[ForeverZero]

Sounds to me like you're on the road to recovery and things are golden. I'd say stay the course. It's very easy to confuse numb feelings for no feelings. After a person does severe emotional damage to us, we have the tendency to try and ignore our feelings towards them and focus on what made us do that. More likely than not, she still has feelings for you, but doesn't know what kind, and it's your job to show her. She needs to see the part of you that she fell in love with in the first place, and, to top it all off, she's letting you do that. Sounds like she'll be coming around in a month or so.

I would also contend that, while in reality, you're not in the seat of power, she doesn't know that. Its very easy to look at a situation and say that you've got no power because of X Y and Z that you let her do to your emotions, but in reality, they usually don't know what they're doing, and what you feel and what you think only matters to you. It's what you say and do that matters to other people, and if what you say and what you do leads them to believe the opposite, then you're playing your game correctly. I'd say don't jump the gun, and just pick up her calls when she calls, try to limit your initiation of contact, and let her do the work. The fact that she's calling you is a good sign, and so is the fact that she's let you in to her life enough to make her happy.

The hard part for now will be not jumping the gun, but it sounds like you've got your stuff under control. So best of luck, you know where to find me.

[texxxas]

you're doing everything right babe, keep it up and she'll be yours to keep, in no time =) goood luck

[imissher]

Hey,

Well, what else I can I say. After two months of anguish, pain and sorrow, my ex came back and decided that she wants to give us another chance. Everything I've worked hard for in the last two months has finally paid off.

Here's my original post: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...how-63990.html

Anyway, most of you are probably eager to know how I "won" her back. Here's my little success story, and guidance for those who need it:

1. We were together for about 3 yrs. We had our arguments but we worked through them. Over time, I turned into a wussy, clingy, needy boyfriend. She'd try to leave almost every two weeks, and each time I would beg, plead, cry, until finally she left me.

2. Yes it hurt like crazy. I swear to god when we broke up, I thought I died. Emotional pain started to turn into physical pain and it was the worst feeling in the world. I decided to go no contact. I ended up doing no contact for two weeks. During those two weeks, I tried to do everything (basketball, music, chill with friends.. etc.) but nothing worked.

3. After two weeks, I decided to talk to her. She seemed really angry and upset that I was there. REALLY ANGRY. So we talked, and talked some more. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Over time, we went out and ate lunches/dinners, watched movies, talked on the phone. I let her initiate all the contact. I noticed that when I called her, she was irritated and mad.

4. So in the next five weeks, I noticed progress. I started being more unavailable, being happy when she sees me, I let her know that I was OK with the break up. Thus, she felt really comfortable to talk to me. She changed her mind from "no chance" to "we have a chance". In the last week, she told her co-workers that we might get back together and admitted that she wants to make it work.

5. Although there was progress... it was extremely difficult. It seemed like she was using me just to talk and go out with. I would come home hurt every time cause she didn't get back together with me. It felt like I was a plan B, or a security blanket for her, and it seemed like she just wanted to be friends. I got fed up, and told her that I didn't want her anymore. I went to her house and told her never to call me again, never to talk to me again, don't text me, I want you out of my life, and I told her to respect my decision.

6. And it brings me here. After leaving her and letting go(which is so unbelievably difficult), she surprisingly ends up at my front door willing to give us another try.

So... what have I learned? And what should YOU do to better your chances?

Here's my tips:

1. Try to go no contact after the break up as much as you can. If you think they have some sort of feelings for you, contact at least after 2 weeks. If you can go longer, then do it! The more time apart, the better.

2. Do not call, beg, plead and cry. It will prove to her how right she was about you, and it will push her away. Every time you have urges to call, ask yourself if your emotional impulses are worth losing the girl/boy you want, basically think with your head. There's a reason for why your head is above your heart.

3. When you re-initiate contact, make sure you've changed. Let her see the "new" you and don't look depressed around her, be happy and be OK with the break up.

4. BE PATIENT. Don't ever apply pressure. Pressure will make them run. Let them initiate contact, and let them ask you out. Be unavailable, be busy, and let them know that you are OK without them.

5. Be confident and able to stand on your own two feet. You don't need a girl/boy to make you happy. Whenever you see her, show her you're perfectly fine, that you're OK, its far more attractive.

Well, those are my two cents. I hope it helps. My prayers are with you guys and I really hope you get your ex's back or at least help you to move on. Thanks to everyone on this board, you have no idea how much I appreciated your help.

God Bless. Hopefully I won't be back here asking for a third chance:).

[Clough]

Way to go!

[rol]

Good for you! Stay around and let us know how things go.

[Jiser]

Woo go you :) Hope it works out!! Don't forget to have your own life and COMMUNICATION! No clingyness. Wish mine would come back.

[imissher]

Haha, yeah it feels good to get her back. But it isn't as great as I thought it would feel. There's still something's we got to talk about, the issues we have to resolve. I just hope I don't come off too clingy or needy when we go over what we need to do to make this second chance work...

Wish me luck.

[SAB123]

haha, yeah it feels good to get her back. But it isn't as great as i thought it would feel. There's still somethings we gotta talk about, the issues we have to resolve. I just hope i dont come off too clingy or needy when we go over what we need to do to make this second chance work...

Wish me luck.

Make sure you get everything on the table and talk about everything. NO lies or you will be back on this site in the future doing it all over again?
Good luck to you.

[Emland]

It is nice to hear a success story. Good for you!

[lincoln20]

Hey,

Well, what else i can i say. After two months of anguish, pain and sorrow, my ex came back and decided that she wants to give us another chance. Everything i've worked hard for in the last two months has finally payed off.

Heres my original post: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...how-63990.html

Anyways, most of you are probably eager to know how i "won" her back. Here's my little success story, and guidance for those who need it:

1. We were together for about 3 yrs. We had our arguements but we worked through them. Over time, i turned into a wussy, clingy, needy boyfriend. She'd try to leave almost every two weeks, and each time i would beg, plead, cry, until finally she left me.

2. Yes it hurt like crazy. I swear to god when we broke up, i thought i died. Emotional pain started to turn into physical pain and it was the worst feeling in the world. I decided to go no contact. I ended up doing no contact for two weeks. During those two weeks, i tried to do everything (basketball, music, chill with friends.. etc.) but nothing worked.

3. After two weeks, i decided to talk to her. She seemed really angry and upset that i was there. REALLY ANGRY. So we talked, and talked some more. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Over time, we went out and ate lunches/dinners, watched movies, talked on the phone. I let her initiate all the contact. I noticed that when i called her, she was irritated and mad.

4. So in the next five weeks, i noticed progress. I started being more unavailable, being happy when she sees me, i let her know that i was ok with the break up. Thus, she felt really comfortable to talk to me. She changed her mind from "no chance" to "we have a chance". In the last week, she told her co-workers that we might get back together and admitted that she wants to make it work.

5. Although there was progress... it was extremely difficult. It seemed like she was using me just to talk and go out with. I would come home hurt everytime cause she didnt get back together with me. It felt like i was a plan B, or a security blanket for her, and it seemed like she just wanted to be friends. I got fed up, and told her that i didnt want her anymore. I went to her house and told her never to call me again, never to talk to me again, dont text me, i want you out of my life, and i told her to respect my decision.

6. And it brings me here. After leaving her and letting go(which is so unbelievably difficult), she surprisingly ends up at my front door willing to give us another try.

So... what have I learned? And what should YOU do to better your chances?

Here's my tips:

1. Try to go no contact after the break up as much as you can. If you think they have some sort of feelings for you, contact at least after 2 weeks. If you can go longer, then do it! The more time apart, the better.

2. Do not call, beg, plead and cry. It will prove to her how right she was about you, and it will push her away. Everytime you have urges to call, ask yourself if your emotional impulses are worth losing the girl/boy you want, basically think with your head. There's a reason for why your head is above your heart.

3. When you re-initiate contact, make sure you've changed. Let her see the "new" you and don't look depressed around her, be happy and be ok with the break up.

4. BE PATIENT. Don't ever apply pressure. Pressure will make them run. Let them initiate contact, and let them ask you out. Be unavailable, be busy, and let them know that you are ok without them.

5. Be confident and able to stand on your own two feet. You don't need a girl/boy to make you happy. Whenever you see her, show her you're perfectly fine, that you're ok, its far more attractive.

Well, those are my two cents. I hope it helps. My prayers are with you guys and i really hope you get your ex's back or at least help you to move on. Thanks to everyone on this board, you have no idea how much i appreciated your help.

God Bless. Hopefully i wont be back here asking for a third chance:).

I am going through what you did, I am going to try your advice!
Cheers mate!

[ForeverZero]

What'd I tell you?

Hakuna Matata MOFO!!


Grats dude

[imissher]

Zero lol, I don't even how to say thank you!!

I have to admit though. Winning her back feels good, but not as great as I thought it'd be. I guess when you actually get what you want, your standing there and saying... "lol what now.."

Regardless, I really love this girl and I want to make it work.

Good luck guys.

[Jiser]

I kind of agree with you there. 'What now?' I know if it ever worked again between me and my ex, well it would be different. She was not a good girlfriend - at all! Well anyway good luck to you, work out the problems with good communication and take it slow. Get to know each other better before you rush into anything!

[Skell]

Don't mean to put a dampener on things but I hope you understand that now comes and even bigger test than what you have been through these past few weeks. And that is making it work.

It failed last time for obvious reasons so why won't it fail again? Have you changed your ways? Has she changed? Will you fall back into your old habits once you get comfortable again? Will she get the urge to leave you again now she has you back??

All these things are unanswered questions but you have to use what you have learnt during your break up to make sure it works this time. And even then it is no guarantee.

And I don't like how you use the word "WIN". You really shouldn't have to win someone back. That's not how it should be in my opinion. It isn't a prize you pick up at the local fair. IT is a partner in life and someone you share intimate things with. Winning her isn't an option in my opinion. It is somehting you should EARN!! Earn her love and respect. Not win it with some conceived plan of action, or games. Not saying this is the case with you, but just something to think about.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy for you and really hope that it works out. Success stories here a rare and it is great when we see them. I just hope that some of what I have said helps you ensure that this remains a success story and not just another episode in a drawn out drama!

So good luck and please keep us up to date on how things are going!!

[imissher]

"Winning" someone back is just a phrase. If I felt like it, I would've used "getting" her back. I didn't mean for it to be a game or anything, its just a saying.

Tough times are ahead, I have learned and we both have changed.

From what I've heard, its better the second time around. :)

[Skell]

Fair enough. Good luck and I hope what you have heard is true!

[diya]

It's so good to hear all this... Wish you luck and happiness always

[manimuth]

Good for you and good luck.
This was my favorite part:

Be confident and able to stand on your own two feet. You don't need a girl/boy to make you happy.

[MPortTiger6262]

imissher, and everyone who has responded to his question, I got a little story to tell you...

My HS sweetheart and I were inseparable our senior year. We were best friends since 7th grade and we fell madly in love the summer before our senior year. She was a captain of the cheerleading squad, I was a captain of the football team. Our HS colors were red and blue and our mascot were the Tigers.

I'm just painting a picture of how movie-esque and perfect this relationship was. We were set up for something great. I went off to college and we stayed together for almost 4 years. I am a junior now in college and she ended it with me in February. I begged, I cried, I pleaded for her to stay. She would stay... for a week, and then the same lines would come up "I'm not happy with you" I don't want to be with you"...my heart was shattered. However everytime I would say " it, I'm moving on" she would call me or text me saying she doesn't want us to end for good. And I fell for it. We went on like that from February until now.

She ended it with me for good this week. I have been severely depressed and have had anxiety attacks with finals coming up and my failed relationship. I listened to every sad song you could think of and all of them related to my situation. I read Chicken Soup for the Soul. I opened my Bible, I found no answers. I'm not that close with my family on issues like this and couldn't turn to my roommates. You see, the person I usually turned to when I had a problem like this was...her!

I turned to the internet. I typed in "My long-term girl friend left me and I want to kill myself" and this link popped up. I registered and read every post on here. TODAY! Each post helped a little more and more. But the clincher was the one that said "you have no identity outside of her" and he was right.

I had become half of a couple instead of my own person! Like a load of my shoulders! I got chills down my spine and realized what I had become! I sold myself out. I was sacrificing myself for her. I know relationships take sacrifice, but no one...NO ONE should get down on their hands and knees and beg (I'm guilty of it).

Anyway, ironically my ex called me minutes after my revelation. I told her everything. About how I was depressed but I am liberated now. I told her I got over her in the instant I read these posts! This all happened about 2 hours ago. I swear to you do you know how fast the balance of power shifted in our relationship??? She JUST texted me..."I think I am sad without you" and when I talked to her on the phone I could here her voice crack, fighting back tears. She has been cold and heartless to me for the last two months. This is the first sign of her wanting me in two months. I'm going to play it by ear and play hard to get.

imissher, listen to these guys! In a matter of hours my relationship is looking up! And I don't feel like I'm half of a couple anymore! I feel independent. Wildcat, the other guy that I posted a response to, and all the rest... Thank you... you have opened my eyes. Thank You...

[chuff]

But the clincher was the one that said "you have no identity outside of her" and he was right.

the other guy that I posted a response to, and all the rest...Thank you...you have opened my eyes. Thank You...

:D That's my quote and I'm the other guy. Just thought I'd point that out. :D

MPort, start a thread and maybe we can help you out. It looks like you girlfriend has already dropped her attitude and we haven't even offered you any direct advice. To me that's a confirmation of just how good the advice is on this board.