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ryno87 · Jun 25, 2009, 06:00 AM

Hi guys I'm a 21 yo male with a problem and I was hopeing sum1 mite be able to help, warning tis mite be a long story but would be gretly appriciated that you read and help if you can...

I meet this great chick 18 months ago giv or take, we were working nxt door to each other, we slowly got to know each other and started to hang out as friends.. after a little while we lost contact.. until one day in sept last year that we just happen to meet in the street.. we talked for a few hours.. in this time she had told me that she was a few weeks pregnant to a bloke that she was having a casual relationship with.. but he didn't want anything to do with her and the baby anymore..

So from there we started to hang out again and each time we spent time together we became closer, to point that we decided that we should make something of our feelings.. so on the 13th nov last year I asked her to be my girlfriend.. and she said yes.. we talked about the fact that she was pregnant and I was happy to take on the responsibility.. so for the course of the nxt few months I went to every doctors appointment and check up with her.. we even decided on baby names together.. it wasn't till march of this year that we moved in together cuase I have a 6 mth rule before we live together but I cut that short due to the cirumstances..

We had a buitiful baby girl 13th of may that we name Eboni Grace.. but here is where it gets difficult, on Sunday night just gone my girlfriend came home from her parents house where she had spent the weekend because she had family up to see bub.. she was in a real down and depressed mood which was unusall for her, I asked her a few times what is wrong and all I got was "i fine".. it wasn't till we went to bed around 9 pm that I went to kiss her gudnite and tell her I love her.. this is where it gets messy.. she tells me she can't love me anymore and I'm like y?. she starts to cry and tells me that she ran into ebonis father at the shops on Wednesday 3 weeks ago and they talked and he has put the whole "i want to be there for you" act.. and since then she has been thinking about him a lot and has convinced herself that there may be a future with this bloke but on the other hand she has strong feelings for me.. I'm like I kind of expected tis to happen cuase we were warned by many a person that if mum,bubs and tis bloke meet in the first few weeks that it may open a bigg can of emotions.. so we talked until the wee hours and tried to sort tis out.. Monday went well, Tuesday I came home from work and she told me that she needs sumtime alone to work out what she wants now.. she instructed me that she was not going to ring/txt or come home for the nxt week.. I'm like OK I think that could be a good idea.. then tis moring I start getting text after text from her asking me how and what I am feeling, so I told her that I love her and bubs dearly and that I see a stable future, she's like OK and gives me this glimer of hope that she maybe home soon..

Then around lunch time she calls me crying and tells me that eboni is in hospital hse has had a reaction to medication that she is on for an infection that started in her eye but has spread to sumfin that is internal... she told me that not to worry and that "i am fine please dont come up and see us".. I'm like? So I had been worried sick all afternoon. The girlfriend and I had been txting each other.. I asked if it was OK that I come up.. she is like yea sure no problem..

I get to the hospital I go in and see bubs and girlfriend.. I'm there 4 little while then girlfriend asks if I want to go for a walk I'm like yea OK thinking call we mite have a chat and sort things.. so we left bubs with grandma.. we walk outside and she turns to me and says "ITS OVA".. I'm like huh! She gives me the excuse that she can't keep going with these feelings she has for the other bloke.. I'm like "you dont want to do this and im prepared to work thru tis with you".. she's like "no i have decided this is it but can we please be friends" at this point I'm torn apart cuase I've haven't just lost the love of my life I have lost 2.. I kissed her on the forehead turnd around and just walked..

We have spoken since and I have told her how I feel now and that I'm upset..

But this is what I'm asking what can I do to let her no it is allright and try a win her back..

jolienoire · Jun 25, 2009, 06:26 AM

I know how hurt you must be, accepting and being with her even knowing the situation she was in.

However, she said that it is over and as much as it hurts, you have to accept that.

There is no winning her back, now that you have the closure you needed you must strive to move forward.
I praise you for stepping up as a man in helping her with the child, but think at it this way she just saved you a heartache later down the line.
This man will always be able to come into her life as they have a child together.
Run, and I say run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Do Not allow her to go back and forth from you to this other guy, because once it get rocky with him, she will be trying to come back to you. I say the friend thing right now is out of the question.
You need to not have contact, for now be thankful that this happened.

You are a young man and have your whole life ahead of you

READ THIS
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-187766.html

talaniman · Jun 25, 2009, 10:22 AM

You are a very caring man, and as much as it hurts, you need to stay out of her life, and the child's and leave her alone, to live with her decisions, and the consequences, without any influence of yours.

As for being friends, NO WAY, that's one of the consequences of her decision, that she will have to deal with.

Your own healing, from this devastating situation is ALL that matters at this time.

Disappear from her life, and lose all contact with them. It sucks I know, but it gets better later.

ryno87 · Jun 26, 2009, 01:07 AM

Originally Posted by jolienoire

I know how hurt you must be, accepting and being with her even knowing the situation she was in.

However, she said that it is over and as much as it hurts, you have to accept that.

There is no winning her back, now that you have the closure you needed you must strive to move forward.
I praise you for stepping up as a man in helping her with the child, but think at it this way she just saved you a heartache later down the line.
This man will always be able to come into her life as they have a child together.
Run, and I say run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Do Not allow her to go back and forth from you to this other guy, because once it get rocky with him, she will be trying to come back to you. I say the friend thing right now is out of the question.
You need to not have contact, for now be thankful that this happened.

You are a young man and have your whole life ahead of you

READ THIS
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-187766.html

Thanks for that, the hardest part now is that all of her gear is still in the house and I am the only one that can move it..

But we have been talking a lot today and she has come to her senses so to speak.. she has realised what she has done and now the situation has been down graded to "we r on a break".. she has asked me to give her a few days to clear her head because there is so much going on and around her.. I have acepted that and we have come to an agreement that next Wednesday night that she is going to be comeing home for the night at least.. we are going to have dinner together and talk about where we are and where we have gone wrong with in our relationship..

I have identified 3 areas where we went wrong..

1) communication - this is where she has bottled up the problem till the point of where she is now..

2) quality time together - this has been the hardest due to my increased work load and bubs feeding and sleeping patterns.. which has also happened number one..

3) sexual interaction - Has been something that is missing in our relationship in the past six weeks due to the healing process of after birth.. this is a biggy because every relationship has to have a sexual component..

I have not and won't tell her this yet because I would like her to think about it for herself..

I have turned off my phone and unplugged the landline phone so that she can not contact me..

Thanks guys for your aswers and kind support, it is greatly appricated.. and yes I agree that I was the bigger man to step up to plate and take on someone else's child..

talaniman · Jun 26, 2009, 06:28 AM

"ITS OVA".. I'm like huh! She gives me the excuse that she can't keep goin with these feelings she has for the other bloke.. I'm like "you dont want to do this and im prepared to work thru tis with you".. she's like "no i have decided this is it but can we please be friends"

This is what I see as your main problem. The baby daddy. Her feelings have to be dealt withby her. Don't fall into the trap of thinking she has made a choice until you get all the facts.

jolienoire · Jun 26, 2009, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by ryno87

thanx for that, the hardest part now is that all of her gear is still in the house and i am the only one that can move it..

but we have been talking alot today and she has come to her senses so to speak.. she has realised what she has done and now the situation has been down graded to "we r on a break".. she has asked me to give her a few days to clear her head because there is so much going on and around her.. i have acepted that and we have come to an agreement that next wensday nite that she is going to be comeing home for the nite atleast.. we are goin to have dinner together and talk about where we are and where we have gone wrong with in our relationship..

i have identified 3 areas where we went wrong..

1) communication - this is where she has bottled up the problem till the point of where she is now..

2) quality time together - this has been the hardest due to my increased work load and bubs feeding and sleeping patterns.. which has also happend number one..

3) sexual interaction - Has been something that is missing in our relationship in the past six weeks due to the healing process of after birth.. this is a biggy because every relationship has to have a sexual component..

i have not and wont tell her this yet because i would like her to think about it for herself..

i have turned off my phone and unplugged the landline phone so that she can not contact me..

thanx guys for your aswers and kind support, it is greatly appricated.. and yes i agree that i was the bigger man to step up to plate and take on someone elses child..

Here is the thing with her needing a break, a week is not long enough because the decision she chooses will have a tremendous impact on that child's life. So don't expect her to make up her mind so suddenly in a few days and if she does be very skeptical. If you push her to make a decision, you will put yourself in a forced relationship, which can turn into resentment and bitterness. In the meantime, don't get your expectations up so suddenly especially because she is very fickle right now.

danni_sweetie · Jun 26, 2009, 02:00 PM

I'm so sorry that all this happened!
You might not be able to win her back. This seems like something that will just have to take it it's toll. As a single mom myself I really admire what you were doing. That's amazing.
But I think she needs to see what this other guy has to offer her maybe she will realize that he didn't care enough to be there for her during the whole pregnancy or anything.
Since you guys did name the baby together and all that basically you did it TOGETHER then you just need to live right now. The fact that you were there with her through that all might come back and she might realize she had a really amazing guy that she walked away from.
But please don't dwell on this and please don't sit around waiting forever... truth is there is no for sure that she will ever realize or that she will ever come back!
I wish you nothing but the best of luck!

Danielle