I don't feel so bad and I am not saying it's a good thing either, but my mom and I have had issues since i can remember. I was born 7 years after my brother and sister, my parents moved from no cal to so cal. I think she was lonley and i was born. I shouldn't have been they already had a boy and girl. We used to fight like if she was some girl i meet in school, i never understood it until i realized i had no relationship with my father either....my mom's excuse was he wasn't at the hospital when i as born. great. It wasn't until I had a stillborn at 7 months did things change...slightly. I think that was mostly guilt. When i had my son she was a true ***** she wasn't close to my son until i was pregant with my second son then she made all the time in the world for the oldest. but it didn't matter our arguements have been vicious. Sometimes she talks to me like i just meet her. I want to believe it is how her mom brought her up. Her and her mom weren't close, but it made no sense because my mom is close to her sister.Whatever I guess at 41 i had to learn to say F it! Live my life and it is most difficult because without knowning I am always looking for that mother figure.