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    Using the no contact rule after my girlfriend broke up with me via text.

    Asked Apr 7, 2012, 06:54 PM 17 Answers
    My girlfriend is young(she's 21), I'm her first bf(I'm 26). I broke up with her first (out of frustration) then tried to get her back 2 days later. I was very late when for our date to work things out. I know I messed up. She told me not to come. The next day I went to her job after she got off (she gave me the impression she wanted me to) and she went off on me. Then her parents(that I never met before) came out of nowhere and started going off on her telling her I'm stringing her along. There was no contact for 10 days (She never initiates contact). I contacted her for her birthday, we talked a little then she told me never call/text her again. I poured my heart out, she said it was too late and nothing I can say will change her mind. She was heartless. So I will give her what she wants. She did this 2 days ago. You think she will ever contact me? But she never initiates contact? I feel like she's too young to know what to do in a relationship. I do want her back. Her parents hate me cause of this and they live together (they kind of run her life). Is there a better way to get her back?

    Last edited by talaniman; Apr 7, 2012 at 07:09 PM.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,067, Reputation: 10290
    Senior Family & People Expert

    Apr 7, 2012, 07:11 PM

    Stick with NC, and have nothing more to do with her.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,735, Reputation: 7217

    Apr 7, 2012, 07:15 PM

    If she is too young ( how young?) to know what to do in a relationship, she is too young to be in one. Will she ever ? Who knows what may happen in 2 or 3 or 4 years, But you do NC, and move on with someone else in time and learn from this.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 16,527, Reputation: 2335
    Uber Member

    Apr 7, 2012, 07:21 PM
    If someone says no, no it is.
    You want to try the 1% chance you can get her back? Try the really old fashioned way, letters. The kind on paper with a stamp on the envelope. It might take 3 a week for 3 months. It might never work. You didn't exactly show your love very well.
    You break up with her, and then show up late to work it out??
    I don't think you have a chance.
    And if she's 'she's too young to know what to do in a relationship' then you aren't the one to be her teacher.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,035, Reputation: 5105
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:38 PM
    NC is NOT for getting her back again. NC is for you to heal and move on. That is the ONLY reason to do NC.
    Helpful (1)
    bri58325's Avatar
    bri58325 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:51 PM
    No that's not the ONLY reason.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,035, Reputation: 5105
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:52 PM
    Yes, it is the ONLY reason!

    Otherwise, you are just playing games.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,735, Reputation: 7217

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:53 PM

    Sorry, no contact is only to get you over, since there is no way to ever get back with them if you go proper no contact.

    If you want them back, go beg and plead and the such.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 8,652, Reputation: 1641
    Uber Member

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:01 PM
    Best not to play games. If you want someone back, let them know. No contact, as was said, is about moving on. For some people, having contact just postpones the healing and causes more pain and confusion.

    If you neglected your girlfriend, then yes, no contact is not going to help you. If you want her back, do all that you can to let her know that. Doesn't mean it will work, but you have to give it your best shot.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,273, Reputation: 3474
    Marriage Expert

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:01 PM
    For those wanting background information':

    No Contact, as Wondergirl pointed out, is about you healing and moving forward with your life.

    It is not a game.

    It is not a method for 'getting' an ex back.

    It is not a way to purposely and with intent cause pain to another person. Pain comes with a break-up. It is unavoidable. What is avoidable is making it hurt worse for her and yourself.

    NC is a way to give you both time to heal instead of digging at sores or trying to walk on a fractured leg. NC is a cast. You use it until you are healed and no longer need it.

    NC is to help you reduce the confusion you feel by limiting the input of the ex. No false hopes. No 'will we-won't we.' No 'what does she mean by.. '

    NC is for letting go of the past. It is for accepting that things cannot and will not be the same again.

    If you are hoping to use it to get her to contact you, then you are using it for the wrong reason.

    If she is using it to keep herself from contacting you so that she can heal, then she is using it correctly.
    Helpful (3)

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