My mother adopted out (closed) a child some 40 years ago and is now having problems with her having contact with other family members. My mother has tried to move on with her life but her invlovment is causing her a lot of grief. The child's adoptive parents were given my mothers information even though they weren't supposed to have it and give it to her once she asked for it. My mother has chosen not to have a relationship with her but doesn't understand why she is involving herself past finding out medical information etc. She was raised by a very wealthy political family and has had a good life but is not having any respect for my mother now.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Your mother has no control, legal or otherwise over her contacting other family members. She does have the right to want to know her family, and unless they ask her to stop, these is nothing wrong. If the contact with your mother continues after asking her to stop, she can seek a restraining order, or pursue harassment charges, but those have nothing to do with contacting other family members. If they are uncomfortable with the contact, they must ask her to stop, and take the same steps.

This is a heartbreaking situation. This child that was adopted by a family now wants to have contact with her birth mother and her family. No matter how wonderful her adoptive family was or is - and no matter how much money they have - there is nothing that can take the place of knowing your own family, your own mother. This person has been courageous to contact your mother and to want to know her. I hope your mother will re-consider her decision not to have anything to do with her. It was not her fault she was born and then placed up for adoption - she was a baby and had no say in being adopted. Now she would like to know her mother and about her mother. No doubt she is seeking to find meaning and answers to her life. That has no price tag in life. Your mother may not need to be friends with her and live happily ever after - but at the very least - I would say to speak with her. I don't know the reasons for why she was placed up for adoption - but it was not her fault for whatever happened. I can only imagine that this is very difficult for her and your mother. Your mother may feel it is easier to just not deal with her - rather than deal with her own feelings about what happened. It is just heartbreaking for everyone involved.

You do not say how she has been disrespectful to your mother. It might help if you explain.

Illusion--are you a birthmother?

If not, you have NO IDEA what you are talking about.

The wounds from choosing adoption are very deep, and contact sometimes rips the scabs off those wounds, rubs salt and lemon juice on them, and hurts even more than the original pain of the adoption.

The birthmother has NO OBLIGATIONS to the adopted child beyond medical records. If she does not want contact, that should be respected completely.

... there is nothing that can take the place of knowing your own family, your own mother. ... It is just heartbreaking for everyone involved.

You do not say how she has been disrespectful to your mother. It might help if you explain.

I have to agree with Synnen here. Your response is very wrong. The mother chose to give up the child for adoption and requested a closed adoption. For whatever reasons she did this those are her wishes and THEY NEED TO BE RESPECTED. That is how the child is being disrespectful to the mother. In addition, any family members that are encouraging the child and maintaining contact are also being disrespectful to the mother.

This child has NO rights to anything beyond medical information. Yes this is heartbreaking for everyone. But this is the danger an adoptee risks when they try to find their birth parents.

To cjaz,
Your mother should reiterate strongly to your family members that she closed this chapter of her life 40 years ago. That it is painful to have it revisited and ask that they respect her wishes by not encouraging the girl.

She should send the girl a letter stating in no uncertain terms that she while she can understand the girl's feelings, she has to understand and respect hers. And tell her that she does not want any contact and ask her to respect that and not contact other family members.

Unfortunately she cannot legally compel other family members to cease contact, but she can legally compel the girl to not contact her. She should also read the terms of the adoption contract. There may be grounds for a suit if her information was revealed in violation of the contract.

All right. From a legal standpoint you are absolutely right. But the writer stated she could not understand why the adopted child wanted contact with her mother beyond medical information. I just gave my idea on that and why it might be important for the adopted child. I realize that there are legal issues here - but that is not what the writer asked and she did say she wanted any ideas on this.

All right. From a legal standpoint you are absolutely right. But the writer stated she could not understand why the adopted child wanted contact with her mother beyond medical information. I just gave my idea on that and why it might be important for the adopted child. I realize that there are legal issues here - but that is not what the writer asked and she did say she wanted any ideas on this.

I think the OP was asking for thoughts from the mother's point of view, not the adopted child's. Yes, it is pretty well understood why an adopted child would want to seek contact with their biological family.

I subscribe to the principle that anyone is entitled to do what they want up to, but NOT including when what they want infringes on someone else's rights to do what they want. Under that principle, as soon as the adopted child was told the bio mother did not want contact, she should have backed off. The OP made it very clear how the mother felt, so advising the mother to reconsider her position was not applicable advice.

I was adopted back in the 60's. 6 years ago I found both my birth parents by hiring an intermediary. My father's answer was immediately yes. My mother's answer, after 3 days of thinking about it said no and to never contact her again.When asking her about medical information - she was very rude and said she was not going to share anything and do not contact her children. I would have respected her "no contact" wishes except how she responded to the medical information completely upset me. At that point I felt disrespected. How dare her refuse to give me medical information.My intermediary was stunned. I was determined to contact her because of it and did find her on my own. Did I have that right? I felt I absolutely did for the medical information at the very least. I was ready for a "no" answer from her but not that kind of "no" to my medical background. I had my father make the call to her. I knew in my heart that she wanted to know who I was but there was a very specific reason why she said no. I was right. No one in her family knew, no one, not even her husband and children. She did not want to hurt her spouse. She pleaded with me and I agreed to keep it between us but I wanted all medical information and I wanted pictures of her and get to know her a little. She agreed and gave me a lot of information and what happened back then with her and my father and also gave me a picture of what she looked like back then and now. It's tough because it's all been through email. After 5 years I still have not heard her voice or met her in person. She wants to one day meet both me and my father but she just can't right now. Her family is huge and I know I have a couple of siblings by her, many aunts, uncles, cousins. I even know who some of them are and where they are but they do not know me at all. I believe if I reveal who I am it could potentially ruin my birth mother's life and/or cause a lot of grief. She was told when she chose adoption that is was the best thing even though she did not feel that way. She was told to live life like it never happened. Carrying a child and not being able to bond with it is unnatural. I believe that even though it is not my fault for being adopted and it's very very hard to not just go up to her home and say here I am or to her children and the rest of my family too, I have to respect her wishes. I have to try to understand her position. I don't like it and still feel it's not fair and It's hard sometimes but I am thankful that I have a lot more info than I used to have and the bonus is that I found my birth father which I did not expect at all. I am truly grateful for what I do have. His family have been so wonderful and accepting. My birth mother still could have refused me when my father called her. I wanted her to be at ease and not be scared that I would expose her. She was acting out of fear in the beginning. I met my birth father in person and have kept in touch with him. He doesn't understand how my birth mother can be like she is but it is what it is. It was scary to go down this path not knowing what to expect.I started and stopped so many times and finally decided to go full force because this is something that I always wanted and did not want to have any regrets no matter what the outcome. I had to get over the fantasy that all would be wonderful when I found my birth mother. It was great in the beginning but now we hardly email each other. She has a lot going on in her life, popular in her community - another reason - and her main focus is her husband's health and happiness. She is a very nice person and I am thankful that she shared with me some very deep and honest feelings about most everything. I hope this helps.

I was determined to contact her because of it and did find her on my own. Did I have that right? I felt I absolutely did for the medical information at the very least. ... She pleaded with me and I agreed to keep it between us but I wanted all medical information and I wanted pictures of her and get to know her a little.

You had a right to the medical information. But NOTHING else. She should NOT have had to "plead" with you for confidentiality. And frankly, I find your request for pictures and getting to know her emotional blackmail. I suspect that her pleading made you feel that you had her over a barrel and so you pressed for more than you were entitled to.

What you should have done is have the intermediary go back and tell her that you were entitled to medical information, but that you would respect her wishes for no other contact and would keep whatever info you had confidential..

Even using your father to convey the same message. I would have left the door open for any contact she wished to have above and beyond the medical info.

Your situation is why adoptees should not make a concerted effort to contact their birth parents. I'm not sure if you have any clue what your birth mother was feeling. This was a chapter of her life that she thought was closed. A chapter she has not told her husband about and one she feared may affect her marriage. Yet here you came blundering in threatening her current life!

This is what bothers me about adoptees trying to find birth parents. Its almost always about them with almost no consideration for what they might be doing to the birth parent.

So my answer to the OP in this thread remains the same. She HAS to respect her birth mothers wishes about contact with her and her family.

At that point I felt disrespected.


You invaded your birth mother's privacy and used an intermediary to do so - and YOU feel disrespected? Unfortunately, I don't believe your birth mother owes you anything. I can't believe you got your father involved because he knows how she can be (or words to that effect). She begged you to maintain her privacy?

I am, quite frankly, shocked.

I see a post about you, you, you.

Been in this situation since December . I am an adoptee contacted by a girl who thought she was my sister .Got to know her and the Bio father then found out the info was wrong . I felt like someone died . This was something that our parents did - it was wrong and has caused immense pain to all invovled. Lets hope that we can learn from this - These are some of the most hurtful lies told!!

What lies are you addressing? I feel like I'm picking up in the middle of the story.

These are some of the most hurtful lies told !!!

Yes, what lies? If an adoptee is not told s/he was adopted as soon as they were mature enough to be told, then yes, that is a hurtful lie. Anything else I don't see what you are talking about.

Hi-
I too am an adoptee, I was adopted at six weeks old, was told I was adopted and understood it by the time I was three... I can understand the want/need to find out who and where you came from, find out about the medical background of your family, things that are not covered in the original files. I found out that Fibromyalgia runs in the family, and that all of the women on my Mothers side of the family had hysterectomies in their thirties... I also found out that my second oldest son looks identical to my birth mother and my youngest son looks exactly like my birth father. These are things I never would have known if my sister hadn't found me on the registry. My mother, on the other hand... she wants nothing to do with me or my children... and I happen to be fine with that. I do not feel the need to invade her life,or my sisters for that matter... Yes the daughter SHOULD respect you Mother and back off, but until that happens just make life easier for every one and try to answer her questions, or find someone to mediate for you. Just keep telling her how much this is hurting your mother. I s this woman a mother? If so then maybe you could ask her how she would feel in this situation... Just shooting out some ideas. See if she will entertain the thought of joining a support group for adoptees, yes there are such things. Tell your Mom that the same rule applies to this woman that applies to all bullies... if you ignore their behavior long enough they will go bug someone else. Hope you don't need to take legal action.
Good luck with this trial.
Huggs :)

The adoptee has no rights and often causes so much harm and can not understand that if the bio parent had wanted contact they may not have adopted them out.

In so many cases of people I have counseled, they found a parent and was cursed out, they were told they wish they had had a abortion instead of adopting them.
I have seen bio parents have to even get restraining orders to keep them away.
They seem not to accept the bio parent does not want contact. Most don't.

- And this issues is addressed on the legal boards and "missing persons" board frequently. I still recall the young woman who located her father and was very excited - and then he told his side of her mother's history, and then he walked away. He took it the extent of having DNA performed because he was sure she was not his child (she was). Very upsetting scenario, changed how she felt about herself. Mother had sanitized the story for the daughter's protection.

Deleted

why is everyone mad at the children (that are now adults) they were not asked to be born to a woman that was either to young, not married, in a bad situation.... if anyone has behaved badly it is the birth mothers. If they had made better choices for themselves all those years ago and either waited to have sex until they were married, or waited to have sex until they were in a better situation. Again I think that birth mothers made bad choices back then and the children placed up for adoption with no say in the matter are the ones to pay the price. Unless it was rape and I do feel very badly for those birth mothers that has had that happened to but unless it was rape then the birth children should be given information if they would like.

What a totally narrow short sighted viewpoint! Yes, the birth mothers may have made some bad decisions. But unless you have given up a child for adoption, you have no clue how hard a decision that was to make. So a woman makes a mistake and finds herself pregnant when she is emotionally and financially unprepared to raise that child. So what should she do? Raise that child that she made feel resentment towards or that she may not be able to care for? Giving the child up for adoption is probably to best way to make up for the mistakes she made.

And no one is saying the child is not entitled to INFORMATION. But that are not entitled to insert themselves into the life of an unwilling birth mother.

why is everyone mad at the children (that are now adults) they were not asked to be born to a woman that was either to young, not married, in a bad situation.... if anyone has behaved badly it is the birth mothers. If they had made better choices for themselves all those years ago and either waited to have sex until they were married, or waited to have sex until they were in a better situation. Again I think that birth mothers made bad choices back then and the children placed up for adoption with no say in the matter are the ones to pay the price. Unless it was rape and I do feel very badly for those birth mothers that has had that happened to but unless it was rape then the birth children should be given information if they would like.


Wow - amazing point of view. So you believe the birth mothers should be "punished" forever?

How do the children who are adopted "pay the price"?

why is everyone mad at the children (that are now adults) they were not asked to be born to a woman that was either to young, not married, in a bad situation.... if anyone has behaved badly it is the birth mothers. If they had made better choices for themselves all those years ago and either waited to have sex until they were married, or waited to have sex until they were in a better situation. Again I think that birth mothers made bad choices back then and the children placed up for adoption with no say in the matter are the ones to pay the price. Unless it was rape and I do feel very badly for those birth mothers that has had that happened to but unless it was rape then the birth children should be given information if they would like.

Have you EVER been in that position? No?

Then SHUT UP.

You have NO idea what my life as a birthmother has been like since I chose adoption for my child. You have no idea what kind of pain I went through and how much society has hurt me with ideas a lot like yours. Would it have been better for me to have kept my child and lived off welfare? I KNEW the father would walk away, and that I'd get no support for him.

For your information, THREE forms of birth control failed for me. Yes, I was using them correctly. I was a straight A student, still in high school. I got pregnant the second time I had sex with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years.

I have NEVER contested that adoptees have the right to their MEDICAL information.

Their rights end where the birth families' rights to privacy begin. Just like birth parents have no right to insert themselves into adoptive families and just make a place for themselves because they WANT it, adoptees have no RIGHT to insert themselves into the lives of their birthparents. Is it nice when it works out that they can have a relationship as adults? Sure! But for some people it is entirely too painful to relive the time of their lives where they chose adoption and had to then mourn completely alone because no one understood the reasons they even had to mourn.

So... unless you are a birthmother or know one that wants privacy, you have no clue what the heck you are talking about. I have paid dearly for giving my child parents that could better care for her than I could. Unless you know that pain, you can't tell me that birth mothers are SELFISH for choosing the path that allows them to keep their pain at bay and their sanity intact.

And FWIW... I have a relationship with my daughter and her family now that she is an adult. I had no problem sharing information. I have, however, worked with birthmothers for YEARS, and some of them never told ANYONE about being pregnant and choosing adoption. Having that secret get out has ruined marriages, alienated children that they raised, resulted in being cut off from parents. In more than one woman, it's caused suicide.

I cannot even express to you how upset your post has made me, for it proves once again that society in general has no clue about adoption or what birthmothers go through so that infertile couples can have the baby they want.

Deleted

to answer your question or your assumptions that I have never given up a child you are all wrong.

OK, So you claim to have given a child up for adoption. Sorry, but I found it hard to believe a birth mother going through what you did, would have the attitude you have.

I still have a major problem with your attitude. Because it is so one sided. Not only are you looking at this from the side of the adopted child with little if any consideration for the rights of the birth parent, but you want to compound the birth parents angst over making this decision by placing more angst on them.

You seem to have no understanding (surprisingly for one who has gone through it) of the issues a birth parent faces and why they might want to put the situation behind them. You keep harping on taking responsibility for the mistakes made in conceiving the child. What you don't seem to want to understand is that choosing adoption DID take that responsibility. That the birth mother not only chose to give birth to the child, but also chose to do right by the child in giving the child a home they couldn't. That be making those choices, the birth mother has earned the right to put this behind them. And has earned the right not to have the situation thrown back in their face 20+ years later. How many mothers do you think would give their child up for adoption if they knew that 20+ years later they would have to face that decision again.

And I don't get your harping on birth parents "pointing the fingers at society". I don't see where a birth parent wanting to put their mistakes behind them is doing that.

I stand by my original statement. Your viewpoint is very narrow minded and short sighted. You see only what the child wants and have no consideration for the wants and needs of a birth parent.

Deleted

I work with the children that we birth mothers placed up for adoption every day.

Very interesting indeed. I LIVE with those children who were placed for adoption. I have 3 in my family. I also have lived with a woman who placed her child up for adoption. Come to think of it, since I am L&D nurse, I have actually had a hand in placing children up for adoption.



I think if you were to spend only one week with these adults then you would see my view point.

I've spent every day for the past 22+ years with these people and I don't see your viewpoint.

Maggie--I'm betting that your adoption story is less than 5 years old.

I'm ALSO betting that you have an open or semi-open adoption.

You're just a little too optimistic about your adoption story, and a little too dismissive of birthmother pain. We call it the "honeymoon" stage of adoption.

I'm also betting that you've talked to relatively few other birthmothers.

I've worked with birthmothers and been in birthmother support groups for almost 20 years now. I know women who have literally broken down in panic that a child found them after 30+ years---and NO ONE knew they had a child. That woman met with her child, her husband found out, he divorced her. One of her other children decided she couldn't handle having a mother that "lied" about her life and cut her mother out of her life--and her children's lives. This woman lost her husband, her daughter, and three grandchildren to satisfy the CURIOSITY of a child she was PROMISED would never know who she was. Thankfully, this woman was strong enough and had enough faith in her religion to get through it, but she had to relive the pain of her adoption story all over again and THEN lose everything she had because of it.

Adoptees HAVE families. They have family histories, and family stories and a birth story that involves parents that CHOSE them. They have stories about how their parents met, and stories about their childhood. They do not NEED their birthparents to satisfy what is nothing more than idle curiosity.

And seriously--maybe we need to work on society showing adoption as a "rejection" instead of blaming birthmothers for making a responsible choice with their situation.

And by the way--I thought I knew what I was choosing when I signed that line for adoption. What I didn't realize was that there was no way for me to truly understand what I was giving up. How do you explain to someone how moving a first tooth is? How do you make someone TRULY understand that they're giving up EVERYTHING? That essentially their child will "die" so that an infertile couple's child can be "born"? And how do you make someone understand that society will not only NOT support their grief in that loss, but will belittle it and take away any choice they have about later contact because to society, that poor innocent "abandoned" baby's right to whatever the hell they want trumps a birthmother's right to have privacy and peace with her grief.

I agree that birthmothers should have made different choices about sex, but frankly---I've had the pain of the loss of my daughter for 20 years as penance for that choice, thank you very much. I shouldn't have to pay MORE if I don't want to just because you think adoptees should get more than their medical information as part of their "story". As I said before--they already HAVE a story. They just want their curiosity satisfied.

Deleted

go and be angry I can see it in your words and the way you type. If I am thinking different then you then I must be lying and have not given up a child, if I am seeing another side of things (birth Childs side) I must have given my child up in last 5 years .... you are all set in your minds, spirit, hart, and your soles will never heal with that attitude you are betting and ASSUMING about my adoption and well you know what? it was more then 5 years ago I am 50 now so it was 32 years ago...
{insults removed} Do we have to be punished everyday after it no! but taking responsibilities for it other then signing the piece of paper that we were told and hoping would make things right again.

I can see I certainly stirred things up and believe it or not it was not my indention I thought I would have a say and then perhaps let the poster see another side {insults removed}

{Insults removed}



I was intent on what you had to say - right up until the "go to HE!!" part. You think you see anger in other people's words? Maybe you should look into your own "hart" and "sole." You see anger in the way a person types? I think that's pushing things.

Odd to comment on what "the church" told you to do and not to do and then tell people where to go, all in the same post.

At any rate - you just lost an audience and, no, I've never had children so I was interested in both sides of the discussion.

Not any more.

Deleted

I had my child in 92 and had an open adoption.

And seriously---4-5 other women? I've worked with over 200 women from all walks and varied adoption stories. Most--like myself--WANT contact. Many have happy reunion stories.

But several had their lives ripped apart by an adoptee that felt he or she had the RIGHT to invade their privacy. And I've personally talked to several that attempted suicide. 3 of those women were successful.

Birthparents repay ANY obligation they have to their children when they give them to loving parents and provide medical background. THAT is where OBLIGATION ends. After that, anything is a GIFT that needs to be freely given.

In other words: adoptees have no RIGHTS to invade the privacy of their biological families.

Sorry for spelling/grammar. Fussy baby so I'm typing one handed

I have bent over backwards to give you the voice you crave. But you refuse to accept the rules of this site. Any further attempts on your part to personally attack other members will be dealt with more harshly.

No one is saying you are lying, but we do have a hard time given our experience, to understand your attitude, especially with the experience you cite. I am usually not one to comment on typos or spelling errors, but "hart and soles" is odd spelling for a "firm believer in Christ".

It is not a matter of us being "set in our minds" but rather a matter of the experience we have had that has formed our positions.

You have made an argument that adoptees are entitled to know about their families and that birth parents should accept their responsibility. Frankly, I think you have negated your stand by the attitude you display, but I'll let others judge that for themselves.


But the bottom line here is no one should be permitted to invade another person's privacy. And people are entitled to their privacy whether you think they should or not.

LOL... funny again not reading what I posted as a teenager I wanted say go to HE!!.... And I am glad you posted but I am far from being angry if you did read all my posts I am in a very calm place within my hart and sole.
But then again you only see and read it the way you want to read it. Has your church leader never said you will be sent to he!! I am a firm believer in Christ and I do believe that if we did as our parents, school and the church told us to do and live our lifes then we would be talking differently.
I never asked for an audience so read if you like be my guest but was just posting my view points and in hope to help the poster out see the other side of things. You know as a matter of fact there was a topic at church not long ago that was "there are three sides to every story. There side, your side, and the right side. I do believe this might be one of those. With everything there are so many different point a views.


I don't get into religious discussions so your church and your Christ and your H*ll are exactly that - yours. I feel no need to explain what my "Church leader" has or hasn't said. That's for another Board.

Unfortunately, when you post on a public board you get an audience, whether you intend to have one.

I also found the "we gave them to another family ..." language to be somewhat offensive. I'll leave it up to others to ponder whether that phrase is appropriate. Gave?

Your spelling and lack of punctuation (for starters) cause me to wonder just what it is that you do with/for the people you are discussing. Social worker? Nurse? Something else?

I don't see any of this discussion helping the OP - who apparently has wandered off. In fact, she posted once - in March.

Wonder if this is a topic for a discussion board - ?

You have NO idea what my life as a birthmother has been like since I chose adoption for my child. You have no idea what kind of pain I went through and how much society has hurt me with ideas a lot like yours. Would it have been better for me to have kept my child and lived off of welfare? I KNEW the father would walk away, and that I'd get no support for him.


The sincerity always touches me deeply. I can reach inside myself and feel the pain of making the adoption/no adoption decision.

Great sharing - I am always touched.

{Argumentative post removed-<>}

{Argumentative post removed-<>}.


Here is my VERY specific comment - read the AHMD rules. This is not a blog, this is not a discussion forum This is a Q&A forum.

Your English ebbs and flows - I'm not sure you are one person doing all the writing. Some posts are in almost perfect English. Others - and this one is an example - have error after error. Seems strange to me.

So - what exactly do you do for and with people that gives you experience in this area? You never answered me.

And AGAIN "we" did NOT go through a similar history. PLEASE don't even attempt to speak for me.

deleted


Before you delete what you've said make sure no one has quoted you. So here's your deleted post in all its glory (aren't you a little old to be playing games on the Internet?":

"go and be angry I can see it in your words and the way you type. If I am thinking different then you then I must be lying and have not given up a child, if I am seeing another side of things (birth Childs side) I must have given my child up in last 5 years .... you are all set in your minds, spirit, hart, and your soles will never heal with that attitude you are betting and ASSUMING about my adoption and well you know what? it was more then 5 years ago I am 50 now so it was 32 years ago...
{insults removed} Do we have to be punished everyday after it no! but taking responsibilities for it other then signing the piece of paper that we were told and hoping would make things right again.

I can see I certainly stirred things up and believe it or not it was not my indention I thought I would have a say and then perhaps let the poster see another side {insults removed}"

{Insults removed}

AND THEN THERE'S:

"why is everyone mad at the children (that are now adults) they were not asked to be born to a woman that was either to young, not married, in a bad situation.... if anyone has behaved badly it is the birth mothers. If they had made better choices for themselves all those years ago and either waited to have sex until they were married, or waited to have sex until they were in a better situation. Again I think that birth mothers made bad choices back then and the children placed up for adoption with no say in the matter are the ones to pay the price. Unless it was rape and I do feel very badly for those birth mothers that has had that happened to but unless it was rape then the birth children should be given information if they would like."

AND:

"I work with the children that we birth mothers placed up for adoption every day."

AND:

"this is not a dicussion board this is a board that if you agree then we speak nice if we don't agree then re-report. I was called a lier but nothing is done with those words. When I miss type and place words in a different value then another then I am slamed for that. English is not my first language and it happens within the means of words...but all good I am a tough cookie.
Report all you like because I did think posting my point a view may help another person. But you are all more narrow minded then I thought people with the same history could ever be. That is sad to think that we all went through similar history."

AND:

"to answer your question or your assumptions that I have never given up a child you are all wrong."

I'm guessing they were deleted because the writing style varied so much and you are 2 people with 1 name?

At any rate, enough of what you posted remains for others to read.

I warned you before about violating our rules. You apparently don't want to listen. And worse your deleting previous posts was an unethical ploy.

I want to add one more point here, because I detest hypocrisy. You came on here and posted a response not just disagreeing with the position of several members here, but attacking that position and being very critical of birth mothers who want to preserve their right to privacy. But when the members disagreed with YOUR position you didn't like that much and attacked and insulted us. Even though we made sure you got the right to express yourself despite violating this site's rules. What you fail to understand is that this is a 2 way street. If you want to express your opinions you have to allow others their opinions. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen as they say.

I'm closing this thread as there seems to be no further value in continuing.