[limitedExpress]

A quick summary. I'm 37 but still young looking and still have a very good sex drive. I've have had many many partners and very good at maintaining long term relationships with my girlfriends. I currently have a girlfriend who is 11 years younger than me and she is beautiful. She started as my roommate and we were in a relationship within 10 days. Now we have been living together for 1 1/2 years.

Here's the problem. I absolutely for the life of me can't seem to desire to have sex with her anymore. Understandably, this is a huge problem for her. I'm not cheating and have never cheated on her. Let me say that this isn't the first time I've been through this problem. Pretty much since 1996, my relationships ended because of my "lack of interest". When I met this girl I told myself "if I ever lose interest in sex with her, I know there is something wrong with me". Well it's happened, many months ago.

At one point in my life I went 5-months without having sex with my previous girlfriend. Needless to say, she cheated on me and I didn't blame her. Coming up with exuses all the time is really beginning to become stressful, and I want to throw in the towel for that alone.

Now as far as love goes, to be honest, I'm not really sure I do. Regardless, is love really the culprit? Once lust evaporates and the infatuation is over, is it love which is needed to still desire sex with your partner? What about typical male hormones? After all, this is what she seems to think is all I need. I'm a man, she's a woman ( at least that's her thinking)

At any rate, this is an ongoing problem for me. I admit, I am addicted to the infatuation process. The idea of being with a new woman really strokes my ego and I am a very passionate person. I rely on my passion to keep things exciting, but my passion is gone.

Taking the train, limited express.

[Teresa51]

Even people in love can lose interest in sex.

Could it possibly be a health issue that you should talk with a doctor about? I am willing to bet that your case of loss in interest will not be the first he/she has heard. Wouldn't it be a relief to you to know if it were a medical reason and not something more obscure?

[limitedExpress]

A quick summary. I'm 37 but still young looking and still have a very good sex drive. I've have had many many partners and very good at maintaining long term relationships with my girlfriends. I currently have a girlfriend who is 11 years younger than me and she is beautiful. She started out as my roommate and we were in a relationship within 10 days. Now we have been living together for 1 1/2 years.

Here's the problem. I absolutely for the life of me can't seem to desire to have sex with her anymore. Understandably, this is a huge problem for her. I'm not cheating and have never cheated on her. Let me say that this isn't the first time I've been through this problem. Pretty much since 1996, my relationships ended because of my "lack of interest". When I met this girl I told myself "if I ever lose interest in sex with her, I know there is something wrong with me". Well it's happened, many months ago.

At one point in my life I went 5-months without having sex with my previous girlfriend. Needless to say, she cheated on me and I didn't blame her. Coming up with exuses all the time is really beginning to become stressful, and I want to throw in the towel for that alone.

Now as far as love goes, to be honest, I'm not really sure I do. Regardless, is love really the culprit? Once lust evaporates and the infatuation is over, is it love which is needed to still desire sex with your partner? What about typical male hormones? After all, this is what she seems to think is all I need. I'm a man, she's a woman ( at least that's her thinking)

At any rate, this is an ongoing problem for me. I admit, I am addicted to the infatuation process. The idea of being with a new woman really strokes my ego and I am a very passionate person. I rely on my passion to keep things exciting, but my passion is gone.

Taking the train, limited express.

Well that may be. However, I don't think I would have a problem with any of the countless women I see. Only once the infatuation is gone and I need to respond to intimacy.

[fjsmith81]

It seems more like a psychological reason to me. Do you think that you are just getting bored? Could it be that you want to try new things? The reason I say that is because I am the type of person (and I'm sure a lot of people are), that gets bored with sex after awhile. I need something new and exciting to piqué my interests again. I don't mean for me finding a different partner, I mean building on the sexual relationship. Even the law of diminishing marginal utility can apply to sex. You may have sex a great deal in the beginning, but after awhile it can get mundane.

Good luck

[Synnen]

Well that may be. However, I don't think I would have a problem with any of the countless women I see. Only once the infatuation is gone and I need to respond to intimacy.

You answered your own question.

It's the INTIMACY that kills your libido.

Please see a counselor regarding your intimacy issues. It's not your little head that has the problem, it's your big head.

[limitedExpress]

Sure, intimacy problems may be a big part of it but I like jfsmith81's answer about the boredom. I feel like I must always be chasing women and it gets boring to be with the same one. I tend to feel a little resentment towards my significant other because I know I must stay faithful and true. The commitment thing really puts a damper on my relationships. But yet, I have no problem remaining faithful and committing.

[fjsmith81]

Sure, intimacy problems may be a big part of it but I like jfsmith81's answer about the boredom. I feel like I must always be chasing women and it gets boring to be with the same one. I tend to feel a little resentment towards my significant other because I know I must stay faithful and true. The commitment thing really puts a damper on my relationships. But yet, I have no problem remaining faithful and committing.

Then maybe love is a factor as well. When you love someone you wouldn't resent your partner for making you feel that you have to stay faithful. It would be something that you yourself would want to do. You already said that you don't think that you love this person. Maybe when you find someone that you love you won't ever be able to keep your hands off her.

Good luck

[Choux]

I think that many marriages/partnerships end up without much sexual interest on the part of both partners. Often, women want "sex" because that is the only time that they are physically close with their partners/husbands, but as for the sex, they could care less.

Anyway, it takes more than sex and good looks to hold a relationship together on a long term basis, that's for young folks. What it takes to make a lasting relationship is Commitment to long term GOALS, and two people who have deeper concerns than you about life and who they want to be in life. :)

Best wishes,

[limitedExpress]

Then maybe love is a factor as well. When you love someone you wouldn't resent your partner for making you feel that you have to stay faithful. It would be something that you yourself would want to do. You already said that you don't think that you love this person. Maybe when you find someone that you love you won't ever be able to keep your hands off of her.

Good luck

Your very right. I am this way when I am infatuated. It's not a one answer problem, there are many variables involved. Probably not something that will be solved on a forum. If I could use the analysis of infatuation being a flame, then I burn myself out before the love begins. The beginnings are always very intense. I constantly need to be feeling out for a new fix. So maybe the question should be changed to... how does one stop the addiction of infatuation?

[fjsmith81]

Your very right. I am this way when I am infatuated. It's not a one answer problem, there are many variables involved. Probably not something that will be solved on a forum. If I could use the analysis of infatuation being a flame, then I burn myself out before the love begins. The beginnings are always very intense. I constantly need to be feeling out for a new fix. So maybe the question should be changed to...how does one stop the addiction of infatuation?

I will tell you my dear. One stops the addiction of infatuation when you meet someone that you never really have. It might sound a little ridiculous, but it is true. I am talking about someone that you are never sure when you are going to have sex with them the next time. Unfortunately, sex to some people is a precursor of love, the more they give the more and faster someone loves you, or you think that you will love that person. This is so not true. I would say that if you are going to pursue your next relationship wait a little while before having sex, not only will the anticipation increase the desire for that person, but it will also give you a chance to figure out if you could fall in love with that person. Furthermore, if you have sex with her and you don't know when the next time you will have sex with her again it keeps it exciting. Then starts the cycle all over again, the anticipation.
It is literally the thrill of the chase.

[hannah_nicole]

I suggest becoming a swinger and sharing partners! :) This won't work forever but I believe you will one day find the right person. Until then have fun maybe you aren't ready for a long term relationship? So be it.

[zella1]

What happened prior to 1996? Is there someone from that time you just can't forget?

[limitedExpress]

Is there is another love in my past? No. But the woman I was with then was from hell, and yes I will never forget.

[zella1]

Ha ha! :)

Does sound like you should put your current girlfriend out of her misery. She deserves to be with someone who loves her.

Sounds to me like you just have not met your match yet, you seem to need someone who will keep you guessing, very imaginative and probably more intelligent than your previous choices.

I think I know someone just like that!!

But unfortunately she is not available:D

[Synnen]

Is there is another love in my past? No. But the woman I was with then was from hell, and yes I will never forget.

Has it occurred to you that you may be holding every woman SINCE her responsible for the woman from hell's actions?

[kp2171]

So are you unhappy? Feel guilty? Want "more" for yourself or for her?

Why did you post here? I understand your situation... what I mean is lets talk about what you really want. You asked how to get over addiction to infatuation... but is that because you want to or because your partner needs more?

Two routes to take as I see it... if you want to change because you want change for yourself, you need to approach relationships differently. Your partner is 11 years younger than you... are you seeking out younger women because they might be less "set", more willing to explore the relationship faster? I've been there to some degree... before my wife I tended to date women younger than me, and I certainly was attracted to the excitement and energy that was brought to each new relationship.

Before I get slammed for stereotyping young versus older, let me state I married a woman several years older than me, ten years together now. But there is an energy that exists in younger people, call it naivity, call it curiosity, that can be intense in relationships... and I wonder if you feed off this energy?

Two paths... getting off topic... as stated, talking to a counselor, which oftentimes can be covered for a few visits through work insurance, can get you thinking and on "track"... something to consider at least. I've been to a counselor for a few visits some time back and it gave me some tools to work with, some perspective.

Medically, you might ask to have your hormone levels checked. An imbalance of hormones can cause decreased interest... and it might be that the newness of sex with a new lover keeps you over the top for a time, but when "been there, done that" sets in, you are left at the same, old place... with a lower libido than your partner likes.

Do you work out, exercise often? This, for me, is a key component for keeping my interest amped. Studies of men with libido and/or ED issues have shown that exercise alone can dramatically change performance.

And personally, I think it can often be multi-angled... add up the "new relationship shine" being gone, a little stress, a little older, mental desensitization, etc... a lot of little things can add up to a problem.

So your mind is your most important errogenous zone. You need to find ways to build sensual tension. You need to find a drive to satiate your partner, even if you aren't completely in the moment. You need to reduce stress, exercise, etc.

OR...

Option two is you might just be "wired" for relationships that aren't long term. Some people are like this. I'm not going to tell you what is "right" or "wrong" for you.

If your mate wrote in here telling us her side of the story, we would likely tell her to talk it out, and then if nothing changes, to leave you. Its only fair.

Sexual incompatibility, especially with a younger woman, is a recipe for disaster... or at least action.

So are you tired of starting over again and again... or are you feeling guilty for letting her down? Think about what YOU want, not what anyone expects of you...

[limitedExpress]

Has it occurred to you that you may be holding every woman SINCE her responsible for the woman from hell's actions?

Yes it has occurred to me that there may be some baggage I can't let go but I'm not sure this is really the reason. There are other things which I have analyzed. Such as feeling disconnected the more I learn about their personality after the infatuation has dissipated.

[limitedExpress]

Ha ha! :)

Does sound like you should put your current girlfriend out of her misery. She deserves to be with someone who loves her.

Sounds to me like you just have not met your match yet, you seem to need someone who will keep you guessing, very imaginative and probably more intelligent than your previous choices.

I think I know someone just like that!!!

But unfortunately she is not available:D

Don't get me wrong. Love can be in various shades of gray. From my experience, every new person has it's own color of love. Not like when you're a teenager and it is black and white. With that said, the confusion of determining which shade it is, is difficult right now. Considering the fact that I can't sleep with her. We break up almost every weekend but now we are becoming desensitized to the topic.

[limitedExpress]

so are you unhappy? feel guilty? want "more" for yourself or for her?

why did you post here? i understand your situation... what i mean is lets talk about what you really want. you asked how to get over addiction to infatuation... but is that because you want to or because your partner needs more?

Because I need to nip this in the bud. I can't imagine doing this when I am old. And yes, it isn't fair for her. I can only imagine what it does to a woman's self esteem.

two routes to take as i see it... if you want to change because you want change for yourself, you need to approach relationships differently. your partner is 11 years younger than you... are you seeking out younger women because they might be less "set", more willing to explore the relationship faster? ive been there to some degree... before my wife i tended to date women younger than me, and i certainly was attracted to the excitement and energy that was brought to each new relationship.

before i get slammed for stereotyping young versus older, let me state i married a woman several years older than me, ten years together now. but there is an energy that exists in younger people, call it naivity, call it curiosity, that can be intense in relationships... and i wonder if you feed off this energy?

two paths... getting off topic... as stated, talking to a counselor, which oftentimes can be covered for a few visits through work insurance, can get you thinking and on "track"... something to consider at least. ive been to a counselor for a few visits some time back and it gave me some tools to work with, some perspective.

I have insurance from my company, I think it could be useful to talk about it with a counselor provided it isn't going to take years and years.

medically, you might ask to have your hormone levels checked. an imbalance of hormones can cause decreased interest... and it might be that the newness of sex with a new lover keeps you over the top for a time, but when "been there, done that" sets in, you are left at the same, old place... with a lower libido than your partner likes.

do you work out, exercise often? this, for me, is a key component for keeping my interest amped. studies of men with libido and/or ED issues have shown that exercise alone can dramatically change performance.

I used to work out quite a lot. I know I should get back into it. I smoke and cannabis is also my self-medicated stress reliever.

and personally, i think it can often be multi-angled... add up the "new relationship shine" being gone, a little stress, a little older, mental desensitization, etc... a lot of little things can add up to a problem.

so your mind is your most important errogenous zone. you need to find ways to build sensual tension. you need to find a drive to satiate your partner, even if you arent completely in the moment. you need to reduce stress, exercise, etc.

OR...

option two is you might just be "wired" for relationships that arent long term. some people are like this. im not going to tell you what is "right" or "wrong" for you.

if your mate wrote in here telling us her side of the story, we would likely tell her to talk it out, and then if nothing changes, to leave you. its only fair.

sexual incompatability, especially with a younger woman, is a recipe for disaster... or at least action.

so are you tired of starting over again and again... or are you feeling guilty for letting her down? think about what YOU want, not what anyone expects of you...

I'm not exactly tired of it, but I know inevitably it will be a huge problem. I see other women and "wonder" what they are like. Not sexually, but many other qualities. You also may be right about being wired for short-term relationships. 2 years max.

I would also like to add that she went off to Europe for two weeks and I was given the chance to reflect on my situation while given the chance to have my space. I was really missing her and decided to try and wipe the "slate clean" if you will. I put myself into "new" mode and was planning a romantic return. Anyway, a day before she came back she accused me of cheating in a rather nasty email. I won't get into details, but it was an rather immature assumption on her part and I could no longer anticipate her return. I tried, she assumed, I regressed.

She has given the three-month warning.

[SilentBob]

I have dame issue as well... Had different partners, now when she asks for sex I don't want it with her.. It sucks cause I love her... I never had this issue.. Now if it's a different girl I would want to.. I guess it's new and the excitement for me.. But I do care for her and sadden I can't...