[talaniman]

As Geoff has said this is an excellent place to vent and get the support you need. Hang in there we all know how long and hard your path is.

[Herry Lin]

Hi Cat,

I my situation also similar to imissher,My girlfriend and I have been together for 2-3 yrs. My age 22 and she is 24yrs old. Everything perfect until the last couple of months. During the "perfect" period, we had healthy relationship

During a long vication my girl friend back to home for a week , while she back she wants to leave me, the reason she said she has been fed up with me and she wants to have rest, from that time we started living apart, but we were in keep in touch one day she said she wants to break up ,and she said she may be will back or not,I am dying I want her to be back we live in a same building, some time she called me and ask me about how is my life gong so far, she asked me if I can be her friend and she may be back have only 80% chance for her to back please advise how can I get her back?

Thanking u

Less of you is MORE!!!! A lot of guys just don't get that.

She's not going to forget about you. SHE WILL forget you for good if you're always there like a sick puppy - YUCK!!!! Not attractive.

WHY do you think most women (and they wont admit this) are attracted to the bad boy - jerk - he's what we call a CHALLENGE!!!! He ISN'T there 24/7 checking up on her.....needing to be wih her.

The down side is the jerk/bad boy is really, really, really unhealthy for women for many, many, many reasons.

The goal is to be a good guy.....ever hear women like the tall/silent type? NOT the needy, clingy, jealous.

Guys - one tip - she should call you just as much - if not more. if you're calling, e-mailing, texting 3 times a day....well then you have a problem.

Be busy wait it out......do you want to be her just now or in 6 months?

Give women their space - for the love of god!!!!!!!!! Make her miss you and think about you.

No one wants some lame insecure dude - always checking up on you - and if your a little mysterious - she'll love you for it.

[Jiser]

She's gone. You only get one life, your what 19 years old? Iam 21 just turned yesterday, common were young - enjoy life :P Its one person, hundreds more to come yet. I ve had relatives who have died, it hurts still even years after, but I moved on and I think of all the good times. There is no time for regrets in this life, it goes to quick.

Join the gym - it is the best feeling in the world after a run or workout. I never stopped my hobbies during my time with my GF and ill tell you what, sports etc get me through the day so much easier!!

[tinsign]

WOW with all these answers iwill just add this.. If something is meant to be it will happen... I wish you well and hope you move on and find happiness in the future.

[imissher]

Hey,

Its been a while since I posted my miserable situation, and now I find myself here again asking for an opinion.Oh, by the way... SPECIAL, SPECIAL thanks goes to foreverzero, I swear I would've died without your help. Anyway, here's last months post of my sad situation.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...how-63990.html

So, after getting dumped over a month ago I decided to go no contact. I decided to go no contact since begging, pleading and crying obviously didn't work anymore. The first day, I felt like someone just shot me and time froze for hours at a time. Didn't feel like eating, thinking, let alone just standing up. Ill be honest, and say that time really made it better.

So two weeks passed, and I decided to contact her. We talked, although she seemed really pissed off at the time. Ignored me for the most part when we went out. I attempted to show her I changed, but I reverted back to "clingy boy" and stupidly asked for her back. She rejected me again, and I was back to stage 1. Feeling extremely pissed off, I packed all her stuff, went to her house the next day, and told her never to call, text, email, or even think about me. I told her that she was dead to me, as I left pissed off.

I thought it was over, but less than half an hour later, I get several missed calls and text msg's asking me to call her. We talked for the next couple of days, she apologized but stayed firm on her decision. She then changed from "we don't have a chance" to "we have a chance". I told her that I couldn't wait for her forever.

So lately, she's been really nice to me. She's been calling every couple of days. She tells me all the time that she misses me, and wants to be with me. But she also tells me, that she just wants to be friends first and that she wants to take it "slow". She says that the only reason she can't get back together right now, is because she doesn't feel like she has feelings for me and that she's not sure if she likes me. It's hard because she always says "if we get back together we'd do this, we'd do that, blah blah". We also have so much fun when we go out. She admitted that her life has been miserable without me, and that she's jealous that I'm out there enjoying my life and seeing other girls. She also said that she probably won't find anyone better, and that she misses everything we did.

For a while I thought she was just using me as a security blanket or plan B, but I ruled that out. That's because she keeps encouring me to go see other girls, and since the break up, she rarely even goes out. She' stayed at home, and didn't even talk to friends. Guys have been hitting on her but she turned them all down. She's been avoiding guys from coming close to her since our break up.

I try not to show her that she has control over my heart. I act neutral for the most part. I still make her laugh, flirt with her, and all that. I never bring up and relationship, and for the most part, I try to make myself unavailable, by not picking up every call, and not replying to every text. This helped because, she feels less pressure, and is comfortable to talk to me.

Last night, she almost got back with me. Surprisingly enough, I told her to take her time. She agreed and said that we should take it slow, be friends first before we rush into getting back together. She says that she's just too confused right now. The only thing preventing us from getting back together is the fact that she doesn't know if she still has feelings for me.

So now what? My friends are telling me to keep doing what I'm doing, and she'll eventually come around. Should I play hard to get, since she's interested? I won't take her back unless she's changed, and unless she WANTS to make it work.

If I act like I don't care, play hard to get, show her I changed, be confident and all that... will she come around? If this does work, does anyone have any advice on "winning" her heart back? What should I do at this point, to maximize my chances of getting her back :(.

Thanks for reading. Peace out guys.

[Jiser]

Concentrate on your own life right now, without her. If you want her back then you need to move on and be happy in yourself.

1) Get a new life direction
2) Start new hobbies
3) meet new people
4) Do play hard to get
5) Be a challenge
6) You be the prize
7) Date other women
8) Be fun :P
9) YOU do not need anyone else to be happy - its merely desire!!
10) Don't be so available ever!

[Skell]

Your flogging a dead horse.

She wants to keep you close so if her other options fail she always has you there.

I wouldn't be bothering with her back and forth antics. Its child's play and in my opinion you are only setting yourself up for more hurt.

[imissher]

Believe it or not, I followed that list and that's how I almost got her back :).

Could you elaborate on how I can "be the prize" or how to "play hard to get", or how to be a challenge. What should I do when we talk/see each other.

Anyone?

[imissher]

Your flogging a dead horse.

She wants to keep you close so if her other options fail she always has you there.

I wouldnt be bothering with her back and forth antics. Its child's play and in my opinion you are only setting yourself up for more hurt.

As of now, she admitted that she doesn't have any other options, and neither does she have interest in other options. She doesn't want to keep me close either. She wants me to go out with other girls, etc.

She said she needs time to figure stuff out, and admits that she does want to be with me. Obviously, if this goes on for too long, then I won't take it. But I feel like she deserves some time to think about what she really wants.

[Jiser]

Give her time then :P and the mean time you become ONE HAPPY GUY :) love life and be that cool person everyone loves

[Skell]

She wants to be with you but she wants space and needs time to figure things out. She wants to be with you but she wants you to go out with other girls.

Is anyone else confused. I am. It appears she is and I think you are to imissher.

If she doesn't want to keep you close then why si she calling you all the time after she dumped you? I think your desperation to have her back is blinding you.

[imissher]

She wants to be with you but she wants space and needs time to figure things out. She wants to be with you but she wants you to go out with other girls.

Is anyone else confused. I am. It appears she is and i think you are to imissher.

If she doesnt want to keep you close then why si she calling you all the time after she dumped you? I think your desperation to have her back is blinding you.

She doesn't want to be pressured to come back with me. And she doesn't want to rush into the relationship just yet. Hopefully, I'm not blinded. The way I see it, she just needs time to think about it cause I never gave her the space she deserved when we were together.

Thnks for the replies :)

[Jiser]

Well its time to give her space then. There are many years left of life yet to meet up again - unless we get run over by a bus :) hehe

You have a life don't you ! So you concentrate on that, not your past.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I might be wrong but I think she is more clever than you think. She knows you are still interested deep down and she knows what game you are playing... Its not rocket science.

In fact, you are playing her game more than likely and she wants you as plan B and I think you could be setting yourself up for more pain here.

I think she already senses she has you but she is not letting you know that she knows that and when things go quiet, i.e. you ignore her, she lights the fire again by calling and texting constantly to attract your attention, to relight the flame (so to speak). By responding to what she asked for, i.e.telling her "we should take our time, be friends" you are acknowledging what she originally asked for which is good in a way, but it also lets her know that you are playing along with this so that you can get her back which is not what she wants. She wants to be just friends and keep you close probably as a security blanket. Everything seems to be on her terms and although it might not seem like it, she has control over this situation more than you think.

That said, I am no psychologist and I am no fortune teller either, it is just my honest opinion.

I might be wrong and I hope that things work out good for you. Just make sure you do things for the right reasons.

[wap]

I was thinking about this scenario.. I think now, if it happened to me, I don't think I could take my ex back. I mean I would feel too angry and full of resent. I think there would be a lack of trust, and it wouldn't work out anyway. I suppose people are different. Sometimes though, it seems to be unhealthy to go back into the past.

[rol]

<<Everything seems to be on her terms and although it might not seem like it, she has control over this situation more than you think.
>>

Totally agree with GEOFF BUT Couldn't SPREAD THE REP!
U need to get into uncertainty yourself.
In fact tell her you are not sure anymore that she is the girl for you and you are going to keep your options open

She is now in control of the situation, and you are obeying everything she says. That is NOT what a woman wants!!

Get your power back and tell her NO.

[Skell]

Geoff is spot on the money in his post. Dead right. Sorry Geoff but I had to spread it.

She is playing games and controlling him. She knows what she is doing. It isn't about pressure or anything else she says. It is all about control and at the moment she has it all over you.

Sorry to be blunt but it is just screaming out in your posts.

[talaniman]

Did I blink and miss something here. When did you do no contact and still talking to her, from where I sit she is no closer to you than when you broke up. Your friends are feeding you a lot of crap and sorry, so is your ex. Break this stuff up and do some real NO CONTACT and be unavailable for real and let your emotions die down so you can see clearly what's really going on. As others are trying to tell you she is still telling you what to do AND making you think your in control. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Fact-You pack her stuff up and tell her leave you alone
Fact- Didn't work cause you relented and gave her back her control.

Leave her alone and do the no contact the right way and stop talking to her and watch and see her for what she is. Get healthy and stop BS'ing yourself. Reread this post and don't you sound crazy?

[imissher]

I see progress in the time that passes. Doing no contact is the course of action that I will take if this low contact approach doesn't work. Yes, there's some GREAT points there about me losing control and I'm going to try to change that.

Ive been trying to slowly shift control to my side by being unavailable, not being needy, not returning all her calls, not replying to every text, and when we do go out, its under my terms.

How else could I possibly gain control? More importantly, how do I win her over during this no contact phase.

Tal, I understand that no-contact is the way to go. But that's my last resort if I get fed up with doing this low-contact BS. It seems like she's coming along, so taking my chances with low contact is worth it.

What do I do now so that she forgets the obsessive/needy person, and realize a different more confident person. How do I make myself the "prize" and how do I make this a challenge for her? How will I get her to have feelings for me again?

Ideas?

[talaniman]

Keep us updated and Good Luck!