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melissa27009 · Apr 6, 2009, 10:44 AM

I am trying to file a do-it-yourself divorce based on the fact that I am a full time student, have 3 children and am a single mother. I do not have much money at all, and just the filing fees alone are going to be a big set back for me. I have heard many conflicting stories about how to go about the divorce.
I understand the process with the paperwork. My question is I have been told I need to run an add the local newspaper of our last residence, I was told to hire a private investegator and when that comes back as him being deported that was service, and I was told I had to run an add his countries newspaper. (I dotn speak spanish :confused:) Can anyone PLEASE direct me in the right path. I really need this divorce done, as I have heard he is planning on coming back illegally and trying to take my children back to El Salvador. :(

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2009, 11:02 AM

It varies State by State so it's hard to know exactly what the Court in your area requires.

Your husband MUST be notified of the divorce. That can be done by serving papers on him PERSONALLY or by publishing in a newspaper which meets certain criteria (usually a certain circulation) in the area where he lives.

I don't know why you would need a licensed private investigator to prove he was deported. He's your husband and there should be records which you can obtain, particularly if you've attempted to apply for any benefits.

A divorce will complicate things if he comes back into the country, of course, but it will take some time.

Do you have a restraining order or any other type of paperwork concerning custody or visitation? At this moment he has the same rights to the children that you have.

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2009, 11:03 AM

It varies State by State so it's hard to know exactly what the Court in your area requires.

Your husband MUST be notified of the divorce. That can be done by serving papers on him PERSONALLY or by publishing in a newspaper which meets certain criteria (usually a certain circulation) in the area where he lives.

I don't know why you would need a licensed private investigator to prove he was deported. He's your husband and there should be records which you can obtain, particularly if you've attempted to apply for any benefits.

A divorce will complicate things if he comes back into the country, of course, but it will take some time.

Do you have a restraining order or any other type of paperwork concerning custody or visitation? At this moment he has the same rights to the children that you have.

You say you are a single mother. Do you mean you are a woman raising the children alone or that you were never married to this man?

melissa27009 · Apr 6, 2009, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

It varies State by State so it's hard to know exactly what the Court in your area requires.

Your husband MUST be notified of the divorce. That can be done by serving papers on him PERSONALLY or by publishing in a newspaper which meets certain criteria (usually a certain circulation) in the area where he lives.

I don't know why you would need a licensed private investigator to prove he was deported. He's your husband and there should be records which you can obtain, particularly if you've attempted to apply for any benefits.

A divorce will complicate things if he comes back into the country, of course, but it will take some time.

Do you have a restraining order or any other type of paperwork concerning custody or visitation? At this moment he has the same rights to the children that you have.

You say you are a single mother. Do you mean you are a woman raising the children alone or that you were never married to this man?

I am married to this man. We were married in 2002, and he has been gone for 6 years. I have tried everything I can, and cannot receive any type of help, or even answers from the court clerk.
My main question on the service, was I was told I can do a service by publication. But where would I do it? In El Salvador, or where we used to live together? Where he was held in prison, or where it is rumored that he is now? I cannot serve him in person, since I do not know where he is, and cannot go to El Salvador to try to locate him.
I apologize for not adding more detail on the part where I mentioned he is planning on re-entering the country. He was deported for an aggravated felony, and was banned from this country. He was a permanent resident, and had his status revoked. Never allowed to return. He has been picked up 2 times on illegal re-entry so far.
You stated I would have to get paperwork concerning the custody of the children, but I have been told that since they are citizens, and he has no rights to be in the country after being deported, that there is nothing I need to do in regards to them.

Thank you for your time!

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2009, 11:28 AM

No problem - the Federal Government will have a record that he was deported. Which Court Clerk and where have you been talking to?

And he has to be served where he lives, wherever that is. You may need an investigator if you believe he is in prison - the investigator would find proof of that imprisonment and he would be served there.

You said you believe, despite being deported, that he is going to come back and get the children. Therefore, whether he has rights certainly isn't going to bother him for one second. You need sole custody.

He apparently is not terribly concerned with what is legal and what is not, what he is allowed to do and what he is not.

melissa27009 · Apr 6, 2009, 11:32 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

No problem - the Federal Government will have a record that he was deported. Which Court Clerk and where have you been talking to?

And he has to be served where he lives, wherever that is. You may need an investigator if you believe he is in prison - the investigator would find proof of that imprisonment and he would be served there.

You said you believe, despite being deported, that he is going to come back and get the children. Therefore, whether or not he has rights certainly isn't going to bother him for one second. You need sole custody.

He apparently is not terribly concerned with what is legal and what is not, what he is allowed to do and what he is not.

Right that is my concern that he simply doesn't care. He has made outrageous threats towards me. I just want it done. I have been speaking with the NC Court Clerk, and they are saying if you see him call the police. I know there isn't much that can be done, its just difficult to try and get this taken care of, when I have no clue where he is, and am afraid that me finding him, will lead to him finding me.
If I had the money for an attorney, I would have most definitely gotten one. This is too confusing for me to handle on my own. But as of right now I have no choice.

Thank you for time!

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2009, 11:34 AM

You can't get assigned counsel or free counsel of some type because your children MIGHT be at risk?

Immigration is the place to go for proof he was deported.

melissa27009 · Apr 6, 2009, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You can't get assigned counsel or free counsel of some type because your children MIGHT be at risk?

Immigration is the place to go for proof he was deported.

I will contact immigration again. I am going to need to take a day off work, to head down there, I can't get anywhere with them over the phone. They are telling me I need to go to the immigration office by where he was arrested. Nevada is a little too far right now for papers. I will have this taken care of soon though :)

Thank you

melissa27009 · Apr 6, 2009, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You can't get assigned counsel or free counsel of some type because your children MIGHT be at risk?

Immigration is the place to go for proof he was deported.

Do you know what is involved in the dilligent search that I need to do before I can go ahead with a service by publication?

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2009, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by melissa27009

Do you know what is involved in the dilligent search that I need to do before I can go ahead with a service by publication?

I am in NY and the diligent search has to be done under the direction of the Court, usually by a licensed private investigator. It has to be done by someone who has a lot of resources in order to find people.

melissa27009 · Apr 6, 2009, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I am in NY and the diligent search has to be done under the direction of the Court, usually by a licensed private investigator. It has to be done by someone who has a lot of resources in order to find people.

Ok great Thank YOU!! (again!) :D

JudyKayTee · Apr 6, 2009, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by melissa27009

Ok great Thank YOU!!! (again!) :D

Good luck - you're in a tough spot. Keep yourself and your children safe. Come back and let us know how things are going for you.

ESTEFANY83 · Oct 27, 2011, 09:46 PM

The same thing is happening to me.. i'm 28, i have three kids, he has a felony which lead to deportation cause he is from el salvador. We have been separated for 8 years.. he said we are divorce which i don't believe. I do want the divorce and the state clark send me to legal aid.