[loren j]

I personally, as a woman, if I really loved the person, need time to grieve, cry, then I pick myself up eventually and move on full steam ahead. But I have to allow myself the grieving process. Going on a date doesn't help because you are not yourself and yourself esteem and confidence are low. Sure, I could pick up a guy in a bar who is willing (uhhh-no offense guys, but it doesn't take much from an even half attractive woman-to find a more than willing participant). But none of that helps until true healing has taken place

If a man really, and (really) is the key word here... referring to a very committed 14 month relationship which he did seem very, very, in love... if they are really sad-why do they immediately run into another woman's arms ?

I know he did care deeply about me. He was a roller coaster of emotions the first month while I was still around-acting brazen and unaffected one day-laughing with his guy buddies, then the next day saying he didn't want to lose me-he'd do whatever it took-really seemed depressed.
Then back to Mr. No Emotion the next day... then back to sending me a love song the next ?

I would say the breakup was mutual, not due to a lack of sex, or love, but due to us both being at our wits end with misunderstandings and miscommunications. The sex was good, the love seemed to be there, we were both just nerve shot.

Why, then, did he immediately take up with someone else the second I left ?

Fear of being alone to face the pain ? Does this actually say he did love me a lot and needed a band aid by seeking another out so soon ?

Or, are men that heartless and once they are done they can just throw the past girlfriend away at the first new unzipping of the pants ?

What's up with this man ? Has he even cried in private over us... he seemed to love me intensely, very intensely... I mean he really seemed to love me deeply. Yet... he has not tried to get me back ? Will this hit him hard in a few months when the new relationship starts growing stale ?

Help me to understand this ? He either really didn't love me, flushed me down the toilet and called it good... or... he really is hurting and has grabbed onto what he can to mask the pain.

BTW... he did ask me back, several times in the last month-but I wasn't going to give in when the promises he made me never seemed to take place. So... he may have felt pretty rejected.
I was tired of forgiving him and his lies... I deserve better.

Even though I am doing the best thing for me, and he was not the right guy for me, it still hurts me immensely!! I loved him very much and will not get over this any time soon.

Why isn't he hurting... or is he hiding it from the world, and himself ?

Men, especially, help me out with this one, and please don't hurt me further by saying the "why buy the cow thing... or that the new stuff is just that much better... be honest... just not hurtful. THANK YOU !

[snowalps]

I completely understand your feelings right now.. but will you be willing to agree that all men are not alike just like all girls are not..
Its unfortunate to know what u just told but trust me it happens in some way or the other with almost every other person in this world. We have been discussing this and similar things on this cute little website since time immemorial.
For now, come out of it and give yourself a break as u rightly said u deserve lot better!
Take care and try to keep all your feelings under your control. U will emerge confident and much more mature, trust me.
And keep posting here your updates here.. that way you remain in touch with good people.

[JBeaucaire]

He's hiding it. Inside he's torn up about the whole thing and too proud (most of the time) to do anything about it. Occasionally he tests the water with you with a text or two, but overall he's a mess.

You can proudly move onto your next chapter knowing what you had was real and he's just as messed up over it as you'd hope he'd be, but he is also very good at hiding that.

OK? Now, on to your next adventure. Best not to spend too much time looking back at this stuff.

[fjsmith81]

So, my friend broke up with her boyfriend of twelve years, and I was sitting talking with her and one of my guy friends. She was heartbroken of course, and he turned to her and said the most insightful thing that I have ever heard. "The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else." She didn't really think that was the right way to go until she had sex with the first guy. She then modified it to "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." She said that it was refreshing. It didn't make her forget about her relationship, it made her remember that she could find someone else.
I wouldn't have taken my guy friend's advice literally. But in a sense when you think about it, in a non sexual way, it's kind of true. When you meet that next person they give you that ego boost that you need to get back out there, hence the "rebound" guy or girl. When you're with someone you kind of get into this routine that can be deceivingly comfortable, and when the break up occurs you are broken from that routine, and sometimes you think how can you go on, and when you meet that next person you are like, "oh, yeah! I can go on."

I don't think that getting another significant other right away after a break-up is strictly reserved for men. I think men and women do it. It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't harbour some feelings for their ex, sometimes it's just a way of coping and not really dealing with the pain.

[Romefalls19]

Please do not classify one sex grouped together, it really isn't right. It's like us guys saying "all women turn into psychos when a relationship ends" while it may hold true for some women, it's not all of them. I know plenty of guys who refuse to get into a relationship after their heart gets broken. It's all about how you personally feel after a break up.

Some people heal faster than others, it's a natural part of life.

[talaniman]

Hugs my dear, as that's what your asking for, as you go through the healing process. Cry, and vent, and get it out of your system. Your in a good place for some love, and support.

[bigdee]

Loren - not all men immediately rebound so easily as you say. Spend some time reading the posts on this board and you'll see many posts by guys devastated by being dumped by their girlfriends and struggling to move on.

[hungtoronto]

I think it's all come down to how much feeling you have for the one you love. I went through a few breakups which I was the dumper and dumpee. Some breakup I didn't feel hurt because I guess I didn't love that person as much and other I was in a lot of pain.

So to say that go and sleep with someone else right afterward will help you get over someone is not true because if u're really in love with your ex you will feel worse. Unless you go and sleep with guy after guy I don't know. Never done it.

I usually try to go through the pain, get over it and go with someone new. I don't want to be constantly thinking about my ex with someone new.

[liz28]

I think right now your focusing too much on him. It doesn't matter if he cried, who he saw after you, does he care or did he care about you, etc. Part of letting go is accepting that a relationship is over and it's the only way you can move on , and when you do, be able to give yourself completely to that next person. You stated the break up was mutual and you two wasn't right for each other so take that and move on. When he calls you you don't have to answer nor be his friend. Focus on yourself only because you count, not him. Take care of yourself and love you and know there is someone out there that's better for you. You just haven't met him yet.

[Krista24]

Okay here's my answer for you. I am pretty much 100 percent certain that this girl is just a rebound. You don't come out of such a serious thing and just go on to the next feeling really anything at all. Truth is everyone needs time in between to heal when they love someone... the find another one to sort of help their pride when it is down. When you hurt them... they need someone else to make them feel worthwhile and better again... guess with sort of lower self esteem tend to do this more then guys who feel okay with themselves. Trust me it doesn't reflect on you. If he contacts you again just say you don't want to talk to him.. because if he could move on that fast then he isn't worth it. I don't care who it is, you can't like someone that fast after breakup with someone... not the same anyway :cool:so don't worry hell remember you as the girl he loved the most...

[inertia]

This is exactly what my ex-girlfriend did post-breakup. So I'm a GUY that has been in your shoes. You'll probably never know the full truth. Nor should you want to know. That's sounds impossible, I know. It really really really doesn't matter. He loved you for a time. Just because he was closer to the exit than you doesn't mean he was never in the building. It's your turn to leave. Let it burn to the ground and search for a new home. Neither one of you can ERASE memories.

[metsfan]

I don't understand why someone like the original poster questions these things? She ended the relationship, meaning you don't want ANYTHING to do with this person anymore, yet she wonders why he's with someone else SO FAST, and wonders if he cries, etc... If you didn't want to see this happen, you shouldn't have ended it in the first place, maybe both of you needed some time off, but to just end something when you love someone, instead of communicating, seems childish, as do your worries about what he's doing now AFTER you dumped him. If you love him, call the guy up and say so, stop playing games by not answering the phone. When people break total communication after a sexual relationship is over it is mind boggling. Grow up, answer the phone and maybe something good may come out of it. That is unless the guy was abusive, etc, then he deserves for you not to speak to him.

Some people amaze me...

[vicki90]

The same thing just happened to me. Me and my ex we dating for 3 year then all of suddend he said he needed time to think, then he ended it. But then his hole attitude changed he change I no people can change but that was just too much anyway then he