[Soniya98]

Hi all, I'm in relationship from last 4 years, we are in very serious relationship and we are going to marry next year hopefully.

It was going very good but now from last one year I feel my boyfriend takes too much interest in sex. He never think that I'm in mood or not, even sometimes I got upset that why he want sex only.

Let me tell you a incident last month I met him and I was very upset due to my some personal problems and was very upset as my mother is not so well (medical problems). He knew that I'm upset cause of some reasons but he didn't even asked to me about anything. After half hour when I reached to him he started to do sex with me and I tried to stop him but he didn't and he knew that m not taking interest anymore, he did not stop himself. And after few minutes when looked up into my eyes I was crying very badly and he tried to talk with me but I just came at home and told him that he didn't done good to me!!

This is not the single incident that I gone through, it's happened lots of time from the last year.
I'm confused now that he really loves me or not, cause whenever I told him to breakup he do everything to stop me and says sorry to me and promise me that it will never happen again but still he is doing this again and again to me.

I cannot live without him and don't want any other guy in my life ever. Even he is also cares about me. He is very possessive for me.

Please help me to sort out my problem and suggest me how to stop him and make him realize that I don't want sex anymore I want his care and true love only. I need your help. Please help me out from this problem.

[talaniman]

You have a 4 year preview of his behavior and I doubt it changes. The only thing beyond accepting him, is to leave him, and don't go back. You already know he can't keep his word, so stop believing he will. When you are married, it will get worse because he knows you will be at his mercy.

That's not love from him, and its not a healthy love for your part. It has blinded you and made you allow bad behavior, and bad treatment, and only you can stop the abuse.

Sorry, not the advice you wanted, but no doubt you have tried everything else, so I think you make a tough decision and listen to your head, and not your heart, or your butt will pay for a bad decision.

[Zeshawn]

The Answer doesn't make sense at all. I am not here to critic on someone. But it hurts to tell some one who deeply love someone and is yet going to marry each other. 4 years relation is not a small time.
Well... My Answer would be that... ;
Try to be there with him... text him that you need to talk to him some serious things. Create a background first. So he will come to you without desiring for sex. I know he loves you a lot and from one year it change to desire of sex it happens. Just talk to him from heart... call him on his name or your love name and say that his sex desire is erasing your love for him. Tell him that you love peace, love, respect and lot more care and your first love soul love. Change his mind with such sweet words... it works... tell him That Love doesn't means to have sex or something else like that. Tell him to wait till marriage and till that just ask for care and so much love. I know if he started you caring and loving without sex desire... one day in the month or two you both will be ready to have sex but it will be Love But having sex every time is not love. Just turn his mind on your words... and wait for the love sex of both sides. Believe me it works... Take care of him don't leave him. If he truly loves you he 'll be ready to fulfil your words and will start loving you caring you and will respect your feelings.

[JudyKayTee]

The Answer doesnt make sense at all. I am not here to critic on someone. But it hurts to tell some one who deeply love someone and is yet going to marry each other. 4 years relation is not a small time.
Well...My Answer would be that....;
Try to be there with him...text him that you need to talk to him some serious things. create a background first. so he will come to you without desiring for sex. I know he loves you alot and from one year it change to desire of sex it happens. Just talk to him from heart...call him on his name or your love name and say that his sex desire is erasing your love for him. tell him that you love peace, love, respect and lot more care and your first love soul love. Change his mind with such sweet words...it works...tell him That Love doesnt means to have sex or some thing else like that. tell him to wait till marriage and till that just ask for care and so much love. I know if he started you caring and loving without sex desire...one day in the month or two you both will be ready to have sex but it will be Love But having sex everytime is not love. just turn his mind on ur words....and wait for the love sex of both sides. believe me it works.....Take care of him dont leave him. if he truly loves you he 'll be ready to fulfil your words and will start loving you caring you and will respect your feelings.

The answer doesn't make sense at all to YOU. Coming onto AMHD and immediately criticizing a long-term, well respected member is not the way to win friends and influence people.

I can barely understand what you said, but I'll attribute that to English not being your first languge.

Are you, by chance, in India? I see very similar advice from people who live in India on a daily basis here. It's a totally different culture, apparently. I find it interesting that you are being so critical when the very person you are criticizing was so helpful to you before - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ot-555840.html

Please keep that in mind when you are on a board with people in Countries which don't have arranged marriage, have totally different standards and customs.

You have made a very bad first (and, for that matter, second) impression.

[Soniya98]

Hmm... but don't want any other guy in my life ever.. he loves me, but when it comes to sex he has no control on his emotions.. but I want to realise him that his this behaviour hurts me a lot.

I really want to change him.. and only from last year (OCT,2011) he is behaving like that otherwise he is very caring..

Dear I don't have 4 year preview, I said that m with him from last 4 years but only from the last year (oct, 2011) he is behaving like that otherwise he is very caring.
I just want to change him and wants to make him realise that it hurts me a lot and I don't want it for long time, I mean I have my own feelings and emotions and he should understand this.

Suggest me a way to tell him that I don't want sex anymore, as I tried my best to reform him but when it comes to sex he can not control himself..

[JudyKayTee]

Dear i dont have 4 year preview, i said that m with him from last 4 years but only from the last year (oct, 2011) he is behaving like that otherwise he is very caring.
I just want to change him and wants to make him realise that it hurts me a lot and i dont want it for long time, i mean i have my own feelings and emotions and he should understand this.

suggest me a way to tell him that i dont want sex anymore, as i tried my best to reform him but when it comes to sex he can not control him self..

He doesn't need you to control him or change him or reform him. You are neither his mother nor his conscience.

If you are no longer interested in having sex with him, do him a favor and tell him. YOU are the one who changed the relationship to the "no sex" rule.

If he is forcing you to have sex you are being abused.

What does this mean - "and we are going to marry next year hopefully."

[Soniya98]

He doesn't need you to control him or change him or reform him. You are neither his mother nor his conscience.

If you are no longer interested in having sex with him, do him a favor and tell him. YOU are the one who changed the relationship to the "no sex" rule.

If he is forcing you to have sex you are being abused.

What does this mean - "and we are going to marry next year hopefully."

We have decided to do court marriege next year 2013, but only if he understand me and my feelings otherwise I don't know what will happen to us.
And yes I know m not his mother or conscience, but I think m his lover who will always be with him in his good and bad time, anyway,
I just told him many times to stop it but he doesn't and now m not talking to him from last 1 month and he keeps messaging me and call me, he just doing everything to talk to me and meet me, but I know that once I meet him he will do all this stupid things again to me and I really don't want it..

I don't know what to do, m doing good or bad to him..

[JudyKayTee]

We have decided to do court marriege next year 2013, but only if he understand me and my feelings otherwise i dont know what will happen to us.
and yes i know m not his mother or conscience, but i think m his lover who will always be with him in his good and bad time, anyways,
I just told him many times to stop it but he doesnt and now m not talking to him from last 1 month and he keeps messaging me and call me, he just doing everything to talk to me and meet me, but i know that once i meet him he will do all this stupid things again to me and i really dont want it..

i dont know what to do, m doing gud or bad to him..

If you are being abused you need to leave the relationship. That is the only possible advice.

[Soniya98]

If you are being abused you need to leave the relationship. That is the only possible advice.

Thanks for your opinion dear..

[JudyKayTee]

Thanks for ur opinion dear..

I always mean to ask this - you are in India, I am guessing. Other people from India use the word "dear" when addressing "us" on AMHD.

Is "dear" not a term of affection and endearment in India?

[Soniya98]

I always mean to ask this - you are in India, I am guessing. Other people from India use the word "dear" when addressing "us" on AMHD.

Is "dear" not a term of affection and endearment in India?

Yes I'm from india, and I'm a 23 years old girl and m a web designer. :)

And yes it's a term of affection for us too but we also use dear for our friends or to our respected one's to show respect and equality. That's all..!

And why are you asking for india.. I mean in your above rply you were talking about india to some zeshwan that he is from india or not.. is there anything wrong mam?

[JudyKayTee]

Yes i m from india, and i m a 23 years old girl and m a web designer. :)

and yes its a term of affection for us too but we also use dear for our friends or to our respected one's to show respect and equality. thats all..!!

and why r u asking for india.. i mean in ur above rply u were talking about india to some zeshwan that he is from india or not.. is there anything wrong mam??

Because "dear" in the US is a term of affection, not used to show respect or for borderline friends. I see it posted when people from India are on line. I was asking if it was used in some other context in India.

[Soniya98]

Because "dear" in the US is a term of affection, not used to show respect or for borderline friends. I see it posted when people from India are on line. I was asking if it was used in some other context in India.

hmmm OK.. every country has its own little and big things, values and meanings I think..

its really nice to talk to you today.. :)

[talaniman]

You want to change his bad behavior, then stop allowing him to have sex when you don't want it. Maybe he changes, but more likely he will resent you for it. Still your solution is to not be treated in ways you don't want to be.

If he isn't willing to change for you, then I see very little choice but to reject him as a husband, and life partner.

The whole idea of "he can't control himself" is NO excuse whatsoever. Do NOT make it one. I have no doubt once you get tired of this you will make some changes, be it next month,or after you have married and had kids.

At least you have removed yourself from his influence so you recognize that his words and actions just don't match.

[Soniya98]

You want to change his bad behavior, then stop allowing him to have sex when you don't want it. Maybe he changes, but more likely he will resent you for it. Still your solution is to not be treated in ways you don't want to be.

If he isn't willing to change for you, then I see very little choice but to reject him as a husband, and life partner.

The whole idea of "he can't control himself" is NO excuse whatsoever. Do NOT make it one. I have no doubt once you get tired of this you will make some changes, be it next month,or after you have married and had kids.

At least you have removed yourself from his influence so you recognize that his words and actions just don't match.

Hmm.. I am trying to get out from all those kind of situations when he could take advantage of me.. let see what will happen..! I hope he'll understand this..!

[talaniman]

If he cannot understand then he is not the one to build a healthy relationship with.