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michellekm11 · Jun 3, 2009, 08:17 AM

My ex and I dated for 5 months. Everything was going GREAT, until a couple weeks ago. He wasn't acting like himself. I went over his house one night, and he told me things weren't working out and that he didn't want to be with me. I knew something was wrong, so I asked him why? He told me it was because of my 2 kids (boys), which he knew about, and said it didn't bother him from the beginning of our relationship. He told me he cares about me a lot, but wasn't sure if he felt the same way about me, as I felt about him. I want to get him back, but I have no idea how to go about it??

Lonelyandbroken · Jun 3, 2009, 08:26 AM

You need to stop worrying about getting him back. And just worry about yourself.

I wish · Jun 3, 2009, 08:42 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like it's been building up inside of him and he chose to let it out all in 1 day. There's nothing you can do about it. He had a change of heart and doesn't want to work on it. You can't force someone to do something that he doesn't want to do. It's time to let it go and move on.

talaniman · Jun 3, 2009, 08:50 AM

Get yourself back first, as any man who isn't comfortable with your kids, will never be comfortable with you. Don't you agree?

michellekm11 · Jun 3, 2009, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like it's been building up inside of him and he chose to let it out all in 1 day. There's nothing you can do about it. He had a change of heart and doesn't want to work on it. You can't force someone to do something that he doesn't want to do. It's time to let it go and move on.

But the thing is... He called me on Saturday night, and I went over there. I stayed the night (nothing happened), and we went to breakfast Sunday morning. We kicked the soccer ball around and went to the park and flew kites and he bbq'd for lunch... He watched the hockey game with me, and actually came over and laid on the couch with me and snuggled up to me?? I don't know what to think? He did tell me he missed me..

totallylost07 · Jun 3, 2009, 10:13 AM

He is feeling lonely.. if he has a problem with your children that is it.. you need someone that will love you for who you are.. and that a person with kids...

Psychic1 · Jun 3, 2009, 10:23 AM

Unfortunately sometimes people feel guilty for what they said to you and they know it hurt you so he kicked around the soccer ball with you just like a friend. That kind of relationship is dangerous because if you don't let go and you keep thinking that something is going to happen 9/10 it won't happen he'll find somebody else and you'll be stuck holding the bag. If you know that you can just be his friend without doing anything and you know what I mean,let it go and move on because you're just going to get hurt in the end. I've been there to...

mudweiser · Jun 3, 2009, 10:28 AM

Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you because of your kids? It's great that he was honest.

Kids first, men later.

I really can't believe your considering "getting him back". Imagine how he'd make your children feel. Unwanted.

There'll be no positive outcome from being with him. He already told you what was up. Why mess with it? You could ruin your relationship with your children because of it.

So my question is: are your children more important than this or any other future man?

Sarah

Romefalls19 · Jun 3, 2009, 11:04 AM

He needs to realize it's a package deal, you come with the kids(all included) he needs to deal with it, not you.

He's not ready for this, he's shown it. Get yourself back and then start living

Syzygy · Jun 3, 2009, 11:06 AM

I agree with what has been posted here but I have to add that your children are forever yours. Don't stay with a man who is unable to love them like you are no matter how much you believe you love him.

You might want to get him back now but what about the future? People don't change that easily on things that are big issues such as kids. He will always neglect your kids and try to push them away. Please don't allow your kids to grow up in a non-loving environment.

roxypox · Jun 3, 2009, 12:16 PM

If he can't accept your kids... well... like rome said: it's a package deal. You + two... and sure you're the one he'll be in a relationship with, but you also have two other souls in your care and they will be in your life regardless and if he can't handle that... it really is too bad for him...

As for him hanging out, snuggling and so on. It does sound like he misses you and of course that wouldn't be unnatural. But the two of you should be clear on the fact that your kids are there as well and a part of the 'deal'. If he should tell you that he wants you back...

Lonelyandbroken · Jun 3, 2009, 12:19 PM

Why would you want to be with someone who treats your kids that way. Seems like a pretty easy choice to me. Walk if he can't be what your kids need.

I wish · Jun 3, 2009, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by michellekm11

But the thing is.....He called me on saturday night, and I went over there. I stayed the night (nothing happened), and we went to breakfast sunday morning. We kicked the soccer ball around and went to the park and flew kites and he bbq'd for lunch...He watched the hockey game with me, and actually came over and layed on the couch with me and snuggled up to me????? I don't know what to think? He did tell me he missed me..

When you first break up, it doesn't means that you can instantly cut ties with the other person. Just because he calls you and wants to see you doesn't me more than that. It's because the two of you have grown a certain dependence on each other.

The problem is that you two are leading each other on by seeing each other. You are interpreting all these little signs and details, instead of confronting it head on. You shouldn't be guessing what his intentions are. Stable relationships have excellent communication.

Make it simple for yourself. You + the kids OR nothing.

liz28 · Jun 3, 2009, 04:03 PM

First, don't let someone try to make you feel guilty or worthless because you have kids. Your kids were there before him and will be there when he long gone.

Stop hanging out with him because your only torturing yourself. He already told you how he felt and you can't change his way of thinking no matter what.

Now, I don't if he said what he said as an excuse to break-up with you but the words were already spoken and there is no machine to erase what he said.

The two of you were only dating for a short time so moving on shouldn't be that hard. Get out there and find a man that will accept you and your kids and leave this one alone. Otherwise, your only causing your own misery.

makapuu · Jun 3, 2009, 05:17 PM

Your question was, "How do you make your ex realize what he had". My response would be that he broke up with you because he realized that what he had was a woman with two kids.
You have only dated him for 5 months. He knew about your 2 kids and it didn't bother him in the beginning because everything is rosy. But when the honeymoon phase is over, and he thinks about the long-term, it does seem to bother him.
You and he still spend time together, but I think it's because he is thinking short-term comfort.