[Survivor07]

Ohh, I understand now! I wouldn't want to have to deal with addictions in a marriage either. That's why it's good to know a person on a very personal level so that you can find out how they act.

I wouldn't want to deal with a guy who is selfish and asks for things all the time, but doesn't want to give back. Nor would I want to have a boyfriend who does the minimum in the relationship; calling but not contributing to the conversation with ideas, question, or suggestions.

That's why I also think it's good to be really good friends with your boyfriend first. Even if you end up learning things about him you didn't want to know, 'cause then you're the one making choices, not him.

By the way, do you think that you can judge your boyfriend by his friends? Or, do you think you can judge a person by their friends?

I think it depends how old of a person we're talking about and how long they have been friends with their friends.

But I would agree you can tell a lot about someone by who their friends are and why they're friends, where they met, etc.

[makapuu]

I don't think a person should be judged based on the friends they keep. People act differently depending on who they are with.

[DazzaGal]

Its only my opinion, but shouldn't you just be yourself? Whoever your with!

[teastalk]

I agree that you should be yourself no matter who you're with. I think Makapuu is just saying that sometimes you act differently depending on what group of people you're with.

Pretend that you are in two different clubs and one club is a Christian club and the other one is a dancing club. With your Christian friends you'll probably act conservative and laid-back. With the dancing crew, you'll probably wear flashy outfits and be energetic running around everywhere.

However, who you are should be the same in both places. Yet, a lot of people act differently in different situations.

[DazzaGal]

I do see where your coming from definitely, but isn't that just respecting the situation that you are in at the time, it doesn't however ean that you should act differently when you go to different places-thats just knowing the boundarys and respecting the limits,
What I mean is that you can have different types of friends and for different purposes but an overall view of those people tend to be quiet similar.

[Janmarie]

I have friends of all races, backgrounds, and religions even though we all have our differences we still find common things about each other and that is what makes these friendships so wonderful. I learn something new each time I am with them. Friendships help us grow and learn about ourselves as well as the rest of the world. I am a white female and I have an Indian male friend...would I be judged as being an Indian? So the same goes with who one chooses to have as friends. You just find mutual things you like about each other.

[DazzaGal]

I agree with what you have said you have put it in a different way, I don't mean that if you are a white female you can only have white female friends or cannot be friends with any other race, we are all different on the outside-and that does make it very interesting yes.
But in my opinion we tend to have friends with the same interests as ourself, similar morals and similar beliefs. And referring to the question that was origionally asked, I personally believe that you can tell a lot about a person from the friends that they keep or spend a lot of time with.

[Janmarie]

I know what you are saying and it is true that we are judged by the company we keep. But what I am saying is that so many people are so closed to anything outside their own customs, beliefs and morals. We still have our morals and we still keep our boundaries and not participate in anything that we feel is wrong for us and that is an individual choice. There has to be some commonalities to have a friendship. You may enjoy the same movies but yet clash when it comes to what clubs to hang out at on a friday night. What I am trying to say is that to many people judge others and because of that minds are closed to anyone different. If I could change one thing in this life it would be that no one is judged and is allowed to live their full potential as the human beings they were meant to be.

[DazzaGal]

There is an old chinese proverb that says
"if you want to see who/what a man is then take a look at his friends. And yes you are also right in many ways that there are people that judge all too much in many aspects or our lives- however when you take a look at how we live and what we do, I personally would like be judged for the friends that I keep(im control the friends I keep so therefore its up to me what impression I give) rather than being judged for the things I have or haven't done, (gossip) we all make mistakes in our lives all throughout our lives, and I can always look to my friends to help me through those difficult times, taking their advice,giving advice, making good decisions... its just my own opinion of course but I like the fact that all my friends have similar morals and beliefs- now I'm not saying that we are all robots or clones or anything like that.. we have all different religions and different backgrounds etc etc, we are all different some are comedians and some are more serious etc etc, but we all have coman ground and we all treat each other with respect, so therefore I like being judged by the friends I keep. Many of my friends don't go out clubbing, and I love to be out clubbing- I just catch up with them at different times of the day and hang out at different places with them- I wasn't talking about the things we do as people I was talking about the way we are,

[Janmarie]

We pretty much agree on the subject of being judged by the friends we keep. I for one would not choose to be close friends with a known drug dealer because that is not my style or preference. But I wouldn't be so stuck within my morals to not acknowledge that person if they were to pleasantly say hi to me. I guess that is the Paramedic in me. But our friendships always refect back to us different parts of ourselves. The world is your mirror and the relationships you have are a reflection of your state of inner health in it. Discovering this mirror is amazing for creating peace and understanding in any relationship. Everything is reflected back to us through our friends and people we meet on a daily basis. If there are things we dislike about someone, something that drives us nuts or causes us to judge that person then there is something being reflected back to us about ourselves that we do not like and are resisting. Seriously it is amazing. The day people relax about the shortcomings of others is the day they also stop finding and focusing on faults within themselves.

[DazzaGal]

Having a style or preference isn't judgeing someone, I too have preferences with the friends I choose to keep, but I don't judge anyone for the way they choose to live,(i.e drug dealers,etc etc as you have stated) I just choose to keep them out of my life. Yeah I think that we have pretty much covered this between us- it has been really cool hearing your views on this!