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vanheart · Dec 7, 2009, 07:53 PM

Yeah, I know that anxiety.

BUT, if you are dedicated to NC, then you are all good.

Happened to me. But, I dealt with it & moved on. They just want to keep you playing their BS game. If that happens, who cares? Not them. Its just selfish twisted sh$$t at that point. Only to be ignored.

After all, they are but words on a screen.

Remember, actions speak louder than words... And her actions have already been documented, right?

She's already exited. Everything after regarding her is of no consequence to you.

That's the key.

bjohnrupp · Dec 7, 2009, 08:07 PM

Yea you're right Van- she's not coming back/she has a new man/ she really could care less anymore now that she was able to relieve some guilt. I should have never responded to her 3 1/2 weeks ago when she IM'ed me because maybe she would have actually started to miss me if I never ever responded. Oh well- doesn't matter anymore... I know she's gone for good. I wish I knew what I could have done differently. I should have known the outcome of this relationship wasn't going to end good... too many red flags and she didn't seem happy for a long time. :( I definitely was blinded by love- as hard as it is to accept she didn't feel nearly the same as me as I did about her. I guess what really threw me off is how she always wanted to have a baby right up until days before she dumped me. Still makes no sense to me- sorry for ranting.

vanheart · Dec 7, 2009, 08:14 PM

Don't be sorry. Just continue now.

Good that you know & realize all of that stuff & what to look out for.

But make sure that you have your sh$$t together first for the future.

She's history now.

You are really the only one that matters. Its your life, after all...

bjohnrupp · Dec 7, 2009, 08:22 PM

Thanks van- I still wonder if she got pregnant like she always wanted if she would have still left. I don't think she would have... I don't know- like you said she history now- can't wait until memories of her are more of just a blur/fuzzy

vanheart · Dec 7, 2009, 08:28 PM

Who cares. All women say they want babies.

That too was surely bs. To suck you in & keep you. Words vs. actions.

This will all fade. But if we don't learn as humans, then we are nothing.

bjohnrupp · Dec 10, 2009, 02:12 PM

Why am I feeling so alone lately? Nothing has worked out with any girls- it seems almost impossible to find someone like my ex. I've been going to the gym but I still feel really down.

4 weeks ago I sent my ex the text saying not to contact me unless she wants to hangout or get back together and now I wish I didn't send it because besides the 1 time I never hear from her and its making me miss her... especially because absolutely NOTHING is working out with any other girls. Girls that only look 1/2 as good as my ex are twice as big of bit****.

I'm really fed up with it all. Lately I've been blaming myself for things ending- thinking I should have given her a lot more freedom. Part of me is worried we'll never even be friends again and even though she hurt me that would be hard for me to deal with

vanheart · Dec 10, 2009, 02:17 PM

Not to worry.

It takes time.

The really important thing is to keep up the healing process & get yourself back before you jump into anything.

Blaming, comparing & worrying won't serve you one bit.

Don't even be concerned about friendship until you are completely over this.
You may find at that point you have no desire to be.

amicon · Dec 10, 2009, 02:28 PM

Also,don't worry about finding someone that measures up to her-knock her off the pedestal-and when you're over the ex,you will meet someone who will be a much better match.
Once you let go of that last remaining false hope you'll really feel how you bounce back and become you again.

bjohnrupp · Dec 10, 2009, 02:38 PM

Thanks guys--but why is it that she's already been seeing/having sex with different guys (4 or 5) and moved on before she even dumped me and I'm still struggling? It just seems so unfair that I'm the one with all the hurt and still haven't met 1 person and she's having the time of her life boucing from one guy (relationship) to another.

I know you'll say don't worry about her or what she's doing but how can't I? I mean she moved on as though I never meant a thing to her. I wonder if she even thinks about me anymore. Maybe she was happy when I sent that text because now she could put me permanently in the past.

vanheart · Dec 10, 2009, 02:43 PM

What good does it do thinking about that? Does that make you feel good?

She's your EX. Remember. She can do whatever she wants.

You need to put HER permanently in the past.

She has already done her damage. Any further damage is caused by you.

amicon · Dec 10, 2009, 02:51 PM

Van is right-you're doing this to you. You can decide to let it go. Or not. I vote you do.

bjohnrupp · Dec 10, 2009, 02:55 PM

How do I just let it all go? Is time the only thing that will do it for me? I've tried staying busy, gym, going out with friends but still find myself thinking about her... I think because nothing at all has come close to working out with other girls.

vanheart · Dec 10, 2009, 02:58 PM

Just stay on it & try not to dwell. Keep your mind busy.

And yes, its time and hard work, but it will pass.

Know that you don't NEED someone else to make your fun.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 10, 2009, 03:05 PM

Let me tell you something, I still think about my ex, but it doesn't phase me at all... the sadness is gone and I just laugh her situation and knowing that my situation is 1000 times better...

I stay busy and keep it moving... I keep thinking of the next big things that are going to happen in my life now that she isn't holding me back... that helps a lot!

I have yet to work on trying to find another girl, I want to work on me and not be an idiot like my ex and jump onto the next person I see...

I want to work on myself so I won't fail again...

amicon · Dec 10, 2009, 03:07 PM

Do things you really enjoy.with people you really like. Maybe take a vacation,go somewhere you've not been before.
Change your mindset,that takes concentration and some work,but it can most definitely be done.

bjohnrupp · Dec 10, 2009, 03:14 PM

I really appreciate all your help guys- This forum has helped me just get my emotions out. I think its much better posting things on here than wanting to contact my ex. One thing I could say is I'm surprised how strong I was in never contacting her since she dumped me (although I did respond to some of her texts) I forced myself to let her go and never begged for her back because I never wanted to look pathetic/desperate.

Hey Jaffey- I've been following your thread but how long has it been since your girl ended it?

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 10, 2009, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

I really appreciate all your help guys- This forum has helped me just get my emotions out. I think its much better posting things on here than wanting to contact my ex. One thing I could say is I'm surprised how strong I was in never contacting her since she dumped me (although I did respond to some of her texts) I forced myself to let her go and never begged for her back because I never wanted to look pathetic/desperate.

Hey Jaffey- I've been following your thread but how long has it been since your girl ended it?

Good job man, I express a lot of anger on this forum, its helps a lot...

Its been since Saturday, Nov. 28th... so almost 2 weeks?

amicon · Dec 10, 2009, 03:24 PM

You are strong,and you're getting there-no doubt about it. Good night from old England.:-)

bjohnrupp · Dec 10, 2009, 03:30 PM

Good night Amicon-thanks. Hey Jaff- sounds like in such a short time you're doing good already. Have you heard from her lately?

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 10, 2009, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

good night Amicon-thanks. Hey Jaff- sounds like in such a short time you're doing good already. Have you heard from her lately?

I'm doing good already because of my strong support system of friends who tell me how much I have on the table now that she is out of the picture...

It also helps that I hear my ex keeps saying little things bad about me... like subliminal messages... it proves she can't get over me whether she has a new guy or not... im enjoying her anger and changing it into positive energy...

And I haven't heard from her since the day I talked about her kids... I don't expect to hear from her until maybe 5 to 8 months... I just have that feeling... but I'm not living just for that moment to happen...