[tlotlon]

My boyfriend and I met a month ago and he had partners when we met but decided to give it a shot now the problem is he is overprotective!he doesn't want me to talk to men and he says I should end the relationship with the partner he found me with and that he will end his with the woman he was involved with when we met.
He make sure he comes to my workplace when before I knock off and take me home he doesn't want me to use taxi's.
He always tell me that um the first beautiful girlfriend girlfriend he has ever had in his life, he gets mad when a guy/man calls me so much he gets out of control and he doesn't want me to have male friends.
He is supportive he gives me everything I want but um wondering does he really love and again why is he insecure if he really does ?

[Alty]

This isn't healthy. He's trying to dictate what you do, who you talk to, who you're friends with. This will only escalate.

Talk to him, tell him that you are in charge of your life, not him. He either trusts you enough to have the friends you want, or there's no future for the two of you. Relationships are about trust, not control.

[tlotlon]

But I love him I want to be with him!he only problem is he concerned too much on who I talk to when and how.I riily want to be with this guy

[Alty]

Well, if you really want to be with him, than you either talk to him and get him to see that he's smothering you, or accept the way he treats you and realize that it's only going to get worse.

He's alienating you from your friends and it's only been a month. It's not going to get better, these things rarely do.

he always tell me that um the first beautiful girlfriend girlfriend he has ever had in his life, he gets mad when a guy/man calls me so much he gets out of control and he doesn't want me to have male friends.

This part of your post is the scary part. He gets mad when a guy calls you, he gets out of control. How long until he actually turns his anger into a physical confrontation? I'd bet it won't be long if you don't obey his commands.

[tlotlon]

That's where I mostly get scared too but he always tells me that he won't hit me no matter the much I've /wud hurt him!I want to believe it because I want to trust him. I just don't know what to do because our age difference is 12 maybe that's why he is like that

[Jake2008]

So you are both dating, but if I read you right, neither of you have let go of your recent partners?

After only a month, he sounds very demanding and controlling. The relationship is on his terms, and seems like he is more moulding you to who he wants you to be.

What he wants is to please himself. He wants a certain type of woman. One that allows herself to be who he wants her to be. One that doesn't tell him to take a hike when he dictates who her friends are.

The next thing will be how you dress, walk, talk. The makeup you wear. The third degree if you want to just go out to the movies with your girlfriend. Every action and thought, has to begin with him either approving, or him altering or changing what you want, in order for him to feel comfortable.

To give up your own personal control, and your own independence, to your partner, is giving far too much, and will only lead you to losing who you are.

Ask yourself why you would allow another human being to control you. No partner is worth that level of sacrifice.

Get out, don't look back, and learn to recognize signs of controlling behaviour because they are never, ever good. Jeaousy is one major, huge red flag.

[loulabella]

This is talking from experience, I was with a boyfriend for over a year & we even moved in together, Because I fell for this guy I refused to acknowledge the early signs of him not liking me talking to any male friends, criticizing what I wore some times, no liking make up & even my career choice as a nurse at one point. I accepted him for who he was with his social anxiety & was there for him but he never really accepct me & got more & more controlling to the point that I didn't know who I was in the end. Looking back I wish I had left sooner. Please don't make the same mistake I did.

The guy your with should be with you because he loves the person you are. If he is trying to control certain aspects of your life then he obviously isn't. He should also make you feel great about yourself not guilty.

[talaniman]

If he is unmanageable after only ONE MONTH, you better take the hint, and not let your love blind you to the obvious, you found a control freak who is very insecure. and that's dangerous.

Please don't ignore the red flags waving right in your face.

[tlotlon]

When I met him he told me that his girlfriend used to harass her and beat her so he said he wants to leave the girlfriend and he made me leave the man I was in love with now every time he takes my phone he investigates who sent me massages and why he even goes to an extend of going through the phonebook, today he came to my workplace harassing me asking me about the contact/numbers we once argued about saying that he wants to kill me because I am a ***** and that he is going to treat me like a ***** but I love him and I introduced him to my daughter so um scared of hurting my little girl and losing him but what if he continues doing the same things um scared!!

[J_9]

I'm going to be blunt here.

He threatened to kill you but you are scared of hurting your little girl by leaving him? Ummm, I suppose you would rather her be motherless after he DOES kill you?

Come on, really?

He calls you a ***** and is going to treat you like a *****, but you are afraid of losing him? Do you really think this is how you are supposed to be treated?

Being scared should never be a part of daily life.

Get as far away from this man as you possibly can as fast as you possibly can. Having him in your life will only teach your daughter that it is okay for men to treat women this way.

What advice would you give your daughter if she asked you these questions about her relationship?

[Magda110]

If I were you, I'd leave that man!! 'Cause he's sicky jealous and nervous so he will remain the same for ever... believe me, this kind of people, can never give up their habits :( So be realistic, if he harms you, this fact will harm your daughter as twice harder as you...

[Fr_Chuck]

He made you leave man you loved?

He threatens you

He takes your phone

Comes to your work

Calls you names


First why do you love him, and not even the worry about your daughter, Sorry but you should leave now, don't even stop to take anything, before you or your child is harmed