[BattleAngel14745]

Message Deleted

[Wildcat21]

Definitely could be the meds or your depression.

It will come back.

Do you do a lot of four play?? Pretty darn important for woman. Oral??

Do you try to do it in different places??

Did anything tramatic happen recently? Or during sex.

I definitely would try lying on the bed - clothed and just talk about things. SLOWLY work into. Too many times we rush into this stuff.

Are you still attracted to him?

[Wildcat21]

Also - this website should help - check out the different topics.

www.relationships.blog-city.com

[BattleAngel14745]

No four play any more. Just wham bham thank you mame and get quickly done and over with. We use to always do oral, but not anymore. We use to do it every where we could showers, baths, couchs, chairs, cars, parks, floors, hotels and of course beds. Not anymore only in the bed. No nothing tramatic happened recently. I've really thought about this a lot. I think it might be because we live together now. We see each other every day and were use to each other. I always felt like we had to have sex in order for us to feel close. I am physically attracted to him though he has put weight on and getting pretty thick. I'm use to the tight toned six pack. But I'm not with him because of his looks. I'm by far more attracted to his personality then his looks. I love him for him not for what he looks like.

[Wildcat21]

Well, it sounds like you two have gotten very lazy in your relationship.

Woman need four play. Period. End of story.

You aren't getting anything out the sex. I am sure you don't orgasm. 60 to 70% of woman don't orgasm on intercourse alone - they need other means.

Plus you say he has gotten out of shape. You guys really need to sit down and talk. You guys really need to over haul things and talk about this stuff.

It's sounds like you are totally not getting fulfilled. Woman need for play (or is it foreplay?) most of the time. Woman need their engines to warm up.

[Wildcat21]

Some woman need all day forepaly - you need your time.

HE IS NOT MEETING YOUR NEEDS.

WAM BAM meets his needs - that's extremely selfish.

You need to let him know what you need.

Woman need romance as well.

[BattleAngel14745]

Wow "Wildcat21" your on this site a lot. Always giving advice. So what's your story. How old are you? Are you licensed Psychologist or what? Hey thanks for the advice. You are so right I so need to be romanced. My boyfriend has never done anything "romantic" for me ever other then buying me flowers way back in the day. I bet I would be really turned on if he did something "romantic" for me like just even something simple like rubbing my back or neck. Or maybe take a bubble bath together. Or maybe a candle lite dinner. Or maybe if he bought me some sexy lingerie. I would consider myself pretty open minded. Last weekend we went to the strip club and I got a couple of dances.

[Wildcat21]

Hey Battle,

I like helping people out. I am 39 and been in several long term relationships and many other relationships.

And I did resolve the deal with the long distance relationship - we met through friends in Chicago. Wonderful woman. Gorgeous. My one and ONLY long distance relationship. I still speak with her. I see a wonderrful woman now in chicago.

NO I do not need or believe in internet dating - I understand it's mostly lonely woman or Psychos.

Never been married - close a few times. Why marry? Divorve rate is going over 50% - and divorce is hell. I will marry one day - but for the right reasons - important to wait.

I run an internet business so I am on a PC all day - this is a good break for me as apposed to smoking. So I am on PC most of the day.

I want to help people out - I've made and seen ALL the mistakes. They are ALL avoidable. AVOIDABLE!! You do not need to go through most problems if you understand the true tactics and communication.

If I can help one person - I'd be happy. And there is nothing worse than being dumped. Nothing worse - heartache is avoidable. Most of these people don't realize what they are doing wrong and that makes them so unhappy. There are easy answers only if they followed the TRUE and proper paths. People seem to RUSH into relationships - not good.

It sounds like need to sit down with your man and discuss what's wrong - communication is key. This is pretty serious. Woman need certain things this guy might not be able to offer you right now. And trust me, you need it.

[BattleAngel14745]

You seem like such a nice down to earth guy. Why aren't you married? Don't believe in it? Or are you one of those guys that have totally unrealistic standards? So how long have you been with this women your seeing in town? Would you consider it serious? I guess I'm kind of in the same boat I'm on the PC all day at work. God, I just want to fu@king shake that stupid infantile girl I hope he burns her to fu@king ground. She asks for advice then repetively keeps not taking it and then repetively keeps asking for the same fu@king advice. I'm a nice sweet little girl, but I defiently have an edge to myself as I'm sure you already noticed. I'm sorry if I offend you.

[Wildcat21]

Offend me? Hahahahaha - no way. I have huge wild side as well.

And please don't use the word 'nice' - my most hated word in the english language. I was a 'nice guy' at one time and never realized it - woman HATE that. I always thought you were supposed to always please woman - I was like an approval seeker - these are things I really help guys out with. Woman are repulsed by that and it took me years to realize this. Woman aren't attracted to nice - you guys have to feel your emotions - like the 'edge' you have - you guys don't always want to be happy.

Why haven't I married - well, sorry to bring this up, but look at your situation you described - NO WAY do I want to fall into that - no way. You get lazy. And I have seen WAY too many divorces - 50% + marriages end in divorce - I am a craps player and a blackjack player and I don't even like those odds. No high standards what so ever.

I don't think I would get lazy - but I have studied this stuff like a mad-man. It really interests me and I will study it for therest of my life because I love woman! Love them! Can not do with out them. I also know most woman have there wild side - and I want to make sure I understand that. My gal has so many sides to her - business, fun, motherly, friend, wild etc.

The last gal I have been with only since January - met her right after the long-distance woman.

Serious is closer to over 1 year I'd say. At least 6 months. My longest was 4 years.

I like strong woman who have an edge and their own life.

Yeah - that one gal, heartbroken, really needs to grow up - she needs an older man - 21 year old guys only want to use her. She is just beating herself up. I am usually HUGE on win-back (very difficult) - but love it when it happens.

Glad you have an edge - that's great. Woman need a spine. Your life is probably much better for it. Are you a 'nice girl'?

[sweety]

You need to sit down with your boyfriend and talk this out, as communication is the only key to sort things out.

[Wildcat21]

Tongue Untied
Ruminations by Ian Kerner
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Off-Label Sexual Desire
At this point in the evolution of our pharmacologically dependent culture, it's well known that a major drawback of anti-depressants such as Prozac and Zoloft is that they often come with serious sexual side effects, namely low desire. (Although it's also well known that these side-effects have never prompted any sort of major study, so the number of actual incidents of low desire is WAY higher than reported. In fact, it's not inaccurate to say that almost everyone on an SSRI, man or woman, is sexually affected in some form or another.) SSRIs (also known as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) increase serotonin levels in the brain, and while this has a demonstrable calming and stabilizing effect on patients, it also seriously impairs desire, arousal and orgasm.

(In fact, in men, low doses of SSRIs can actually help curb premature ejaculation, but have the unfortunate effect of building-up and gradually inhibiting -- great now just when you can finally last longer, you no longer want to have sex! A new premature ejaculation pill from Johnson & Johnson called Dapoxetine is actually a failed SSRI -- it doesn't help with depression, it doesn't impair desire, but it does help with climax-control.)

Those who struggle with depression or anxiety disorder often praise the mood-stabilizing effects of drugs like Prozac, but lament and come to accept the permanent loss of a sex life. And their partners? Depression. Anxiety. Frustration... and often infidelity.


In the field of sexual medicine, we are only at the cusp of understanding the relationship between brain and body, and patients are often an unintentional testing-ground. For the last couple of years I've been talking about the role of dopamine, a natural neurotransmitter, in triggering arousal and desire and the role of dopamine-producing drugs such as Wellbutrin (the brand name for bupropion hydrochloride.)

Dopamine is a natual sex-chemical, the "infatuation elixir." Dopamine fuels the chase of sex and makes its achievement all the sweeter. The excitement of dopamine plays a role in sexual compulsion as well as infidelity, and is also produced in addicts and risk-taking athletes, in that it has a relationship to adrenaline. While it's widely known that dopamine plays a role in sexual desire, it's lesser known that psyhciatrists often blend dopamine with SSRIs when their patients lose interest in sex or suffer sexual side effects such inability to reach orgasm.

Many doctors and psychiatrists claim great success when blending an SSRI with Wellbutrin, and this week’s there's a first-person piece in the New York Times Health Section, written by psychiatrist, Dr. Richard A. Friedman.

Viva La Vulva, Dr. Friedman! My only lament is that the article is called "A Pill's Surprises, For Patient and Doctor Alike" but for sex therapists and anthropologists like Helen Fisher, author of "Why We Love," the role of dopamine and the interest in dopamine-producers such as Wellbutrin in face of widespread disinterest by the FDA and medical community alike has been exasperating.

I've personally been pushing for more clinical trials on the efficacy of Wellbutrin in treating low desire, along with the sexual side effects of SSRIS, and maybe an article like Dr. Friedman's will bring more awareness to this important subject. For those of you on SSRIS and suffering from sexual side effects, read this article, and know that drugs aren't the only way to produce dopamine. It's a naturally produced neuro-transmitter that's stimulated when we do new, exciting things, when we engage in novel endeavors both individually and as a couple.

If you're really suffering from low desire, you might want to talk to your doctor about Wellbutrin, but also do some research of your own. And watch out, guys: if you've suffered from premature ejaculation, but have enjoyed the effects of delayed ejaculation rendered by an SSRI, going on Wellbutrin may actually cause you to become quick on the trigger again.

[trulydiva]

Relax, continue with your meds and most likely that particular side effect will subside. Beentheredonethatgotatshirt... I took Zoloft and it killed my sex drive for a while but it came back. So just recognize that and give yourself a break.

[BattleAngel14745]

I've already been on Wellbutrin and every thing else between. And one more thing... Where did you plagiarize this from? It's majoryly boring I couldn't even finish reading it.

[Wildcat21]

Hahahaha - I agree - I couldn't finish it either.

It's from Dr. Kerners website. I do recommend his book 'She comes First' for your guy. I think he would learn (and you) some extremely important inforamtion.

www.shecomesfirst.com

It will change your world.

[Mr Cake]

I came across something that explains it all. It is in the Bible in First Corinthians. Men glorify God and women glorify man.

What really tears it though is that man comes from women. So even though we are totally different we are intertwind.

Try putting God first and let the rest go. ;)

[Wildcat21]

Another Jesus Freak.

[turtlegirl]

Good grief!