[Sperkzy]

All right, thanks for taking the time to read my post and I am aware of the other posts on this particular subject but mine sways a bit differently than the others.

I am 21 year old male that has been with my Girlfriend (20) since Senior year of High school 3 years and a couple months. I've had another girlfriend before her, but that was in Middle School and that was basically nothing, just a game basically and was never sexual. So basically I have only had one REAL girlfriend my whole life.

The problem is, I really love my girlfriend. Like a lot, she is by far my best friend, we are honest about everything she KNOWS everything about me, every single thing, even this; although I tend to avoid discussing it cause it bothers her (for obvious reasons).

My girlfriend is slightly chubby, not insane. Her face looks perfect but from the chest down its not good.. . Which I don't horribly mind. I mean I have been with her for a little over 3 years and for a guy at my age is a REALLLLY long time. Well, I am not sexually interested her at all. Whenever sex comes up, I always make an excuse why I cannot do it. So basically we have sex around 3-4 times a month (that's because they are all pitty sex for her) although I do say I have sex with her at least once a month where it was my starting...

Also a problem is that she's sex crazy. Every day she gives me crap if we don't do it and she gets really friggen sad. And she always remembers the last time we did it and gives me for it...

Also on a more personal side note; she's bisexual and the only thing that gets me going with her is when she talks about other girls.

SO basically the huge problem here is that, I really want to have more sexual experiences with more "attractive females" but I don't want to have to leave my Best friend... I'm not a 40 year old dude that wants to settle down. I really would love to mess around with all the chicks I can; but can I really give up my soul mate for the "chance" to hook up with some other chicks? (I am a super shy guy around other ladies... )

Sorry this is getting long and making no sense.

[JBeaucaire]

Sorry this is getting long and making no sense.

It makes perfect sense. You're hot for sex with more attractive people. You want to sow some wild oats. It's simple. Owning it... that's not so easy, is it? You know you're being shallow, you care about your girlfriend, so we can't label you a complete jerk.

Meanwhile, your sin is worse than being shallow. You're wasting a precious girl's life by your subterfuge. Your pity sex isn't a favor to her. Every day you keep this façade going is a deeper and deeper pain you are preparing for her.

Is that what you meant by "I really love my girlfriend"? I don't think so.

The love you have for her isn't romantic love. It's deep brotherly love. Admit it. She's like a sister to you, you're so close. If the sex thing went away forever you'd be happy.

Meanwhile, she DOES love you romantically. You don't. That means lies are being told by your behavior. Both you and her deserve better.

You deserve some meaningless sex with pretty people, and she deserves a chance to have a relationship with someone who is attracted to loving, caring, normal-looking people.

So, why don't you show some brotherly love and protect her from wrong-doing, in this case your false front. Admit to her you think of her more like a sister and let her get mad, get over it, and go back to being your friend.

How about it? You love her enough for honesty? You love her enough to stop stealing her days?

Think about it. You both deserve better.

[talaniman]

You don't have a choice, but to be honest and leave, and stop fooling her into believing she has something she doesn't.

Anything less is so unfair!!!!

[jjwoodhull]

It would be much better if you break up with her now in an honest and loving way, then if you stay in the relationship and eventually cheat on her.

[slapshot_oi]

My sister was in a similar situation. She broke up with her boyfriend after four years because she simply wasn't attracted to him. She's since found a boyfriend that she's attracted to and is much happier.

Just break it off, like jjwoodhull mentioned, before you cheat on her. You don't have to tell her exactly why you're breaking up with her because that might hurt her. Just give her the usual, "Let's see other people, but I want to remain friends". Try to actually be her friend though. Then, when she tells her friends that you broke up with her, you'll still look like a stand-up guy for keeping your word.

Being a cheat will come back to haunt you and affect future relationships, don't risk it.

[Romefalls19]

One thing, while I agree with a lot of people on here about the situation. Is her "weight" the only problem you have with her? If she was able to drop a few lbs do you think you would rekindle the spark?

Before I get negs, hear me out. A lot of times once you get comfortable in a relationship you stop doing the little things like wearing make up, wearing sweatpants out in public and putting on a few lbs. Well if it's the other issues you can approach that with communication. If it's the weight issue you have to tred lightly and possibly say you're interested in going to a local gym to get back in shape and offer it as something to do together and see what happens?

[Sperkzy]

It makes perfect sense. You're hot for sex with more attractive people. You want to sow some wild oats. It's simple. Owning it...that's not so easy, is it? You know you're being shallow, you care about your girlfriend, so we can't label you a complete jerk.

Meanwhile, your sin is worse than being shallow. You're wasting a precious girl's life by your subterfuge. Your pity sex isn't a favor to her. Every day you keep this facade going is a deeper and deeper pain you are preparing for her.

Is that what you meant by "I really love my girlfriend"? I don't think so.

The love you have for her isn't romantic love. It's deep brotherly love. Admit it. She's like a sister to you, you're so close. If the sex thing went away forever you'd be happy.

Meanwhile, she DOES love you romantically. You don't. That means lies are being told by your behavior. Both you and her deserve better.

You deserve some meaningless sex with pretty people, and she deserves a chance to have a relationship with someone who is attracted to loving, caring, normal-looking people.

So, why don't you show some brotherly love and protect her from wrong-doing, in this case your false front. Admit to her you think of her more like a sister and let her get mad, get over it, and go back to being your friend.

How about it? You love her enough for honesty? You love her enough to stop stealing her days?

Think about it. You both deserve better.

Yes you are correct. I think of her more like my bestest friend more than I do my girlfriend. But, I do obsessively love cuddling with her/kissing her/being close to her. Sleeping with her (not sexually, actual sleeping) is the best thing ever. It's just I don't like doing sexual acts with her... I mean, of course I will always accept the occasional freebie (if you know what I mean) but I do not like doing it etc.

It sucks. Cause I want to keep my best friend, but also date around with other chicks, but I know I cannot have both.

And yea, I can break it off with her... but than what? It's not like I am getting hit on by chicks all the time (I am a super shy guy. I know all the skills on picking up chicks (I've actually picked up an exotic dancer), but I am SUPER shy.) On top of all that I am in community college and it's not the best place to pick up chicks, everyone just wants to gtfo of there.

I mean it's always so simple to say on the internet, "just leave her!" but if it was that simple of course I would have. But just think of your bestest friend, the one person you love to be around and than tell them to leave forever. It's kind of hard...

I'm kind of waiting for a period in my life where I could take a break from her and meet some other ladies. Cause I can definitely see my GF being the mother of my children etc. we make an amazing team.

BUT, I am a friggen horney college dude that has never been with a hot bodied chick and I am definitely not ready to sign off my sexual life...

[Sperkzy]

One thing, while I agree with a lot of people on here about the situation. Is her "weight" the only problem you have with her? If she was able to drop a few lbs do you think you would rekindle the spark?

Before I get negs, hear me out. A lot of times once you get comfortable in a relationship you stop doing the little things like wearing make up, wearing sweatpants out in public and putting on a few lbs. Well if it's the other issues you can approach that with communication. If it's the weight issue you have to tred lightly and possibly say you're interested in going to a local gym to get back in shape and offer it as something to do together and see what happens?

*sorry if this is a double post*

Yea I think it is just her weight. I seriously think if she lost a big chunk of her chubs, she could probably be a hot model. But that is not going to happen... I've tried our whole relationship to get her to work out etc. Come on guys, you all must know how annoying a chick and her weight is... heh.

[imzz46]

I'm sorry, but if you truly did love her then her weight wouldn't be such an issue... Have you ever seen the movie "Shallow Hal?"...

Seriously, if this is the way you feel then she deserves to be let go and to find someone who loves her for everything about her. You can't just keep her in your life for your own selfish reasons. She deserves so much better.

If you don't leave her then you will most likely continue to obsess about having sex with more attractive woman. It isn't fair to your girlfriend that this is something you fantasise about so much.

Maybe the two of you can be friends if you break up? Then again maybe not. But one thing is for sure... It is not fair of you to just keep stringing her along.

Do the right thing.

[talaniman]

I can understand you being a horny college guy, but I do question your loyalty and your fairness in stringing someone along and not being honest with your so called best friend. Not only dishonest but selfish, and throw in shallow to boot. If you really cared you would set her free while you caroused to your hearts content, and give her a chance to find a true friend, who will accept her for who she is, chubby and all. That's love, not using someone, to have someone who is makes you comfortable. Do the right thing and be honest, since your such the great catch.

I'm kind of waiting for a period in my life where I could take a break from her and meet some other ladies.

You can make that happen anytime you want to, just tell her your leaving.

Cause I can definitely see my GF being the mother of my children etc. we make an amazing team.

This is so selfish and self serving. I doubt seriously if she will be the mother of your children, if she knew how you honestly feel.

Come on guys, you all must know how annoying a chick and her weight is... heh.

What you have with her is dependence and comfort, not love, and frankly you don't know what real love is, but you will find out soon. This statement is an insult and doesn't reflect you in a very mature light at all.

I strongly suggest you look at yourself in an honest way, and realistically, evaluate your feelings, and see where your headed here buddy. You would risk your future to sow some wild oats??

Think about this, and get real with yourself, and make a decision, and take your chances.

[JBeaucaire]

I didn't suggest you dump her, did I? I told you to be honest with her. Let her get mad, then get your best friend back. I told you to HONESTLY do the work.

Your character is what you do, right now you're acting unbelievably selfishly.

[Sperkzy]

Hmm, to hard to explain these types of things online... without coming across as a shallow jack . Trust me if we discussed this in real life it would be much easier and it would make a lot more sense.

Really hard to convey tone online.

[talaniman]

So what are you going to do? That's the question.

Let be honest here, there are times you will feel like running away, and the time to do it is before you get kids and a mortgage.

If you truly rather be somewhere else, then do that. At least that's honestly how you feel.

[JBeaucaire]

Hmm, to hard to explain these types of things online... without coming across as a shallow jack . Trust me if we discussed this in real life it would be much easier and it would make a lot more sense.

Really hard to convey tone online.

I am a friggen horney college dude that has never been with a hot bodied chick and I am definitely not ready to sign off my sexual life...

I think I speak for all the helpers here... we aren't having any difficulty understanding the situation.

It's clear you're having difficulty accepting it yourself, though.

[Bural21]

All I have to say is this:
Don't leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like might leave you for the one you love.

[ZoeMarie]

I think I speak for all the helpers here...we aren't having any difficulty understanding the situation.

It's clear you're having difficulty accepting it yourself, though.

I couldn't agree more, I just have to spread more rep. hahaha

[kp2171]

young, first loves are often intense, all-encompassing, and ultimately fleeting.

my first big love was my best friend. Dated her for 7 years. HS, college. I could finish her sentences. I could tell what she wanted from her expression.

I've no doubt you love her... but that love has changed. It's a friendship love now.

the breakup will be hard as hell. No fun at all. But its needed.

she deserves to be with someone who sees her as more than a friend. You deserve to be with someone you see as more than a friend.

so... you are experiencing what I think is a very common problem. A young love that's run its course. Familiar and comfortable are fine... but you know that you aren't getting married.

so...

stop with the Soul Mate crap. Its commonly used to explain bad choices.

I have a great relationship with my partner, together ten years now... if I get squashed by a bus tomorrow, shell have lost a true love.

and shell find another love someday.

there's a few billion people on this earth. You aren't that special and neither is she... there are others thatll make you happy and make her happy. At some point, when you are more centered and ready to stake a long term commitment, you make a choice.

the connection I had with my first love was never matched again. That does NOT mean it was better than the ones that followed. Each love is different. Has its own unique characteristics. Your next relationship should not be held to this one over and over.

again... after that first big love, I had a few more along the way, all unique.

so... I cannot tell you that you'll have your best friend after the breakup. You might not be able to talk for a time. Were she to write in here, telling us you broke up with her, wed tell her to do no contact for a long time to expedite the healing process.

best you can do is be kind, honest, patient, and understanding. She's going to be hurt, confused, and heartbroken. Youv been thinking about this for a while and are more prepared. It'll likely be a shock to her.

but... again... id rather live in reality, and sometimes reality sucks. But at least I know where I'm standing. Sometimes its solid ground, sometimes its in crap up to my neck.

don't stay with someone because you don't want to lose the friendship. She, and you, deserve more than that concerning love.

[skittles001]

You make me sick!

[skittles001]

Your right, Im sorry Sperkzy. This was not advice. I have to learn to keep my personal experiences out of the way. For this I apopogize. As to anyone I offended "Romefalls19" and "kp2171" I as well am sorry. Long day I must say. Immaturity is not to be used when trying to hel someone deal with their problems. Well Sperkzy, I do hope you can figure all of this out, I know things can be confusing, and I don't know you, so I had no right to judge. I DO wish you all the best though.

[JBeaucaire]

Skittles, how about you just scroll up and click the EDIT button on that post, then use the DELETE option? You'll feel better. You only have 1 day to do that, then that post becomes permanent. Hurry.