It's been reactivated several times including June 2008 -

It doesn't matter if you love this guy and he treats you right and you treat him right. Then you can get married.

You can't convince people with words. If you are ready, act ready. Get an education, don't have children until you are ready, be financially independent, pay your bills on time, be mindful of your money, don't drink or otherwise break the law, treat each other in a mature and loving way (no yelling, swearing, taking the low road, violence, etc.). Don't expect your parents to continu e to parent you day to day - if you are adult enough to marry, stand up and be mature. People will see you as you present yourselves. It's that simple.

There is no quick way to get them on your side. It may take years. But one day if you truly are ready, they will say "and we thought it wouldn't last - who knew?"

Make sure you really are ready. Do you know how to cook? Do Laundry? Pay bills? Establish credit? Do you both have well-paying jobs? Can you qualify for an apartment on your own? What about school... what's the plan? Have you been to premarital counseling? What's your agreement on going out with friends? What if he decides to go out and party at 21... and you have a baby at home? It will probably happen... how will you feel about it?

You have to confron t these things very realistically. Nothing wrong with a long engagement, either... arrange to both go to the same college, or study at home and commit to saving all that you earn for your eventual marriage so you have some savings, and even a downpayment for a house, before you marry. Just a suggestion...

If the relationship doesn't last, you'll still have your money and education!

You are young yes, but if you and your fiancé can manage the responsibilities that comes with marriage and if you are both truly in love with each other, I say go for it. I understand where your coming from I'm in the same situation even though I'm a bit older than you are. What matters is your happiness, not what other persons think, just ensure you both plan to continue your education in order to have properous future. I wish you all the best.:)

Hi. I am in the same situation. I am 17 and engaged. My family and my fiance's are very supportive. We are getting married in August. Love is all that matters at this point. Do what you want to. Just make sure you have money saved, reliable vehicles, a plan of a place to live, and all the love to get through it . I've heard many people say "If you're prepared for all the bad stuff and you're willing to work hard and try everyday then you will do fine, Just remember it's not going to be easy". I really wish you the best of luck :) My fiancé and I hope to start our family soon after we are married :)

You have answered a May 2004 post - it's been opened a couple of times but OP has not been back.

Well... if you REAllY want to but teenage weddings don't have a high success rate due to the failure to answer these questions

1. What's your money situation... Financial problems are the number 1 reason for divorce

Can you support each other without living on paycheck to paycheck

2. How long have you known each other

Must be longer than 6 months at time of engagement but when you get into 1-2 or 3 years I think you're a little more ready

3 Are you sure there is no possible way you can wait. At 20 or 21 you may be more ready.

Unfortunately, you will never stop getting these looks. When I got married I was 16. I was engaged a little over 3 months to plan a semi-decent wedding. And that whole engagement and even after we were married we got so many nay-sayers. It never ends. I mean, my husband and I are a rare statistic.. we are still married even though we married young. We had 2 other friends of ours who married young and I'm sad to say they didn't make it to 22 before they were all divorced. But I will tell you, adults look at you that way because they know how much growing up you will do from 17 to even just 21. I am NOT the same person I was 12 years ago when if first said I do. And unfortunately most young relationships cannot withstand the change in each other that will def. occur. If I had known then, what I know now.. I would NEVER have gotten married before I turned 25. I love my husband, but I missed out on so much because I was stuck at home being a wife.. If you are not careful you can each begin to resent each other. My advice is if he loves you and you love him and it's the everlasting kind, then wait intil you are BOTH in your 20's.

Marriage is scary. I'm 20, nearly 21 and I think that you do not know what marriage is -- what a relationship is, until you live with the person for at least 6 months. Things change when you live with someone, when you effectively are living the married life. I recommend it. It opens your eyes to what your significant other's characteristics really are.

What really saddens me is the amount of young church kids (I used to be one - I don't identify with the "culture" anymore) who are pressured into marrying for the sex and the fear of burning with lust. I have met girls as young as 16 getting into marriage. No girl is ready for marriage at 16 these days. Not at 17, 18 or 19 and for some, 20. I think if you're so horny that you need to make a life altering decision, you need to get a sex toy.

Hi! I am in a VERY similar position. I am now 18, have been engaged for almost a year, and when I am married I will be 19 and he will be 20. It's not necessarily age that affects the marriage, but where you are as a person at that age. Some people in the 40s are WAY too immature to get married still, obviously not because of their age, but because they just aren't ready. Really think on if you are ready to be married, and to devote the rest of your life to your man. If you think you are, that is great! :) The main reason I don't listen to all the crap I get about getting married so young is because of my great grandmother. She was married at 16 to a 26 year old man. They were VERY happily married literally "til death". It can be done, it depends on where your heart is <3 So if you know it is right for you, then just ignore the bad comments and take in and cherish the kind words and any advice you receive. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you two!

... Being horny is not what is driving this girl to want marriage. If a teenager wants sex this badly, they would just go out and do it, not run off and get married, and certainly not ask for advice first if it is that urgent of a desire to have sex. I think that comment was a bit insulting when a young girl just wanted some advise and guidance. Please people.. be helpful, not judgmental toward somebody who needs kind words. If you disagree with the idea, just say so, and let it be. By the way, I'd also like to comment on "not know[ing] what marriage is." Anybody could live together for years at a time and still not know what marriage is all about. I believe that being married helps one to learn what marriage is. Other than that, how are you to know for sure if you've not been in that position before? You learn a lot during marriage, sometimes the easy way, sometimes the hard way, but you simply can't know it all before you are married the first time. Thank you.

If you are, in fact, pregnant will that move the date of your marriage forward? I think circumstances can play a big part in age and whether a marriage will last and marriage at 16 some sixty years ago is a lot different from marriage today.

I think finances play a BIG part in marriage (I don't know the stastics but I knew financial problems are mentioned in a large percentage of divorces) and I worry how established in careers or at least in money-making jobs people at 18, 19, 20 are.

And then if they add a child or children to the mix - a recipe for disaster.

I don't believe that a pregnancy should move a marriage forward. If anything, it should be held off a little longer. A couple should never get married because of pregnancy. Most people in that situation have a child that is resented most of it's life because of the situation. In my opinion, somebody in that position should wait until after the baby is born to be married so that they get married for themselves, not because of pressure from all angles that will most likely be present. That way you lower your risk of divorce, I would think.. My brother and his girlfriend did not get married when she was pregnant, and in their case that was good because we've talked and I guarantee they would be going through a divorce right now. When they do get married, it won't feel like it is because the HAVE to. About the marriage idea... you are right. Financial problems do put a lot of stress on any relationship. But Old days or no, it is about what is in the person's heart. People have their own, very individual thoughts no matter what the year is. People still separated years ago as they do today.

Well, in fact, I do know what marriage is. I am in the midst of a divorce from my husband whom I married when I was 18.

Obviously I disagree, but considering I have good reason for it. I think you are quite insulting to think my advice is not valid, to be blunt with you. I know for a fact that many teens get married out of pressure from their families and churches because they have to "do it right". Gone are the days when girls must be submissive and must get married to be provided for. Like I say, no matter how mature one is, no girl in Western society needs to get married at 18. Make the mistake and delude yourself, but there is a hell of a lot of living to do before you get hitched. Marriage is merely a piece of paper, a name change, state of mind and an expensive party -- it's the acts and the situations that go with it that can fully be replicated while living together.

I still don't see how you having been married and getting a divorce proves anything. That is your situation. And, if marriage in in fact, "merely a piece of paper," why don't we all just get hitched? After all, a piece of paper is so insignificant in our lives, so why should it change a thing? My grandmother... in the days that have come and gone, was not there only to be a good submissive housewife. She did her share of work and providing for her family, just as a woman in today's world would. I'm sorry that it did not work out for you, and I wasn't trying to say that your advice was necessarily invalid.. just that you did go about it in a rude way. I was simply stating my point of view, which is what was asked of us by the girl who posted the first question. I do disagree with yours as you do mine, and that is fine, but I think that YOU were quite insulting, yourself, to a girl who needs advice. If you post your opinion online, expect it to be bashed, or tossed aside. If you take that heavy of offense to it, then I see no need for you to post anything at all.

I don't know that "most" people who get/got married due to a pregnancy resent that child. I'm sure there are no stastics in either direction.

I also question whether people separated "years ago as they do today." Years ago - and you referenced your Grandparents so I'll say 60 years ago - women didn't work, couldn't support themselves. Divorce was scandalous.

While I appreciate and think I understand what you are saying, I think you are being idealistic. I would like to hear from other people who, in fact, actually married at a young age, see what their experience is or has been. I can argue both sides of this based on friends and family members.

I guess it doesn't matter how many times you say it, does it Judy?! This just goes to show that people do NOT read through previous posts before answering questions, so that advice given is informed advice. Many other details are often given, and without reading the details, it's often ill-informed advice. Although this discussion may help some others who do take the time to read through, what has been said several times by JudyKayTee, is that this post is almost 5 YEARS OLD! Please read through the pages people! It would make it much easier on those of us that would really like to focus on the immediate problems that need our attention! Please pay attention to the date of the original post!

Thank you for your cooperation!

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