and her have will be ended. She also said that her friends all were on my side and told my ex that she's playing a game that's not fair, and they also told her that she's only trying to be my friend to make sure she still has me "hooked" for a lack of a better word. It's kind of helpful hearing that I am not totally wrong. See the hardest thing to get past is that hope thing because as bad as the relationship was or could have been there's a part of me who sees only the good in her. I think maybee going on a date or 2. Might help the both of us. O yea and having a valentine wouldn't be that bad either.

BMI · Feb 11, 2008, 08:43 AM

Hi Chris,

I don't mean to come off as being offensive, but all the threads you have started and all the advice you have sorted through and "agreed" with, yet you sit there and ask a question like that??

You really have not learned a thing have you. I think many who follow your situation are either done with it, or feel sad that you will not listen to what is being said. If that be the case than I'm pretty certain everyone here can see where your heading, and its a lot worse than where you are now.

shygrneyzs · Feb 11, 2008, 08:45 AM

Yes, going out on a date with a different female might help you see that there is a life beyond this past ex girlfriend. But I would caution not to mentally compare anyone else to this ex girlfriend. Meaning not to put the ex girlfriend on a pedestal and no one else can "compete." Could be you are not ready to "date" but you are in need of female friends who just want to be friends. You need to see how healthy women relate to their friends and their environment.

Valentine's Day is highly overrated. I personally do not buy into all that schmaltz (meaning excessively sentimental and can mean other things but not in this context). That "holiday" is not a happy day for many and sets unrealistic expectations for both male and female. Who really needs diamonds to make them happy?

Romefalls19 · Feb 11, 2008, 08:49 AM

I hooked up with a girl for the first time Saturday night.. And nope, no where near ready... I just felt horrible afterwards because I didn't feel any connection at all nor care if she texts or calls me again. I know it was wrong, I feel bad about it but I thought it would help... Oh how wrong I was

MasuBhat · Feb 11, 2008, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I hooked up with a girl for the first time Saturday night..And nope, no where near ready...I just felt horrible afterwards because I didn't feel any connection at all nor care if she texts or calls me again. I know it was wrong, I feel bad about it but I thought it would help...Oh how wrong I was

Aww... [hug]

chris28 · Feb 11, 2008, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by BMI

Hi Chris,

I don't mean to come off as being offensive, but all the threads you have started and all the advice you have sorted through and "agreed" with, yet you sit there and ask a question like that???

You really have not learned a thing have you. I think many who follow your situation are either done with it, or feel sad that you will not listen to what is being said. If that be the case than I'm pretty certain everyone here can see where your heading, and its alot worse than where you are now.

I'm not offended in the least bit. Im not retarded I no the advice people are giving is pretty on point. I just feel in a rut and that there is no one else there for me now I'm sure it will pass.

MasuBhat · Feb 11, 2008, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by chris28

im not offended in the least bit. Im not retarded i no the advice people are giving is pretty on point. I just feel in a rut and that there is noone else there for me now im sure it will pass.

Good luck on it,

Romefalls19 · Feb 11, 2008, 09:43 AM

Chris anytime you fall into a rut come on here and vent. I almost caved in on my NC last week and the guys and girls... I'll even say friends on here have pulled me back from the edge and while it hurt that day, I felt stronger the next

chris28 · Feb 11, 2008, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Chris anytime you fall into a rut come on here and vent. I almost caved in on my NC last week and the guys and girls...I'll even say friends on here have pulled me back from the edge and while it hurt that day, I felt stronger the next

I AGREE that's probably why I come on here so much asking similar question I just need the gacts re iderated.