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whyme · Jan 16, 2003, 08:51 PM

I have been with my boyfreind for 4yrs. I lived with him the first 3 then he kicked me out for hearing I was cheating, which I wasn't and he knows.We have been getting along very well, but every time he gets angry with me for the smallest thing (ex. Calling him more than once when he is out with his freinds) he wants to break up.He makes all the decisions with us, he takes me places has me stay the night at his house 6 out of 7 nights a week.He comes to me. I always talk him out of breaking up but I wonder if the mean things he says when he is angry are true.That he doesn't love me is never going to marry me, is embarrassed to be with me. I am a very pretty girl and I get a lot of guys wanting to be with me,but I want him. I stuck through this relationship with him after he has lied cheated, and been physically violent with me(DOES NOT DO ANYMORE). Even though he is the one to come to me, may he really be unhappy and want to leave? :'(

Dominique · Jan 19, 2003, 05:40 PM

Get yourself a copy of the song: "hit the road Jack!"

Play it real loud, over and over, until you have the courage to tell him to go where he belongs.

Which isn't with you.

You deserve better than that.

nadia7526 · Jan 19, 2003, 10:51 PM

Dear Whyme,
I understand your confusion. I myself just left my husband last June because even though he stopped hitting me the emotional abuse was worse. You should get out before he starts hitting you again and maybe kill you. Feel free to ask more if you want to talk about it some more.
Nadia

SlantedEyez · Jan 20, 2003, 01:49 PM

You deserve so much better and I'm sure that you can get it.. Leave him alone... that's not love..

dwalex · Jan 23, 2003, 03:36 PM

You know the answer, YES you should leave him. it’s a "catch 22" situation; you lack the self confidence to leave and his treatment keeps yourself confidence down. Take a day, gather up your determination and say "ADIOS". You can do better, you desrve better. Consider talking to a counselor, preacher, trusted friend etc to help you through this and to help you regain yourself esteem.

Best wishes,
Dwalex

chabat · Feb 6, 2003, 01:23 PM

I recommend a website where thousands post daily about relationships and give great advice: marriagebuilders.com. It is not just for married people.

He sounds like someone not worth being with to me. I think it is hard to change people. It is much easier to change yourself than someone else. If you are going to stay with him, get outside 3rd party help i.e. Counseling. Sounds like the only reason you are still together is because you are able to always talk him into staying after a fight. Don't beg, there are probably plenty of guys who would beg to be with you. Anyway, Dr. Phil always says that: "doing the same things over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity." Think about what you want out of a relationship. If this guy can't provide it or will not, then you know what to do. And don't ever deceive yourself into thinking it will change if you get married, it will, probably for the worse. The most disturbing part is that you said he is embarrassed to be with you. Stunning that he would say that/think that, and stunning that you are still with him. Put up with his ways or leave him.

ladylion · Feb 12, 2003, 10:51 PM

Dear confused about what to do,

Let me first begin by telling you what you sound like you already know, LEAVE HIM! You say that you know you are beautiful, and guys hit on you all the time, so what's the problem? I mean, you act as if he's the ONLY guy that is paying you any attention. And why do you need a guy's attention to accept and feel loved ? No, I'm not a lesbian, but what I am getting at is this. Women are always placing so much imphasis on relationships and how they neeeeeed to be in on so bad until we forget that we are talking aloud and that someone who is weak minded ( such as yourself ) will hear what is being said. Sweetness, leave his behind where he is! He's not a man, he's a punk anytime he has to hit on you and belittle and hurt your feelings! Be strong, GIRL POWER! Lady lion

noredine · Feb 19, 2003, 04:12 PM

I am in duty bound to tell you that this relationship must be junked,it worthless and the element of love and mutual respect and understanding is missing.You have to change your pace,you have to be ready to change your perspective on life given your beauty and glamor.
So gird up your loins.

God Bless
Noredine

P.s: you can find me at answarway.com >:(

chaz1797 · May 15, 2003, 10:59 PM

You know do yourself a favor and let him go if it is meant to be it will happen if not your better off... once an abuser alaways one... you see a person doesn't stop being an abuser overnite... he has a problem and he has to deal wit it... have respect foryourself and if there are other guys that like you , try it you mmight find Mr right for sure this one doesn't look like he's the one... if he loved you he wouldn't do things to hurt you... bottom line you deserve better... best of luck and God bless

Chaz :)

Vicky · May 27, 2003, 12:09 PM

Here's my advice to you my dear,

Your first abuse whether it's physical or verbal... you're the VICTIM.

Second time YOU VOLUNTEER!

That goes for every woman out there who ALLOWS a man to continue the cycle of abuse.

He has NO respect for you and what do you think woman? Someday he will? It's not happening honey.

It will only be get worse from here. IT'S ALL ABOUT RESPECT! IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT FOR each other YOU HAVE NOTHING!

But we all go through one or two devils in our lives to know and to be able to appreciate the good one. Don't walk away from him, RUN FROM HIM.

He's a LOSER honey and you're a bigger one if you stay.

1finediva · May 29, 2003, 02:05 PM

I'm not sure if I should even be giving advice about this because I'm in a similar relationship so I know what you're going through. But I will tell you this, its great that you don't live with him anymore which means he doesn't have total control over you. So here's what you should try to see if you should leave him... Try spending less time together so that when its actually evident to you that you two should break up it will be easy. For instance when he wants to hang out if its at 6 times a week now make it 5 then 3 then 2 until you feel confident in a decision.
Good luck

Rhondadlock · Aug 9, 2003, 08:12 AM

You have to find a way to develop a healthy self-worth and self esteem. You should, under no circumstances allow someone to have that much control over you. Every morning you wake up, look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are and how much you love yourself. This works believe me. I was married to an abusive man for ten years. I escaped eight years ago and it has been one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I am now a happy self-assured woman who wakes up every day and thank God for my beauty, intellect, health and strength. You might have to start with baby steps, by going a day without calling him, and each day try to withdraw even more. Remember, that it is him who has the problem because he doesn't realize how wonderful you are. Please do not give away your power to him, he is so not worth it. One day you will wake up and thank God that he didn't marry you because he is not the one for you. There is a man out there who will treat you like the queen that you are.

schuylervj · Sep 3, 2003, 01:35 PM

This will not be what you want to hear, but he is an abuser. The fact that there appears to be a cease-fire does not mean he is out of ammunition; once a guy is abusive, it is very rare that he can truly change, and it cannot be done without professional therapy. He is deliberately manipulating you by trying to erode what little self-esteem you have left; of course, the longer you remain with him and accept his abuse, the worse he will get, because he will take your continuing presence to denote your acceptance of his bad behavior. He is controlling you completely; you are accepting it, and you are sacrificing yourself to this abuser and accpeting your role as the victim. You have the choice, it is up to you, you can either remain and suffer and expect worse treatment to come (which it will, guaranteed) or leave him for good and find someone else who will love you for yourself and not for some selfish purpose to make himself feel better by taking out all his anger and frustration on someone else... You are in control of the situation, and you always were. You chose to stay and be treated badly; now you can choose to remove yourself from a very bad and potentially dangerous situation.

Kyjoe · Nov 20, 2003, 07:39 AM

Move On Honey! I was in a relationship very similar years ago. I would bet $ that if you left him... He would come crawling begging you back! But, you will be better off severing all ties & get on to something better.

sweety · Jun 4, 2004, 07:04 PM

What could be more sillier than staying with a guy who's put you through physical abuse? I say dump him as you are worth much better, you are not worth being kicked out for petty things and as far as it seems, he doesn't give a **** about his anger on you, and he doesn't even say sorry!
Trus gal you deserve beta,

There's plenty more fish in the sea.
You need a man whom would respect you as a human not some useless animal.